_The Fields_.
_Enter_ Brazen _leading in_ Lucy _mask'd_.
_Brazen._ The Boat is just below here.
_Enter_ Worthy _with a Case of Pistols under his Arm_.
_Wor._ Here, Sir, take your choice.
[_Going between 'em and offering them._
_Brazen._ What! Pistols! are they charg'd, my Dear?
_Wor._ With a brace of Bullets each.
_Brazen._ But I'm a Foot Officer, my Dear, and never use Pistols, the
Sword is my way—and I won't be put out of my Road to please any Man.
_Wor._ Nor I neither, so have at you.
[_Cocks one Pistol._
_Brazen._ Look'e, my Dear, I don't care for Pistols—Pray oblige me, and
let us have a bout at Sharps; dam it, there's no parrying these
Bullets.
_Wor._ Sir, if you han't your Belly full of these, the Swords shall
come in for second Course.
_Brazen._ Why then Fire and Fury! I have eaten Smoak from the Mouth of
a Cannon, Sir; don't think I fear Powder, for I live upon't. Let me
see. [_Takes one_.] And now, Sir, how many Paces distant shall we fire?
_Wor._ Fire you when you please, I'll reserve my Shot till I am sure of
you.
_Brazen._ Come, where's your Cloak?
_Wor._ Cloak! what d'ye mean?
_Brazen._ To fight upon, I always fight upon a Cloak, 'tis our way
Abroad.
_Lucy._ Come, Gentlemen, I'll end the Strife.
[_Unmasks._
_Wor._ _Lucy!_ Take her.
_Brazen._ The Devil take me if I do Huzza! [_Fires his Pistol_.] D'ye
hear, d'ye hear, you plaguy Harrydan, how those Bullets whistle,
suppose they had been lodg'd in my Gizzard now!
_Lucy._ Pray, Sir, pardon me.
_Brazen._ I can't tell, Child, till I know whether my Money be safe,
[_Searching his Pockets_.] Yes, yes, I do pardon you; but if I had you
in the Rose Tavern, Covent-Garden, with three or four hearty Rakes, and
three or four smart Napkins, I wou'd tell you another Story, my Dear.
[_Exit._
_Wor._ And was Melinda privy to this?
_Lucy._ No, Sir, she wrote her Name upon a piece of Paper at the
Fortune-tellers last Night, which I put in my Pocket, and so writ above
it to the Captain.
_Wor._ And how came Melinda's Journey put off?
_Lucy._ At the Town's end she met Mr. Ballance's Steward, who told her
that Mrs. Silvia was gone from her Father's, and no Body cou'd tell
whither.
_Wor._ Silvia gone from her Father's! This will be News to Plume. Go
home, and tell your Lady how near I was being shot for her.
[_Exeunt._
_Enter_ Balance _with a Napkin in his Hand, as risen from Dinner, and_
Steward.
_Stew._ We did not miss her till the evening, sir; and then, searching
for her in the chamber that was my young master's, we found her clothes
there; but the suit that your son left in the press, when he went to
London, was gone.
_Bal._ The white, trimm'd with silver?
_Stew._ The same.
_Bal._ You ha'n't told that circumstance to any body?
_Stew._ To none but your worship.
_Bal._ And be sure you don't. Go into the dining-room, and tell Captain
Plume that I beg to speak with him.
_Stew._ I shall. [_Exit._
_Bal._ Was ever man so imposed upon! I had her promise, indeed, that she
would never dispose of herself without my consent--I have consented with
a witness, given her away as my act and my deed--and this, I warrant,
the captain thinks will pass. No, I shall never pardon him the villany,
first, of robbing me of my daughter, and then the mean opinion he must
have of me, to think that I could be so wretchedly imposed upon: her
extravagant passion might encourage her in the attempt, but the
contrivance must be his. I'll know the truth presently.
_Enter_ PLUME.
Pray, captain, what have you done with our young gentleman soldier?
_Plume._ He's at my quarters, I suppose, with the rest of my men.
_Bal._ Does he keep company with the common soldiers?
_Plume._ No, he's generally with me.
_Bal._ He lies with you, I presume?
_Plume._ No, 'faith; the young rogue fell in love with Rose, and has
lain with her, I think, since she came to town.
_Bal._ So that between you both, Rose has been finely managed.
_Plume._ Upon my honour, sir, she had no harm from me.
_Bal._ All's safe, I find--Now, captain, you must know, that the young
fellow's impudence in court was well grounded; he said I should heartily
repent his being listed, and so I do, from my soul.
_Plume._ Ay! for what reason?
_Bal._ Because he is no less than what he said he was--born of as good a
family as any in this county, and he is heir to twelve hundred pounds
a-year.
_Plume._ I'm very glad to hear it--for I wanted but a man of that
quality to make my company a perfect representative of the whole commons
of England.
_Bal._ Won't you discharge him?
_Plume._ Not under a hundred pounds sterling.
_Bal._ You shall have it, for his father is my intimate friend.
_Plume._ Then you shall have him for nothing.
_Bal._ Nay, sir, you shall have your price.
_Plume._ Not a penny, sir; I value an obligation to you much above an
hundred pounds.
_Bal._ Perhaps, sir, you shan't repent your generosity----Will you
please to write his discharge in my pocket-book? [_Gives his Book._] In
the mean time, we'll send for the gentleman. Who waits there?
_Enter_ STEWARD.
Go to the captain's lodging, and inquire for Mr. Wilful; tell him his
captain wants him here immediately.
_Serv._ Sir, the gentleman's below at the door, inquiring for the
captain.
_Plume._ Bid him come up. Here's the discharge, sir.
_Bal._ Sir, I thank you--'Tis plain he had no hand in't. [_Aside._
_Enter_ SYLVIA.
_Syl._ I think, captain, you might have used me better, than to leave me
yonder among your swearing drunken crew; and you, Mr. Justice, might
have been so civil as to have invited me to dinner, for I have eaten
with as good a man as your worship.
_Plume._ Sir, you must charge our want of respect upon our ignorance of
your quality--but now you are at liberty, I have discharged you.
_Syl._ Discharged me!
_Bal._ Yes, sir, and you must once more go home to your father.
_Syl._ My father! then I am discovered----Oh, sir! [_Kneeling._] I
expect no pardon.
_Bal._ Pardon! no, no, child; your crime shall be your punishment: here,
captain, I deliver her over to the conjugal power, for her chastisement.
Since she will be a wife, be you a husband, a very husband--When she
tells you of her love, upbraid her with her folly; be modishly
ungrateful, because she has been unfashionably kind; and use her worse
than you would any body else, because you can't use her so well as she
deserves.
_Plume._ And are you, Sylvia, in good earnest?
_Syl._ Earnest! I have gone too far to make it jest, sir.
_Plume._ And do you give her to me in good earnest?
_Bal._ If you please to take her, sir.
_Plume._ Why then I have saved my legs and arms, and lost my liberty;
secure from wounds, I am prepared for the gout; farewell subsistence,
and welcome taxes--Sir, my liberty and the hope of being a general,
are much dearer to me than your twelve hundred pounds a-year--but
to your love, madam, I resign my freedom, and, to your beauty, my
ambition--greater in obeying at your feet, than commanding at the head
of an army.
_Enter_ WORTHY.
_Wor._ I am sorry to hear, Mr. Balance, that your daughter is lost.
_Bal._ So am not I, sir, since an honest gentleman has found her.
_Enter_ MELINDA.
_Mel._ Pray, Mr. Balance, what's become of my cousin Sylvia?
_Bal._ Your cousin Sylvia is talking yonder with your cousin Plume.
_Mel. and Wor._ How!
_Syl._ Do you think it strange, cousin, that a woman should change; but
I hope you'll excuse a change that has proceeded from constancy: I
altered my outside, because I was the same within, and only laid by the
woman, to make sure of my man: that's my history.
_Mel._ Your history is a little romantic, cousin; but since success has
crowned your adventures, you will have the world on your side, and I
shall be willing to go with the tide, provided you'll pardon an injury I
offered you in the letter to your father.
_Plume._ That injury, madam, was done to me, and the reparation I
expect, shall be made to my friend: make Mr. Worthy happy, and I shall
be satisfied.
_Mel._ A good example, sir, will go a great way--When my cousin is
pleased to surrender, 'tis probable I shan't hold out much longer.
_Enter_ BRAZEN.
_Brazen._ Gentlemen, I am yours--Madam, I am not yours.
_Mel._ I'm glad on't, sir.
_Brazen._ So am I--You have got a pretty house here, Mr. Laconic.
_Bal._ 'Tis time to right all mistakes--My name, sir, is Balance.
_Brazen._ Balance! Sir, I am your most obedient--I know your whole
generation--had not you an uncle that was governor of the Leeward
Islands, some years ago?
_Bal._ Did you know him?
_Brazen._ Intimately, sir, he played at billiards to a miracle--You had
a brother too, that was a captain of a fire-ship--poor Dick--he had the
most engaging way with him of making punch--and then his cabin was so
neat--but his poor boy Jack was the most comical bastard--Ha! ha! ha!
ha! ha! a pickled dog, I shall never forget him.
_Plume._ Have you got your recruits, my dear?
_Brazen._ Not a stick, my dear!
_Plume._ Probably I shall furnish you, my dear! instead of the twenty
thousand pounds you talked of, you shall have the twenty brave recruits
that I have raised, at the rate they cost me----My commission I lay
down, to be taken up by some braver fellow, that has more merit, and
less good fortune--whilst I endeavour, by the example of this worthy
gentleman, to serve my king and country at home.
_With some regret I quit the active field,_
_Where glory full reward for life does yield;_
_But the recruiting trade, with all its train_
_Of endless plague, fatigue, and endless pain,_
_I gladly quit, with my fair spouse to stay,_
_And raise recruits the matrimonial way._
[Exeunt omnes.
THE END.
TRANSCRIBER'S NOTE
A number of obvious misspellings have been corrected and missing
punctuation has been silently added. Contemporary spellings have
generally been retained (e.g. but for butt, ideot, quinted for
squinted). One character name appears in the text as both Tummus and
Tummas.
Two additional changes were made:
In Act 3, scene 2, one instance of "are" was deleted in the sentence:
You lie; and you are a son of a whore.
In Act 4, scene 1, build has replaced built in the sentence:
I'll build a watch-tower.