labour overthrown at once, and myself killed; the case was thus: As I
was busy in the inside of it behind my tent, just in the entrance into
my cave, I was terribly frighted with a most dreadful surprising thing
indeed; for on a sudden I found the earth come crumbling down from the
roof of my cave, and from the edge of the hill, over my head, and two of
the posts I had set up in the cave cracked in a frightful manner: I was
heartily scared, but thought nothing of what was really the cause, only
thinking that the top of my cave was falling in, as some of it had done
before; and for fear I should be buried in it, I ran forward to my
ladder, and not thinking myself safe there neither, I got over my wall
for fear of the pieces of the hill which I expected might roll down upon
me. I was no sooner stept down upon the firm ground, but I plainly saw
it was a terrible earthquake, for the ground I stood on shook three
times at about eight minutes distance, with three such shocks, as would
have overturned the strongest building that could be supposed to have
stood on the earth; and a great piece of the top of a rock, which stood
about half a mile from me next the sea, fell down with such a terrible
noise as I never heard in all my life: I perceived also the very sea was
put into violent motion by it; and I believe the shocks were stronger
under the water than on the island.
I was so amazed with the thing itself, having never felt the like, or
discoursed with any one that had, that I was like one dead or stupified;
and the motion of the earth made my stomach sick, like one that was
tossed at sea; but the noise of the falling of the rock awaked me, as it
were, and rousing me from the stupified condition I was in, filled me
with horror, and I thought of nothing then but the hill falling upon my
tent and all my household goods, and burying all at once; and this sunk
my very soul within me a second time.
After the third shock was over, and I felt no more for some time, I
began to take courage, and yet I had not heart enough to get over my
wall again, for fear of being buried alive, but sat still upon the
ground, greatly cast down and disconsolate, not knowing what to do. All
this while I had not the least serious religious thought, nothing but
the common “Lord have mercy upon me!” and when it was over, that
went away too.
While I sat thus, I found the air overcast, and grow cloudy, as if it
would rain; soon after that the wind rose by little and little, so that
in less than half an hour it blew a most dreadful hurricane: the sea was
all on a sudden covered over with foam and froth, the shore was covered
with the breach of the water, the trees were torn up by the roots, and a
terrible storm it was; and this held about three hours, and then began
to abate, and in two hours more it was stark calm, and began to rain
very hard.
All this while I sat upon the ground, very much terrified and dejected,
when on a sudden it came into my thoughts, that these winds and rain
being the consequence of the earthquake, the earthquake itself was spent
and over, and I might venture into my cave again: with this thought my
spirits began to revive, and the rain also helping to persuade me, I
went in and sat down in my tent; but the rain was so violent, that my
tent was ready to be beaten down with it; and I was forced to go into my
cave, though very much afraid and uneasy, for fear it should fall on
my head.
This violent rain forced me to a new work, viz. to cut a hole through my
new fortification like a sink, to let water go out, which would else
have drowned my cave. After I had been in my cave some time, and found
still no more shocks of the earthquake follow, I began to be more
composed; and now, to support my spirits, which indeed wanted it very
much, I went to my little store, and took a small sup of rum, which
however I did then and always very sparingly, knowing I could have no
more when that was gone.
It continued raining all that night, and great part of the next day, so
that I could not stir abroad; but my mind being more composed, I began
to think of what I had best do, concluding, that if the island was
subject to these earthquakes, there would be no living for me in a cave,
but I must consider of building me some little hut in an open place,
which I might surround with a wall as I had done here, and so make
myself secure from wild beasts or men: but concluded, if I staid where I
was, I should certainly, one time or other, be buried alive.
With these thoughts I resolved to remove my tent from the place where it
stood, which was just under the hanging precipice of the hill, and
which, if it should be shaken again, would certainly fall upon my tent.
And I spent the two next days, being the 19th and 20th of April, in
contriving where and how to remove my habitation.
The fear of being swallowed up alive, made me that I never slept in
quiet, and yet the apprehension of lying abroad without any fence was
almost equal to it; but still, when I looked about and saw how every
thing was put in order, how pleasantly concealed I was, and how safe
from danger, it made me very loth to remove.
In the meantime it occurred to me that it would require a vast deal of
time for me to do this, and that I must be contented to run the venture
where I was, till I had formed a camp for myself, and had secured it so
as to remove to it. So with this resolution I composed myself for a
time, and resolved that I would go to work with all speed to build me a
wall with piles and cables, &c. in a circle as before; and set my tent
up in it when it was finished, but that I would venture to stay where I
was till it was finished and fit to remove to. This was the 21st.
April 22. The next morning I began to consider of means to put this
resolve in execution, but I was at a great loss about my tools. I had
three large axes and abundance of hatchets (for we carried the hatchets
for traffic with the Indians); but with much chopping and cutting
knotty hard wood, they were all full of notches and dull; and though I
had a grindstone, I could not turn it and grind my tools too: this cost
me as much thought as a statesman would have bestowed upon a grand point
of politics, or a judge upon the life and death of a man. At length I
contrived a wheel with a string, to turn it with my foot, that I might
have both my hands at liberty. _Note_, I had never seen any such thing
in England, or at least not to take notice how it was done, though since
I have observed it is very common there; besides that, my grindstone was
very large and heavy. This machine cost me a full week’s work to bring
it to perfection.
April 28, 29. These two whole days I took up in grinding my tools, my
machine for turning my grindstone performing very well.
April 30. Having perceived my bread had been low a great while, now I
took a survey of it, and reduced myself to one biscuit-cake a day, which
made my heart very heavy.
May 1. In the morning, looking towards the sea-side, the tide being low,
I saw something lie on the shore bigger than ordinary; and it looked
like a cask; when I came to it, I found a small barrel, and two or three
pieces of the wreck of the ship, which were driven on shore by the late
hurricane; and looking towards the wreck itself, I thought it seemed to
lie higher out of the water than it used to do. I examined the barrel
which was driven on shore, and soon found it was a barrel of gunpowder,
but it had taken water, and the powder was caked as hard as a stone;
however, I rolled it farther on shore for the present, and went on upon
the sands as near as I could to the wreck of the ship, to look for more.
When I came down to the ship, I found it strangely removed; the
forecastle, which lay before buried in sand, was heaved up at least six
foot; and the stern, which was broke to pieces, and parted from the rest
by the force of the sea, soon after I had left rummaging her, was
tossed, as it were, up, and cast on one side, and the sand was thrown so
high on that side next her stern, that whereas there was a great place
of water before, so that I could not come within a quarter of a mile of
the wreck without swimming, I could now walk quite up to her when the
tide was out. I was surprised with this at first, but soon concluded it
must be done by the earthquake: and as by this violence the ship was
more broken open than formerly, so many things came daily on shore,
which the sea had loosened, and which the winds and water rolled by
degrees to the land.
This wholly diverted my thoughts from the design of removing my
habitation; and I busied myself mightily, that day especially, in
searching whether I could make any way into the ship; but I found
nothing was to be expected of that kind, for that all the inside of the
ship was choked up with sand: however, as I had learnt not to despair of
any thing, I resolved to pull every thing to pieces that I could of the
ship, concluding, that every thing I could get from her would be of some
use or other to me.
May 3. I began with my saw, and cut a piece of a beam through, which I
thought held some of the upper part or quarter-deck together, and when I
had cut it through, I cleared away the sand as well as I could from the
side which lay highest; but the tide coming in, I was obliged to give
over for that time.
Way 4. I went a-fishing, but caught not one fish that I durst eat of,
till I was weary of my sport; when just going to leave off, I caught a
young dolphin. I had made me a long line of some rope yarn, but I had no
hooks, yet I frequently caught fish enough, as much as I cared to eat;
all which I dried in the sun, and ate them dry.
May 5. Worked on the wreck, cut another beam asunder, and brought three
great fir planks off from the decks, which I tied together, and made
swim on shore when the tide of flood came on.
May 6. Worked on the wreck, got several iron bolts out of her, and
other pieces of iron-work; worked very hard, and came home very much
tired, and had thoughts of giving it over.
May 7. Went to the wreck again, but with an intent not to work, but
found the weight of the wreck had broke itself down, the beams being
cut, that several pieces of the ship seemed to lie loose, and the inside
of the hold lay so open, that I could see into it, but almost full of
water and sand.
May 8. Went to the wreck, and carried an iron crow to wrench up the
deck, which lay now quite clear of the water or sand; I wrenched open
two planks, and brought them on shore also with the tide: I left the
iron crow in the wreck for next day.
May 9. Went to the wreck, and with the crow made way into the body of
the wreck, and felt several casks, and loosened them with the crow, but
could not break them up: I felt also the roll of English lead, and could
stir it, but it was too heavy to remove.
May 10, 11, 12, 13, 14. Went every day to the wreck, and got a great
many pieces of timber, and boards, or plank, and two or three hundred
weight of iron.
May 15. I carried two hatchets, to try if I could not cut a piece off
the roll of lead, by placing the edge of one hatchet, and driving it
with the other; but as it lay about a foot and a half in the water, I
could not make any blow to drive the hatchet.
May 16. It had blown hard in the night, and the wreck appeared more
broken by the force of the water; but I staid so long in the woods to
get pigeons for food, that the tide prevented me going to the wreck
that day.
May 17. I saw some pieces of the wreck blown on shore, at a great
distance, near two miles off me, but resolved to see what they were, and
found it was a piece of the head, but too heavy for me to bring away.
May 24. Every day to this day I worked on the wreck, and with hard
labour I loosened some things so much with the crow, that the first
flowing tide several casks floated out, and two of the seamen’s chests;
but the wind blowing from the shore, nothing came to land that day but
pieces of timber, and a hogshead, which had some Brasil pork in it, but
the salt water and the sand had spoiled it.
I continued this work every day to the 15th of June, except the time
necessary to get food, which I always appointed, during this part of my
employment, to be when the tide was up, that I might be ready when it
was ebbed out; and by this time I had gotten timber, and plank, and
iron-work enough to have built a good boat, if I had known how; and also
I got at several times, and in several pieces, near one hundred weight
of the sheet-lead.
June 16. Going down to the sea-side, I found a large tortoise or turtle:
this was the first I had seen, which it seems was only my misfortune,
not any defect of the place, or scarcity; for had I happened to be on
the other side of the island, I might have had hundreds of them every
day, as I found afterwards; but perhaps had paid dear enough for them.
June 17. I spent in cooking the turtle; I found in her threescore eggs;
and her flesh was to me at that time the most savory and pleasant that
ever I tasted in my life, having had no flesh, but of goats and fowls,
since I landed in this horrid place.
June 18. Rained all day, and I stayed within. I thought at this time the
rain felt cold, and I was something chilly, which I knew was not usual
in that latitude.
June 19. Very ill, and shivering, as if the weather had been cold.
June 20. No rest all night, violent pains in my head, and feverish.
June 21. Very ill, frighted almost to death with the apprehensions of my
sad condition, to be sick, and no help. Prayed to God for the first time
since the storm off Hull, but scarce knew what I said, or why; my
thoughts being all confused.
June 22. A little better, but under dreadful apprehensions of sickness.
June 23. Very bad again, cold and shivering, and then a violent headach.
June 24. Much better.
June 25. An ague very violent; the fit held me seven hours, cold fit and
hot, with faint sweats after it.
June 26. Better; and having no victuals to eat, took my gun, but found
myself very weak; however, I killed a she-goat, and with much difficulty
got it home, and broiled some of it, and ate; I would fain have stewed
it, and made some broth, but had no pot.
June 27. The ague again so violent, that I lay abed all day, and neither
ate or drank. I was ready to perish for thirst, but so weak I had not
strength to stand up, or to get myself any water to drink. Prayed to God
again, but was light-headed; and when I was not I was so ignorant, that
I knew not what to say; only I lay and cried, “Lord look upon me! Lord
pity me! Lord have mercy upon me!” I suppose I did nothing else for two
or three hours, till the fit wearing off, I fell asleep, and did not
wake till far in the night; when I waked, I found myself much refreshed,
but weak, and exceeding thirsty: however, as I had no water in my whole
habitation, I was forced to lie till morning, and went to sleep again.
In this second sleep I had this terrible dream.
I thought that I was sitting on the ground on the outside of my wall,
where I sat when the storm blew after the earthquake, and that I saw a
man descend from a great black cloud, in a bright flame of fire, and
light upon the ground. He was all over as bright as a flame, so that I
could but just bear to look towards him; his countenance was most
inexpressibly dreadful, impossible for words to describe; when he
stepped upon the ground with his feet I thought the earth trembled, just
as it had done before in the earthquake, and all the air looked to my
apprehension as if it had been filled with flashes of fire.
He was no sooner landed upon the earth, but he moved forward towards
me, with a long spear or weapon in his hand to kill me; and when he came
to a rising ground, at some distance, he spoke to me, or I heard a voice
so terrible, that it is impossible to express the terror of it; all that
I can say I understood was this, “Seeing all these things have not
brought thee to repentance, now thou shall die:” at which words I
thought he lifted up the spear that was in his hand to kill me.
No one, that shall ever read this account, will expect that I should be
able to describe the horrors of my soul at this terrible vision; I mean,
that even while it was a dream, I even dreamed of those horrors; nor is
it any more possible to describe the impression that remained upon my
mind, when I awaked, and found it was but a dream.
I had, alas! no divine knowledge; what I had received by the good
instruction of my father was then worn out by an uninterrupted series,
for eight years, of seafaring wickedness, and a constant conversation
with nothing but such as were, like myself, wicked and profane to the
last degree. I do not remember that I had in all that time one thought
that so much as tended either to looking upwards toward God, or inwards
towards a reflection upon my own ways. But a certain stupidity of soul,
without desire of good, or conscience of evil, had entirely overwhelmed
me, and I was all that the most hardened, unthinking, wicked creature
among our common sailors can be supposed to be, not having the least
sense, either of the fear of God in danger, or of thankfulness to God in
deliverances.
In the relating what is already past of my story, this will be the more
easily believed, when I shall add, that through all the variety of
miseries that had to this day befallen me, I never had so much as one
thought of it being the hand of God, or that it was a just punishment
for my sin, my rebellious behaviour against my father, or my present
sins, which were great; or so much as a punishment for the general
course of my wicked life. When I was on the desperate expedition on the
desert shores of Africa, I never had so much as one thought of what
would become of me; or one wish to God to direct me whither I should go,
or to keep me from the danger which apparently surrounded me, as well
from voracious creatures as cruel savages: but I was merely thoughtless
of a God, or a Providence, acted like a mere brute from the principles
of nature, and by the dictates of common sense only, and indeed
hardly that.
When I was delivered, and taken up at sea by the Portugal captain, well
used, and dealt justly and honourably with, as well as charitably, I had
not the least thankfulness on my thoughts. When again I was shipwrecked,
ruined, and in danger of drowning on this island, I was as far from
remorse, or looking on it as a judgment; I only said to myself often,
that I was _an unfortunate dog_, and born to be always miserable.
It is true, when I got on shore first here, and found all my ship’s crew
drowned, and myself spared, I was surprised with a kind of ecstasy, and
some transports of soul, which, had the grace of God assisted, might
have come up to true thankfulness; but it ended where it begun, in a
mere common flight of joy, or, as I may say, _being glad I was alive_,
without the least reflection upon the distinguishing goodness of the
Hand which had preserved me, and had singled me out to be preserved,
when all the rest were destroyed; or an inquiry why Providence had been
thus merciful to me; even just the same common sort of joy which seamen
generally have, after they have got safe on shore from a shipwreck,
which they drown all in the next bowl of punch, and forget almost as
soon as it is over; and all the rest of my life was like it.
Even when I was afterwards, on due consideration, made sensible of my
condition, how I was cast on this dreadful place, out of the reach of
human kind, out of all hope of relief, or prospect of redemption, as
soon as I saw but a prospect of living, and that I should not starve
and perish for hunger, all the sense of my affliction wore off, and I
began to be very easy, applied myself to the works proper for my
preservation and supply, and was far enough from being afflicted at my
condition, as a judgment from Heaven, or as the hand of God against me:
these were thoughts which very seldom entered into my head.
The growing up of the corn, as is hinted in my Journal, had at first
some little influence upon me, and began to affect me with seriousness,
as long as I thought it had something miraculous in it; but as soon as
ever that part of thought was removed, all the impression which was
raised from it wore off also, as I have noted already.
Even the earthquake, though nothing could be more terrible in its
nature, or more immediately directing to the invisible Power which alone
directs such things; yet no sooner was the first fright over, but the
impression it had made went off also. I had no more sense of God, or his
judgments, much less of the present affliction of my circumstances being
from his hand, than if I had been in the most prosperous condition
of life.
But now, when I began to be sick, and a leisurely view of the miseries
of death came to place itself before me; when my spirits began to sink
under the burden of a strong distemper, and nature was exhausted with
the violence of the fever; conscience, that had slept so long, began to
awake, and I began to reproach myself with my past life, in which I had
so evidently, by uncommon wickedness, provoked the justice of God to lay
me under uncommon strokes, and to deal with me in so vindictive
a manner.
These reflections oppressed me from the second or third day of my
distemper, and in the violence, as well of the fever as of the dreadful
reproaches of my conscience, extorted some words from me, like praying
to God, though I cannot say they were either a prayer attended with
desires, or with hopes; it was rather the voice of mere fright and
distress; my thoughts were confused, the convictions great upon my mind,
and the horror of dying in such a miserable condition, raised vapours
into my head with the mere apprehensions; and, in these hurries of my
soul, I knew not what my tongue might express: but it was rather
exclamation, such as, “Lord! what a miserable creature am I! If I should
be sick, I shall certainly die for want of help, and what will become of
me!” Then the tears burst out of my eyes, and I could say no more for a
good while.
In this interval, the good advice of my father came to my mind; and
presently his prediction, which I mentioned in the beginning of this
story, viz. that if I did take this foolish step, God would not bless
me, and I would have leisure hereafter to reflect upon having neglected
his counsel, when there might be none to assist in my recovery. “Now,”
said I aloud, “my dear father’s words are come to pass: God’s justice
has overtaken me, and I have none to help or hear me: I rejected the
voice of Providence, which had mercifully put me in a posture or station
of life wherein I might have been happy and easy; but I would neither
see it myself, nor learn to know the blessing of it from my parents; I
left them to mourn over my folly, and now I am left to mourn under the
consequences of it: I refused their help and assistance, who would have
lifted me into the world, and would have made every thing easy to me;
and now I have difficulties to struggle with, too great for even nature
itself to support, and no assistance, no help, no comfort, no advice.”
Then I cried out, “Lord be my help, for I am in great distress!”
This was the first prayer, if I might call it so, that I had made for
many years. But I return to my journal.
June 28. Having been somewhat refreshed with the sleep I had had, and
the fit being entirely off, I got up: and though the fright and terror
of my dream was very great, yet I considered, that the fit of the ague
would return again the next day, and now was my time to get something to
refresh and support myself when I should be ill; and the first thing I
did, I filled a large square case-bottle with water, and set it upon my
table, in reach of my bed; and to take off the chill or aguish
disposition of the water, I put about a quarter of a pint of rum into
it, and mixed them together; then I got me a piece of the goat’s flesh,
and broiled it on the coals, but could eat very little. I walked about,
but was very weak, and withal very sad and heavy-hearted under a sense
of my miserable condition, dreading the return of my distemper the next
day. At night I made my supper of three of the turtle’s eggs, which I
roasted in the ashes, and ate, as we call it, in the shell; and this was
the first bit of meat I had ever asked God’s blessing to, even, as I
could remember, in my whole life.
After I had eaten I tried to walk; but found myself so weak, that I
could hardly carry the gun (for I never went out without that): so I
went but a little way, and sat down upon the ground, looking out upon
the sea, which was just before me, and very calm and smooth. As I sat
here, some such thoughts as these occurred to me:
What is the earth and sea, of which I have seen so much? Whence is it
produced? And what am I, and all the other creatures, wild and tame,
human and brutal? whence are we?
Sure we are all made by some secret Power, who formed the earth and sea,
the air and sky; and who is that?