"Your excellency, his title is _the servant of servants_! He was

originally a fisherman and porter, wherefore the emblems of his dignity

consist of keys and nets; but he at present issues orders to every

king in Christendom. It is not a long while since he sent one hundred

and one mandates to a king of the Celts, and the king obeyed."

THE SERVANT OF SERVANTS.

The personal service of Pius IX. as it existed in 1873, without

counting Swiss gensdarmes, palatine guards, &c., is thus described

by the author of _The Religion of Rome_, page 21.

"The pope for his own exclusive personal service has four palatine

cardinals, three prelates and a master, ten prelates of the private

chamber, amongst whom are a cup-bearer, and a keeper of the

wardrobe; then two hundred and fifteen domestic prelates. Then

follow two hundred and forty-nine supernumerary prelates of the

private chamber, four private chamberlains of the sword and cloak,

Roman patricians, one of whom is a master of Santo Ospizto.

"What things are these? what service do these private chamberlains

render? what is the use of this cloak and sword? We will undertake

to say that they do not know themselves. Let us proceed. Then come

next a quarter-master major, a correspondent general of the post,

and one hundred and thirty fresh private chamberlains of the sword

and cloak! Oh! it is a labor to count them! Next come two hundred

and sixty-five honorary monsignori _extra urbem_, six honorary

chamberlains of the sword and cloak, then eight private chaplains.

What a number of _private_ affairs must the pope have? Then

eighty-one honorary chaplains _extra urbem_; then--but enough,

enough, enough!

"No! not enough for the pope. Then come two private monsignori of

the tonsure--still private!--then eighteen supernumeraries: two

adjutants of the chamber, a private steward--again private!--then

nineteen ushers, participants, and twenty-four supernumeraries.

Then--ah! there are no more. Let us cast up those we have named;

they amount only to a bagatelle of one thousand and twenty-five

persons! And take note, that there are not included in this list

the palatine administration, and the tribunal of the majordomo, the

Swiss guards, the gensdarmes, etc., etc.

"If it be difficult for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of

heaven, how shall he who inhabits the Vatican enter there?--who has

treasures of all sorts, money, precious gems, precious and

countless works of art, vessels of silver and gold, and who has on

his head not one crown but three? who causes himself to be borne on

the shoulders of men; who causes them to kiss his feet; who has

millions of income, and a thousand persons to attend upon him?

"There is, in fact, nothing to be compared with the effrontery with

which the Vatican enacts the comedy of poverty. Yes, it has reason

to believe still in miracles; it is an actual miracle which the

Roman court works, in drawing from the pockets of the poor the

obolus necessary to buy them bread, to spend it before their faces

in Sybaritic luxury, in a palace of _The Thousand and One Nights_.

On the day of Epiphany, the Jesuits sent to the Vatican some

hundreds of women and children of the Trastevere, to carry to the

pope a gift of money. The children to succor the poverty of the

pope, who consumes on himself and household enough to maintain a

whole city, gave him the money which they had received in gifts

from their parents, and the women of the Trastevere, the few pence

that they had laid aside for the needs of their families.

"But what is most extraordinary is, that these women and children

who bestowed their charity on the pope, went to do it into halls

full of gold, marble, precious stones, velvet, silk, embroidery,

paintings, and statues, into the Vatican, that gigantic palace,

which occupies a space of fifteen hundred feet in length, and eight

hundred in breadth, with twenty courts, two hundred staircases,

eleven thousand rooms, galleries and halls full of treasures, and

the construction of which has cost hundreds of millions. These

children and these women passing through so much wealth never were

struck with the idea that Pius IX. ought to be something more than

a beggar; that there is no monarch in the world who has an abode

like the popes of Rome--the very sight of the gifts sent by all the

world to Pius IX. being enough to strike them dumb with

astonishment.

"Now these women and these children don't comprehend this, and here

is the miracle. This Pius IX. ought to go into the cottages of

these poor women and take them money, instead of their going to

carry it into the luxurious palace of the pope.

"The miracle becomes still greater every time that the Pope,

replying to those who bring money, talks of Jesus; for Jesus was in

a stable, not in a palace of eleven thousand rooms. Jesus would at

once have sent away the Swiss, the gensdarmes, the palatine guards,

the chamberlains private and not private, etc., and would have said

to the people of the Trastevere, and of the quarters of the poor:

'Come here into the Vatican, poor people, leave those wretched

cabins where you suffer so much; come to me; I have eleven thousand

rooms to offer you, one of which is quite enough for me, and so I

will divide these amongst those who have none.' This would have

been said by Christ, whom Pius IX. invokes so often, calling

himself His vicar or steward. But try, ye poor, to enter into the

Vatican, and you will find at once at the door a Swiss, who will

chase you away by blows of his halberd. He will let in anyone who

comes to bring money, but not a soul who comes to ask for it."--E.

"Your fisherman must then have sent five or six hundred thousand men to

put these orders in execution?"

"Not at all, your excellency. Our holy master is not rich enough to keep

ten thousand soldiers on foot: but he has five or six hundred thousand

divine prophets dispersed in other countries. These prophets of various

colors are, as they ought to be, supported at the expense of the people

where they reside. They proclaim, from heaven, that my master may, with

his keys, open and shut all locks, and particularly those of strong

boxes. A Norman priest, who held the post of confident of this king's

thoughts, convinced him he ought to obey, without questioning, the one

hundred and one thoughts of my master; for you must know that one of the

prerogatives of the Old Man of the Seven Mountains is never to err,

whether he deigns to speak or deigns to write."

"In faith," said Amazan, "this is a very singular man; I should be

pleased to dine with him."

"Were your excellency even a king, you could not eat at his table. All

that he could do for you, would be to allow you to have one served by

the side of his, but smaller and lower. But if you are inclined to have

the honor of speaking to him, I will ask an audience for you on

condition of the _buona mancia_, which you will be kind enough to give

me." "Very readily," said the Gangarid. The violet-livery man bowed: "I

will introduce you to-morrow," said he. "You must make three very low

bows, and you must kiss the feet of the Old Man of the Seven Mountains."

At this information Amazan burst into so violent a fit of laughing that

he was almost choked; which, however, he surmounted, holding his sides,

whilst the violent emotions of the risible muscles forced the tears down

his cheeks, till he reached the inn, where the fit still continued upon

him.

At dinner, twenty beardless men and twenty violins produced a concert.

He received the compliments of the greatest lords of the city during the

remainder of the day; but from their extravagant actions, he was

strongly tempted to throw two or three of these violet-colored gentry

out of the window. He left with the greatest precipitation this city of

the masters of the world, where young men were treated so whimsically,

and where he found himself necessitated to kiss an old man's toe, as if

his cheek were at the end of his foot.

X.

AN UNFORTUNATE ADVENTURE IN GAUL.

In all the provinces through which Amazan passed, he remained ever

faithful to the princess of Babylon, though incessantly enraged at the

king of Egypt. This model of constancy at length arrived at the new

capital of the Gauls. This city, like many others, had alternately

submitted to barbarity, ignorance, folly, and misery. The first name it

bore was Dirt and Mire; it then took that of Isis, from the worship of

Isis, which had reached even here. Its first senate consisted of a

company of watermen. It had long been in bondage, and submitted to the

ravages of the heroes of the Seven Mountains; and some ages after, some

other heroic thieves who came from the farther banks of the Rhine, had

seized upon its little lands.

Time, which changes all things, had formed it into a city, half of which

was very noble and very agreeable, the other half somewhat barbarous and

ridiculous. This was the emblem of its inhabitants. There were within

its walls at least a hundred thousand people, who had no other

employment than play and diversion. These idlers were the judges of

those arts which the others cultivated. They were ignorant of all that

passed at court; though they were only four short miles distant from it:

but it seemed to them at least six hundred thousand miles off.

Agreeableness in company, gaiety and frivolty, formed the important and

sole considerations of their lives. They were governed like children,

who are extravagantly supplied with gewgaws, to prevent their crying. If

the horrors were discussed, which two centuries before had laid waste

their country, or if those dreadful periods were recalled, when one half

of the nation massacred the other for sophisms, they, indeed, said,

"this was not well done;" then, presently, they fell to laughing again,

or singing of catches.

[Illustration: Kissing an old man's toe.]

KISSING THE POPE'S FOOT.

On page 181 of _The Religion of Rome_, the author asks the

questions: "Why does the pope cause his foot, or rather his

slipper, to be kissed? And when did this custom begin?" His

explanation is as follows:

"Theophilus Rainaldo and the Bollandist fathers, as well as other

Roman Catholic authors, tell us a gallant story of Pope St. Leo I.,

called the Great, which, if it were true, might show the origin of

the practice. They say that a young and very handsome devotee was

admitted on Easter day, to kiss the hand of Pope St. Leo after the

mass. The pope felt himself very much excited by this kiss, and

remembering the words of the Savior, 'If thy hand offend thee, cut

it off, and cast it from thee' (Matt. v. 30), he at once cut off

his hand. But as he was unable to perform mass with only one hand,

the people were in a great rage. The pope therefore prayed to God

to restore his hand, and God complied: his hand was again united to

the stump. And to avoid such dilemmas in future, Leo ordered that

thereafter no one should kiss his hand, but only his foot. A very

little common sense is sufficient to make us understand that such

was not the origin of this custom.

"The first who invented this degrading act of kissing feet was the

Emperor Caligula. He, in his quality of Pontifex Maximus, ordered

the people to kiss his foot. Succeeding emperors refused such an

act of base slavery. But Heliogabalus, as emperor, and Pontifex

Maximus, again introduced it. After him, the custom fell into

disuse; but the Christian emperors retaining some of the wicked

fables given to the pagan emperors, permitted the kissing of the

foot as a compliment on the presentation of petitions. We may cite

a few instances. The acts of the Council of Chalcedon say that

Fazius, Bishop of Tyre, in his petition to the emperor, said, 'I

supplicate, prostrate, at your immaculate and divine feet.'

Bassianus, Bishop of Ephesus, says, 'I prostrate myself at your

feet.' Eunomius, Bishop of Nicomedia, says, 'I prostrate myself

before the footsteps of your power.' The Abbot Saba says, 'I am

come to adore the footsteps of your piety. Prococius, in his

_History of Mysteries_, says that the Emperor Justinian, at the

instigation of the proud Theodora, his wife, was the first amongst

the Christian emperors who ordered prostrations before himself and

his wife, and the kissing of their feet.

"The ecclesiastics, the bishops, and, finally, the popes, were not

exempt from paying this homage to the emperors. The prelates of

Syria held this language to the Emperor Justinian. 'The pope of

holy memory, and the archbishop of ancient Rome, has come to your

pious conversation, and has been honored by your holy feet.' Pope

Gregory I., writing to Theodorus, the physician of the Emperor

Mauritius, in the year A.D. 593, said: 'My tongue cannot

sufficiently express the great benefits that I have received from

God Almighty and from our great emperor, for which I can only love

him and kiss his feet.' In the year A.D. 681 Pope Agathon, sending

his legates to the sixth council, writes to the Emperor Constantine

Pogonatus: 'As prostrate in your presence, and embracing your feet,

I implore you,' etc. In the seventh century, therefore, not only

did the popes not have their feet kissed, but they themselves were

obliged to kiss those of the emperor. Becoming sovereigns of Rome,

they soon began to adopt the same custom. Pope Eugenius II., who

died in 827, was the first who made it the law to kiss the papal

foot. From that time it was necessary to kneel before the popes.

Gregory VII. ordered all princes to submit to this practice.

"From what we have said it is clear that the origin of feet-kissing

was entirely pagan and idolatrous. That this custom is in total

contradiction to the precepts of the Gospel would be a waste of

words to assert. Jesus Christ was so far from desiring people to

kiss his feet, that he set himself on one occasion to wash the feet

of his disciples. These are the words of the Gospel: 'He riseth

from supper, and laid aside his garments; and took a towel and

girded himself. After that he poured water into a basin, and began

to wash the disciples' feet, and to wipe them with the towel

wherewith he was girded.'

"This act of Jesus Christ is in perfect keeping (John xiii. 4.5)

with all his precepts, with his inculcations of modesty, equality,

humility, and with his condemnation of those who set themselves

above others. Who would have said that a day would come in which

those claiming to be his vicars should cause people to kiss their

feet? How thoroughly has Catholicism borrowed from paganism its

idolatries? And notwithstanding this flagrant violation of the

religion of Christ, what a herd of people go and press their lips

on the slipper of the pope, as was done formerly to the Roman

emperors, the pontifices maximi, that is to say, the priests of

Jove."--E.

In proportion as the idlers were polished, agreeable, and amiable, it

was observed that there was a greater and more shocking contrast between

them and those who were engaged in business.

Among the latter, or such as pretended so to be, there was a gang of

melancholy fanatics, whose absurdity and knavery divided their

character,--whose appearance alone diffused misery,--and who would have

overturned the world, had they been able to gain a little credit. But

the nation of idlers, by dancing and singing, forced them into obscurity

in their caverns, as the warbling birds drive the croaking bats back to

their holes and ruins.

A smaller number of those who were occupied, were the preservers of

ancient barbarous customs, against which nature, terrified, loudly

exclaimed. They consulted nothing but their worm-eaten registers. If

they there discovered a foolish or horrid custom, they considered it as

a sacred law. It was from this vile practice of not daring to think for

themselves, but extracting their ideas from the ruins of those times

when no one thought at all, that in the metropolis of pleasure there

still remained some shocking manners. Hence it was that there was no

proportion between crimes and punishments. A thousand deaths were

sometimes inflicted upon an innocent victim, to make him acknowledge a

crime he had not committed.

The extravagancies of youth were punished with the same severity as

murder or parricide. The idlers screamed loudly at these exhibitions,

and the next day thought no more about them, but were buried in the

contemplation of some new fashion.

This people saw a whole age elapse, in which the fine arts attained a

degree of perfection that far surpassed the most sanguine hopes.

Foreigners then repaired thither, as they did to Babylon, to admire the

great monuments of architecture, the wonders of gardening, the sublime

efforts of sculpture and painting. They were charmed with a species of

music that reached the heart without astonishing the ears.

True poetry, that is to say, such as is natural and harmonious, that

which addresses the heart as well as the mind, was unknown to this

nation before this happy period. New kinds of eloquence displayed

sublime beauties. The theatres in particular reëchoed with masterpieces

that no other nation ever approached. In a word, good taste prevailed in

every profession to that degree, that there were even good writers among

the Druids.

So many laurels that had branched even to the skies, soon withered in an

exhausted soil. There remained but a very small number, whose leaves

were of a pale dying verdure. This decay was occasioned by the facility

of producing; laziness preventing good productions, and by a satiety of

the brilliant, and a taste for the whimsical. Vanity protected arts that

brought back times of barbarity; and this same vanity, in persecuting

persons of real merit, forced them to quit their country. The hornets

banished the bees.

There were scarce any real arts, scarce any real genius, talent now

consisted in reasoning right or wrong upon the merit of the last age.

The dauber of a sign-post criticised with an air of sagacity the works

of the greatest painters; and the blotters of paper disfigured the works

of the greatest writers. Ignorance and bad taste had other daubers in

their pay. The same things were repeated in a hundred volumes under

different titles. Every work was either a dictionary or a pamphlet. A

Druid gazetteer wrote twice a week the obscure annals of an unknown

people possessed with the devil, and of celestial prodigies operated in

garrets by little beggars of both sexes. Other Ex-Druids, dressed in

black, ready to die with rage and hunger, set forth their complaints in

a hundred different writings, that they were no longer allowed to cheat

mankind--this privilege being conferred on some goats clad in grey; and

some Arch-Druids were employed in printing defamatory libels.

Amazan was quite ignorant of all this, and even if he had been

acquainted with it, he would have given himself very little concern

about it, having his head filled with nothing but the princess of

Babylon, the king of Egypt, and the inviolable vow he had made to

despise all female coquetry in whatever country his despair should drive

him.

The gaping ignorant mob, whose curiosity exceeds all the bounds of

nature and reason, for a long time thronged about his unicorns. The more

sensible women forced open the doors of his _hotel_ to contemplate his

person.

[Illustration: Gaiety and frivolity.--"There are within its walls at

least a hundred thousand people, who had no other employment than play

and diversion."]

He at first testified some desire of visiting the court; but some of the

idlers, who constituted good company and casually went thither, informed

him that it was quite out of fashion, that times were greatly changed,

and that all amusements were confined to the city. He was invited that

very night to sup with a lady whose sense and talents had reached

foreign climes, and who had traveled in some countries through which

Amazan had passed. This lady gave him great pleasure, as well as the

society he met at her house. Here reigned a decent liberty, gaiety

without tumult, silence without pedantry, and wit without asperity. He

found that _good company_ was not quite ideal, though the title was

frequently usurped by pretenders. The next day he dined in a society far

less amiable, but much more voluptuous. The more he was satisfied with

the guests, the more they were pleased with him. He found his soul

soften and dissolve, like the aromatics of his country, which gradually

melt in a moderate heat, and exhale in delicious perfumes.

After dinner he was conducted to a place of public entertainment which

was enchanting; but condemned, however, by the Druids, because it

deprived them of their auditors, which, therefore, excited their

jealousy. The representation here consisted of agreeable verses,

delightful songs, dances which expressed the movements of the soul, and

perspectives that charmed the eye in deceiving it. This kind of pastime,

which included so many kinds, was known only under a foreign name. It

was called an _Opera_, which formerly signified, in the language of the

Seven Mountains, work, care, occupation, industry, enterprise, business.

This exhibition enchanted him. A female singer, in particular, charmed

him by her melodious voice, and the graces that accompanied her. This

child of genius, after the performance, was introduced to him by his new

friends. He presented her with a handful of diamonds; for which she was

so grateful, that she could not leave him all the rest of the day. He

supped with her and her companions, and during the delightful repast he

forgot his sobriety, and became heated and oblivious with wine. What an

instance of human frailty!

The beautiful princess of Babylon arrived at this juncture, with her

phœnix, her chambermaid Irla, and her two hundred Gangaridian

cavaliers mounted on their unicorns. It was a long while before the

gates were opened. She immediately asked, if the handsomest, the most

courageous, the most sensible, and the most faithful of men was still in

that city? The magistrates readily concluded that she meant Amazan. She

was conducted to his _hotel_. How great was the palpitation of her

heart!--the powerful operation of the tender passion. Her whole soul was

penetrated with inexpressible joy, to see once more in her lover the

model of constancy. Nothing could prevent her entering his chamber; the

curtains were open; and she saw the beautiful Amazan asleep and

stupefied with drink.

Formosanta expressed her grief with such screams as made the house echo.

She swooned into the arms of Irla. As soon as she had recovered her

senses, she retired from this fatal chamber with grief blended with

rage.

"Oh! just heaven; oh, powerful Oromasdes!" cried the beautiful princess

of Babylon, bathed in tears. "By whom, and for whom am I thus betrayed?

He that could reject for my sake so many princesses, to abandon me for

the company of a strolling Gaul! No! I can never survive this affront."

"This is the disposition of all young people," said Irla to her, "from

one end of the world to the other. Were they enamoured with a beauty

descended from heaven, they would at certain moments forget her

entirely."

"It is done," said the princess, "I will never see him again whilst I

live. Let us depart this instant, and let the unicorns be harnessed."

The phœnix conjured her to stay at least till Amazan awoke, that he

might speak with him.

"He does not deserve it," said the princess. "You would cruelly offend

me. He would think that I had desired you to reproach him, and that I am

willing to be reconciled to him. If you love me, do not add this injury

to the insult he has offered me."

The phœnix, who after all owed his life to the daughter of the king

of Babylon, could not disobey her. She set out with all her attendants.

"Whither are you going?" said Irla to her.

"I do not know," replied the princess; "we will take the first road we

find. Provided I fly from Amazan for ever, I am satisfied."

[Illustration: Ancient barbarous customs.]

ANCIENT BARBAROUS CUSTOMS.

William Howitt, in a note to his translation of _The Religion of

Rome_, (page 19), points out very clearly the evils which have

resulted to man from the sinister teaching of the upholders of

ancient barbarous customs:--

"If anyone would satisfy himself of what Popery is at its centre;

what it does where it has had its fullest sway, let him make a tour

into the mountains in the vicinity of Rome, and see in a country

exceedingly beautiful by nature, what is the condition of an

extremely industrious population. In the rock towns of the Alban,

Sabine, and Volscian hills, you find a swarming throng of men,

women, and children, asses, pigs, and hens, all groveling in

inconceivable filth, squalor, and poverty. Filth in the streets, in

the houses, everywhere; fleas, fever, and small-pox, and the

densest ignorance darkening minds of singular natural cleverness. A

people brilliant in intellect, totally uneducated, and steeped in

the grossest superstition.

"These dens of dirt, disease and, till lately, or brigandage, are

the evidences of a thousand years of priestly government! They, and

the country around them, are chiefly the property of the great

princely and ducal families which sprung out of the papal neposm of

Rome, and have by successive popes, their founders, been loaded

with the wealth of the nation. These families live in Rome, in

their great palaces, amidst every luxury and splendor, surrounded

by the finest works of art, and leave their tenants and dependents

without any attention from them. Some steward or middleman screws

the last soldo from them for rent; and when crops fail, lifts not a

finger to alleviate their misery.

"And the Papal Government, too--a government pretendedly based on

the direct ordination of Him who went about doing good--what has it

done for them? Nothing but debauch their minds with idle ceremonies

and unscriptural dogmas,--legends, priests, monks and beggary! The

whole land is a land of beggars, made so by inculcated notions of a

spurious charity. Every countrywoman, many men, and every child,

boy or girl, are literally beggars--beggars importunate,

unappeasable, irrepressible! What a condition of mind for a

naturally noble and capable people to be reduced to by--a

religion!"

The phœnix, who was wiser than Formosanta, because he was divested of

passion, consoled her upon the road. He gently insinuated to her that it

was shocking to punish one's self for the faults of another; that Amazan

had given her proofs sufficiently striking and numerous of his fidelity,

so that she should forgive him for having forgotten himself for one

moment in social company; that this was the only time in which he had

been wanting of the grace of Oromasdes; that it would render him only

the more constant in love and virtue for the future; that the desire of

expiating his fault would raise him beyond himself; that it would be the

means of increasing her happiness; that many great princesses before her

had forgiven such slips, and had had no reason to be sorry afterward;

and he was so thoroughly possessed of the art of persuasion, that

Formosanta's mind grew more calm and peaceable. She was now sorry she

had set out so soon. She thought her unicorns went too fast, but she did

not dare return. Great was the conflict between her desire of forgiving

and that of showing her rage--between her love and vanity. However, her

unicorns pursued their pace; and she traversed the world, according to

the prediction of her father's oracle.

When Amazan awoke, he was informed of the arrival and departure of

Formosanta and the phœnix. He was also told of the rage and

distraction of the princess, and that she had sworn never to forgive

him.

"Then," said he, "there is nothing left for me to do, but follow her,

and kill myself at her feet."

The report of this adventure drew together his festive companions, who

all remonstrated with him. They said that he had much better stay with

them; that nothing could equal the pleasant life they led in the centre

of arts and refined delicate pleasures; that many strangers, and even

kings, preferred such an agreeable enchanting repose to their country

and their thrones. Moreover, his vehicle was broken, and another was

being made for him according to the newest fashion; that the best tailor

of the whole city had already cut out for him a dozen suits in the

latest style; that the most vivacious, amiable, and fashionable ladies,

at whose houses dramatic performances were represented, had each

appointed a day to give him a regale. The girl from the opera was in the

meanwhile drinking her chocolate, laughing, singing, and ogling the

beautiful Amazan--who by this time clearly perceived she had no more

sense than a goose.

A sincerity, cordiality, and frankness, as well as magnanimity and

courage, constituted the character of this great prince, he related his

travels and misfortunes to his friends. They knew that he was

cousin-german to the princess. They were informed of the fatal kiss she

had given the king of Egypt. "Such little tricks," said they, "are often

forgiven between relatives, otherwise one's whole life would pass in

perpetual uneasiness."

Nothing could shake his design of pursuing Formosanta; but his carriage

not being ready, he was compelled to remain three days longer among the

idlers, who were still feasting and merry-making. He at length took his

leave of them, by embracing them and making them accept some of his

diamonds that were the best mounted, and recommending to them a

constant pursuit of frivolity and pleasure, since

they were thereby made more agreeable and happy.

"The Germans," said he, "are the greyheads of Europe; the people of

Albion are men formed; the inhabitants of Gaul are the children,--and I

love to play with children."

XI.

AMAZAN AND FORMOSANTA BECOME RECONCILED.

The guides had no difficulty in following the route the princess had

taken. There was nothing else talked of but her and her large bird. All

the inhabitants were still in a state of fascination. The banks of the

Loire, of the Dordogue--the Garonne, and the Gironde, still echoed with

acclamation.

When Amazan reached the foot of the Pyrenees, the magistrates and Druids

of the country made him dance, whether he would or not, a _Tambourin_;

but as soon as he cleared the Pyrenees, nothing presented itself that

was either gay or joyous. If he here and there heard a peasant sing,

it was a doleful ditty. The inhabitants stalked with much gravity,

having a few strung beads and a girted poniard. The nation dressed in

black, and appeared to be in mourning.

[Illustration: Dancing a tambourin.--"When Amazan reached the foot of

the Pyrenees, the magistrates and druids of the country made him dance,

whether he would or not, a Tambourin; but as soon as he cleared the

Pyrenees, nothing presented itself that was either gay or joyous."]

If Amazan's servants asked passengers any questions, they were answered

by signs; if they went into an inn, the host acquainted his guests in

three words, that there was nothing in the house, but that the things

they so pressingly wanted might be found a few miles off.

When these votaries to taciturnity were asked if they had seen the

beautiful princess of Babylon pass, they answered with less brevity than

usual: "We have seen her--she is not so handsome--there are no beauties

that are not tawny--she displays a bosom of alabaster, which is the most

disgusting thing in the world, and which is scarce known in our

climate."

Amazan advanced toward the province watered by the Betis. The Tyrians

discovered this country about twelve thousand years ago, about the time

they discovered the great Atlantic Isle, inundated so many centuries

after. The Tyrians cultivated Betica, which the natives of the country

had never done, being of opinion that it was not their place to meddle

with anything, and that their neighbors, the Gauls, should come and reap

their harvests. The Tyrians had brought with them some Palestines, or

Jews, who, from that time, have wandered through every clime where money

was to be gained. The Palestines, by extraordinary usury, at fifty per

cent., had possessed themselves of almost all the riches of the country.

This made the people of Betica imagine the Palestines were sorcerers;

and all those who were accused of witchcraft were burnt, without mercy,

by a company of Druids, who were called the Inquisitors, or the

_Anthropokaies_. These priests immediately put their victims in a

masquerade habit, seized upon their effects, and devoutly repeated the

Palestines' own prayers, whilst burning them by a slow fire, _por l'amor

de Dios_.

The princess of Babylon alighted in that city which has since been

called Sevilla. Her design was to embark upon the Betis to return by

Tyre to Babylon, and see again king Belus, her father; and forget, if

possible, her perdious lover--or, at least, to ask him in marriage. She

sent for two Palestines, who transacted all the business of the court.

They were to furnish her with three ships. The phœnix made all the

necessary contracts with them, and settled the price after some little

dispute.

The hostess was a great devotee, and her husband, who was no less

religious, was a Familiar: that is to say, a spy of the Druid

Inquisitors or _Anthropokaies_.

He failed not to inform them, that in his house was a sorceress and two

Palestines, who were entering into a compact with the devil, disguised

like a large gilt bird.

The Inquisitors having learned that the lady possessed a large quantity

of diamonds, swore point blank that she was a sorceress. They waited

till night to imprison the two hundred cavaliers and the unicorns,

(which slept in very extensive stables), for the Inquisitors are

cowards.

Having strongly barricaded the gates, they seized the princess and Irla;

but they could not catch the phœnix, who flew away with great

swiftness. He did not doubt of meeting with Amazan upon the road from

Gaul to Sevilla.

He met him upon the frontiers of Betica, and acquainted him with the

disaster that had befallen the princess.

Amazan was struck speechless with rage. He armed himself with a steel

cuirass damasquined with gold, a lance twelve feet long, two javelins,

and an edged sword called the Thunderer, which at one single stroke

would rend trees, rocks, and Druids. He covered his beautiful head with

a golden casque, shaded with heron and ostrich feathers. This was the

ancient armor of Magog, which his sister Aldea gave him when upon his

journey in Scythia. The few attendants he had with him all mounted their

unicorns.

Amazan, in embracing his dear phœnix, uttered only these melancholy

expressions: "I am guilty! Had I not dined with the child of genius from

the opera, in the city of the idlers, the princess of Babylon would not

have been in this alarming situation. Let us fly to the

_Anthropokaies_." He presently entered Sevilla. Fifteen hundred

Alguazils guarded the gates of the inclosure in which the two hundred

Gangarids and their unicorns were shut up, without being allowed

anything to eat. Preparations were already made for sacrificing the

princess of Babylon, her chambermaid Irla, and the two rich Palestines.

The high _Anthropokaie_, surrounded by his subaltern _Anthropokaies_,

was already seated upon his sacred tribunal. A crowd of Sevillians,

wearing strung beads at their girdles, joined their two hands, without

uttering a syllable, when the beautiful Princess, the maid Irla, and the

two Palestines were brought forth, with their hands tied behind their

backs and dressed in masquerade habits.

The phœnix entered the prison by a dormer window, whilst the

Gangarids began to break open the doors. The invincible Amazan shattered

them without. They all sallied forth armed, upon their unicorns, and

Amazan put himself at their head. He had no difficulty in overthrowing

the Alguazils, the Familiars, or the priests called _Anthropokaies_.

Each unicorn pierced dozens at a time. The thundering Amazan cut to

pieces all he met. The people in black cloaks and dirty frize ran away,

always keeping fast hold of their blest beads, _por l'amor de Dios_.

Amazan collared the high Inquisitor upon his tribunal, and threw him

upon the pile, which was prepared about forty paces distant; and he also

cast upon it the other Inquisitors, one after the other. He then

prostrated himself at Formosanta's feet. "Ah! how amiable you are," said

she; "and how I should adore you, if you had not forsaken me for the

company of an opera singer."

Whilst Amazan was making his peace with the princess, whilst his

Gangarids cast upon the pile the bodies of all the _Anthropokaies_, and

the flames ascended to the clouds, Amazan saw an army that approached

him at a distance. An aged monarch, with a crown upon his head, advanced

upon a car drawn by eight mules harnessed with ropes. An hundred other

cars followed. They were accompanied by grave looking men in black

cloaks or frize, mounted upon very fine horses. A multitude of people,

with greasy hair, followed silently on foot.

Amazan immediately drew up his Gangarids about him, and advanced with

his lance couched. As soon as the king perceived him, he took off his

crown, alighted from his car, and embraced Amazan's stirrup, saying to

him: "Man sent by the gods, you are the avenger of human kind, the

deliverer of my country. These sacred monsters, of which you have

purged the earth, were my masters, in the name of the Old Man of the

Seven Mountains. I was forced to submit to their criminal power. My

people would have deserted me, if I had only been inclined to moderate

their abominable crimes. From this moment I breathe, I reign, and am

indebted to you for it."

He afterward respectfully kissed Formosanta's hand, and entreated her to

get into his coach (drawn by eight mules) with Amazan, Irla, and the

phœnix.

The two Palestine bankers, who still remained prostrate on the ground

through fear and terror, now raised their heads. The troop of unicorns

followed the king of Betica into his palace.

As the dignity of a king who reigned over a people of characteristic

brevity, required that his mules should go at a very slow pace, Amazan

and Formosanta had time to relate to him their adventures. He also

conversed with the phœnix, admiring and frequently embracing him. He

easily comprehended how brutal and barbarous the people of the west

should be considered, who ate animals, and did not understand their

language; that the Gangarids alone had preserved the nature and dignity

of primitive man; but he particularly agreed, that the most barbarous of

mortals were the _Anthropokaies_, of whom Amazan had just purged the

earth. He incessantly blessed and thanked him. The beautiful Formosanta

had already forgotten the affair in Gaul, and had her soul filled with

nothing but the valor of the hero who had preserved her life. Amazan

being made acquainted with the innocence of the embrace she had given to

the king of Egypt, and being told of the resurrection of the phœnix,

tasted the purest joy, and was intoxicated with the most violent love.

They dined at the palace, but had a very indifferent repast. The cooks

of Betica were the worst in Europe. Amazan advised the king to send for

some from Gaul. The king's musicians performed, during the repast, that

celebrated air which has since been called _the Follies of Spain_. After

dinner, matters of business came upon the carpet.

The king enquired of the handsome Amazan, the beautiful Formosanta, and

the charming phœnix, what they proposed doing. "For my part," said

Amazan, "my intention is to return to Babylon, of which I am the

presumptive heir, and to ask of my uncle Belus the hand of my

cousin-german, the incomparable Formosanta."

"My design certainly is," said the princess, "never to separate from my

cousin-germain. But I imagine he will agree with me, that I should

return first to my father, because he only gave me leave to go upon a

pilgrimage to Bassora, and I have wandered all over the world."

"For my part," said the phœnix, "I will follow every where these two

tender, generous lovers."

"You are in the right," said the king of Betica; "but your return to

Babylon is not so easy as you imagine. I receive daily intelligence from

that country by Tyrian ships, and my Palestine bankers, who correspond

with all the nations of the earth. The people are all in arms toward the

Euphrates and the Nile. The king of Scythia claims the inheritance of

his wife, at the head of three hundred thousand warriors on horseback.

The kings of Egypt and India are also laying waste the banks of the

Tygris and the Euphrates, each at the head of three hundred thousand

men, to revenge themselves for being laughed at. The king of Ethiopia is

ravaging Egypt with three hundred thousand men, whilst the king of Egypt

is absent from his country. And the king of Babylon has as yet only six

hundred thousand men to defend himself.

"I acknowledge to you," continued the king, "when I hear of those

prodigious armies which are disembogued from the east, and their

astonishing magnificence--when I compare them to my trifling bodies of

twenty or thirty thousand soldiers, which it is so difficult to clothe

and feed; I am inclined to think the eastern subsisted long before the

western hemisphere. It seems as if we sprung only yesterday from chaos

and barbarity."

"Sire," said Amazan, "the last comers frequently outstrip those who

first began the career. It is thought in my country that man was first

created in India; but this I am not certain of."

"And," said the king of Betica to the phœnix, "what do you think?"

"Sire," replied the phœnix, "I am as yet too young to have any

knowledge concerning antiquity. I have lived only about twenty-seven

thousand years; but my father, who had lived five times that age, told

me he had learned from his father, that the eastern country had always

been more populous and rich than the others. It had been transmitted to

him from his ancestors, that the generation of all animals had begun

upon the banks of the Ganges. For my part, said he, I have not the

vanity to be of this opinion. I cannot believe that the foxes of Albion,

the marmots of the Alps, and the wolves of Gaul, are descended from my

country. In the like manner, I do not believe that the firs and oaks of

your country descended from the palm and cocoa trees of India."

"But from whence are we descended, then?" said the king.

"I do not know," said the phœnix; "all I want to know is, whither the

beautiful princess of Babylon and my dear Amazan may repair."

"I very much question," said the king, "whether with his two hundred

unicorns he will be able to destroy so many armies of three hundred

thousand men each."

"Why not?" said Amazan. The king of Betica felt the force of this

sublime question, "Why not?" but he imagined sublimity alone was not

sufficient against innumerable armies.

"I advise you," said he, "to seek the king of Ethiopia. I am related to

that black prince through my Palestines. I will give you recommendatory

letters to him. As he is at enmity with the king of Egypt, he will be

but too happy to be strengthened by your alliance. I can assist you with

two thousand sober, brave men; and it will depend upon yourself to

engage as many more of the people who reside, or rather skip, about the

foot of the Pyrenees, and who are called Vasques or Vascons. Send one of

your warriors upon an unicorn, with a few diamonds. There is not a

Vascon that will not quit the castle, that is, the thatched cottage of

his father, to serve you. They are indefatigable, courageous, and

agreeable; and whilst you wait their arrival, we will give you

festivals, and prepare your ships. I cannot too much acknowledge the

service you have done me."

Amazan realized the happiness of having recovered Formosanta, and

enjoyed in tranquillity her conversation, and all the charms of

reconciled love,--which are almost equal to a growing passion.

A troop of proud, joyous Vascons soon arrived, dancing a _tambourin_.

The haughty and grave Betican troops were now ready. The old sun-burnt

king tenderly embraced the two lovers. He sent great quantities of arms,

beds, chests, boards, black clothes, onions, sheep, fowls, flour, and

particularly garlic, on board the ships, and wished them a happy voyage,

invariable love, and many victories.

Proud Carthage was not then a sea-port. There were at that time only a

few Numidians there, who dried fish in the sun. They coasted along

Bizacenes, the Syrthes, the fertile banks where since arose Cyrene and

the great Chersonese.

They at length arrived toward the first mouth of the sacred Nile. It was

at the extremity of this fertile land that the ships of all commercial

nations were already received in the port of Canope, without knowing

whether the god Canope had founded this port, or whether the inhabitants

had manufactured the god--whether the star Canope had given its name to

the city, or whether the city had bestowed it upon the star. All that

was known of this matter was, that the city and the star were both very

ancient; and this is all that can be known of the origin of things, of

what nature soever they may be.

It was here that the king of Ethiopia, having ravaged all Egypt, saw the

invincible Amazan and the adorable Formosanta come on shore. He took one

for the god of war, and the other for the goddess of beauty. Amazan

presented to him the letter of recommendation from the king of Spain.

The king of Ethiopia immediately entertained them with some admirable

festivals, according to the indispensable custom of heroic times. They

then conferred about their expedition to exterminate the three hundred

thousand men of the king of Egypt, the three hundred thousand of the

emperor of the Indies, and the three hundred thousand of the great Khan

of the Scythians, who laid siege to the immense, proud, voluptuous city

of Babylon.

The two hundred Spaniards, whom Amazan had brought with him, said that

they had nothing to do with the king of Ethiopia's succoring Babylon;

that it was sufficient their king had ordered them to go and deliver it;

and that they were formidable enough for this expedition.

The Vascons said they had performed many other exploits; that they

would alone defeat the Egyptians, the Indians, and the Scythians; and

that they would not march unless the Spaniards were placed in the

rear-guard.

The two hundred Gangarids could not refrain from laughing at the

pretensions of their allies, and they maintained that with only one

hundred unicorns, they could put to flight all the kings of the earth.

The beautiful Formosanta appeased them by her prudence, and by her

enchanting discourse. Amazan introduced to the black monarch his

Gangarids, his unicorns, his Spaniards, his Vascons, and his beautiful

bird.

Every thing was soon ready to march by Memphis, Heliopolis, Arsinoe,

Petra, Artemitis, Sora, and Apamens, to attack the three kings, and to

prosecute this memorable war, before which all the wars ever waged by

man sink into insignificance.

Fame with her hundred tongues has proclaimed the victories Amazan gained

over the three kings, with his Spaniards, his Vascons, and his unicorns.

He restored the beautiful Formosanta to her father. He set at liberty

all his mistress's train, whom the king of Egypt had reduced to slavery.

The great Khan of the Scythians declared himself his vassal; and his

marriage was confirmed with princess Aldea. The invincible and generous

Amazan, was acknowledged the heir to the kingdom of Babylon, and entered

the city in triumph with the phœnix, in the presence of a hundred

tributary kings. The festival of his marriage far surpassed that which

king Belus had given. The bull Apis was served up roasted at table. The

kings of Egypt and India were cup-bearers to the married pair; and these

nuptials were celebrated by five hundred illustrious poets of Babylon.

Oh, Muses! daughters of heaven, who are constantly invoked at the

beginning of a work, I only implore you at the end. It is needless to

reproach me with saying grace, without having said _benedicite_. But,

Muses! you will not be less my patronesses. Inspire, I pray you, the

_Ecclesiastical Gazetteer_, the illustrious orator of the

_Convulsionnaires_, to say every thing possible against _The Princess of

Babylon_, in order that the work may be condemned by the Sorbonne, and,

therefore, be universally read. And prevent, I beseech you, O chaste and

noble Muses, any supplemental scribblers spoiling, by their fables, the

truths I have taught mortals in this faithful narrative.

[Illustration: Clio, the Muse of History. From a painting by Antonio

Canova.--"Prevent, I beseech you, O chaste and noble Muses, any

supplemental scribblers spoiling, by their fables, the truths I have

taught mortals in this faithful narrative."]

[Illustration: The Tax Collector.]

THE MAN OF FORTY CROWNS.

I.

NATIONAL POVERTY.

An old man, who is forever _pitying the present times, and extolling the

past_, was saying to me: "Friend, France is not so rich as it was under

Henry the IVth."

"And why?"

"Because the lands are not so well cultivated; because hands are wanting

for the cultivation; and because the day-laborer having raised the price

of his work, many land owners let their inheritances he fallow."

"Whence comes this scarcity of hands?"

"From this, that whoever finds in himself anything of a spirit of

industry, takes up the trades of embroiderer, chaser, watchmaker, silk

weaver, attorney, or divine. It is also because the revocation of the

Edict of Nantes has left a great void in the kingdom; because nuns and

beggars of all kinds have greatly multiplied; because the people in

general avoid as much as possible the hard labor of cultivation, for

which we are born by God's destination, and which we have rendered

ignominious by our own opinions; so very wise are we!

"Another cause of our poverty lies in our new wants. We pay our

neighbors four millions of livres on one article, and five or six upon

another, such, for example, as a stinking powder for stuffing up our

noses brought from America. Our coffee, tea, chocolate, cochineal,

indigo, spices, cost us above sixty millions a year. All these were

unknown to us in the reign of Henry the IVth, except the spices, of

which, however, the consumption was not so great as it is now. We burn a

hundred times more wax-lights than were burnt then; and get more than

the half of the wax from foreign countries, because we neglect our own

hives. We see a hundred times more diamonds in the ears, round the

necks, and on the hands of our city ladies of Paris, and other great

towns, than were worn by all the ladies of Henry the IVth's court, the

Queen included. Almost all the superfluities are necessarily paid for

with ready specie.

"Observe especially that we pay to foreigners above fifteen millions of

annuities on the _Hôtel-de-Ville_; and that Henry the IVth, on his

accession, having found two millions of debt in all on this imaginary

_Hôtel_, very wisely paid off a part, to ease the state of this burden.

"Consider that our civil wars were the occasion of the treasures of

Mexico being poured into the kingdom, when Don Philip _el Discreto_ took

it into his head to buy France, and that since that time, our foreign

wars have eased us of a good half of our money.

"These are partly the causes of our poverty; a poverty which we hide

under varnished ceilings, or with the help of our dealers in fashion. We

are poor with taste. There are some officers of revenue, there are

contractors or jobbers, there are merchants, very rich; their children,

their sons-in-law, are also very rich, but the nation in general is

unfortunately not so."

This old man's discourse, well or ill grounded, made a deep impression

on me; for the curate of my parish, who had always had a friendship for

me, had taught me a little of geometry and of history: and I begin to

reflect a little, which is very rare in my province. I do not know

whether he was right or not in every thing, but being very poor, I could

very easily believe that I had a great many companions of my misery.

II.

DISASTER OF THE MAN OF FORTY CROWNS.

I very readily make known to the _universe_ that I have a landed estate

which would yield me forty crowns a year, were it not for the tax laid

on it.

There came forth several edicts from certain persons, who, having

nothing better to do, govern the state at their fire-side, the preamble

of these edicts was, "that the legislative and executive was born, _jure

divino_, the co-proprietor of my land;" and that I owe it at least the

half of what I possess. The enormity of this legislative and executive

power made me bless myself. What would it be if that power which

presides over "the essential order of society," were to take the whole

of my little estate? The one is still more divine than the other.

The comptroller general knows that I used to pay, in all, but twelve

livres; that even this was a heavy burden on me, and that I should have

sunk under it, if God had not given me the talent of making wicker

baskets, which helped to carry me through my trials. But how should I,

on a sudden, be able to give the king twenty crowns?

The new ministers also said in their preamble, that it was not fit to

tax anything but the land, because every thing arises from the land,

even rain itself, and consequently that nothing was properly liable to

taxation, but the fruits of the land.

During the last war, one of their collectors came to my house, and

demanded of me, for my quota, three measures of corn, and a sack of

beans, the whole worth twenty crowns, to maintain the war--of which I

never knew the reason, having only heard it said, that there was nothing

to be got by it for our country, and a great deal to lose. As I had not

at that time either corn, or beans, or money, the legislative and

executive power had me dragged to prison; and the war went on as well as

it could.

On my release from the dungeon, being nothing but skin and bone, whom

should I meet but a jolly fresh colored man in a coach and six? He had

six footmen, to each of whom he gave for his wages more than the double

of my revenue. His head-steward, who, by the way, looked in as good

plight as himself, had of him a salary of two thousand livres, and

robbed him every year of twenty thousand more. His mistress had in six

months stood him in forty thousand crowns. I had formerly known him when

he was less well to pass than myself. He owned, by way of comfort to me,

that he enjoyed four hundred thousand livres a year.

"I suppose, then," said I, "that you pay out of this income two hundred

thousand to the state, to help to support that advantageous war we are

carrying on; since I, who have but just a hundred and twenty livres a

year, am obliged to pay half of them."

"I," said he, "I contribute to the wants of the state? You are surely

jesting, my friend. I have inherited from an uncle his fortune of eight

millions, which he got at Cadiz and at Surat; I have not a foot of land;

my estate lies in government contracts, and in the funds. I owe the

state nothing. It is for you to give half of your substance,--you who

are a proprietor of land. Do you not see, that if the minister of the

revenue were to require anything of me in aid of our country, he would

be a blockhead, that could not calculate? for every thing is the produce

of the land. Money and the paper currency are nothing but pledges of

exchange. If, after having laid the sole tax, the tax that is to supply

the place of all others, on those commodities, the government were to

ask money of me; do you not see, that this would be a double load? that

it would be asking the same thing twice over? My uncle sold at Cadiz to

the amount of two millions of your corn, and of two millions of stuffs

made of your wool; upon these two articles he gained cent. per cent. You

must easily think that this profit came out of lands already taxed. What

my uncle bought for tenpence of you, he sold again for above fifty

livres at Mexico; and thus he made a shift to return to his own country

with eight millions clear.

"You must be sensible, then, that it would be a horrid injustice to

re-demand of him a few farthings on the tenpence he paid you. If twenty

nephews like me, whose uncles had gained each eight millions at Buenos

Ayres, at Lima, at Surat, or at Pondicherry, were, in the urgent

necessities of the state, each to lend to it only two hundred thousand

livres, that would produce four millions. But what horror would that

be! Pay then thou, my friend, who enjoyest quietly the neat and clear

revenue of forty crowns; serve thy country well, and come now and then

to dine with my servants in livery."

This plausible discourse made me reflect a good deal, but I cannot say

it much comforted me.

III.

CONVERSATION WITH A GEOMETRICIAN.

It sometimes happens that a man has no answer to make, and yet is not

persuaded. He is overthrown without the feeling of being convinced. He

feels at the bottom of his heart a scruple, a repugnance, which hinders

him from believing what has been proved to him. A geometrician

demonstrates to you, that between a circle and a tangent, you may thread

a number of curves, and yet cannot get one straight line to pass. Your

eyes, your reason, tell you the contrary. The geometrician gravely

answers you, that it is an infinitesimal of the second order. You stare

in stupid silence, and quit the field all astonished, without having any

clear idea, without comprehending anything, and without having any reply

to make.

Consult but a geometrician of more candor, and he explains the mystery

to you.

"We suppose," says he, "what cannot be in nature, lines which have

length without breadth. Naturally and philosophically speaking, it is

impossible for one real line to penetrate another. No curve, nor no

right line can pass between two real lines that touch one another. These

theorems that puzzle you are but sports of the imagination, ideal

chimeras. Whereas true geometry is the art of measuring things actually

existent."

I was perfectly well satisfied with the confession of the sensible

mathematician, and, with all my misfortune, could not help laughing on

learning that there was a quackery even in that science, which is called

the sublime science. My geometrician was a kind of philosophical

patriot, who had deigned to chat with me sometimes in my cottage. I said

to him:

"Sir, you have tried to enlighten the cockneys of Paris, on a point of

the greatest concern to mankind, that of the duration of human life. It

is to you alone that the ministry owes its knowledge of the due rate of

annuities for lives, according to different ages. You have proposed to

furnish the houses in town with what water they may want, and to deliver

us at length from the shame and ridicule of hearing water cried about

the streets, and of seeing women inclosed within an oblong hoop,

carrying two pails of water, both together of about thirty pounds

weight, up to a fourth story. Be so good, in the name of friendship, to

tell me, how many two-handed bipeds there may be in France?"

THE GEOMETRICIAN.--It is assumed, that there may be about twenty

millions, and I am willing to adopt this calculation as the most

probable, till it can be verified, which it would be very easy to do,

and which, however, has not hitherto been done, because _one does not

always think of every thing_.

THE MAN OF FORTY CROWNS.--How many acres, think you, the whole territory

of France contains?

THE GEOMETRICIAN.--One hundred and thirty millions, of which almost the

half is in roads, in towns, villages, moors, heaths, marshes, sands,

barren lands, useless convents, gardens of more pleasure than profit,

uncultivated grounds, and bad grounds ill cultivated. We might reduce

all the land which yields good returns to seventy-five millions of

square acres; but let us state them at fourscore millions. One cannot do

too much for one's country.

THE MAN OF FORTY CROWNS.--How much may you think each acre brings in

yearly, one year with another, in corn, seeds of all kinds, wine,

fish-ponds, wood, metals, cattle, fruit, wool, silk, oil, milk, clear of

all charges, without reckoning the tax?

THE GEOMETRICIAN.--Why, if they produce each twenty-five livres, (about

twenty English shillings), it is a great deal; but not to discourage our

countrymen, let us put them at thirty livres. There are acres which

produce constantly regenerating value, and which are estimated at three

hundred livres: there are others which only produce three livres. The

mean proportion between three and three hundred is thirty; for you must

allow that three is to thirty as thirty is to three hundred. If, indeed,

there were comparatively many acres at thirty livres, and very few at

three hundred, our account would not hold good; but, once more, I would

not be over punctilious.

THE MAN OF FORTY CROWNS.--Well, sir; how much will these fourscore

millions of acres yield of revenue, estimated in money?

THE GEOMETRICIAN.--The account is ready made; they will produce two

thousand four hundred millions of livres of the present currency.

THE MAN OF FORTY CROWNS.--I have read that Solomon possessed, of his own

property, twenty-five thousand millions of livres, in ready money; and

certainly there are not two thousand four hundred millions of specie

circulating in France, which, I am told, is much greater and much richer

than Solomon's country.

THE GEOMETRICIAN.--There lies the mystery. There may be about nine

hundred millions circulating throughout the kingdom; and this money,

passing from hand to hand, is sufficient to pay for all the produce of

the land, and of industry. The same crown may pass ten times from the

pocket of the cultivator, into that of the ale-housekeeper, and of the

tax-gatherer.

THE MAN OF FORTY CROWNS.--I apprehend you. But you told me that we are,

in all, about twenty millions of inhabitants, men, women, old and young.

How much, pray, do you allow for each?

THE GEOMETRICIAN.--One hundred and twenty livres, or forty crowns.

THE MAN OF FORTY CROWNS.--You have just guessed my revenue. I have four

acres, which, reckoning the fallow years with those of produce, bring me

in one hundred and twenty livres; which is little enough, God knows.

But if every individual were to have his contingent, would that be no

more than five louis d'ors a year?

THE GEOMETRICIAN.--Certainly not, according to our calculation, which I

have a little amplified. Such is the state of human nature. Our life and

our fortune have narrow limits. In Paris, they do not, one with another,

live above twenty-two or twenty-three years, and, one with another,

have not, at the most, above a hundred and twenty livres a year to

spend. So that your food, your raiment, your lodging, your movables, are

all represented by the sum of one hundred and twenty livres.

THE MAN OF FORTY CROWNS.--Alas! What have I done to you, that you thus

abridge me of my fortune and life? Can it then be true, that I have but

three and twenty years to live, unless I rob my fellow-creatures of

their share?

THE GEOMETRICIAN.--This is incontestable in the good city of Paris. But

from these twenty-three years you must deduct ten, at the least, for

your childhood, as childhood is not an enjoyment of life; it is a

preparation; it is the porch of the edifice; it is the tree that has not

yet given fruits; it is the dawn of a day. Then again, from the thirteen

years which remain to you, deduct the time of sleep, and that of

tiresomeness of life, and that will be at least a moiety. You will then

have six years and a half left to pass in vexation, in pain, in some

pleasures, and in hopes.

THE MAN OF FORTY CROWNS.--Merciful heaven! At this rate, your account

does not allow us above three years of tolerable existence.

THE GEOMETRICIAN.---That is no fault of mine. Nature cares very little

for individuals. There are insects which do not live above one day, but

of which the species is perpetual. Nature resembles those great princes,

who reckon as nothing the loss of four hundred thousand men, so they but

accomplish their august designs.

THE MAN OF FORTY CROWNS.--Forty Crowns and three years of life! What

resource can you imagine against two such curses?

THE GEOMETRICIAN.--As to life, it would be requisite to render the air

of Paris more pure--that men should eat less and take more

exercise--that mothers should suckle their own children--that people

should be no longer so ill-advised as to dread inoculation. This is what

I have already said; and as to fortune, why, even marry and rear a

family.

THE MAN OF FORTY CROWNS.--How! Can the way to live more at ease be to

associate to my own bad circumstances those of others?

THE GEOMETRICIAN.--Five or six bad circumstances put together form a

tolerable establishment. Get a good wife, and we will say only two sons

and two daughters; this will make seven hundred and twenty livres for

your little family, that is to say, if distributive justice were to take

place, and that each individual had an hundred and twenty livres a year.

Your children, in their infancy, stand you in almost nothing; when grown

up they will ease and help you. Their mutual aid will save you a good

part of your expenses, and you may live very happy, like a philosopher.

Always provided, however, that those worthy gentlemen who govern the

state have not the barbarity to extort from each of you twenty crowns a

year. But the misfortune is, we are no longer in the golden age, where

the men, born all equals, had an equal part in the nutritive productions

of uncultivated land. The case is now far from being so good a one, as

that every two-handed biped possesses land to the value of an hundred

and twenty livres a year.

THE MAN OF FORTY CROWNS.--'Sdeath! You ruin us. You said but just now,

that in a country of fourscore millions of inhabitants, each of them

ought to enjoy an hundred and twenty livres a year, and now you take

them away from us again!

THE GEOMETRICIAN.--I was computing according to the registers of the

golden age, but we must reckon according to that of iron. There are many

inhabitants who have but the value of ten crowns a year, others no more

than four or five, and above six millions of men who have absolutely

nothing.

THE MAN OF FORTY CROWNS.--Nothing? Why they would perish of hunger in

three days' time.

THE GEOMETRICIAN.--Not in the least. The others, who possess their

portions, set them to work, and share with them. It is from this

arrangement that the pay comes for the divine, the confectioner, the

apothecary, the preacher, the actor, the attorney, and the

hackney-coachman. You thought yourself very ill off, to have no more

than a hundred and twenty livres a year, reduced to a hundred and eight

by your tax of twelve livres. But consider the soldiers who devote their

blood to their country at the rate of fourpence a day. They have not

above sixty-three livres a year for their livelihood, and yet they make

a comfortable shift, by a number of them joining their little stock and

living in common.

THE MAN OF FORTY CROWNS.--So then an ex-Jesuit has more than five times

the pay of a soldier. And yet the soldiers have done more service to the

state under the eyes of the king at Fontenoy, at Laufelt, at the siege

of Fribourg, than the reverend Father Le Valette ever did in his life.

THE GEOMETRICIAN.--Nothing can be truer: nay, every one of these

turned-adrift Jesuits, having now become free, has more to spend than

what he cost his convent. There are even some among them who have gained

a good deal of money by scribbling pamphlets against the parliaments, as

for example, the reverend father Patouillet, and the reverend father

Monote. In short, in this world every one sets his wits to work for a

livelihood. One is at the head of a manufactory of stuffs; another of

porcelain; another undertakes the opera; another the _Ecclesiastical

Gazette_; another a tragedy in familiar life, or a novel or romance in

the English style; this maintains the stationer, the ink-maker, the

bookseller, the hawker, who might else be reduced to beggary. There is

nothing, then, but the restitution of the hundred and twenty livres to

those who have nothing, that makes the state flourish.

THE MAN OF FORTY CROWNS.--A pretty way of flourishing, truly!

THE GEOMETRICIAN.--And yet there is no other. In every country it is the

rich that enable the poor to live. This is the sole source of the

industry of commerce. The more industrious a nation itself is, the more

it gains from foreign countries. Could we, on our foreign trade, get ten

millions a year by the balance in our favor, there would, in twenty

years, be two hundred millions more in the nation. This would afford ten

livres a head more, on the supposition of an equitable distribution;

that is to say, that the dealers would make each poor person earn ten

livres the more, once paid, in the hopes of making still more

considerable gains. But commerce, like the fertility of the earth, has

its bounds, otherwise its progression would be _ad infinitum_. Nor,

besides, is it clear, that the balance of our trade is constantly

favorable to us; there are times in which we lose.

THE MAN OF FORTY CROWNS.--I have heard much talk of population. If our

inhabitants were doubled, so that we numbered forty millions of people

instead of twenty, what would be the consequence?

THE GEOMETRICIAN.--It would be this: that, one with another, each would

have, instead of forty, but twenty crowns to live upon; or that the land

should produce double the crops it now does; or that there should be

double the national industry, or of gain from foreign countries; or that

half of the people should be sent to America; or that one half of the

nation should eat the other.

THE MAN OF FORTY CROWNS.--Let us then remain satisfied with our twenty

millions of inhabitants, and with our hundred and twenty livres a head,

distributed as it shall please the Lord. Yet this situation is a sad

one, and your iron age is hard indeed.

THE GEOMETRICIAN.--There is no nation that is better off; and there are

many that are worse. Do you believe that there is in the North

wherewithal to afford to each inhabitant the value of an hundred and

twenty of our livres a year? If they had had the equivalent of this, the

Huns, the Vandals, and the Franks would not have deserted their country,

in quest of establishments elsewhere, which they conquered, fire and

sword in hand.

THE MAN OF FORTY CROWNS.--If I were to listen to you, you would persuade

me presently that I am happy with my hundred and twenty livres.

THE GEOMETRICIAN.--If you would but think yourself happy, you would then

be so.

THE MAN OF FORTY CROWNS.--A man cannot imagine what actually is not,

unless he be mad.

THE GEOMETRICIAN.--I have already told you, that in order to be more at

your ease, and more happy than you are, you should take a wife; to which

I tack, however, this clause, that she has, as well as you, one hundred

and twenty livres a year; that is to say, four acres at ten crowns an

acre. The ancient Romans had each but one. If your children are

industrious, they can each earn as much by their working for others.

THE MAN OF FORTY CROWNS.--So that they may get money, without others

losing it.

THE GEOMETRICIAN.--Such is the law of all nations: there is no living

but on these terms.

THE MAN OF FORTY CROWNS.--And must my wife and I give each of us the

half of our produce to the legislative and executive power, and the new

ministers of state rob us of the price of our hard labor, and of the

substance of our poor children, before they are able to get their

livelihood? Pray, tell me, how much money will these new ministers of

ours bring into the king's coffers, by this _jure divino_ system?

THE GEOMETRICIAN.--You pay twenty crowns on four acres, which bring you

in forty. A rich man, who possesses four hundred acres will, by the new

tariff, pay two thousand crowns; and the whole fourscore millions of

acres will yield to the king, twelve hundred millions of livres a year,

or four hundred millions of crowns.

THE MAN OF FORTY CROWNS.--That appears to me impracticable and

impossible.

THE GEOMETRICIAN.--And very much you are in the right to think so: and

this impossibility is a geometrical demonstration that there is a

fundamental defect in the calculation of our new ministers.

THE MAN OF FORTY CROWNS.--Is not there also demonstrably a prodigious

injustice in taking from me the half of my corn, of my hemp, of the wool

of my sheep, etc., and, at the same time, to require no aid from those

who shall have gained ten, twenty, or thirty thousand livres a year, by

my hemp, of which they will have made linen,--by my wool, of which they

will have made cloth,--by my corn, which they will have sold at so much

more than it cost them?

THE GEOMETRICIAN.--The injustice of this administration is as evident as

its calculation is erroneous. It is right to favor industry; but opulent

industry ought to contribute to support the state. This industry will

have certainly taken from you a part of your one hundred and twenty

livres, and appropriated that part to itself, in selling you your shirts

and your coat twenty times dearer than they would have cost you, if you

had made them yourself. The manufacturer who shall have enriched

himself, at your expense, will, I allow, have also paid wages to his

workmen, who had nothing of themselves, but he will, every year, have

sunk, and put by a sum that will, at length, have produced to him thirty

thousand livres a year. This fortune then he will have acquired at your

expense. Nor can you ever sell him the produce of your land dear enough

to reimburse you for what he will have got by you; for were you to

attempt such an advance of your price, he would procure what he wanted

cheaper from other countries. A proof of which is, that he remains

constantly possessor of his thirty thousand livres a year, and you of

your one hundred and twenty livres, that often diminish, instead of

increasing.

It is then necessary and equitable, that the refined industry of the

trader should pay more than the gross industry of the farmer. The same

is to be said of the collectors of the revenue. Your tax had previously

been but twelve livres, before our great ministers were pleased to take

from you twenty crowns. On these twelve livres, the collector retained

tenpence, or ten _sols_ for himself. If in your province there were five

hundred thousand souls, he will have gained two hundred and fifty

thousand livres a year. Suppose he spends fifty thousand, it is clear,

that at the end of ten years he will be two millions in pocket. It is

then but just that he should contribute his proportion, otherwise, every

thing would be perverted, and go to ruin.

THE MAN OF FORTY CROWNS.--I am very glad you have taxed the officer of

the revenue. It is some relief to my imagination. But since he has so

well increased his superfluity, what shall I do to augment my small

modicum?

THE GEOMETRICIAN.--I have already told you, by marrying, by laboring, by

trying to procure from your land some sheaves of corn in addition to

what it previously produced.

THE MAN OF FORTY CROWNS.--Well! granted then that I shall have been duly

industrious; that all my countrymen will have been so too; and that the

legislative and executive power shall have received a good round tax;

how much will the nation have gained at the end of the year?

THE GEOMETRICIAN.--Nothing at all; unless it shall have carried on a

profitable foreign trade. But life will have been more agreeable in it.

Every one will, respectively, in proportion, have had more clothes, more

linen, more movables than he had before. There will have been in the

nation a more abundant circulation. The wages would have been, in

process of time, augmented, nearly in proportion to the number of the

sheaves of corn, of the tods of wool, of the ox-hides, of the sheep and

goats, that will have been added, of the clusters of grapes that will

have been squeezed in the wine-press. More of the value of commodities

will have been paid to the king in money, and the king will have

returned more value to those he will have employed under his orders; but

there will not be half a crown the more in the kingdom.

THE MAN OF FORTY CROWNS.---What will then remain to the government at

the end of the year?

THE GEOMETRICIAN.--Once more, nothing. This is the case of government in

general. It never lays by anything. It will have got its living, that is

to say, its food, raiment, lodging, movables. The subject will have done

so too. Where a government amasses treasure, it will have squeezed from

the circulation so much money as it will have amassed. It will have made

so many wretched, as it will have put by forty crowns in its coffers.

THE MAN OF FORTY CROWNS.--At this rate, then, Henry IV. was but a

mean-spirited wretch, a miser, a plunderer, for I have been told that he

had chested up in the Bastile, above fifty millions of livres according

to our present currency.

THE GEOMETRICIAN.--He was a man as good, and as prudent, as he was

brave. He was preparing to make a just war, and by amassing in his

coffers twenty-two millions of the currency of that time, besides which

he had twenty more to receive, which he left in circulation, he spared

the people above a hundred millions that it would have cost, if he had

not taken those useful measures. He made himself morally sure of success

against an enemy who had not taken the like precaution. The

probabilities were prodigiously in his favor. His twenty-two millions,

in bank, proved that there was then in this kingdom, twenty-two millions

of surplusage of the territorial produce, so that no one was a sufferer.

THE MAN OF FORTY CROWNS.--My father then told me the truth, when he said

that the subject was in proportion more rich under the administration of

the Duke of Sully than under that of our new ministers, who had laid on

the _single_ tax, the _sole_ tax, and who, out of my forty crowns, have

taken away twenty. Pray, tell me, is there another nation in the world

that enjoys this precious advantage of the _sole tax_?

THE GEOMETRICIAN.--Not one opulent nation. The English, who are not much

giving to laughing, could not, however, help bursting out, when they

heard that men of intelligence, among us, had proposed this kind of

administration. The Chinese exact a tax from all the foreign trading

ships that resort to Canton. The Dutch pay, at Nangazaqui, when they are

received in Japan, under pretext that they are not Christians. The

Laplanders, and the Samoieds, are indeed subjected to a sole tax in

sables or marten-skins. The republic of St. Marino pays nothing more

than tithes for the maintenance of that state in its splendor.

There is, in Europe, a nation celebrated for its equity and its valor,

that pays no tax. This is Switzerland. But thus it has happened. The

people have put themselves in the place of the Dukes of Austria and of

Zeringue. The small cantons are democratical, and very poor. Each

inhabitant pays but a trifling sum toward the support of this little

republic. In the rich cantons, the people are charged, for the state,

with those duties which the Archdukes of Austria and the lords of the

land used to exact. The protestant cantons are, in proportion, twice as

rich as the catholic, because the state, in the first, possesses the

lands of the monks. Those who were formerly subjects to the Archdukes of

Austria, to the Duke of Zeringue, and to the monks, are now the subjects

of their own country. They pay to that country the same tithes, the same

fines of alienation, that they paid to their former masters; and as the

subjects, in general, have very little trade, their merchandise is

liable to no charges, except some small staple duties. The men make a

trade of their courage, in their dealings with foreign powers, and sell

themselves for a certain term of years, which brings some money into

their country at our expense: and this example is as singular a one in

the civilized world, as is the sole tax now laid on by our new

legislators.

THE MAN OF FORTY CROWNS.--So, sir, the Swiss are not plundered, _jure

divino_, of one-half of their goods; and he that has four cows in

Switzerland is not obliged to give two of them to the state?

THE GEOMETRICIAN.--Undoubtedly, not. In one canton, upon thirteen tons

of wine, they pay one, and drink the other twelve. In another canton,

they pay the twelfth, and drink the remaining eleven.

THE MAN OF FORTY CROWNS.--Why am not I a Swiss? That cursed tax, that

single and singularly iniquitous tax, that has reduced me to beggary!

But then again, three or four hundred taxes, of which it is impossible

for me to retain or pronounce the bare names, are they more just and

more tolerable? Was there ever a legislator, who, in founding a state,

wished to create counselors to the king, inspectors of coal-meters,

gaugers of wine, measurers of wood, searchers of hog-tongues,

comptrollers of salt butter? or to maintain an army of rascals, twice as

numerous as that of Alexander, commanded by sixty generals, who lay the

country under contribution, who gain, every day, signal victories, who

take prisoners, and who sometimes sacrifice them in the air, or on a

boarded stage, as the ancient Scythians did, according to what my vicar

told me?

Now, was such a legislation, against which so many outcries were raised,

and which caused the shedding of so many tears, much better than the

newly imposed one, which at one stroke, cleanly and quietly takes away

half of my subsistence? I am afraid, that on a fair liquidation, it will

be found that under the ancient system of the revenue, they used to

take, at times and in detail, three-quarters of it.

THE GEOMETRICIAN.--_Iliacos intra muros peccatur et extra. Est modus in

retus. Caveas fine quidnimie._

THE MAN OF FORTY CROWNS.--I have learned a little of history, and

something of geometry; but I do not understand a word of Latin.

THE GEOMETRICIAN.--The sense is, pretty nearly, as follows. _There is

wrong on both sides. Keep to a medium in every thing. Nothing too much._

THE MAN OF FORTY CROWNS.--I say, nothing too much; that is really my

situation; but the worst of it is, I have not enough.

THE GEOMETRICIAN.--I allow that you must perish of want, and I too, and

the state too, if the new administration should continue only two years

longer; but it is to be hoped heaven will have mercy on us.

THE MAN OF FORTY CROWNS.--We pass our lives in hope, and die hoping to

the last. Adieu, sir, you have enlightened me, but my heart is grieved.

THE GEOMETRICIAN.--This is, indeed, often the fruit of knowledge.

[Illustration: Palace of the barefooted Carmelites.--"What would you

please to have, my son?"--"A morsel of bread, my reverend father. The

new edicts have stripped me of everything."--"Son, know that we

ourselves beg charity; we do not bestow it."]

IV.

AN ADVENTURE WITH A CARMELITE.

When I had thanked the academician of the Academy of Sciences, for

having set me right, I went away quite out of heart, praising

providence, but muttering between my teeth these doleful words: "_What!

to have no more than forty crowns a year to live on, nor more than

twenty-two years to live!_ Alas! may our life be yet shorter, since it

is to be so miserable!"

As I was saying this, I found myself just opposite a very superb house.

Already was I feeling myself pressed by hunger. I had not so much as the

hundred and twentieth part of the sum that by right belongs to each

individual. But as soon as I was told that this was the palace of my

reverend fathers, the bare-footed Carmelites, I conceived great hopes,

and said to myself, since these saints are humble enough to go

bare-footed, they will be charitable enough to give me a dinner.

I rang. A Carmelite came to the door.

"What would you please to have, my son?"

"A morsel of bread, my reverend father. The new edicts have stripped me

of every thing."

"Son, know that we ourselves beg charity; we do not bestow it."[1]

"What! while your holy institute forbids you to wear shoes, you have the

house of a prince, and can you refuse to me a meal?"

"My son, it is true, we go without stockings and shoes; that is an

expense the less; we feel no more cold in our feet than in our hands.

As to our fine house, we built it very easily, as we have a hundred

thousand livres a year of income from houses in the same street."

"So, then! you suffer me to die of hunger, while you have an income of a

hundred thousand livres! I suppose you pay fifty thousand of these to

the new government?"

"Heaven preserve us from paying a single farthing! It is only the

produce of the land cultivated by laborious hands, callous with work,

and moistened with tears, that owes taxes to the legislative and

executive power. The alms which have been bestowed upon us, have enabled

us to build those houses, by the rent of which we get a hundred thousand

livres a year. But these alms, coming from the fruits of the earth, and

having, consequently, already paid the tax, ought not to pay twice. They

have sanctified the faithful believers, who have impoverished themselves

to enrich us, and we continue to beg charity, and to lay under

contribution the Fauxbourg of St. Germain, in order to sanctify a still

greater number of the faithful believers."[2]

Having thus spoken, the Carmelite politely shut the door in my face.

I then passed along and stopped before the _Hôtel_ of the _Mousquetaires

gris_, and related to those gentlemen what had just happened to me. They

gave me a good dinner and half a crown, (_un ecu_). One of them proposed

to go directly and set fire to the convent; but a musqueteer, more

discreet than he, remonstrated with him, insisting that the time for

action had not yet arrived, and implored him to wait patiently a little

longer.[3]

[1] Victor Hugo in his poem, _Christ at the Vatican_, (translated by

G.B. Burleigh,) rebukes this inhuman spirit of monkish greed and

avarice, which always receives but neves gives in return. In the poem,

Christ is represented as saying:

"----I have said,

'I will have mercy and not sacrifice;'--

Have said, 'Give freely what, without a price,

Was given to you.' To my redeemed, instead,

You sell baptism upon their natal bed;

Sell to the sinner void indulgences;

To lovers sell the natural right to wed;

Sell to the dying the privilege of decease,

And sell your funeral masses to the dead!

Your prayers and masses and communions sell;

Beads, benedictions, crosses; in your eyes

Nothing is sacred,--all is merchandise."--E.

[2] In a recent number of _The Nineteenth Century_, Mr. Alex. A. Knox,

in an able criticism on the writings of Voltaire, says very truly:

"It should not be forgotten that in his day a very large portion of the

soil of France was in the hands of the clergy, free from all burdens,

save in so far as the clergy chose to execute them by the way of

'gratuitous gifts.' The condition of the French peasant was frightful.

Arthur Young, Dr. Moore, and others have described it at a somewhat

later date, but it was even so in Voltaire's time. Of course the

'clerical immunities' were far from being the only cause of all this

misery; but they were a frightful addition to it."

[3] The degradation of labor, and the corruption and injustice of the

papal priesthood, were the inciting causes of the great revolution in

France, which at length overturned the monarchy, and convulsed, for so

long a period, every nation in Europe. In reading this romance of the

hardships of the laborer, we may learn to comprehend the true principles

of Voltaire, and recognize his great benevolence and sympathy with

suffering and distress. We may also listen to the first faint mutterings

of the terrible storm of blood and retribution, that was so soon to

burst over unhappy France, and overwhelm in its lurid course all ranks

and conditions of mankind--the innocent and the guilty, the oppressed

and the oppressor, the peasant and the priest.--E.

V.

AUDIENCE OF THE COMPTROLLER GENERAL.

I went, with my half-crown, to present a petition to the comptroller

general, who was that day giving audience.

His anti-chamber was filled with people of all kinds. There were there

especially some with more bluff faces, more prominent bellies, and more

arrogant looks than my man of eight millions. I durst not draw near to

them; I saw them, but they did not observe me.

A monk, a great man for tithes, had begun a suit at law against certain

subjects of the state, whom he called his tenants. He had already a

larger income than the half of his parishioners put together, and was

moreover lord of the manor. His claim was, that whereas his vassals had,

with infinite pains, converted their heaths into vineyards, they owed

him a tithe of the wine, which, taking into the account the price of

labor, of the vine-props, of the casks and cellarage, would carry off

above a quarter of the produce.

"But," said he, "as the tithes are due, _jure divino_, I demand the

quarter of the substance of my tenants, in the name of God."

The minister of the revenue said to him, "I see how charitable you are."

A farmer-general, extremely well-skilled in assessments, interposed,

saying:

"Sir, that village can afford nothing to this monk; as I have, but the

last year, made the parishioners pay thirty-two taxes on their wine,

besides their over-consumption of the allowance for their own drinking.

They are entirely ruined. I have seized and sold their cattle and

movables, and yet they are still my debtors. I protest, then, against

the claim of the reverend father."

"You are in the right," answered the minister of the revenue, "to be his

rival; you both equally love your neighbor, and you both edify me."

A third, a monk and lord of the manor, whose tenants were in mortmain,

was waiting for a decree of the council that should put him in

possession of all the estate of a Paris cockney, who having,

inadvertently, lived a year and a day in a house subject to this

servitude, and inclosed within the hands of this priest, had died at the

year's end. The monk was claiming all the estate of this cockney, and

claiming it _jure divino_.

The minister found by this, that the heart of this monk was as just and

as tender as those of the others.

A fourth, who was comptroller of the royal domains, presented a specious

memorial, in which he justified himself for his having reduced twenty

families to beggary. They had inherited from their uncles, their aunts,

their brothers, or cousins; and were liable to pay the duties. The

officers of the domain had generously proved to them, that they had not

set the full value on their inheritances,--that they were much richer

than they believed, and, consequently, having condemned them to a triple

fine, ruined them in charges, and threw the heads of the families into

jail, he had bought their best possessions without untying his

purse-strings.

The comptroller general said to him, in a tone indeed rather bitter:

_"Euge, controlleur bone et fidelis, quia supra pauca fuisti fidelis,

fermier-general te constituam."_

But to a master of the requests, who was standing at his side, he said

in a low voice:

"We must make these blood-suckers, sacred and profane, disgorge. It is

time to give some relief to the people, who, without our care, and our

equity, would have nothing to live upon in this world at least, however

they might fare in the other."

Some, of profound genius, presented projects to him. One of them had

imagined a scheme to lay a tax on wit. "All the world," said he, "will

be eager to pay, as no one cares to pass for a fool."

The minister declared to him, "I exempt you from the tax."

Another proposed to lay the _only_ tax upon songs and laughing, in

consideration that we were the merriest nation under the sun, and that a

song was a relief and comfort for every thing. But the minister

observed, that of late there were hardly any songs of pleasantry made;

and he was afraid that, to escape the tax, we would become too serious.

The next that presented himself, was a trusty and loyal subject, who

offered to raise for the king three times as much, by making the nation

pay three times less. The minister advised him to learn arithmetic.

A fourth proved to the king in the way of _friendship_, that he could

not raise above seventy-five millions, but that he was going to procure

him two hundred and twenty-five. "You will oblige me in this," said the

minister, "as soon as we shall have paid the public debts."

At length, who should appear but a deputy of the new author, who makes

the legislative power co-proprietor of all our lands, _jure divino_, and

who was giving the king twelve hundred millions of revenue. I knew the

man again who had flung me into prison for not having paid my twenty

crowns, and throwing myself at the feet of the comptroller general, I

implored his justice; upon which, he burst out a laughing, and telling

me, it was a trick that had been played me, he ordered the doers of this

mischief in jest to pay me a hundred crowns damages, and exempted me

from the land-tax for the rest of my life. I said to him, "God bless

your honor!"

VI.

THE MAN OF FORTY CROWNS MARRIES, BECOMES A FATHER, AND DESCANTS UPON THE

MONKS.

The Man of Forty Crowns having improved his understanding, and having

accumulated a moderate fortune, married a very pretty girl, who had an

hundred crowns a year of her own. As soon as his son was born, he felt

himself a man of some consequence in the state. He was famous for making

the best baskets in the world, and his wife was an excellent seamstress.

She was born in the neighborhood of a rich abbey of a hundred thousand

livres a year. Her husband asked me one day, why those gentlemen, who

were so few in number, had swallowed so many of the forty crown lots?

"Are they more useful to their country than I am?" "No, dear neighbor."

"Do they, like me, contribute at least to the population of it?" "No."

"Do they cultivate the land? Do they defend the state when it is

attacked?" "No, they pray to God for us." "Well, then, I will pray to

God for us." "Well, then, I will pray to God for them, in return."

QUESTION.--How many of these useful gentry, men and women, may the

convents in this kingdom contain?

ANSWER.--By the lists of the superintendents, taken toward the end of

the last century, there were about ninety thousand.

QUESTION.--According to our ancient account, they ought not, at forty

crowns a head, to possess above ten millions eight hundred thousand

livres. Pray, how much have they actually?

ANSWER.--They have to the amount of fifty millions, including the

masses, and alms to the mendicant monks, who really lay a considerable

tax on the people. A begging friar of a convent in Paris, publicly

bragged that his wallet was worth fourscore thousand livres a year.

QUESTION.--Let us now consider how much the repartition of fifty

millions among ninety thousand shaven crowns gives to each? Let us see,

is it not five hundred and fifty-five livres?

ANSWER.--Yes, and a considerable sum it is in a numerous society, where

the expenses even diminish by the quantity of consumers; for ten persons

may live together much cheaper than if each had his separate lodging and

table.

QUESTION.--So that the ex-Jesuits, to whom there is now assigned a

pension of four hundred livres, are then really losers by the bargain.

ANSWER.--I do not think so; for they are almost all of them retired

among their friends, who assist them. Several of them say masses for

money, which they did not do before; others get to be preceptors; some

are maintained by female bigots; each has made a shift for himself: and,

perhaps, at this time, there are few of them, who have tasted of the

world, and of liberty, that would resume their former chains. The

monkish life, whatever they may say, is not at all to be envied. It is a

maxim well known, that the monks are a kind of people who assemble

without knowing, live without loving, and die without regretting each

other.

QUESTION.--You think, then, that it would be doing them a great service,

to strip them of all their monks' habits?

ANSWER.--They would undoubtedly gain much by it, and the state still

more. It would restore to the country a number of subjects, men and

women, who have rashly sacrificed their liberty, at an age to which the

laws do not allow a capacity of disposing of tenpence a year income. It

would be taking these corpses out of their tombs, and afford a true

resurrection. Their houses might become hospitals, or be turned into

places for manufactures. Population would be increased. All the arts

would be better cultivated. One might at least diminish the number of

these voluntary victims by fixing the number of novices. The country

would have subjects more useful, and less unhappy. Such is the opinion

of all the magistrates, such the unanimous wish of the public, since its

understanding is enlightened. The example of England, and other states,

is an evident proof of the necessity of this reformation. What would

England do at this time, if, instead of forty thousand seamen, it had

forty thousand monks? The more they are multiplied, the greater need

there is of a number of industrious subjects. There are undoubtedly

buried in the cloisters many talents, which are lost to the state. To

make a kingdom nourish, there should be the fewest priests and the most

artisans possible. So far ought the ignorance and barbarism of our

forefathers to be from being any rule for us, that they ought rather to

be an admonition to us, to do what they would do, if they were in our

place, with our improvements in knowledge.

QUESTION.--It is not then out of hatred to monks that you wish to

abolish them, but out of love to your country? I think as you do. I

would not have my son a monk. And if I thought I was to rear children

for nothing better than a cloister, I would not wish to become a father.

ANSWER.--Where in fact, is that good father of a family that would not

groan to see his son and daughter lost to society? This is seeking the

safety of the soul. It may be so, but a soldier that seeks the safety of

his body, when his duty is to fight, is punished. We are all soldiers of

the state; we are in the pay of society; we become deserters when we

quit it.

Why, then, has monkishness prevailed? Because, since the days of

Constantine, the government has been everywhere absurd and detestable;

because the Roman empire came to have more monks than soldiers; because

there were a hundred thousand of them in Egypt alone; because they were

exempt from labor and taxes; because the chiefs of those barbarous

nations which destroyed the empire, having turned Christians, in order

to govern Christians, exercised the most horrid tyranny; because, to

avoid the fury of these tyrants, people threw themselves in crowds into

cloisters, and so, to escape one servitude, put themselves into another;

because the popes, by instituting so many different orders of sacred

drones, contrived to have so many subjects to themselves in other

states; because a peasant likes better to be called reverend father, and

to give his benedictions, than to follow a plough's tail; because he

does not know that the plough is nobler than a monk's habit; because he

had rather live at the expense of fools than by a laborious occupation;

in short, because he does not know that, in making a monk of himself, he

is preparing for himself unhappy days, of which the sad groundwork will

be nothing but a _tedium vitæ_ and repentance.

QUESTION.--I am satisfied. Let us have no monks, for the sake of their

own happiness, as well as ours. But I am sorry to hear it said by the

landlord of our village, who is father to four boys and three girls,

that he does not know how to dispose of his daughters, unless he makes

nuns of them.

ANSWER.--This too often repeated plea is at once inhuman, detrimental to

the country, and destructive to society. Every time that it can be said

of any condition of life whatever, that if all the world were to embrace

it mankind would perish, it is proved that that condition is a worthless

one, and that whoever embraces it does all the mischief to mankind that

in him lies.

Now, it being a clear consequence that if all the youth of both sexes

were to shut themselves up in cloisters the world would perish, monkery

is, if it were but in that light alone, the enemy to human nature,

independently of the horrid evils it has formerly caused.

QUESTION.--Might not as much be said of soldiers?

[Illustration: Entering the convent.--"There is a necessity for houses

of retreat for old age, for infirmity, for deformity. But by the most

detestable of all abuses, these foundations are for well-made persons.

Let a hump-backed woman present herself to enter into a cloister, and

she will be rejected with contempt, unless she will give an immense

portion to the house."]

ANSWER. Certainly not; for if every subject carried arms in his turn, as

formerly was the practice in all republics, and especially in that of

Rome, the soldier is but the better farmer for it. The soldier, as a

good subject ought to do, marries, and fights for his wife and children.

Would it were the will of heaven that every laborer was a soldier and a

married man! They would make excellent subjects. But a monk, merely in

his quality of a monk, is good for nothing but to devour the substance

of his countryman. There is no truth more generally acknowledged.

QUESTION.--But, sir, the daughters of poor gentlemen, who cannot portion

them off in marriage, what are they to do?

ANSWER.---Do! They should do, as has a thousand times been said, like

the daughters in England, in Scotland, Ireland, Switzerland, Holland,

half Germany, Sweden, Norway, Denmark, Tartary, Turkey, Africa, and in

almost all the rest of the globe. They will prove much better wives,

much better mothers, when it shall have been the custom, as in Germany,

to marry women without fortune. A woman, industrious and a good

economist, will do more good in a house, than a daughter of a farmer of

the revenue, who spends more in superfluities than she will have brought

of income to her husband.

There is a necessity for houses of retreat for old age, for infirmity,

for deformity. But by the most detestable of all abuses, these

foundations are for well-made persons. Let a hump-backed old woman

present herself to enter into a cloister, and she will be rejected with

contempt, unless she will give an immense portion to the house. But what

do I say? Every nun must bring her dower with her; she is else the

refuse of the convent. Never was there a more intolerable abuse.

QUESTION.--Thank you, sir. I swear to you that no daughter of mine shall

be a nun. They shall learn to spin, to sew, to make lace, to embroider,

to render themselves useful. I look on the vows of convents to be crimes

against one's country and one's self. Now, sir, I beg you will explain

to me, how comes it that a certain writer, in contradiction to human

kind, pretends that monks are useful to the population of a state,

because their buildings are kept in better repair than those of the

nobility, and their lands better cultivated?

ANSWER.---He has a mind to divert himself; he knows but too well, that

ten families who have each five thousand livres a year in land, are a

hundred, nay, a thousand times more useful than a convent that enjoys

fifty thousand livres a year, and which has always a secret hoard. He

cries up the fine houses built by the monks, and it is precisely those

fine houses that provoke the rest of the subjects; it is the very cause

of complaint to all Europe. The vow of poverty condemns those palaces,

as the vow of humility protests against pride, and as the vow of

extinguishing one's race is in opposition to nature.

QUESTION.--Bless me! Who can this be that advances so strange a

proposition?

ANSWER. It is the _friend of mankind_, [Monsieur le M. de Mirabeau, in

his book entitled _L'Ami des Hommes_. It is against this marquis that the

jest on the _only tax_ is leveled; a tax proposed by him], or rather the

friend of the monks.

QUESTION.--I begin to think it advisable to be very distrustful of

books.

ANSWER.--The best way is to make use, with regard to them, of the same

caution, as with men. Choose the most reasonable, examine them, and

never yield unless to evidence.

VII.

ON TAXES PAID TO A FOREIGN POWER.

About a month ago, the Man of Forty Crowns came to me, holding both his

sides, which seemed ready to burst with laughing. In short, he laughed

so heartily that I could not help laughing also, without knowing at

what. So true it is, that man is born an imitative animal, that instinct

rules us, and that the great emotions of the soul are catching. _Ut

ridentibus arrident, ita flentibus adflent, Humani vultus._

When he had had his laugh out, he told me that he had just come from

meeting with a man who called himself the prothonotary of the Holy See,

and that this personage was sending away a great sum of money to an

Italian, three hundred leagues off, in the name and behalf of a

Frenchman, on whom the king had bestowed a small fief or fee; because

the said Frenchman could never enjoy this benefit of the king's

conferring, if he did not give to this Italian the first year's income.

"The thing," said I, "is very true; but it is not quite such a laughing

matter either. It costs France about four hundred thousand livres a

year, in petty duties of this kind; and in the course of two centuries

and a half, that this custom has lasted, we have already sent to Italy

fourscore millions."

"Heavenly Father!" he exclaimed, "how many forty crowns would that make?

Some Italian, then, subdued us, I suppose, two centuries and a half ago,

and laid that tribute upon us!"

"In good faith," answered I, "he used to impose on us in former times,

in a much more burthensome way. That is but a trifle in comparison to

what, for a long time, he levied on our poor nations of Europe."

Then I related to him how those holy usurpations had taken place, and

came to be established. He knows a little of history, and does not want

for sense. He easily conceived that we had been slaves, and that we were

still dragging a little bit of our chain that we could not get rid of.

He spoke much and with energy, against this abuse; but with what respect

for religion in general. With what reverence did he express himself for

the bishops! How heartily did he wish them many forty crowns a year,

that they might spend them in their dioceses in good works.

He also wished that all the country vicars might have a number of forty

crowns, that they might live with decency.

"It is a sad thing," said he, "that a vicar should be obliged to dispute

with his flock for two or three sheaves of corn, and that he should not

be amply paid by the country. These eternal contests for imaginary

rights, for the tithes, destroy the respect that is owing to them. The

unhappy cultivator who shall have already paid to the collectors his

tenth penny, and the twopence a livre, and the tax, and the capitation,

and the purchase of his exemption from lodging soldiers,--after he shall

have lodged soldiers,--for this unfortunate man, I say, to see the vicar

take away in addition the tithe of his produce, he can no longer look on

him as his pastor, but as one that flays him alive,--that tears from

him the little skin that is left him. He feels but too sensible, that

while they are, _jure divino_, robbing him of his tenth sheaf, they have

the diabolical cruelty not to give him credit for all that it will have

cost him to make that sheaf grow. What then remains to him for himself

and family? Tears, want, discouragement, despair, and thus he dies of

fatigue and misery. If the vicar were paid by the country, he would be a

comfort to his parishioners, instead of being looked on by them as their

enemy."

The worthy man melted as he uttered these words; he loved his country,

and the public good was his idol. He would sometimes emphatically say,

"What a nation would the French be if it pleased!" We went to see his

son, whom the mother, a very neat and clean woman, was nursing. "Alas!"

said the father, "here thou art, poor child, and hast nothing to pretend

to but twenty-three years of life, and forty crowns a year."

VIII.

ON PROPORTIONS.

The produce of the extremes is equal to the produce of the means: but

two sacks of corn stolen, are not, to those who stole them, as the loss

of their lives is to the interest of the person from whom they were

stolen.

The prior of ----, from whom two of his domestic servants in the country

had stolen two measures of corn, has just had the two delinquents

hanged. This execution has cost him more than all his harvest has been

worth to him; and since that time he has not been able to get a servant.

If the laws had ordained that such as stole their master's corn should

work in his grounds, during their lives in fetters, and with a bell at

their neck fixed to a collar, the prior would have been a considerable

gainer by it.

"Terror should be preventively employed against crimes;" very true: but

work, on compulsion, and lasting shame, strike more terror than the

gallows.

[Illustration: The rack.--"I was summoned to give evidence against a

miller, who has been put to the torture, ordinary and extraordinary, and

who has been found innocent. I saw him faint away under redoubled

tortures. I heard the crash of his bones. His outcries and screams of

agony are not yet out of my ears; they haunt me. I shed tears for pity,

and shudder with horror."]

There was, some months ago at London, a malefactor who had been

condemned to be transported to America to work there at the sugar works

with the negroes. In England, any criminal, as in many other countries,

may get a petition presented to the king, either to obtain a free

pardon, or a mitigation of the sentence. This one presented a petition

to be hanged, alleging that he mortally hated work, and that he had

rather suffer strangling for a minute, than to make sugar all his

lifetime.

Others may think otherwise, every one to his taste. But it has been

already said, and cannot be too often repeated, that a man hanged is

good for nothing, and that punishments ought to be useful.

Some years ago, in Turkey, two young men were condemned to be impaled,

for having, (without taking off their caps,) stood to see the procession

of the Lama pass by. The Emperor of China, who is a man of very good

sense, said, that for his part, he should have condemned them to walk

bareheaded, in every public procession, for three months afterwards.

"Proportion punishments to crimes," says the Marquis Beccaria; but those

who made the laws were not geometricians.

* * * * *

I hate the laws of Draco, which punish equally crimes and faults,

wickedness and folly. Let us,--especially in all litigations,--in all

dissensions, in all quarrels,--distinguish the aggressor from the party

offended, the oppressor from the oppressed. An offensive war is the

procedure of a tyrant; he who defends himself is in the character of a

just man.

As I was absorbed in these reflections, the Man of Forty Crowns came to

me all in tears. I asked, with emotion, if his son, who was by right to

live twenty-three years, was dead?