After my vow of perfection I spake not ill of any creature, how little
soever it might be. I scrupulously avoided all approaches to detraction.
I had this rule ever present with me, that I was not to wish, nor assent
to, nor say such things of any person whatsoever, that I would not have
them say of me. And as time went on, I succeeded in persuading those who
were about me to adopt the same habit, till it came to be understood that
where I was absent persons were safe. So they were also with all those
whom I so instructed. Still, for all that, I have a sufficiently strict
account to give to God for the bad example I am to all about me in some
other respects. May it please His Majesty to forgive me, for I have been
the cause of much evil. For one thing, the devil sometimes fills me with
such a harsh and cruel temper: such a spirit of anger and hostility at
some people, that I could eat them up and annihilate them. At the same
time, concerning things said of myself in detraction, and they are many,
and are very prejudicial to me, I find myself much improved. These
things make little impression upon me. I am under them as a deaf man
that hears not, and as a man in whose mouth there is no retaliation. Nay,
I almost always see that my greatest detractors have only too good reason
for what they say. In this way my soul actually gains peace and strength
under detraction, till it becomes a great favour done me, and a great
advantage. Upon betaking myself to prayer, I find in my heart neither
repugnance at my detractors nor enmity. For, although, when I first hear
the detraction, it causes me a little disconcert, yet not any
long-lasting disquiet or alteration. Nay, sometimes when I see people
take pity on me because of my detractors, I laugh at them, so little do
all my detractors now hurt me.