This chapter is devoted to the gathering up of the fragments that
remain from all the other departments that cannot be rigidly
classified, and yet are useful to remember.
There are many minute points of etiquette which, although not extremely
important, often serve as a source of embarrassment to uninitiated
persons, and upon which information that can be relied upon is desired.
Who Bows First?
Whether the lady or gentleman should bow first is a point where many
differ. That the lady should bow first, most authorities agree in
declaring. This acts as a safeguard to a lady, permitting her to drop
an undesirable acquaintance, as a failure to bow would be considered
the “cut direct.” But some ladies are forgetful of faces, and some
are near-sighted, thus preventing ready recognition of others; so
that, while this custom might apply to introductions given at a ball,
still, a bow hurts no one, and an undesirable acquaintance is easily
dropped without this rudeness. Hence it would seem that, whichever
one recognizes first, the other ought to have the privilege of bowing
without breaking this social law, which is better observed in the
spirit than in the letter.
“Lady” or “Gentleman?”
These terms have come to be used so continuously, and sometimes so
meaninglessly that they bid fair to crowd out the sweet, strong words,
“man” and “woman,” and a revulsion of taste has swept in that goes nigh
in some “sets” to utterly swamp the “lady” and “gentleman.” Either
extreme is a mistake.
There is a right and wrong use of these terms; for example, one says to
one’s servants, or to one’s children, “I expect some ladies to visit
me to-morrow,” while later, referring to them in conversation with a
friend, one may say, “they are women of exquisite culture.” A matron
may speak of young ladies as “girls,” but if she be not intimate,
“young ladies,” is more usual, or she may address them collectively as
“young women.”
Misuse of the Term “Lady.”
The term “lady” has been more abused than that of “gentleman.” The
words “fore-lady,” “sales-lady,” “wash-lady,” have rendered it
ludicrous when one thinks of contrasting it with the terms, happily
never used, of “fore-gentleman,” “sales-gentleman,” etc.
Formal consideration asks “if the ladies are at home,” and refined
custom requires it. But to express the graces and endowments of a
woman, it is her womanliness that is emphasized. “She is a gracious,
sweet-tempered, kindly woman.” The same distinction applies to the use
of the term “gentleman,” or “man.”
Says one writer, giving some examples of the use of these words:
“A polite host would say, ‘The men are looking for some ladies who
would enjoy a game of tennis,’ or, ‘I can promise the young ladies a
pleasant time, for there will be a great many dancing men present.’ One
gentleman says to another, in expressing his admiration, ‘Miss Blank is
my ideal of a lovely and lovable woman’ (he does not say ‘lady’), but
in the same breath he may add, ‘Let us join the ladies (not ‘women’) on
the balcony.’”
One should always say “she is such a sweet old lady,” rather than “she
is such a sweet old woman.”
Much might be said in this regard, but after all, exact discrimination
of the proper term at the proper time must be left somewhat to the
personal judgment of each man and woman.
The leading business and professional men owe their success, in great
measure, to their graciousness in business manners. It is well, from
many points of view, to form the habit of treating all, rich and
poor, men and women, with uniform courtesy. The pleasant business man
draws the largest custom. The polite professional man secures the best
clientage.
Pay bills and drafts promptly, or else explain satisfactorily to your
creditor when you will be able to meet the obligation. If your word
has always been as good as your bond, in nine cases out of ten he will
grant the extension of time desired.
Keep appointments to the moment. If unable to do so, send a messenger
to explain. Finish your business promptly and then leave. Time is
money. Never misrepresent goods, nor allow others in your employ so to
do.
Enclose a stamped envelope for reply when asking for information that
is to benefit yourself solely. Answer letters of inquiry promptly. Do
not display curiosity in regard to business matters that do not concern
you, nor try to examine the books or private papers of another. Be
polite to all employés. They will give much better service.
Business Forms are always useful, hence we furnish some that are in
constant use:
A Promissory Note.
$300. CHICAGO, Ill., November 5, 189-.
Ninety days after date I promise to pay to Charles Chapman, or order,
at the Second National Bank, Three Hundred Dollars, value received.