It would be a false conception of Mary Throgmorton in this phase of her
being to picture her as consenting to the common wiles of women.
She fought her battle for her John with weapons the stress of
circumstances made ready for her hand. All men have done the same.
Guile there may seem to have been in her, but none greater than that
which in some one form or another is called forth from all human nature
in any conflict. The smiles with which Dorothy greeted her had to be
met with smiles; the delicate word she so despised demanded no other
than the delicate word from her. To have used blunter, heavier weapons
than these might indeed have routed her opponent, yet to have won in
such a case would have been worse than loss.
Here was war in the true sense as she knew it; not the flinging of a
greater force against a lesser, winning on the field of battle and in
the very boastful pride of victory, losing in the field of life. It was
not to confound her enemy she sought but to win that issue upon which
the full justice of her hope was set. Not for herself to gain or keep
it had she made her heart of tempered steel, but for another to find the
liberty his soul had need of.
It was for John she fought and none of his pity dared she awaken for his
Dorothy, well knowing that though by Nature victors themselves, there
was little love in the hearts of men for a triumphant woman.
If this was guile, it was such as life demanded of her then. With all
nobility of character to criticize herself, she did not pause here for
sentiment. If the weapons she must use were not to her liking,
necessity yet fitted them readily to her hold.
Never had John seen his mother so gentle or so kind. For the first time
in his conscious mind he appreciated the pain of jealousy he knew must
be pricking at her heart. For in some sense it was her defeat it seemed
to him he witnessed; a brave defeat with head high in pride and eyes
that sadness touched but left no tears. He came to realize the ache of
loneliness she felt whenever in the fields, about the farm or through
the woods he went with Dorothy alone. After a few days, it was he,
unprompted, who asked her to accompany them, and Mary whose wisdom it
was so readily to find some duty about the house or with the cows that
prevented her acceptance.
Gradually she permitted him to come upon suspicion that these excuses
were often invented. Gradually she brought him to consciousness of the
sacrifice she made. He found he learnt it with effort or intent and
appreciated in himself the breadth of vision his heart had come by.
"Did you realize," he said one day to Dorothy in the woods, "that the
Mater just invented that excuse not to come with us?"
She shook her head.
He found amaze at that.
"She did," said he. "Those cow stalls don't want whitewashing again.
They're a bit ramshackle compared with ours at Wenlock Hall, but they're
as clean as a new pin. Old Peverell told me the inspector said they'd
never been so clean before. She invented it."
Suddenly he took Dorothy's arm.
"Do you know you've done that for me?" he whispered.
"Done what?"
"Given me a wider view of things, taught me to realize other people's
feelings as well as my own, shown me what she suffers when she sees me
go off to Wenlock, what she suffers when I bring you down here and go
out with you every day, leaving her alone."
"But why should she suffer?" asked Dorothy. "She's your mother, she must
love you. She must want to see you happy. She must be glad you're
going to come into that beautiful place in Somersetshire."
He fell to silence, having no answer to that, yet feeling she somehow
had not understood what he had meant.
That night he came to Mary's room to say good-night before he went down
to the bedroom he had taken at the Crooked Billet. Always hitherto it
had been a knock upon the door, a call of good-night and then her
listening to the sound of his footsteps down the thinly carpeted stairs.
This time he asked if he might come in.
By the light of her candle, Mary was lying in her bed reading one of the
books from a little shelf at her bedside. More than she knew, this
request of his startled yet spurred her no less to the swift expediency
of what she must do.
"Just one moment," she called back, steadying the note in her voice.
Quickly then she slipped from her bed, arranging her hair as best she
could before the mirror; with a fever almost of speed, changing her
night attire for a garment the best she had, fresh with the scent of the
lavender she kept with all her things. Not once did her fingers fumble
in their haste. Another moment she was back in bed again, her book put
back upon the shelf and another, one of those Nature books she used to
read when he was a little boy, taken in its place.
"Come in," she said and, because her voice was so low with her control
of eagerness, she had to repeat her summons.
It was as the door opened and he entered that she felt like a mistress
receiving her lover. Her heart was beating in her throat. Even John
found her eyes more bright than he had ever seen them before.
All love of women in that moment she knew was the same. For sons or
lovers, if it were their hearts beat too high for the material judgments
in a material world, what did that matter if so high they beat as to
lift the hearts of men to nobler than material things? This, she
realized it, was her function; this the power so many women were denied,
having no vision of it in themselves because men did not grant it
license in their needs.
Not to give him possession as a lover did she admit him then, but in the
sacrifice of her love and of herself to lift him through emotion to the
most spiritual conceptions of life that were eternal.
Never in all that relationship between herself and John had she felt the
moment so surely placed within her hands as then.
"What is it?" she asked, so gently in her voice that she could have
laughed aloud at her own self-possession.
"Just came in to say good-night," said he with an attempt at ease, and
came across to the bed and leant over it to kiss her cheek, uplifted to
meet his, and found that clean scent of lavender in his nostrils when,
before he had really learnt his purpose, he sat down upon the bed at her
side and remained there, gazing into her eyes.
"What are you reading?" he asked.
She turned the book round for him to see, making no comment; allowing
the memories of childhood to waken in him of their own volition.
He shut the book up, contriving to let his hand find hers as she
contrived to let it stay there without seeming of intent.
"What is it, John?" she whispered again.
He shrugged his shoulders.
"Nothing except just what I said. I wanted to say good-night." Yet he
still lingered; still, without keeping it, his hand remained in hers.
For some while he stayed there, sitting on her bed, saying nothing,
playing only with his fingers that held her hand. With a supreme
patience she waited in silence, knowing no words were needed there, her
heart throbbing with an expectant pulse that rose to riot as suddenly he
slipped on to his knees on the floor and leant his head against her
breast.
"I want her, Mater," he whispered. "Haven't you guessed that? I'm
terribly in love."
Had she guessed that? Indeed! But had she ever dreamt or hoped for
this, that his first love-making would be through her? This was the
first love scene, the first passion in the drama of his life and in awe
of what it was, he had chosen her to play it with.
Emotions such as were triumphant in Mary Throgmorton then cannot easily
be captured. Here in certain fact was the first hour of love her heart
had surely known; an hour, albeit not her own, which for the rest of her
life was to remain with its burning embers in her memory.
With deep breaths she lay for a moment still, holding him in her arms.
"Haven't you told her, John?" she asked presently.
He shook his head against her breast.
"Why not?"
"I don't know. I can't just tell her I love her. It's more than that.
She wouldn't understand. If she did, she might hate me for it."
It might have been youth and the utter lack of his experience. He was
only just eighteen. But Mary found in it more than that. In the first
great emotion in his life, when he was stirred so deep as to touch those
very first impressions she had given him in his childhood, he was
setting on one side himself and the demands that Nature made on him.
How little his Dorothy would appreciate that, Mary had made certain
estimate the first moment they had met. No awe of love was there in
her; no vision his need of her could ever destroy. She, with the many
others, was amongst those women who, bowing herself to the possessive
passions of men, would sell her soul in slavery to share them if she
could.
Whatever of her training it was they had bereft him of at Wenlock,
however out of the true line they had bent that green bough her hands
had fashioned, still in the vital elements of his being, he sought the
clear light above the forest trees about him. In this swift rush of
love, a storm that beat and shook him with the force of it, some
spiritual impulse still remained. He felt his Dorothy was some sacred
thing, too sweet to touch with hands all fierce as his.
How long would that remain with him? In the materialism of his new
environment would they let him keep it for long? Another day and drawn
by the shrilling call of Nature into the arms of Dorothy, might he not
lose it even so soon as that?
He did not know how true he spoke when he had said she would not
understand. A product of the laws of man she was, eager and passionate
to submit, needing that trampling spirit of possession to give her sense
of life, caring little how soon love trod itself into the habit of
familiar touch.
No emotion of ideals would she have with which to set her children forth
upon their journeys. Into an old and tired world they would be ushered
with grudging of the pain they brought and fretting complaint of ugly
circumstance. Consequences of passion they would be, no more, with
nothing but the magic of youth to give them laughter in their
playgrounds.
So well did Mary know that night as he lay there against her breast,
John would not keep his spirit long untouched when other arms than hers
had held him. Too soon had they taken her from him. Too soon, in that
moment's want of faith, had she let him go. Possession of the earth
already had brought him scorn of it. Again and again had she seen that
in the change of his mind towards their simple life at Yarningdale.
The earth she would have had him labor in, was such as now would soil
his hands. It was enjoyment he sought, she knew it well, not life.
With that poison of inheritance they had instilled into his blood, fast
he was becoming an echo, not a voice. The message of all ideals was
being stilled to silence in him. They were teaching him to say what the
Liddiards had said one generation upon another--gain and keep, gain and
keep--it would be folly to give away.
Only in this, this love that stirred him to the very essence of his
being, was he recalling the years of emotion she had given to the
fashioning of his soul. Here for that moment as he lay in her arms, he
was the man her heart had meant to make him, awed by love, made timorous
almost by the power of his passion.
But how long would it survive its contact with that casual materialism
his Dorothy would blend it with? How soon before she made his love that
habit of the sexes which bore no more than drifting consequences upon
its stream?
Neither long would it be, nor had she power now to intervene. Clasping
her arm more tightly round him, already she felt him slipping from her,
the more because in that brief moment he was so much her own.
"My dearest, need you tell her yet?" she asked. "I know you feel a man,
but you're still so young. You're only eighteen, you couldn't marry
yet. Liddiard wouldn't want you to marry. Need you tell her yet?"
"I must," he muttered. "Not for a little while yet perhaps. I've told
you. That was a help. I don't feel so much of a brute as I did. But
sooner or later I shall have to. I can't help being young and I'm not
inventing what I feel. Other chaps feel it too, quite decent fellows,
but somehow or other I can't do what they do."
"What do they do?"
Frankly she would have admitted that was curiosity, but curious only was
she to know what he did not do rather than what they did.
"What do they do, John?" she repeated as he lay there, silent.
"Oh, they go up to London when they get the chance. There are women, you
wouldn't understand that, Mater. Probably you've never known there were
women like that. How could you have known down here? My God! Fancy
one of those women in the fields! She'd drop down in the grass and
she'd hide her face. Anyhow in streets they keep their heads up. They
look at you in the streets."
"And you couldn't do that, John?"
"No--I tried. I went up to London once. We went to a night-club. All
sorts of them were dancing there. I just couldn't, that's all. The
fellow I was with, he went away with one of them. I envied him and I
hated him. I don't know what I felt. I couldn't. It didn't make me
feel sick of it all. I don't think I felt afraid. You kept on coming
into my mind, but just you wouldn't have stopped me if I'd really wanted
to. I did want to. I had wanted to. That's what we meant to do. But
when I got there to that place, and one of those women kissed me, I felt
there was something else I wanted more. I think I nearly went mad that
night. I had a little bed in a stuffy little room in a poky little
hotel. I couldn't sleep. I never slept a wink. I nearly went mad
calling myself a fool for not doing what I'd wanted to do. There I'd
have done it. Then I didn't care what I did. But it was too late then.
I'd lost my chance. I was sorry I'd lost it."
He raised his head and looked at her.
"I'm not sorry now, Mater. I wasn't sorry for long. Aren't men
beasts?"
"My dear--my dear," she whispered. "If they were all like you, what a
world love could make for us to live in. Oh, keep it all, my dear.
Never be sorry. It isn't the right or the wrong of it, John. It's the
pity of it. If women had men like you to love them, think what their
children would be! Don't tell her yet, John. Wait a little longer if
you can."
"I can't!" he moaned. "I can't wait. She knows I care for her. I'm
sure she does. I must tell her everything."
If only it had been Lucy he had shrunk from telling, then fear would
have met with fear and mingled into love. It was not fear he would meet
with in Dorothy. Too wise perhaps she might be to laugh at his
timorousness, but swift enough would she turn it to the passion to
possess.
* * * * *
That night as John lay in Mary's arms, there reposed with simple state
in the Government House at Sarajevo, the two dead bodies of a man and a
woman who had found rest in the shadow of the greatest turmoil the world
had ever known, which through the minds of millions in central Europe
were ringing the words--
"The great questions are to be settled--not by speeches and majority
resolutions, but by blood and iron."