Russian courtship—State of household
servants—Anecdotes—Trousseaux—The matrimonial
candidate—Matchmakers—Serfs’ weddings—Rich
dowry—Matchmakings—Curious custom—Russian marriages—Blessing
the threshold—Bridal parties—Statute-fair for wives in St.
Petersburg—Habit of painting—Lottery of marriage, &c.
In Russia, especially among the lower classes, courtship and love-making,
as we understand the terms, are little known. Marriages, for the serfs,
are not “made in heaven,” but by the proprietors of the estates and the
land-stewards—the reason is obvious. As for the domestic servants, they
cannot marry at all without the consent of their master or mistress
(which is seldom given), or by purchasing their freedom at a price
fixed by their owners; for if a girl wed a serf belonging to another
proprietor, she must become the property of _his_ master.
“Do you think I am going to let Zouboff marry Ivan?” was the speech of
a lady one day: “why, I should never get another maid to suit me so
well; besides which, I apprenticed her, for which I paid good money
to Solavieff, one of the best dressmakers in St. Petersburg; and if
I were to let her marry I should lose her services entirely.” The
fearful immorality to which such a state of things gives rise may be
imagined, but not described: in fact, the vice of the lower classes can
only be equalled by that of the upper: in the former it proceeds from
their unhappy position and ignorance, in the latter from idleness and
corruption.
When staying, on one occasion, at the house of a lady of high rank in
Russia, I was present at a scene that would scarcely be credited in
England. The establishment was on a very grand scale; as many as sixty
men-servants were residing at the house, and in the lapse of time the
numerous boys, sons of these servants, had grown up into young men. The
nobleman, on looking over his list, seemed to think that so many were
not needed—at least, that they were wasting their time in town when they
ought, for his advantage, to be down at the villages and getting married:
he therefore ordered them into his presence—there were about twenty
altogether. He began by telling them that it was quite time they should
think of becoming settled in life, that it was their duty to be married,
and for that purpose he would give them a fortnight, at the expiration
of which he expected every one of them would have found a wife, and that
they must go down to their village to do so.
The young men stood for a few moments in silence with downcast eyes and
serious aspect; a little whispering took place among them, and then one
of them stepped forward and respectfully intimated that the shortness
of the time was such “that they were afraid they could not find so many
marriageable women in the village, and it would take them longer to look
about them, as they must make inquiries in the neighbourhood.” Their
master, therefore, granted them a week longer, with which they appeared
satisfied, and withdrew. I had the curiosity to inquire as to whether
they had succeeded in finding the requisite number of wives, and was
assured they had all got married, and within the time specified.
At Moscow we became acquainted with a lady whose husband was one of the
richest men in that city. She had the misfortune to lose her daughter,
an amiable young person, in her twentieth year. According to the custom
in Russia, her dowry had been prepared for her settlement in life:[4]
it was on a magnificent scale, and consisted in enormous quantities of
the finest linen, table-cloths, bed furniture, silks, jewels, plate,
everything that a rich bride is expected to possess. It is the custom
for the bride to furnish the sleeping apartment, the drawing-rooms, and
the kitchen, to find the linen, &c., besides her trousseau; and even a
dozen new shirts of the finest quality for her husband. Everything is
marked with the lady’s name, as in case of a separation she may reclaim
her dowry. The bridegroom has to fit up his own apartment and the
dining-room, in addition to which he purchases the carriages and horses.
This shows how very advantageous it is for the gentleman to enter the
state of matrimony, especially as in Russia he generally depends upon
his bride to find the _fortune_ as well; but, as a Muscovite once said
in my hearing, “On doit être payé pour les épouser, car elles sont si
ennuyantes!” It was on the anniversary of the young lady’s death that her
parents resolved to dispose of her trousseau, and with the proceeds to
find dowries for six young portionless girls, whose prayers they hoped
thus to secure for the repose of their beloved Marie’s soul. I was
staying in the house at the time, and I believe I saw all the candidates
for marriage in Moscow. It was announced that _any_ young person of noble
birth (that is, of respectable station—the offspring neither of slaves
nor of tradespeople) who wished to present herself would be eligible. I
need scarcely say there was no lack of candidates for the promised dowry.
I found that the lady’s consideration was infinitely greater concerning
the beauty of the six girls than their worthiness or their good conduct.
All the virtues under heaven could not, in her eyes, counterbalance the
want of personal attractions. She ran into my room one day, exclaiming,
“There are four more young persons arrived; pray come into the hall,
for I wish you would give me your opinion as to whether you think them
pretty.” I accompanied her: there were, as she had said, four girls,
decently dressed, the eldest of whom might have been twenty-two: one of
them was really good-looking; she was perhaps eighteen. I was astonished
to see the cringing baseness to which two of them stooped to obtain the
dowry. They prostrated themselves to the ground, and kissed the feet of
the lady. I was very glad that neither of them was chosen.
As soon as we had had an examination of the different faces we adjourned
to the next room, when my friend asked me what I thought of them. I
scarcely knew what to reply, but I decidedly gave my opinion against
the two that had so disgusted me. She herself made an objection to one
of them, by saying “that, as she had a handkerchief round her face, she
had, she supposed, the toothache, and she would not have one that had bad
teeth.” However, she settled the matter by sending for the best-looking
girl, and dismissing the others. On her entering the room the following
dialogue took place:—
_Lady._ “How old are you, young lady?”
_Girl_ (with a low inclination). “Just eighteen, Madame.”
_L._ “Have you any father, and what is he?”
_G._ “My father is dead, he was an _employé_; but my mother is still
alive, she lives near the Kousmitski most (Smith’s bridge).”
_L._ “Very well: what is your intended’s name?”
_G._ “I have none, Madame.”
_L._ “You have none! and yet you ask me for a dowry? How is that?”
_G._ (with a very low bow). “If you will promise me a trousseau, Madame,
_I shall be able to find one before to-morrow morning_.”
Incredible as it may appear, she actually _did find_ one, for the next
day she presented herself, accompanied by a tall, fine-looking young man
of about five-and-twenty, who came and examined the various articles of
which the dowry consisted: he carefully counted each dozen of linen, had
a strict survey of the six gowns and three bonnets, tested their quality,
and, having been thoroughly convinced that there was no cheating in the
case, consented to accept her “for better and for worse,” and _her_
marriage took place on the same day as that of the other five; when my
friend exultingly said, “that she was quite delighted at having found
six _pretty_ brides, for she should have been sorry to see such good
wedding-clothes thrown away upon ugly people.”
In Russia many marriages, even of people of rank, are made up by
professed matchmakers. In the villages an old woman is generally employed
by a young man to find him a suitable partner; he gives a correct
account of the prospect his wife may expect, both of the agreeable and
disagreeable; how much work she will have to do, whether his mother be
alive (for that is a great consideration, as the daughter-in-law is
entirely under her rule during her life), how great a marriage portion
he expects, &c.; even the number of gowns and shoes is specified. A girl
being found that will accept the terms, the courtship does not last long,
for the church ceremony takes place immediately, or as soon as possible.
When a general order arrives in a village from the proprietor, desiring
all the young men and women to get married, the priest makes very short
work of the religious ceremony, and marries a dozen couples or so at
once. A lady told me that she was present when twenty-five couples were
united by _one_ perusal of the mass appointed by the Greek Church for the
occasion.
Very frequently old women will go about begging from house to house
for the ladies’ left-off dresses, with which to make their daughter’s
trousseau, as they say, “unless she has a certain number, no one will
have her.” I have frequently myself thus contributed to a bride’s dowry,
for a Russian husband will take nothing by hearsay alone; he must be
convinced by ocular demonstration that he is not going to be cheated.
Among the upper classes the “trousseau” is always shown for several days
before the wedding takes place. I once saw one which was worth many
thousands of pounds: there were dozens of everything, all tied up with
narrow pink satin ribbon, quantities of table and bed linen, countless
dresses, mantles, and all the etcetera of a lady’s toilette, beautiful
jewellery and magnificent furs, everything that money could purchase, and
in such abundance, that in the longest lifetime it would be impossible to
wear them out.
I knew a lady of very high rank in Russia, at whose house I frequently
met some old ladies well known in St. Petersburg as a kind of
“matrimonial attorneys.” I was surprised that such persons should be so
intimate with her, but my astonishment ceased when it was announced that
“the Princess L. was going to be married.” I guessed how matters had been
arranged, and my conjectures were afterwards confirmed by the parties
themselves, and I found that it was a very common occurrence among the
aristocracy.
As soon as the conditions are agreed on between a Russian and his bride,
they go together to call at the houses of their friends and acquaintances
to receive their congratulations: the same is done the day after the
marriage ceremony has been performed.
The general rule in Russia that the lady’s friends should find the money,
which is of _rather more_ consequence than _the bride_, and that the
gentleman’s friends should find the man to accept it, may partly account
for the unhappy marriages and immoral consequences of them, by which one
half of the inhabitants are enabled to amuse themselves with the scandal
of the other half. I have frequently been told by the Russian ladies
themselves, that, if a young person has money, it needs only to become
known _for a certainty_, and suitors will present themselves even from
remote provinces: it matters little whether she be good, handsome, or
amiable; they make an offer after having seen her but once, and they are
married. It must, indeed, be a chance if they are happy.
One of the great reasons why the ladies in Russia are so extremely
desirous of being married is, that they really enjoy no freedom until
they are so: before marriage they are under so strict a surveillance,
that they can scarcely go from one room to another without being watched.
This excessive restraint only makes them abuse their freedom when they
get it, and doubtless much of their légèreté may be ascribed to it. As
soon as they are _Madame_ instead of _Mademoiselle_, they frequently
commence a life of dissipation that only ends when they are too old to
enjoy it: they then devote the remainder of their existence to Heaven,
hoping by the prayers of their age to efface the sins of their youth.
Yet it is but just to say that illustrious examples of excellent and
affectionate mothers, as well as amiable and devoted wives, are very
often met with among the Russian ladies; their natural kindness of heart
and charming dispositions cause them to centre their affections on their
families, and prevent them from falling into errors of which the highest
classes are guilty. “Le nôtre est le siècle de Louis Quinze,” said a
gentleman one day, in speaking of the society in St. Petersburg. Alas!
with too much truth. Yet if we take his as a true comparison, we should
find that _all classes_ in France, even under the reign of such a king,
at the head of such a court, were not equally corrupted.
I will add one more example of the manner in which alliances are formed
in Russia. A lady, who had adopted her nephew, being desirous of seeing
him settled, mentioned her wish one day to him. “Very well, _chère
tante_, and whom would you wish me to marry?”
“_Eh bien!_ there is Catherine ——; she is rich, of good family, and
would, I dare say, make you a suitable wife; I saw her some weeks since,
when we were down on our estate.”
“Is she handsome?”
“She is not bad looking, and she is twenty-six.”
“If you wish it, certainly, my dear aunt, I will go down to Tcheringoff
and make her an offer.”
He did so, and they were married.
In the northern provinces there is a curious custom. When a young
woman is going to be married, she invites all her companions to an
evening-party the night preceding the intended ceremony. When all the
company are assembled, the bride begins to weep and lament, expressing
the utmost sorrow at the change about to take place, and at her now being
obliged to bid adieu to the pleasures and friends of her girlhood. In all
her distress she is joined by her acquaintances, who each shed tears and
mourn with her. During all this time the bridegroom is probably in the
next room, and very likely catches a glimpse of his bride through the
open door for the first or second time that he has ever seen her. An old
woman always acts as the prompter on these occasions; her duty consists
in warning the young person as to the proper time to weep, what she ought
to say, &c., as until _she_ begins it is not the etiquette for the others
to do so. I imagine that this custom is confined to some of the northern
provinces, as I have frequently inquired about it elsewhere, and found it
was quite unknown.
The marriage ceremony in the Greco-Russian Church is full of form, as,
indeed, are most of its acts of worship.
The first Russian wedding I saw struck me as curious. A servant-girl of
the family was married to the gardener; they both belonged to the same
proprietor, therefore there was no possible objection to the match. As
the Russians are very anxious to have as many witnesses as may be at the
ceremony, the bride begged the honour of her mistress’s company, as well
as that of all those on a visit at the house. The lady herself assisted
in dressing the bride, and made her a present of a great deal of finery
for the occasion, among which was a white silk dress and a wreath of
orange blossoms: she was present when the ceremony of parting the hair
into two plaits[5] was performed, and appeared to take great interest
in the whole affair. We all dressed _en grande tenue_, to do honour to
the occasion, and repaired to the cathedral in which the marriage was
to take place. On entering we found the happy couple already arrived;
the bride was standing on the left hand of the bridegroom; she had two
bridesmaids besides the two _garçons de nôces_ necessary for the Greek
ceremony. A moveable reading-desk stood in the body of the church, at
which the priest took his place, assisted by the deacon or clerk. The
bridal party advanced towards it, the bridegroom presenting the two
rings (for among the Russians husband and wife each wear one) to the
clergyman, who, having blessed and changed them, held them above the head
of the kneeling couple, and made the sign of the cross; he then addressed
a few words to each, asking them if they had no greater love for another,
and if any objection existed against the marriage. On their replying in
the negative, he placed the hand of the bride in that of the bridegroom,
and led them thrice round the reading-desk, the two _garçons de nôces_
holding above their heads two silver-gilt crowns, ornamented with the
miniatures of saints. A piece of rose-coloured satin was laid down at
one part of the ceremony for the pair to stand on, and it is considered
a very unlucky omen if the bride step on it before the bridegroom. The
newly-married couple received the communion, and the priest, having read
to them the portions of Scripture addressed to those who take upon them
the holy state of matrimony, gave them his benediction, and the ceremony
was concluded. If a widow marry, the use of the crown is dispensed with.
After leaving the church we proceeded to the house of the bridegroom, to
witness the ceremony of the blessing on the threshold. The bride bowed
thrice, her brow touching the ground, and each time she was raised by the
husband’s friends; _his_ mother then, holding a loaf of black bread above
the head of her daughter-in-law, made the sign of the cross three times,
and bestowed her blessing on the union, whilst others went to the image
of the Virgin and Child, and lighted the lamp suspended before it.
A wedding in Russia is a general feast for all the friends and
acquaintances of both bride and bridegroom, and only differs in the
profusion and wealth displayed according to the means of the parties.
Among the rich a splendid supper and ball are given, because among them
the ceremony is performed in the evening; and when the newly-married
couple wish to retire, their desire is intimated to the guests by the
presentation of bonbonnières to each of them, when they immediately take
their leave.
I often met bridal parties in the villages. I remember near Twer
encountering a curious cavalcade, consisting of the wedding-guests of
a yemstchick. He and his male companions were on horseback, carrying
flags of different colours, or handkerchiefs tied to sticks; their hats
were decorated with peacocks’ feathers and faded artificial flowers, and
their crimson shirts fluttered in the wind; they had no saddles, and with
difficulty could keep their seats on the rough-coated wild-looking cattle
they bestrode: altogether they presented a rather picturesque appearance.
They seemed very merry, for they were singing with all their might some
of their national airs, which we heard at the distance of a verst before
we saw the party. As for the ladies, they followed behind, sitting _à
califourchon_, two on each droshsky, and appeared too much occupied
in eating gingerbread and cracking nuts to care much about the very
ridiculous figure they made. The whole of the company seemed to have had
quite enough whisky to make them not only gay but boisterous, and they
appeared determined to forget all grief and sorrow, and to spend at least
_one_ day of their life in complete enjoyment.
Even the imperial sledge makes way for a bridal party, so of course
we turned our horses aside to let all these gay people pass, which
complaisance on our part seemed to give extreme satisfaction, if I may
judge by the shouts of laughter on the occasion.
I once met a bridal party in a village in the province of Jaroslaf, which
struck me as being very interesting; they had just quitted the church,
and were apparently repairing to the young husband’s isba or cottage. The
bride was a girl of about seventeen, pretty and modest; she was slowly
walking with downcast eyes by the side of her husband, who was a youth
of twenty or so; their hands were clasped together, and the look of real
affection he cast on his companion proved that, in their case at least,
the marriage made at the command of their proprietor was not felt as an
act of despotism.
Among the various modes of matchmaking in Russia I ought not to omit to
mention that of Whit Monday. On that day a general meeting of lads and
lasses takes place, at least of all those who are desirous of taking upon
them the duties of a married life.
I went several times on such occasions to the summer gardens of St.
Petersburg to see “the brides.” Along the principal walk were two rows
of candidates: on one side were the young men, on the opposite side the
young women: they appeared to consist for the most part of shopkeepers
and servants, and were of course all of the inferior ranks in society.
They were dressed in a great deal of finery badly put on, and a great
many colours ill-assorted. The young men were, upon the whole, rather
good-looking, but an uglier assemblage of young women it would be
difficult to meet with anywhere, notwithstanding their painted faces and
silk gowns.
Speaking of paint reminds me of a curious custom in Russia, which may
serve to show how very common its use is among the people: when a young
man is paying his court to a girl he generally presents her with a box of
both red and white paint, as a necessary addition to her beauty. Among
the upper classes this habit is also very general, and I have often been
present when ladies have most unceremoniously rouged their face before
going into the drawing-room. The lower class use a great deal of white
paint, which gives them an extremely ghastly appearance, and must be very
injurious to the health, as it turns the teeth quite black; I was told
that it consists of a preparation of mercury.
But to return to the “brides” in the summer garden. There seemed to be
very little laughing or merriment among them; there they stood, silent
and almost motionless, with their arms hanging straight by their sides;
they had evidently come upon a serious business, and were heroically
intent on carrying it through. I noticed that behind the young people
were the elders of the family, to whom now and then they addressed a few
words.
Being anxious to know in what manner matches were made at this
“statute-fair,” I applied to an old lady of our party.
“Do you not see,” replied she, “that the parents and friends of the
candidates are behind them? Well, when a young man has fixed his
choice on one of the girls, he informs his mother or father of it, who
immediately proceeds to make all sorts of inquiries concerning her, as
to the amount of her marriage-portion, quantity of wedding-clothes, what
her household accomplishments are, &c.: having received the necessary
replies, and given information in return, if it meet with the approbation
of the parties the affair does not take long to be arranged to the
satisfaction of all.”
“But do you think they can be happy?”
“And why not?” replied my friend: “having once determined upon taking a
ticket in the matrimonial lottery, the chances are they enjoy as much
felicity as generally falls to the share of other couples. Marriages, you
know, the proverb says, are made in heaven.”
Those married in the Greek Church cannot be divorced, but I believe the
union can be dissolved by the Emperor for some particular reasons. I have
been told that, if the husband be banished for life to Siberia, the wife
is perfectly at liberty to wed again, as in the eye of the law the former
is to all intents and purposes considered as defunct, and has neither a
name nor family, being only designated according to the number by which
he may be classed, such as one, two, three, and so on. No one can be
married more than _thrice_ in Russia.