MISS BYRON.--IN CONTINUATION
TUESDAY, APRIL 4.
Sir Charles Grandison came to town last night. He was so polite as to
send to inquire after my health; and to let Mr. Reeves know, that he
would do himself the honour, as he called it, of breakfasting with him
this morning. Very ceremonious either for his own sake or for mine--
Perhaps for both.
So I am in expectation of seeing within this half-hour, the noble
Clementina's future--Ah Lucy!
The compliment, you see, is to Mr. Reeves--Shall I stay above, and see if
he will ask for me? He owes me something for the emotion he gave me in
Lord L----'s library. Very little of him since have I seen.
'Honour forbids me,' said he, then: 'Yet honour bids me.--But I cannot be
ungenerous, selfish.'--These words are still in my ear.--What could he
mean by them?--Honour forbids me--What! to explain himself? He had been
telling me a tender tale: he had ended it. What did honour forbid him to
do?--Yet honour bids me! Why then did he not follow the dictates of
honour?
But I cannot be unjust:--To Clementina he means. Who wished him to be
so?--Unjust! I hope not. It is a diminution to your glory, Sir Charles
Grandison, to have the word unjust, in this way of speaking, in your
thoughts! As if a good man had lain under a temptation to be unjust; and
had but just recollected himself.
'I cannot be ungenerous.' To the noble lady, I suppose? He must take
compassion on her. And did he think himself under an obligation to my
forwardness to make this declaration to me, as to one who wished him to
be ungenerous to such a lady for my sake!--I cannot bear the thought of
this. Is it not as if he had said, 'Fond Harriet, I see what you expect
from me--But I must have compassion for, I cannot be ungenerous to,
Clementina!'--But, what a poor word is compassion! Noble Clementina! I
grieve for you, though the man be indeed a generous man!--O defend me, my
better genius, from wanting the compassion even of a Sir Charles
Grandison!
But what means he by the word selfish! He cannot be selfish!--I
comprehend not the meaning of this word--Clementina has a very high
fortune--Harriet but a very middling one. He cannot be unjust,
ungenerous to Clementina--Nor yet selfish--This word confounds me, from a
man that says nothing at random!
Well, but breakfast-time is come, while I am busy in self-debatings. I
will go down, that I may not seem to affect parade. I will endeavour to
see with indifference, him that we have all been admiring and studying
for this last fortnight, in such a variety of lights. The christian: the
hero: the friend:--Ah, Lucy! the lover of Clementina: the generous
kinsman of Lord W----: the modest and delicate benefactor of the
Mansfields: the free, gay, raillier of Lady Beauchamp; and, in her, of
all our sex's foibles!
But he is come! While I am prating to you with my pen, he is come--Why,
Lucy, would you detain me?--Now must the fool go down in a kind of hurry:
Yet stay till she is sent for.--And that is now.