Every teacher knows of a first grade child that came moping when all the
other pupils were in high glee, that stood by himself when others were
enjoying a game, that preferred to come to school alone and to saunter
home alone, that took no part in any of the activities that always
interest other youngsters, that even seemed indifferent to the friendly
approaches of playmates and teacher. There may be no particular harm in
having such a child in school, but should he carry such traits into
adult life, they would prove a serious handicap; so it is important that
the teacher should attempt to help him to throw off his peculiarities.
This can be accomplished very easily. In attempting a cure she should
not make the child feel that she thinks him different from other pupils.
The best place to begin helping the child is on the playground. Talk to
him about the interesting features of the games. Though he may not at
first show interest, the teacher should keep this up for several days,
until he has learned to know the teacher as a friend. Then she can
invite him to join in the games. It is only an abnormal child that will
not enter into the sport after repeated invitations.
After the child has taken an active part in the games, the teacher may
begin to pay special attention to him in the school-room. To cause the
child to eliminate his peculiarities is entirely a matter of arousing
his devotion to those things which interest other children. The teacher
should appeal to his interests until she has won his complete
confidence. Then she should introduce him to a new activity. Little by
little she will displace the child’s peculiarities with abiding concern
in all those things that interest the other children.
The individual who reaches mature life still possessed of
characteristics that make him an exceptional person is likely to lead a
more or less isolated life unless his peculiarities are such as to make
him acceptable as a leader. Under ordinary conditions, “society tends to
penalize those who do not conform to its customs, its standards, its
attitudes.” This is true even of the unsocial, or non-social individual;
still more does it hold in respect to the anti-social member of the
group.
2. Anti-Social Tendencies—Selfishness, Jealousy, Cliques and
Snobbishness
(1) _Selfishness._ Selfishness is a trait of character that has always
elicited severe criticism from society. Its manifestations are so
conspicuous that they provoke men to despise and avoid the confirmed
egoist. It is an anti-social trait, hence deserving of the opprobrium
placed upon it, yet it is the basis of all the social virtues, hence the
place which is here given to it in the division on “Social Instincts.”
We may well believe that selfishness was a universal trait of the race
in its infancy. By this is meant that every individual instinctively
seeks to care for his own interests above those of anyone else. All
during the earlier months, and perhaps years, of one’s childhood, he
measures the world in terms of its service to his own comfort and
pleasure. As one who merges into later childhood and into adult life, he
normally narrows the play of this trait of character, and inhibits those
impulses which, if followed out, would make him a selfish person. Adults
who are justly accused of being selfish are persons who have never fully
profited from their contact with their fellows, nor have they learned
how to suppress adequately their own personal desires and demands.
Selfishness is a relative term. This is due to the fact that individuals
differ from each other widely in the matter of natural endowments. The
standard of measure used in judging selfishness in people is both
individual and social. Most frequently the charge of selfishness is
lodged because an individual is not as unselfish as the group in which
he most often appears, but in fairness he must also be judged with an
eye to the intensity of his native egoistic impulses. From this point of
view, what may be selfish in one person is not selfish in another.
The misunderstanding of children in interpreting their apparent
selfishness is very easy. The traditions of the home may have
accentuated the natural propensity to care for their own interests
beyond that which would have been the case had they had other
surroundings.
Furthermore, the known variation in natural endowments, and in the
responses to social influences, require one to be lenient in passing
judgment upon selfish people.
[Sidenote: Its Nature]
As commonly understood, the selfish individual is one who exhibits an
excessive concern for his own welfare, who tends to regard himself as a
little god, watching every opportunity to satisfy his desires, tastes,
impulses and pleasures. He measures every passing circumstance in terms
of its value to him. Even the occasional acts of kindness which he
renders to another are planned so as to bring him the largest returns
financially or socially.
We must not forget that selfishness is an indestructible instinct of
human nature. On this instinct is deeply engraved the law of
self-preservation. Experience in associating with ones’ fellows shows to
an ordinary person how far he must take precautions in order to maintain
his own welfare, but in the case of a few, as we believe, results of
experience have not given the wisdom which renders them unselfish.
We are never to forget that the will to live underlies and overtops all
other interests and desires in the life of the individual. No sane
method will attempt to suppress this impulse, for out of it spring all
the impulses that induce the individual to seek his fortune and win
success in life.
[Sidenote: Causes]
For the better understanding of selfishness in children, it is well to
survey some of the general causes that operate in prolonging selfishness
into later childhood and adult life.
First of all, we mention misconception of one’s actual need. By this we
mean that a child overestimates his need for some object that interests
him. He “wants” it very much, as we say. He is unable, by reason of his
immaturity, to estimate accurately his own necessities in the case.
Another specific cause of selfishness is a wrong estimate of the value
which belongs to the object of his eager desire. For these reasons he is
willing to pay too high a price to satisfy himself with that which, if
he were better informed, he could forego with little discomfort.
Again, the attainment of success after long and victorious effort may
beget in one a spirit of selfishness. Not infrequently a student who has
solved a difficult problem after painstaking toil, hesitates to pass on
the fruits of his labor to a classmate. He reasons that the expenditure
of energy which he has suffered is worth too much to be lightly
transferred to another person. Particularly will this be the case if the
sharing of his gain will reduce the lustre of his own glory.
Another particular cause of selfishness, both in adults and in children,
is the transition from poverty to plenty, from obscurity to prominence,
from disesteem to fame. If the father or mother has recently emerged
from some retired station in life, the contrast in the situation is very
sure to be reflected in the life of the younger members of the family.
If the change is from poverty to wealth, the parents are disposed to be
miserly in the expenditure of their money. This attitude of mind
reappears in the child in a refusal to share his pleasures and
privileges with his schoolmates. He carries with him a caution to see
that no one trespasses upon his newly achieved rights. In our western
civilization such extreme transitions are not infrequent, owing to the
freedom of opportunity for all.
Many times people who are not widely acquainted with the world are
selfish because they do not believe in the good will of others. This
state of mind is very often found in young children who have not yet
advanced beyond a sort of savagery in which they regard every man as a
possible enemy. They refuse to give up to their associates because they
do not believe any return will come to them. They fear that all of their
possessions will be ravaged and appropriated, and so exercise excessive
caution in lending them or in making presents to their friends.
It is not unusual that certain interests of some society, class, or
club, are so vividly conceived as to modify the attitude of the entire
group.
A fraternity or literary society or a senior class in a high school may
hold inflated ideas of their importance, and think necessarily that
school interests should rotate around their welfare. Individuals who
belong to the club or society become intoxicated with this notion, and
exhibit an almost barbaric class-selfishness.
With these and other incentives to selfishness, the situation facing a
conscientious teacher is by no means simple. Since selfishness is a very
intimate trait of character, the question might be raised why a teacher
could take interest in curing children of selfishness. The fault has
been generated very largely in the home, and the cure should, naturally,
be largely a matter of home concern.
[Sidenote: Cure]
Nevertheless the public school teacher has a large responsibility. He
must attempt to improve the character of the child in every way
possible. Obviously, the cure of selfishness can be had only by
associating with other people. It depends upon the teacher to manipulate
these associations in school so as to aid in reforming character at this
point.
Just as clearly, the more startling instances of selfishness necessitate
care that the rights of other pupils be preserved. This happens so
frequently as to demand no elaborate argument.
The teacher’s concern for the general improvement of the moral life of
the school requires that striking instances of selfishness should be
adequately dealt with.
Lastly, selfishness is a prolific source of other wrongs. If an
administrator can cure a selfish child, he has nipped in the bud a whole
harvest of undesirable actions and immoral deeds.
[Sidenote: First Grade]
No teacher would ever think of punishing a first grade child in any way
whatever for being selfish. The selfish child is usually an only child
or has been made selfish in his desires, by home training. The teacher
can do much to overcome selfishness. When a pupil enters the first
grade, for the first time, he comes in contact with other children and
into surroundings that are new. This is the teacher’s opportunity. The
chances are that the child will often display selfish tendencies. It is
necessary that the teacher have the child’s confidence, but by this time
it is assumed that the teacher has many avenues already mapped out by
which to get this needed confidence. Then the thing to do is to teach
the child unselfishness each time he displays selfish tendencies. It
will take but a few weeks to effect some change in the selfish child.
In extreme cases it may be well for the teacher to give the child
something for the express purpose of asking him to share it with his
playmates—candy, pictures or any little, inexpensive article that a
child enjoys.
For example, if the teacher has given candy, she may say, “Now, break it
in two pieces and give one piece to Mary.” When the child has done so
the teacher should approve the act. It will incline the child away from
selfishness for the teacher to say, “You are kind to give Mary some of
your candy.” “I like the way you divide with others,” or, “You like to
give things to others, don’t you?” This last statement of approval will
require the child to reply, “Yes.” This is a necessary positive reaction
of the child and a few trials like this may overcome his selfishness.
The trait of selfishness, while not very annoying in the first grade,
must be suppressed, for if left to develop, it becomes very annoying in
the upper grades. Nothing seems worse than a selfish pupil in the
grammar or high school. And no one needs an introduction to the
avaricious man of the world who got his first lessons in greed through
selfishness in childhood. For the sake of emphasis, then, may it be said
again that there is no more opportune time to overcome these undesirable
traits in a child, than when he first enters a new world of
acquaintances and experiences in the first school year.