The evening party may be as elaborate or as simple an affair as the
hostess may desire. In its elaborate form it only differs from the
ball in the one respect that dancing may, or may not, be introduced as
a feature of the entertainment, while a ball is given for the express
purpose of dancing, and is always so understood.
Invitations.
Invitations for an elaborate evening party are sent out ten days or
two weeks in advance and are issued in the name of the hostess alone.
Husband and wife may be invited together, addressing the envelope to
“Mr. and Mrs. John Doe;” and daughters, if there are several, may be
included in one invitation as “The Misses Doe.” Sons, if there be more
than one, receive separate invitations, though they can be included in
one as “Messrs. Doe.” But friends, even though sheltered by the same
rooftree, must receive separate invitations. To invite “The Misses Doe
and Roe,” or “Messrs. Brown and Green,” or even “Mrs. Doe and Family,”
would be in bad form. To invite the husband to any entertainment where
there are ladies without including the wife would be a direct insult.
Invitations may be sent by post or carried by messengers. (For forms
see Department of “Invitations, Formal and Informal.”)
Society is so complex, and there is so much ground to cover in picking
up its relations that many ladies are tempted to pay off all social
debts at once by giving one great crush of an entertainment and
inviting all those to whom they are socially indebted. To all these one
is tempted to say, “Don’t.” The labor is less and the pleasure greater
where two or more smaller entertainments are given at different times.
A hostess is at liberty to invite only those to whom she is socially
indebted, and members of a large social circle from whom she has not
received recent hospitalities must not feel hurt at being left out.
Where the family is large she may invite some members and not others,
but should she courteously invite the entire group, it is a rule of
society that never more than three members of the same family should
accept an invitation to the same entertainment. Either accept or
decline such invitations at once. (For proper forms see department of
“Acceptances and Regrets.”)
Receiving.
At a large evening party the arrangements for receiving guests, the
dressing rooms, etc., and duties of the hostess in receiving, are the
same as at a ball, and the supper served in the same fashion.
Ladies invited to help receive are not simply asked as a compliment to
their friendship. It is not their sole duty to stand beside the hostess
for the hour of coming and smile and shake hands with each guest and
then see no more of them that evening. When a lady issues invitations
for a large evening gathering she usually decides to ask some intimate
friends “to receive with her.”
If she expressed what she really meant, and what she supposes her
friends understand, she will say: “Will you come and help me in the
actual entertaining of the guests, for I shall have only time to stand
at the door and say, ‘How do you do;’ ‘Good-by.’” But no, she phrases
it conventionally: “Will you come and receive with me?” And so they
come in a flock and do nothing but “receive.”
Should Make Every One Happy.
A woman who is invited “to receive” should arrive at the hour of the
invitation, not one minute before, unless for some especial reason she
is requested to do so by her hostess. She should remove her wraps and
quietly join her hostess in the rooms below, where, probably, she will
have a cup of hot bouillon brought to her at once and maybe a glass
of wine. For a half hour or so she should stand with the hostess and
only take upon herself the task of greeting, but, as the rooms begin
to fill, she should leave her place and go slowly about the rooms, not
talking and visiting with friends, and having a good time herself, but
passing by the groups of gay and lively ones, who know every one and
seek out the solitary and alone. To these is her especial mission, to
make them known to some of her own intimates, whose friendship is so
certain and so warm that it will stand this demand of introducing a
stranger.
An acquaintance is not necessary for this giving of attention. A member
of the receiving party may speak to any one in the room without even
the form of introducing herself, although, if she sees after a few
words that she is unknown she will bring her own name casually into the
conversation, making no effort to do so. Any guest will feel flattered
on being addressed by the ladies receiving.
Making Things Easy for the Hostess.
Another duty she owes is keeping her eyes on the hostess and seeing
that she is never left alone for one single moment in her position by
the door. One of the receiving party ought to be beside her constantly
ready to execute any wish she may express, as, for instance, if she
say: “I see Mrs. K. coming down the stairs; she is a perfect stranger;
see that she meets a few—Mrs. Blank, especially.” She will greet Mrs.
K., chat a second, and quietly draw her to one side continuing the
conversation all the time. Then seeing somebody near she will say: “I
want you to know Mrs. So-and-So; come over here and let me introduce
you.” Then she may leave Mrs. K. and look after some other awkward one
near, and, after a few minutes, taking some one else up to where Mrs.
K. and Mrs. So-and-So still stand, make them known. If Mrs. So-and-So
has a kind heart, by this time she will have made Mrs. K. acquainted
with some one else. The lady receiving should keep an eye on Mrs.
K., particularly if she seems to be afraid to move from one spot, as
strangers sometimes are.
Meantime, another member of the receiving party notices that the
hostess is alone, and she leaves her acts of mercy and returns to
her post, ready to assist in any way. To have such a little group of
friends transform themselves into willing slaves for the moment makes
the art of entertaining no trouble or fatigue at all.
Think of the utter loneliness to the stranger of entering the
drawing-room to be greeted by the hostess and handed down a long line
of the receiving party and then left to “that bath of loneliness
amidst the multitude,” which has its terrors for us all. It is over
such strays as this that the receiving party is supposed to have most
careful oversight, since to the hostess comes small leisure for this
duty.
Entertainment.
Before supper, cards, conversation, music are made use of to entertain
the guests. When dancing is a feature, it does not begin until after
supper, and while this amusement is in progress opportunity for
conversation, games, etc., should be provided in other rooms for those
who do not dance. Rules for going out to supper at a large party are
the same as those at a ball.
Duties of the Guests.
If music is one of the features, try and suit its character to the
company. Do not play classical music where it cannot possibly be
appreciated, and, above all, attempt nothing that cannot be executed
perfectly. In singing, let gentlemen remember that if it is an
amusing song they are to render, it must be perfectly unexceptional
in character. Ladies should bear in mind in singing that it is much
better taste in large assemblies to avoid the purely sentimental order
of songs, which, with the large number of beautiful compositions at our
disposal, is easily done.
[Illustration: ENTERTAINING THE GUESTS WITH A SONG.]
Observe scrupulous silence while others are playing and singing. If
you possess any musical accomplishments, and are asked to contribute
your share toward the entertainment of others, do so without waiting to
be urged; or, if you decline, decline absolutely. Urging should not
be resorted to by the hostess, which custom would soon cure a certain
class of performers from the disagreeable habit of holding back for
repeated solicitations. If you consent to play or sing, do not weary
your audience. Two or three stanzas of a song, or four or five pages
from a long instrumental piece are sufficient. If more is greatly
desired it will always be called for.
Remember, it is only the lady of the house who has the right to ask you
to play or sing, and to all other requests give a smiling refusal.
Beware of too Much Reserve.
Remember also, that, for the time being, owing to your mutual
acquaintance with the host and hostess, you stand on a perfect equality
with all the guests present and should, therefore, without further
preliminaries, converse freely with any.
Never commit the blunder of stealing away to a side table, and there
affecting to be absorbed in some volume of engravings, or finding some
unlucky acquaintance in the room, fasten upon him or her for the entire
evening. These are social crimes that no shyness can or should excuse.
Where the party is a small social gathering and various parlor games
are resorted to for amusement, one should always join in when asked,
even while not caring so to do. Exercise skill, appear pleased, and
while, perhaps, not enjoying the evening greatly one’s self, there will
be at least the consciousness of having contributed to the happiness of
others. In reality, there is no better field for employing the Golden
Rule than in the whirl of social life—no wider field for unselfishness.
A superficial knowledge of the etiquette and rules that govern the
various social games of cards will be found a great advantage in
society, since, if one does not dance or play cards, he will be forced
to content himself with other wall-flowers like himself. A gentleman
should never let even urgent solicitation induce him to play for stakes
at a party. There is a code of right and wrong beside which the code of
society has no weight.
Hours of Arrival and Departure.
An evening party usually begins about nine P. M. It is supposed to end
about midnight unless the devotees prefer to remain later. Some who do
not care for this amusement retire immediately after supper.
When to leave at a ball is a very elastic rule which varies to suit the
circumstances of the case. To leave as soon after supper as may be or
to stay until the ball is actually over, are equally correct courses to
follow. Half past one is a very good time to depart. Here in this busy
country where the gallants of the evening will be the business men of
the morrow, earlier hours are usual than among the leisure classes of
the Old World.
In retiring from a large party it is sufficient to bow politely when
expressing the pleasure you have received. And if the hostess or host
offer the hand, shake it cordially, but not too roughly.
An after call is required the same as after a ball or dinner party.