KITTY: Oh! Do tell me all about it!
LADY FLO: Well. There _was_ a time when your uncle imagined he might be
allowed to complain if dinner were late. One day he actually dared to
ask, in a voice of thunder, "Is dinner ready?"
KITTY: Jem dares that every day.
LADY FLO: It happened to be the cook's fault.
KITTY: Ah! That would make no difference to Jem.
LADY FLO (_impatient_): I wish, darling, you would allow me to speak!
KITTY: Oh! I beg pardon.
LADY FLO (_continuing, blandly_): Not at all! Now, I replied: "The
salmon has just fallen into the fire, and cook has had to send for
another!"
KITTY: That was true?
LADY FLO: Not in the least! I had ordered red mullet. And Will ate his
fish without noticing the difference.
KITTY: Jem would not have made that mistake.
LADY FLO: Oh, yes, he would, if you had just glanced at him in the right
manner.
KITTY (_eagerly_): Show me how to do it!
LADY FLO (_drily_): It requires the inspiration of the moment. Ah! could
you but see me with Will!
KITTY: It is certain you are very happy together.
LADY FLO: So we are; owing to my always using sweetness, firmness, and
indifference just at the right moment. But all this, I confess, requires
intelligence.
KITTY: Had I but the intelligence! It must be splendid to be able to
avert a coming storm in this way.
LADY FLO: There never has been the question of a storm between Will and
me!
KITTY: Happy, happy people!
LADY FLO: And you, my very dear children, must become happy, happy
people too! William would feel your sorrow as deeply as I. We must do
all in our power to restore peace and comfort between you! I shall try
my very utmost to show you your little failings--here and there--you
know. And as for Will! Why, he'll talk Jem over in no time! Before a
week is out we shall see you walking arm-in-arm to matins--the happiest
couple in all Yorkshire.
KITTY: Impossible!
LADY FLO: Nay! We can but try. (_Enter_ SIR WILLIAM.) Ah! Here comes
your uncle. Now, run away, dear, and leave us alone for a discreet
little talk. Who knows but what we may hit upon a plan to help you!
(_Exit_ KITTY.)
LADY FLO: Will, dearest! We must talk very seriously over our niece and
nephew together.
SIR W. (_aside_): It is high time!
LADY FLO: But, first of all, by the way, I want to know what it was you
were saying to Jem, when I came into the room a few minutes ago.
SIR W. (_consciously_): To Jem? Why, I was saying nothing to Jem!
LADY FLO: Oh, yes, you were! Now try to remember. Kitty and I heard you
talking in quite an excited manner as we came downstairs. Then as we
came nearer the door you lowered your voice.
SIR W.: Indeed, _no_!
LADY FLO: Yes, yes, you did, dear!
SIR W.: No, no, I didn't, dear!
LADY FLO: Don't tell fibs, darling.
SIR W.: You want to know too much, my dear, good Flo.
LADY FLO: Too much? Oh, no! That would be impossible! However, I know
you will tell me the whole truth by-and-by.
SIR W.: First let me know what you have to say.
LADY FLO: Well, I'm in the deepest distress about the two young people.
They seem to be at terrible loggerheads. Now, perhaps Jem confided the
secret of his unhappy married life to you?