EXPLOITS OF FODDER.
Ralph looked from the donkey to Mr. Jinks, and from Mr. Jinks to the
donkey; then he laughed.
"I say, my dear fellow," he observed, "you wanted a horse, did'nt
you?"
"I did, sir," said Mr. Jinks.
"What do you say to a donkey?"
Mr. Jinks appeared thoughtful, and gazing at the sky, as though the
clouds interested him, replied:
"I have no objection to the animal, sir. It was in former times, I am
assured, the animal used by kings, and even emperors. Far be it from
me, therefore, to feel any pride--or look down on the donkey."
"You'll have to," said Ralph.
"Have to what, sir?"
"Look down on Fodder here--we call him Fodder at the farm, because the
rascal won't eat thistles."
"Fodder, sir?" said Mr. Jinks, gazing along the road, as though in
search of some wagon, laden with cornstalks.
"The donkey!"
"Ah?--yes--true--the donkey! Really, a very handsome animal," said Mr.
Jinks, appearing to be aware of the existence of Fodder for the first
time.
"I asked you how you would like a donkey, instead of a horse, meaning,
in fact, to ask if Fodder would, for the time, answer your warlike and
gallant purposes? If so, my dear fellow, I'll lend him to you--Tom can
go back to the farm in the wagon--it comes and goes every day."
Tom looked at Mr. Jinks' legs, scratched his head, and grinning from
ear to ear, added the assurance that he was rather pleased to get rid
of Fodder, who was too small for a man of his weight.
Mr. Jinks received these propositions and assurances, at first, with a
shake of the head: he really could not deprive, etc.; then he looked
dubious; then he regarded Fodder with admiration and affection; then
he assented to Ralph's arrangement, and put his arm affectionately
around Fodder's neck.
"I love that animal already!" cried the enthusiastic Mr. Jinks.
Ralph turned aside to laugh.
"That is highly honorable, Jinks, my boy," he said; "there's no trait
of character more characteristic of a great and exalted intellect,
than kindness to animals."
"You flatter me, sir."
"Never--I never flatter. Now, Tom," continued Ralph to the negro,"
return homeward, and inform my dear old Governor that, next week,
I shall return, temporarily, to make preparations for my marriage.
Further, relate to him the fate of Fodder--go, sir."
And throwing Tom, who grinned and laughed, a piece of silver, Ralph
turned again to Jinks.
"Do you like Fodder?" he said.
"I consider him the paragon of donkeys," returned Mr. Jinks.
And, hugging the donkey's neck--"Eh, Fodder?" said Jinks.
Fodder turned a sleepy looking eye, which was covered with the broad,
square leather of the wagon-bridle, toward Mr. Jinks, and regarded
that gentleman with manifest curiosity. Then shaking his head, lowered
it again, remonstrating with his huge ears against the assaults of the
flies.
"He likes you already! he admires and respects you, Jinks!" cried
Ralph, bursting into a roar of laughter; "a ride! a ride! mount, sir!"
"Is he vicious?" asked Mr. Jinks.
"Hum! he _has_ been known to--to--do dreadful things!" said Ralph,
choking.
Mr. Jinks drew back.
"But he won't hurt you--just try."
"Hum! I'd rather test his character first," said Mr. Jinks; "of course
I'm not afraid; it would be unnecessary for me to prove that, sir--I
wear a sword--"
"Oh, yes?"
"But dangerous accidents have frequently resulted from--"
"Donkeys? you are right. But suppose I mount with you!" said Ralph,
who had fallen into one of his mischievous moods.
"Hum! sir--will he carry double, do you think?"
"Carry double! He'd carry a thousand--Fodder would! Just get into
the saddle, and I'll put my handkerchief on his back, and mount
behind--I'll guide him. Come!"
And Ralph, with a suppressed chuckle, pushed Mr. Jinks toward the
saddle.
Mr. Jinks looked round--cleared his throat--glanced at the expression
of the donkey's eyes--and endeavored to discover from the movement of
his ears if he was vicious. Fodder seemed to be peaceful--Mr. Jinks
got into the saddle, his grasshopper legs reaching nearly to the
ground.
"Now!" cried Ralph, vaulting behind him, "now for a ride!"
And seizing the reins, before Mr. Jinks could even get his feet into
the stirrups, the young man kicked the donkey vigorously, and set off
at a gallop.
Mr. Jinks leaned forward in the saddle with loud cries, balancing
himself by the pummel, and holding on to the mane. Fodder was
frightened by the cries, and ran like a race-horse, kicking up his
heels, and indeed rendered Ralph's position somewhat perilous. But
that gentleman was experienced, from earliest infancy, in riding
bareback, and held on. He also held Mr. Jinks on.
The great swordsman continued to utter loud cries, and to remonstrate
piteously. Only the clatter of his sword, and Ralph's shouts of
laughter, answered him.
Still on! and in five minutes Fodder was opposite the store of
O'Brallaghan.
A brilliant idea suddenly struck Ralph; with the rapidity and presence
of mind of a great general, he put it into execution.
Fodder found one rein loosened--the other drawn violently round; the
consequence was, that from a straight course, he suddenly came to
adopt a circular one. Mr. Jinks had just saved himself by wrapping his
legs, so to speak, around the donkey's person, when Ralph's design was
accomplished.
Fodder, obeying the pull upon the rein, sweeped down upon
O'Brallaghan's shop, and in the midst of the cries of babies, the
barking of dogs, and the shrill screams of elderly ladies, entered
the broad door of the clothes-warehouse, and thrust his nose into Mr.
O'Brallaghan's face, just as that gentleman was cutting out the sixth
pair of pantaloons for himself, in which he was to personate St.
Michael.
O'Brallaghan staggered back--Ralph burst into a roar of laughter, and
sliding from Fodder, ignominiously retreated, leaving Mr. Jinks and
O'Brallaghan face to face.
The scene which then ensued is dreadful to even reflect upon, after
the lapse of so many years. Fodder backed into the street immediately,
but he had accomplished the insult to O'Brallaghan. That gentleman ran
out furiously, shears in hand, and with these instruments it seemed to
be his intention to sever the epiglottis of Mr. Jinks, or at least his
ears.
But, as on a former occasion, when Mr. Jinks threatened to rid the
earth of a scoundrel and a villain, the execution of this scheme was
prevented by the interposition of a third party; so on the present
occasion did the neighbors interfere and quiet the combatants.
Ralph perfected the reconciliation by declaring that Fodder was
the most vicious and dangerous of animals, and that no one could
rationally wonder at his conduct on this occasion.
O'Brallaghan thereupon observed that he despised Mr. Jinks too much to
touch him, and would forgive him; and so he elbowed his way through
the crowd of gossips and re-entered his shop, scowling at, and being
scowled at by, the severe Mr. Jinks.
Ralph also embraced the opportunity to slip through the crowd, and
hasten round a corner; having achieved which movement, he leaned
against a pump, and laughed until two babies playing on the side-walk
nearly choked themselves with marbles as they gazed at him. Then
chuckling to himself, the young-worthy returned toward the tavern,
leaving Mr. Jinks to his fate.