Hullo!” said Letts, “what have you been doing to yourself?”
Major Minton had thrown himself into the Secretary’s cosiest chair on
his return from visiting Dr Koomadhi, and was wiping his forehead.
“I’ve been doing more to myself than I should have done,” replied
Minton. “For heaven’s sake, ring for a brandy-and-soda!”
“A brandy-and-soda? That’s an extreme measure,” said Letts. “But you
look as if you needed one.” He went to his own cupboard and produced the
brandy, and then rang the bell for the soda-water, which was of course
kept in the refrigerator. Then he looked curiously at the man in the
chair. “By the Lord Harry! you’ve been in a fight,” he cried, when
his examination had concluded. “You’re an ass to come between any
belligerents in this neighbourhood: you forget that Picotee Street
is not Regent Street. You got your collar torn off your coat for your
pains; and, O Lord, your trousers!”
“I did not notice how much out of line I had fallen until now,” said
Minton, with a laugh. “By George, Letts, that tear in my knee does
suggest a free-and-easy tussle.”
“But how on earth did it come about?” asked Letts. “Surely you should
know better than to go for a nigger as you would for a Christian! Why
the mischief didn’t you kick him on the shins, and then put your knee
into his face?”
“Give me the tumbler.”
The Secretary handed him the tumbler, containing a stiff “peg,” and he
drained it without giving any evidence of dissatisfaction.
“Now, how did it come about?” inquired Letts. “I hope you haven’t
dragged us into the business. If you have, there’ll be a question asked
about it in the House of Commons by one of those busybodies who have no
other way of proving to their constituents that they’re in attendance.
‘Mr Jones asked the Secretary of State for the Colonies if he had any
information to give to the House regarding an alleged outrage by a white
man, closely associated with the family of her Majesty’s Commissioner
at Picotee, upon a native or natives of that colony.’ That’s how it
will read. Then there’ll be puppy leaders in those papers that deal
with ‘justices’ justice’: the boy who gets a month’s imprisonment for
stealing a turnip--you know that sort of thing.”
“Keep your hair on,” said Minton; “there’ll be no show in the House
about this. There has been no row. I went round to Koomadhi’s, and when
we were talking together I suddenly fancied that the day was just one
for a gymnastic display. I don’t know whether it was that polite manner
of Koomadhi’s or something else set me off, but I felt an irresistible
impulse to bounce. Without waiting to take off my coat I went out on the
verandah and hauled myself up to the roof: I don’t know how I did it.
I might have managed it ten years ago, when I was in condition; but,
considering how far off colour I am just now, by George! I don’t know
how I managed it. Anyhow, I did manage it.”
“At some trifling cost,” said Letts. “And what did you do on the roof
when you got there?”
“Well, I swung myself down again. But I seemed to have a notion in
the meantime that that nice, well-groomed nigger would try to climb
up beside me, and I know that I had an impulse to catch him by the
tail--the tail of his coat, of course--and swing him through the
shutters.”
“But he didn’t make such an ass of himself as to go through some
gymnastics, and the thermometer standing a degree or two under a
hundred. Well, you’ve got off well this time, Minton; but don’t do it
again, that’s all.”
“I tell you it was an impulse--a curious----”
“Oh, impulses like that don’t come to chaps who have their wits about
them.”
“I suppose it was a bit of bounding, after all. But, somehow--well, you
wouldn’t just call me a bounder, would you, Letts?”
“Why shouldn’t I call you a bounder, I’d like to know? A bounder is one
who bounds, isn’t he?”
“Well, I suppose--but I give you my word, I felt at that moment that it
was the most natural thing I could have done--climbing up to the roof of
the verandah, and then----”
“And then?”
“Swinging down again, I suppose.”
He was afraid to tell Letts of that practical joke which he had played
off on Koomadhi, when he found that the Doctor did not lend himself to
that subtle piece of jocularity which Minton said he had conceived when
sitting on the roof of the verandah. Letts had been pretty hard on him
for having gone so far as to climb up to the roof; but what would he
have said if he had been told about that ink-bottle incident?
Minton thought it would, on the whole, be doing himself more ample
justice if he were to withhold from Letts all information regarding that
ink-bottle business. He said nothing about it, and when Letts mumbled
something when in the act of lighting a cigar--something about fellows,
who behave like idiots, going home and giving the whole West Coast a
bad name, whereas, properly treated, the climate was one of the most
salubrious, he remarked confidentially--
“I say, old chap, you needn’t mind jawing to the missus or the Governor
about this business; it’s not worth talking about, you know; but
they’re both given to exaggerate the importance of such things--Gertrude
especially. I’m a bit afraid of her still, I admit: we’ve only been
married about three months, you’ll remember.”
“Great Duke! here’s a chap who fancies that as time goes on he’ll get
less afraid of his wife,” cried Letts. “Well, well, some chaps do get
hallucinations early in life.”
“Don’t say a word about it, Letts. Where’s the good of making a poor
girl uneasy?”
“Where, indeed? But why ‘poor girl’?”
“Because she’s liable to be made uneasy at trifles. You’re not--only
riled. But I don’t blame you: you’ve been on this infernal coast for
three years.”
“There’s nothing the matter with the coast: it’s only the idiots----”
“Quite so: I seem somehow to feel that I’ve heard all that sort of thing
before. I’m one of the idiots.”
“Far be it from me to contradict so able a diagnosis of----”
He caught the cushion which Minton hurled at him, and laughed. Then he
became curiously thoughtful.
“By the way,” he said, “wasn’t it a bit rum that Koomadhi didn’t try
to prevent your swinging out to that roof? He’s a medico, and so should
know how such unnatural exertion is apt to play the mischief with a chap
in such a temperature as this. Didn’t he abuse you in his polite way?”
“Not he,” said Minton; “on the contrary, I believe I had an idea that I
heard him suggest... no, no; that’s a mistake, of course.”
“What’s a mistake?”
“That idea of mine--I don’t know how I came to have it.”
“You were under the impression, somehow, that he suggested your climbing
to the roof? That was a rummy notion, wasn’t it?”
“A bit too rummy for general use. Oh no: he only said--now, what the
mischief did he say? Oh, no matter.”
“If he said ‘no matter’ when he saw that you were bent on gymnastics in
the middle of a day with the temperature hovering about a hundred, he
should be ashamed of himself.”
“He didn’t say ‘no matter.’ I’ve just said it. Let me say it again. You
should be a cross-examiner at the Bailey and Middlesex Session, Letts.
Now, mind, not a word to the missus. Don’t let her cross-examine you:
evade her as I’m evading you. I’ll see you after dinner: maybe we’ll
have a billiard together--I’m too tired now.”
He went off, leaving Letts trying to find out the place where he had
left off in a novel of George Eliot’s. George Eliot is still read on the
West Coast of Africa.
But when Minton had left the room Letts did not trouble himself further
with the novel. He tossed it away and lay back in his Madeira chair with
a frown, suggesting perplexity, on his face.
Some five minutes had passed, and yet the frown, so far from departing,
had but increased in intensity.
“I should like very much to know what his game is,” he muttered. “It
wouldn’t at all be a bad idea to induce sunstroke by over-exertion on
a day like this. But why can’t he remember if the nigger tried on that
game with him? P’chut! what’s the good of bothering about it when the
game didn’t come off, whatever it was?”
But in spite of his attempted dismissal of the whole matter from his
mind, he utterly failed to give to the confession of the youth
in ‘Middlemarch’ (it was to the effect that his father had been a
pawnbroker, and it was very properly made to the young woman to the
accompaniment of the peals of a terrific thunderstorm) the attention
which so striking an incident demanded.