MISS BYRON, TO MISS SELBY
MONDAY, APRIL 3.
The Countess of D----, and the earl, her son, have but just left us. The
countess sent last night, to let my cousin Reeves know of their intended
morning visit, and they came together. As the visit was made to my
cousin, I did not think myself obliged to be in waiting for them below. I
was therefore in my closet, comforting myself with my own agreeable
reflections. They were there a quarter of an hour before I was sent to.
Their talk was of me. I am used to recite my own praises, you know; and
what signifies making a parade of apologies for continuing the use? I
don't value myself so much as I once did on peoples favourable opinions.
If I had a heart in my own keeping, I should be glad it was thought a
good one; that's all. Yet though it has littlenesses in it that I knew
nothing of formerly, I hope it is not a bad one.
My Lord D----, by the whole turn of the partial conversation, was led to
expect a very extraordinary young woman. The lady declared, that she
would have her talk out, and hear all my two cousins were inclined to say
of me, before I was sent up to, as I was not below when they came.
I was therefore to be seen only as a subject of curiosity. My lord had
declared, it seems, that he would not be denied an introduction to me by
his mother. But there were no thoughts of making any application to a
girl whose heart was acknowledged not to be her own. My lord's honour
would not allow of such an intention. Nor ought it.
His impatience, however, hastened the message to me. The countess met me
half-way, and embraced me. My lovely girl, how do you?--My lord, said
she, turning to the earl, I need not say--This is Miss Byron.
He bowed low, and made me a very high compliment; but it had sense in it,
though high, and above my merits. Girls, writing of themselves on these
occasions, must be disclaimers, you know: But, my dear uncle, what care I
now for compliments? The man, from whose mouth only they could be
acceptable, is not at liberty to make me any.
The countess engaged me in an easy general conversation; part of which
turned upon Lord and Lady L----, Miss Grandison, and Miss Jervois, and
how I had passed my time at Colnebrook, in this wintry season, when there
were so many diversions in town. But, said she, you had a man with you,
who is the admiration of every man and woman, wherever he goes.
Is there no making an acquaintance, said my lord, with Sir Charles
Grandison? What I hear said of him, every time he is mentioned in
company, is enough to fire a young man with emulation. I should be happy
did I deserve to be thought of as a second or third man to Sir Charles
Grandison.
I dare say, returned I, your lordship's acquaintance would be highly
acceptable to him. He is easy of access. Men of rank, if men of merit,
must be of kindred, and recognize one another the moment they meet. But
Sir Charles will soon leave England.
The fool sighed: it was, you may believe, involuntarily. I felt myself
blush, and was the more silly for that.
The countess took my hand--One word with you, my dear--and led me out
into the next room, and sitting down, made me sit on the same settee with
her.
O that I could call you daughter! began she at once; and turning half
round to me, put one arm about me, with her other hand taking one of
mine, and earnestly looking in my downcast face.
I was silent. Ah, Lucy! had Lady D---- been the mother of Sir Charles
Grandison, with what pleasure could I have listened to her!
You said, my dear, that Sir Charles Grandison will soon leave England:
--and then you sighed--Will you be quite open-hearted?--May I ask you a
question in hope that you will?