The history relates that Sancho Panza was conducted from the court of
justice to a sumptuous palace, where in a great hall he found a
magnificent entertainment prepared. He had no sooner entered than his
ears were saluted by the sound of many instruments, and four pages
served him with water to wash his hands, which the governor received
with becoming gravity. The music having ceased, Sancho now sat down to
dinner in a chair of state placed at the upper end of the table, for
there was but one seat and only one plate and napkin. A personage, who,
as it afterwards appeared, was a physician, took his stand at one side
of his chair with a whalebone rod in his hand. They then removed the
beautiful white cloth, which covered a variety of fruits and other
eatables. Grace was said by one in a student's dress, and a laced bib
was placed by a page under Sancho's chin. Another, who performed the
office of sewer, now set a plate of fruit before him; but he had
scarcely tasted it, when, on being touched by the wand-bearer, it was
snatched away, and another containing meat instantly supplied its place.
Yet before Sancho could make a beginning it vanished, like the former,
on a signal of the wand.
The governor was surprised at this proceeding, and looking around him,
asked if this dinner was only to show off their sleight of hand.
"My lord," said the wand-bearer, "your lordship's food must here be
watched with the same care as is customary with the governors of other
islands. I am a doctor of physic, sir, and my duty, for which I receive
a salary, is to watch over the governor's health, whereof I am more
careful than of my own. I study his constitution night and day, that I
may know how to restore him when sick; and therefore think it incumbent
on me to pay especial regard to his meals, at which I constantly
preside, to see that he eats what is good and salutary, and prevent his
touching whatever I imagine may be prejudicial to his health or
offensive to his stomach. It was for that reason, my lord," continued
he, "I ordered the dish of fruit to be taken away, as being too watery,
and that other dish, as being too hot and over-seasoned with spices,
which are apt to provoke thirst; and he that drinks much destroys and
consumes the radical moisture, which is the fuel of life."
"Well, then," quoth Sancho, "that plate of roasted partridges, which
seem to me to be very well seasoned, I suppose will do me no manner of
harm?"
"Hold," said the doctor, "my lord governor shall not eat them while I
live to prevent it."
"Pray, why not?" quoth Sancho.
"Because," answered the doctor, "our great master Hippocrates, the north
star and luminary of medicine, says in one of his aphorisms, _Omnis
saturatio mala, perdicis autem pessima_; which means, 'All repletion is
bad, but that from partridges the worst.'"
"If it be so," quoth Sancho, "pray cast your eye, signor doctor, over
all these dishes here on the table, and see which will do me the most
good or the least harm, and let me eat of it without whisking it away
with your conjuring-stick; for, by my soul, and as Heaven shall give me
life to enjoy this government, I am dying with hunger; and to deny me
food--let signor doctor say what he will--is not the way to lengthen my
life, but to cut it short."
"Your worship is in the right, my lord governor," answered the
physician, "and therefore I am of opinion you should not eat of these
stewed rabbits, as being a food that is tough and acute; of that veal,
indeed, you might have taken a little, had it been neither roasted nor
stewed; but as it is, not a morsel."
"What think you, then," said Sancho, "of that huge dish there, smoking
hot, which I take to be an olla-podrida?--for, among the many things
contained in it, I surely may light upon something both wholesome and
toothsome."
"_Absit!_" quoth the doctor, "far be such a thought from us.
Olla-podrida! there is no worse dish in the world. Leave them to
prebends and rectors of colleges or lusty feeders at country weddings;
but let them not be seen on the tables of governors, where nothing
contrary to health and delicacy should be tolerated. Simple medicines
are always more estimable and safe, for in them there can be no mistake,
whereas in such as are compounded all is hazard and uncertainty.
Therefore, what I would at present advise my lord governor to eat, in
order to corroborate and preserve his health, is about a hundred small
rolled-up wafers, with some thin slices of marmalade, that may sit upon
the stomach and help digestion."
Sancho, hearing this, threw himself backward in his chair, and looking
at the doctor from head to foot very seriously, asked him his name and
where he had studied. To which he answered, "My lord governor, my name
is Doctor Pedro Rezio de Aguero; I am a native of a place called
Tirteafuera, lying between Caraquel and Almoddobar del Campo, on the
right hand, and I have taken my doctor's degrees in the university of
Ossuna."
"Then, hark you," said Sancho in a rage, "Signor Doctor Pedro Rezzio de
Aguero, native of Tirteafuera, lying on the right hand as we go from
Caraquel to Almoddobar del Campo, graduate in Ossuna, get out of my
sight this instant, or, by the light of Heaven, I will take a cudgel,
and, beginning with your carcass, will so belabor all the physic-mongers
in the island, that not one of the tribe shall be left!--I mean of those
like yourself, who are ignorant quacks. For those who are learned and
wise I shall make much of and honor as so many angels. I say again,
Signor Pedro Rezio, begone, or I shall take the chair I sit on and comb
your head to some tune; and if I am called to an account for it when I
give up my office, I shall prove that I have done a good service in
ridding the world of a bad physician, who is a public executioner. Body
of me! give me something to eat, or let them take back their
government,--for an office that will not find a man in victuals is not
worth two beans."
On seeing the governor in such a fury the doctor would have fled out in
the hall had not the sound of a courier's horn at that instant been
heard in the street. "A courier from my lord duke," said the sewer (who
had looked out of the window), "and he must certainly have brought
despatches of importance."
The courier entered hastily, foaming with sweat and in great agitation,
and pulling a packet out of his bosom, he delivered it into the
governor's hands, and by him it was given to the steward, telling him to
read the superscription, which was this: "To Don Sancho Panza, Governor
of the Island of Barataria. To be delivered only to himself or to his
secretary."
"Who is my secretary?" said Sancho.
"It is I, my lord," answered one who was present, "for I can read and
write, and am, besides, a Biscayan."
"With that addition," quoth Sancho, "you may very well be secretary to
the emperor himself. Open the packet and see what it holds."
The new secretary did so, and having run his eye over the contents, he
said it was a business which required privacy. Accordingly, Sancho
commanded all to retire excepting the steward and sewer; and when the
hall was cleared, the secretary read the following letter:--
"It has just come to my knowledge, Signor Don Panza, that certain
enemies of mine intend very soon to make a desperate attack, by night,
upon the island under your command; it is necessary, therefore, to be
vigilant and alert, that you may not be taken by surprise. I have also
received intelligence from trusty spies, that four persons in disguise
are now in your town, sent thither by the enemy, who, fearful of your
great talents, have a design upon your life. Keep a strict watch, be
careful who are admitted to you, and eat nothing sent you as a present.
I will not fail to send you assistance if you are in want of it.
Whatever may be attempted, I have full reliance on your activity and
judgment.
"Your friend,
"THE DUKE.
"From this place, the 16th of August, at four in the morning."
Sancho was astonished at this information, and the others appeared to be
no less so. At length, turning to the steward, "I will tell you," said
he, "the first thing to be done, which is to clap Doctor Rezio into a
dungeon; for if anybody has a design to kill me, it is he, and that by
the most lingering and the worst of all deaths,--starvation."
"Be that as it may," said the steward, "it is my opinion your honor
would do well to eat none of the meat here upon the table, for it was
presented by some nuns, and it is a saying, 'The devil lurks behind the
cross.'"
"You are in the right," quoth Sancho, "and for the present give me only
a piece of bread and some four pounds of grapes,--there can be no poison
in them,--for, in truth, I cannot live without food, and if we must keep
in readiness for these battles that threaten us, it is fit that we
should be well fed, for the stomach upholds the heart and the heart the
man. Do you, Mr. Secretary, answer the letter of my lord duke, and tell
him his commands shall be obeyed throughout most faithfully; and present
my dutiful respects to my lady duchess, and beg her not to forget to
send a special messenger with my letter and bundle to my wife Teresa
Panza, which I shall take as a particular favor, and will be her humble
servant to the utmost of my power. And, by the way, you may put in my
hearty service to my master, Don Quixote de la Mancha, that he may see
that I am neither forgetful nor ungrateful; and as to the rest, I leave
it to you, as a good secretary and a true Biscayan, to add whatever you
please, or that may turn to the best account. Now away with this cloth,
and bring me something that may be eaten, and then let these spies,
murderers, and enchanters see how they meddle with me or my island."
A page now entered, saying, "Here is a countryman who would speak with
your lordship on business, as he says, of great importance."
"It is very strange," quoth Saneho, "that these men of business should
be so silly as not to see that this is not a time for such matters.
What! we who govern and belike are not made of flesh and bone like
other men! We are made of marble-stone, forsooth, and have no need of
rest or refreshment! Before Heaven and upon my conscience, if my
government lasts, as I have a glimmering it will not, I shall hamper
more than one of these men of business! Well, for this once, tell the
fellow to come in; but first see that he is no spy, nor one of my
murderers."
"He looks, my lord," answered the page, "like a simple fellow, and I am
much mistaken if he be not as harmless as a crust of bread."
"Your worship need not fear," quoth the steward, "since we are with
you."
"But now that Doctor Pedro Rezio is gone," quoth Sancho, "may I not have
something to eat of substance and weight, though it were but a luncheon
of bread and an onion?"
"At night your honor shall have no cause to complain," quoth the sewer;
"supper shall make up for the want of dinner."
"Heaven grant it may," replied Sancho.