I remember a day when I felt quite tall
Because of a gift of five whole shillings;
I was Johnson major then, I recall,
And didn't I swank and put on frillings!
Well, we know that children are parents of men;
And, now that I'm getting an ancient stager,
Here am I pleased with a crown again,
And signing myself as Johnson, Major.
* * * * *
"Experienced General disengaged 1st March, one lady; no washing; would
take England."--_Irish Times_.
The advertiser should wire to KAISER, Potsdam.
* * * * *
"During the night an enemy raiding party in the neighbourhood of
Gueudecourt was driven off by our baggage before reaching our
line."--_Continental Daily Mail_.
There is no end to our warlike inventions. First the Tanks, and now the
Trunks.
* * * * *
"The Tigris, immediately above Kut, runs South-East for about four
miles. Then there is a sharp bend, and its course is almost due South
for about the same distance. Then against the stream it goes due North
for about the same distance."--_Glasgow Citizen_.
With the river behaving in this unnatural fashion General MAUDE deserves
all the greater credit for his success.
* * * * *
[Illustration: _She_ (_referring to host_). "YOU KNOW, THERE'S SOMETHING
RATHER NICE ABOUT MR. THOMKINS-SMITH."
_He._ "YES--I THINK IT MUST BE HIS WIFE."]
* * * * *