WOMAN TRAPS LAID BY MR. JINKS.
No sooner had O'Brallaghan retreated into his store, than Mr. Jinks
cast after him defiant words and gestures, calling on the crowd to
take notice that O'Brallaghan had ignominiously yielded ground, and
declined his, Mr. Jinks', proposition to have a combat.
If any wonder is felt at Mr. Jinks' bravery, we may dispel it,
probably, by explaining that Mr. O'Brallaghan had two or three months
before been bound over in a large sum to keep the peace of the
commonwealth against the inhabitants of the said commonwealth,
and especially that portion of them who dwelt in the borough of
Winchester; which fact Mr. Jinks was well acquainted with, and shaped
his conduct by. If there was anything which O'Brallaghan preferred to
a personal encounter with fists or shillelahs, that object was money;
and Mr. Jinks knew that O'Brallaghan would not touch him.
Therefore Mr. Jinks sent words of defiance and menace after the
retreating individual, and said to the crowd, with dignified calmness:
"My friends, I call you to bear witness that I have offered to give
this--this--person," said Mr. Jinks, "the amplest satisfaction in my
power for the unfortunate conduct of my animal, which I have just
purchased at a large sum, and have not exactly learned to manage yet.
We have not come to understand each other--myself and Fodder--just
yet; and in passing with a young man whom I kindly permitted to mount
behind me, the animal ran into the shop of this--individual. If he
wants satisfaction!" continued Mr. Jinks, frowning, and laying his
hand upon his sword, "he can have it, sir! yes, sir! I am ready,
sir!--now and always, sir!"
These words were ostensibly addressed to Mr. O'Brallaghan, who was,
in contempt of Mr. Jinks, busily engaged at his work again; but, in
reality, the whole harangue of Mr. Jinks was intended for the ears of
a person in the crowd, who, holding a hot "iron" in her hand, had run
up, like the rest, when the occurrence first took place.
This person, who was of the opposite sex, and upon whom Mr. Jinks
evidently desired to produce an impression, gazed at the cavalier with
tender melancholy in her ruddy face, and especially regarded the legs
of Mr. Jinks with unconcealed admiration.
It was Mistress O'Calligan, the handsome ruddy lady, whom we have
met with once before, on that day when Mr. Jinks, remembering
O'Brallaghan's incapacity to fight, challenged that gentleman to
mortal combat.
Between this lady and Mr. Jinks, on the present occasion, glances
passed more than once; and when--O'Brallaghan not appearing--Mr. Jinks
rode away from the shop of the dastard, in dignified disgust, he
directed the steps of Fodder, cautiously and gently, around the
corner, and stopped before the door of Mistress O'Calligan's lodging.
The lamented O'Calligan was gone to that bourne which we all know of,
and his widow now supported herself and the two round, dirty-faced
young gentlemen who had choked themselves in their astonishment
at Ralph, by taking in washing and ironing, to which she added,
occasionally, the occupation and mystery of undergarment construction.
Thanks to these toils, Mistress O'Calligan, who was yet young and
handsome, and strong and healthy, had amassed a very snug little sum
of money, which she had invested in a garden, numerous pigs, chickens,
and other things; and, in the neighborhood, this lady was regarded
as one destined to thrive in the world; and eventually bring to the
successor of the lamented O'Calligan, not only her fair self, and
good-humored smile included, but also no contemptible portion of this
world's goods.
O'Brallaghan's ambition was to succeed the lamented. He had long made
unsuccessful court to the lady--in vain. He suspected, not without
justice, that the graceful and military Mr. Jinks had made an
impression on the lady's heart, and hated Mr. Jinks accordingly.
It was before the low, comfortable cottage of Mistress O'Calligan,
therefore, that Mr. Jinks stopped. And tying Fodder to the pump, he
pushed aside the under-tunics which depended from lines, and were
fluttering in the wind, and so made his entrance into the dwelling.
Mistress O'Calligan pretended to be greatly surprised and fluttered on
Mr. Jinks' entrance; and laid down the iron she was trying, by putting
her finger in her mouth, and then applying it to the under surface.
She then smiled; and declared she never was in such a taking; and to
prove this, sat down and panted, and screamed good-humoredly to the
youthful O'Calligans, not to go near that pretty horse; and then asked
Mr. Jinks if he would'nt take something.
Mr. Jinks said, with great dignity, that he thought he would.
Thereupon, Mistress O'Calligan produced a flat bottle of poteen, and
pouring a portion for her own fair self, into a cup, said that this
was a wicked world, and handed the flask to Mr. Jinks.
That gentleman took a tolerably large draught; and then setting down
the bottle, scowled.
This terrified Mistress O'Calligan; and she said so.
Mr. Jinks explained that he was angry,--in a towering rage; and added,
that nothing but the presence of Mistress O'Calligan had prevented him
from exterminating O'Brallaghan, who was a wretched creature, beneath
the contempt, etc.
Whereto the lady replied, Really, to think it; but that these feelings
was wrong; and she were only too happy if her presence had prevented
bloodshed. She thought that Mr. Jinks was flattering her--with more of
the same description.
Thus commenced this interview, which the loving and flattered Mistress
O'Calligan wrongly supposed to be intended as one of courtship, on the
part of Mr. Jinks. She was greatly mistaken. If ever proceeding
was calm, deliberate, and prompted by revengeful and diabolical
intentions, the proceeding of Mr. Jinks, on the present occasion, was
of that description.
But none of this appeared upon the countenance of our friend. Mr.
Jinks was himself--he was gallant, impressive; and warming with the
rum, entered into details of his private feelings.
He had ever admired and venerated--he said--the character of the
beautiful and fascinating Judith O'Calligan, who had alone, and by her
unassisted merits, removed from his character that tendency toward
contempt and undervaluation of women, which, he was mortified to say,
he had been induced to feel from an early disappointment in love.
Mistress O'Calligan here looked very much flurried, and ejaculated,
Lor!
Mr. Jinks proceeded to say, that the lady need not feel any concern
for him now; that the early disappointment spoken of, had, it was
true, cast a shadow on his life, which, he imagined, nothing but the
gory blood of his successful rival could remove; that still he, Mr.
Jinks, had had the rare, good fortune of meeting with a divine charmer
who caused him to forget his past sorrows, and again indulge in hopes
of domestic felicity and paternal happiness by the larean altars of
a happy home. That the visions of romance had never pictured such a
person; that the lady whom he spoke of, was well known to the lady
whom he addressed; and, indeed, to be more explicit, was not ten
thousand miles from them at the moment in question.
This was so very broad, that the "lady" in question blushed the color
of the red bricks in her fire-place, and declared that Mr. Jinks was
the dreadfulest creature, and he need'nt expect to persuade her that
he liked her--no, he need'nt.
Mr. Jinks repelled the accusation of being a dreadful creature, and
said, that however terrifying his name might be to his enemies among
the men, that no woman had ever yet had cause to be afraid of him, or
to complain of him.
After which, Mr. Jinks frowned, and took a gulp of the poteen.
Mistress O'Calligan thought that Mr. Jinks was very wrong to be
talking in such a meaning way to her--and the lamented O'Calligan not
dead two years. That she knew what it was to bestow her affections on
an object, which object did not return them--and never, never could be
brought to trust the future of those blessed dears a-playing on the
side-walk to a gay deceiver.
After which observation, Mistress O'Calligan took up a corner of
her apron, and made a feint to cry; but not being encouraged by any
consternation, agitation, or objection of any description on the part
of her companion, changed her mind, and smiled.
Mr. Jinks said that if the paragon of her sex, the lovely Judith,
meant to say that he was a gay deceiver, the assertion in question
involved a mistake of a cruel and opprobrious character. So far from
being a deceiver, he had himself been uniformly deceived; and that in
the present instance, it was much more probable that he would suffer,
because the lovely charmer before him cared nothing for him.
Which accusation threw the lovely charmer into a flutter, and caused
her to deny the truth of Mr. Jinks' charge; and in addition, to assert
that there existed no proof of the fact that she did'nt care much more
for Mr. Jinks than he did for her--and whether he said she did'nt, or
did'nt say she did'nt, still that this did'nt change the fact: and so
he was mistaken.
Whereupon Mr. Jinks, imbibing more poteen, replied that assertions,
though in themselves worthy of high respect when they issued from so
lovely and fascinating a source, could still not stand in opposition
to facts.
Mistress O'Calligan asked what facts.
Which caused Mr. Jinks to explain. He meant, that the test of
affection was doing one a service; that the loving individual would
perform what the beloved wished; and that here the beautiful Judith
was deficient.
To which the beautiful Judith, with a preparatory caution to the young
O'Calligans, replied by saying, that she had never been tried; and if
that was all the foundation for such a charge, the best way to prove
its falseness was to immediately test her friendship.
At this Mr. Jinks brightened up, and leaning over toward the
ruddy-faced Judith, whispered for some minutes. The whispers brought
to the lady's face a variety of expressions: consternation, alarm,
doubt, objection, refusal. Refusal remained paramount.
Mr. Jinks imbibed more poteen, and observed, with dignity, that he had
been perfectly well aware, before making his communication, that the
protestations of the lady opposite to whom he sat were like those
of ladies in general, calculated to mislead and deceive. He would
therefore not annoy her further, but seek some other--
Incipient tears from the lady, who thought Mr. Jinks cruel,
unreasonable, and too bad.
Mr. Jinks was rational, and had asked a very inconsiderable favor; his
beautiful acquaintance, Miss Sallianna, would not hesitate a moment
to oblige him, and he would therefore respectfully take his
departure--for some time, he was afraid, if not forever.
Mr. Jinks had played his game with much skill, and great knowledge of
the lady whom he addressed. He brought out his trump, so to speak,
when he mentioned Miss Sallianna, and alluded to his intention never
to return, perhaps.
The lady could not resist. The moment had arrived when she was to
decide whether she should supply the youthful O'Calligans with a noble
father and protector, or suffer them still to inhabit the dangerous
side-walk in infant helplessness, and exposed to every enemy.
Therefore the fair Mistress O'Calligan found her resolution
evaporate--her objections removed--she consented to comply with Mr.
Jinks' request, because the object of her affections made it--yes, the
object of her affections for many a long day, through every accusation
of cabbaged cloth, and other things brought by his enemies--the
object of her ambition, the destined recipient of the garden, and the
chickens, and the pigs, when fate removed her!
And having uttered this speech with great agitation, and numerous
gasps, Mistress O'Calligan yielded to her nerves, and reposed upon Mr.
Jinks' breast.
Fifteen minutes afterwards Mr. Jinks was going back to Bousch's
tavern, mounted on Fodder, and grimacing.
"She'll do it, sir! she'll do it!" said Mr. Jinks; "we'll see. Look
out for gory blood, sir!"
And that was all.