JEM: Why not?
SIR W.: Oh, no! Of course! Why not, as you say?
JEM: Yet if I begin to discuss it all with her, _she_ begins to yawn;
and her yawning drives me nearly mad, when I am talking on a matter of
vital interest.
SIR W.: Dear! Dear! I begin to find all this more serious than I
thought. For it does seem to me as if you differed on most subjects.
JEM (_moodily_): So we do.
SIR W.: Ah! I am afraid it may be pretty serious! And after listening to
all your story I can't help feeling, my dear fellow, that there is not
the chance of things bettering themselves, as I had hoped in the first
instance.
JEM: You feel that?
SIR W.: I do! I do! This divergence of taste and sympathies is no
laughing matter. It rather alarms me when I think that the abyss between
you and your wife as time goes on may only widen. (_He indicates an
imaginary abyss, which JEM stares at dubiously._) Yes! widen--and widen!
JEM (_after a moment's pause of half surprise, half pain_): What you say
is not consoling.
SIR W.: At first I thought differently; but now I hesitate to mislead
you, and I admit my heart sinks when I think of your future, after
hearing all you have to say. Indeed, I hope I may be mistaken. I have,
as you know, but little experience in these matters. Your aunt and I
have lived in undisturbed harmony these fifteen years. Never has an
angry word been heard within our walls.
JEM: Whilst Kitty and I squabbled as soon as we had left the rice and
slippers behind us! And since then scarcely an hour has passed without
some sort of difference. I declare, when I think over it, that it would
be best for us to plunge into the ice at once. A separation is the only
hope for us. But, hush! I think I hear Aunt Flo's and Kitty's footsteps!
(_Lowers his voice, speaking rapidly_) For Heaven's sake, don't breathe
a word of what I have said! Fool that I've been! Worse than a
fool--disloyal! Not a word to my aunt!
SIR W.: Oh! I promise you! (_Mysteriously into Jem's ear_) Women are so
indiscreet. Now, I wouldn't tell your aunt for the wide world!
(_Enter LADY FLO and KITTY, who have overheard the last words._)
LADY FLO (_icily_): I beg pardon! We interrupt!
JEM: Not at all! We were merely discussing the relations of man and
wife! Uncle Will has been telling me that a wife--you, under the
circumstances--has everything in her own hands.
[Illustration: SIR W.: "WOMEN ARE SO INDISCREET."]
LADY FLO (_flattered_): Indeed!
KITTY: Indeed! I must say that no one could appreciate Aunt Flo's
virtues more than I, although at the same time I am certain she would
very soon have lost her sweet temper if her husband had been
aggravating, ignorant, domineering!
JEM: Why not call me a savage at once?
KITTY: A savage! Yes! A savage!
LADY FLO: Oh! Kitty! Kitty! Is this the way to make friends?
JEM: Come, Uncle Will! Let us go into the smoking-room! I shall choke
here! (_Exit._)
SIR W.: There's but little hope for them! Little hope! Little hope!
(_Exit, shaking his head._)
KITTY: Now, perhaps, you believe that I have something to put up with?
LADY FLO (_soothingly_): And yet there's no doubt Jem is extremely fond
of you.
KITTY: He has a strange way of showing it! The other morning, after we
had had one of our little scenes, I went down to the stream to find him
when he was fishing. I would even have been willing to try and bait
(_shudders_) his hook. But as I was starting off I met him coming up the
garden, and he stared at me like an avenging god (or demon, I should
say), and asked if I wasn't on my way to matins? Naturally, I did not
contradict him.
LADY FLO: Dearest! You distress me!
KITTY: There's another thing I can't endure! You know I took the pledge,
so as to be a good example to the village people here. Well! Jem is
furious every time I refuse wine at luncheon or dinner. He declares that
I _pose_! Can you imagine such nonsense?
LADY FLO: Well, dear! I confess I sympathize with Jem. I don't think any
really nice women ever take the pledge--do they? I only ask, you know.
KITTY: Why, yes! Of course they do, aunty--when they want to be good
examples. Jem cannot understand this; and, far from taking the pledge
himself, he revolts me day after day by drinking--(_whispers
mysteriously_)--Bass's pale ale!
LADY FLO: Ah! That's bad! But, oh! my dear, if you only knew the proper
way to manage a husband!
KITTY: How could I? For Jem is as unmanageable as the Great Mogul.
LADY FLO: I see you don't realize how the most violent men are those
most easy to subdue. Now, there's your uncle----
KITTY: I always thought him as mild as Moses!