_Or, The Modern Oracle of Ammon_.
_Nilus_ (_referring to Parisian Press_).
But--won't it make our French friends furious?
_Mr. Bull._ Gammon!
_Nilus._ Are you, then, the new Oracle of Ammon?
_Mr. Bull._ Well, ALEXANDER claimed the god his sire.
So why not I?
_Nilus._ I own I rather tire
Of all these squabbles. Peace is what I want.
Oh why did your intrusive SPEKE and GRANT*
Disturb my forty centuries of quiet?
Since then it's been all rumpus, and red riot.
_Mr. Bull._ How about RAMESES, old cockalorum?
_Nilus._ Oh! better all the Pharoahs in full quorum
Than Condominiums. The Control called Dual----
_Mr. Bull._ Oh, don't you bother! _That_ has got its gruel.
_Nilus._ But these Exploring Expeditions?
_Mr. Bull._ Bogey!
Young GREY should reassure you, my old fogey.
His words don't speak scuttle or shilly-shally
"My 'sphere of influence' covers the Nile Valley."
Isn't that plain enough? God Ammon's nod
Was hardly more decisive. It is odd
How very like the Oracle's straight tip
Was to Sir EDWARD'S. A stiff upper lip
Saves lots of talk. "Explorers" will prove skittish
But the whole Nile's Egyptian (and thus British).
Just as HERODOTUS tells us Ammon said.
Sir EDWARD, my dear Nile, has an old head
Upon young shoulders; courteous as a GRANVILLE,
He comes down like a hammer on an anvil--
Or Ammon on the Libyans--when 'tis needful.
Of rumoured expeditions he is heedful
But not afraid. Effective occupation?
Why that's a ticklish point--for many a nation.
But why define it? EDWARD has a shorter way;
He claims for me the whole of your long waterway,
And plainly says intrusion would be viewed
As--well, "unfriendly." Should the FRANK intrude----
_Nilus._ Ah! by the way, friend JOHN, whose head is yonder
Protruding through the reeds?
_Mr. Bull_ (_loudly_). Humph! Let him ponder
What he, perchance, has overheard. No mystery!
I simply hold with the great Sire of History.
The _Times_ and old HERODOTUS quite agree.
And both speak for the Oracle--J. B.,
Or Jupiter Ammon. The _Débats_ may differ
(At the French Press, at best, _I_ am no sniffer),
But don't you be alarmed by spleenful splutter,
Or what mere bouncing boulevardiers utter.
From all intruders you'll be safe, if you
But trust to the Old Oracle--and the New!
Far cry, old boy, from PHAROAH to the GUELPH.
Funny how History _does_ repeat itself!
* See Cartoon "Britannia Discovering the Source of the Nile," p. 233,
Vol. XLIV., June 6, 1863.
* * * * *
[Illustration: A STUDY IN "BIMETALLISM."
_Quotation from the Right Hon. Arth-r B-lf-r's Speech on this subject
last week._--"A GENERAL FALL IN PRICES WAS SAID TO BE GOOD FOR THE
CONSUMER."
Does it look like it in this instance? [*** _So far_ the Court is with
Mr. A. B-LF-R.]]
* * * * *
To Corinna, angry.
The fault was mine. With piercing pang
My trespass I deplore;
But, when 'tis I you ought to bang,
Why do you bang the door?
* * * * *
Q. E. D.--There is said to be a good deal of illness and absence from
lessons of the schoolboy population of London at present. Can there be
any connection between this phenomenon and a paragraph which is going
the round of the papers, headed, "An objection to Euclid"? What is
sport to us may be death to them!
* * * * *
The Long and Short of It.
_Ars longa est!_ All know what once that meant;
But cranks corrupt so sickeningly have shindied
About _their_ ART of late, 'tis evident
The rendering now must be, "Art is long-winded!"
For _Vita brevis_,--all true men must hope,
Brief life for such base Art--and a short rope!
* * * * *
MOTTO--SLIGHTLY MODIFIED FROM GRAY'S "ELEGY"--FOR STODDART'S
ELEVEN.--"Still in those 'ashes' live their wonted fire."
* * * * *