(_POSTMARKS--LEEDS, HULL, AND ELSEWHERE._)
Mr. Punch was assisting at a Congress. The large room in which that
Congress was being held was crowded, and consequently the heat was
oppressive. The speeches, too, were not particularly interesting,
and the Sage became drowsy. It was fortunate, therefore, that a fair
maiden in a classical garb (who suddenly appeared seated beside him)
should have addressed him. The interruption reassembled in their
proper home his wandering senses.
"I fear, _Mr. Punch_," said the fair maiden, looking at herself in a
small mirror which she was holding in her right hand, "that you are
inclined to go to sleep."
"Well, I am," replied the Sage, with unaccountable bluntness; "truth
to tell, these orations about nothing in particular, spouted by
persons with an imperfect knowledge of, I should say, almost any
subject, bore me."
"The information is unnecessary," observed the young lady; with a
smile. "I share your feelings. But if you will be so kind as to pay a
little attention to the speakers while they are under my influence, I
think you will discover a new interest in their utterances."
"Are you an hypnotist, Madam?" asked _Mr. Punch_.
"Well, not exactly. But, when I have the chance, I can make people
speak the Truth."
Then _Mr. Punch_ listened, and was surprised at the strange things
that next happened.
"I wish to be perfectly frank with you," said a gentleman on the
platform; "I am here because I wish to see my name in the papers, and
all the observations I have made up to date have been addressed to the
reporters. I am glad I can control my thoughts, because I would not
for worlds let you know the truth. It is my ambition to figure as a
philanthropist, and on my word, I think this is the cheapest and most
effective mode of carrying out my intention."
Then the gentleman resumed his seat with a smile that suggested that
he was under the impression that he had just delivered himself of
sentiments bound to extort universal admiration.
"That is not exactly my case," observed a second speaker, "because I
do not care two pins for anything save the entertainments which are
invariably associated with scientific research, or philanthropical
inquiry. I pay my guinea, after considerable delay, and then expect
to take out five times that amount in grudgingly bestowed, but
competitionally provoked (if I may be pardoned the expression)
hospitality. I attend a portion--a small portion--of a lecture, and
then hurry off to the nearest free luncheon, or gratuitous dinner, in
the neighbourhood. I should be a tax upon my friends if I dropped in
at half-past one, or at a quarter to eight, punctually, and my motives
would be too wisely interpreted to a desire on my part to reduce the
sum total of my butcher's book. So I merely drop in upon a place where
a Congress is being held, and make the most of my membership."
"These startling statements are decidedly unconventional," said _Mr.
Punch_, turning towards his fair companion, "and that your influence
should cause them to be made, astounds me. I trust you will not
consider me indiscreet if I ask for--"
"My name and address," returned the fair maiden, smilingly, completing
the sentence; "Learn, then, that I live at the bottom of a well, to
which rather damp resting-place I am about to return; and that in
England I am called Truth."
And as the lady disappeared, _Mr. Punch_ fell from his chair, and
awoke!
"Dear me, I have been dreaming!" exclaimed the Sage, as he left
the meeting. "Well, as everyone knows, dreams are not in the least
like reality! But the strangest thing of all was to find Truth in a
Congress!"
And it was strange, indeed.
* * * * *