You ought to be.
No danger shall deter me from doing what I think to be right. If my
motives justify me, I cannot fear.
Do you wish me, sir, to stay in England till your return?
A question so home put, disturbed him. Was it a prudent one in the lady?
It must either subject her to a repulse; or him, by a polite answer, to
give her hope, that her stay in England might not be fruitless, as to the
view she had in coming. He reddened. It is fit, answered he, that your
own pleasure should determine you. It did, pardon me, madam, in your
journey hither.
She reddened to her very ears. Your brother, ladies, has the reputation
of being a polite man: bear witness to this instance of it. I am ashamed
of myself!
If I am unpolite, madam, my sincerity will be my excuse; at least to my
own heart.
O, that inflexible heart! But, ladies, if the inhospitable Englishman
refuse his protection in his own country, to a foreign woman, of no mean
quality; do not you, his sisters, despise her.
They, madam, and their lords, will render you every cheerful service.
Let me request you, my sisters, to make England as agreeable as possible
to this lady. She is of the first consideration in her own country: she
will be of such wherever she goes. My Lady Maffei deserves likewise your
utmost respect. Then addressing himself to them; Ladies, said he,
encourage my sisters: they will think themselves honoured by your
commands.
The two sisters confirmed, in an obliging manner, what their brother had
said; and both ladies acknowledged themselves indebted to them for their
offered friendship: but Lady Olivia seemed not at all satisfied with
their brother: and it was with some difficulty he prevailed on her to
return to the company, and drink coffee.
I could not help reflecting, on occasion of this lady's conduct, that
fathers and mothers are great blessings, to daughters, in particular,
even when women grown. It is not every woman that will shine in a state
of independency. Great fortunes are snares. If independent women escape
the machinations of men, which they have often a difficulty to do, they
will frequently be hurried by their own imaginations, which are said to
be livelier than those of men, though their judgments are supposed less,
into inconveniencies. Had Lady Olivia's parents or uncles lived, she
hardly would have been permitted to make the tour of Europe: and not
having so great a fortune to support vagaries, would have shone, as she
is well qualified to do, in a dependent state, in Italy, and made some
worthy man and herself happy.
Had she a mind great enough to induce her to pity Clementina, I should
have been apt to pity her; for I saw her soul was disturbed. I saw that
the man she loved was not able to return her love: a pitiable case!--I
saw a starting tear now and then with difficulty dispersed. Once she
rubbed her eye, and, being conscious of observation, said something had
got into it: so it had. The something was a tear. Yet she looked with
haughtiness, and her bosom swelled with indignation ill concealed.
Sir Charles repeated his recommendation of her to Lord L---- and Lord
G----. They offered their best services: Lord W---- invited her and all
of us to Windsor. Different parties of pleasure were talked of: but
still the enlivener of every party was not to be in any one of them. She
tried to look pleased; but did not always succeed in the trial: an eye of
love and anger mingled was often cast upon the man whom everybody loved.
Her bosom heaved, as it seemed sometimes, with indignation against
herself: that was the construction which I made of some of her looks.
Lady Maffei, however, seemed pleased with the parties of pleasure talked
of. She often directed herself to me in Italian. I answered her in it
as well as I could. I do not talk it well: but as I am not an Italian,
and little more than book-learned in it, (for it is a long time ago since
I lost my grandpapa, who used to converse with me in it, and in French,)
I was not scrupulous to answer in it. To have forborne, because I did
not excel in what I had no opportunity to excel in, would have been false
modesty, nearly bordering upon pride. Were any lady to laugh at me for
not speaking well her native tongue, I would not return the smile, were
she to be less perfect in mine, than I am in hers. But Lady Olivia made
me a compliment on my faulty accent, when I acknowledged it to be so.
Signora, said she, you shew us, that a pretty mouth can give beauty to a
defect. A master teaching you, added she, would perhaps find some fault;
but a friend conversing with you, must be in love with you for the very
imperfection.
Sir Charles was generously pleased with the compliment, and made her a
fine one on her observation.
He attended the two ladies to their lodgings in his coach. He owned to
Dr. Bartlett, that Lady Olivia was in tears all the way, lamenting her
disgrace in coming to England, just as he was quitting it; and wishing
she had stayed at Florence. She would have engaged him to correspond
with her: he excused himself. It was a very afflicting thing to him, he
told the doctor, to deny any request that was made to him, especially by
a lady: but he thought he ought in conscience and honour to forbear
giving the shadow of an expectation that might be improved into hope,
where none was intended to be given. Heaven, he said, had, for laudable
ends, implanted such a regard in the sexes towards each other, that both
man and woman who hoped to be innocent, could not be too circumspect in
relation to the friendships they were so ready to contract with each
other. He thought he had gone a great way, in recommending an intimacy
between her and his sisters, considering her views, her spirit, her
perseverance, and the free avowal of her regard for him, and her menaces
on his supposed neglect of her. And yet, as she had come over, and he
was obliged to leave England so soon after her arrival; he thought he
could not do less: and he hoped his sisters, from whose example she might
be benefited, would, while she behaved prudently, cultivate her
acquaintance.
The doctor tells me, that now Lady Olivia is so unexpectedly come hither
in person, he thinks it best to decline giving me, as he had once
intended, her history at large; but will leave so much of it as may
satisfy my curiosity, to be gathered from my own observation; and not
only from the violence and haughtiness of her temper, but from the
freedom of her declarations. He is sure, he said, that his patron will
be best pleased, that a veil should be thrown over the weaker part of her
conduct; which, were it known, would indeed be glorious to Sir Charles,
but not so to the lady; who, however, never was suspected, even by her
enemies, of giving any other man reason to tax her with a thought that
was not strictly virtuous: and she had engaged his pity and esteem, for
the sake of her other fine qualities, though she could not his love.
Before she saw him (which, it seems, was at the opera at Florence for the
first time, when he had an opportunity to pay her some slight civilities)
she set all men at defiance.
To-morrow morning Sir Charles is to breakfast with me. My cousins and I
are to dine at Lord L----'s. The Earl and Lady Gertrude are also to be
there. Lord W---- has been prevailed upon to stay, and be there also, as
it is his nephew's last day in England.--'Last day in England!' O, my
Lucy! what words are those!--Lady L---- has invited Lady Olivia and her
aunt, at her own motion, Sir Charles (his time being so short) not
disapproving.
I thank my grandmamma and aunt for their kind summons. I will soon set
my day: I will, my dear, soon set my day.