* * * * *
A butcher-boy in Washington Market says he has often heard of the
_fore_ quarters of the globe, but never heard any person say anything
about the _hind_ quarters.
* * * * *
“What is it that goes with the train, stops when it stops, that’s no
use to it, and yet it can’t go ten yards without it?”
“Give it up.”
“The noise!”
* * * * *
“I believe that man Swindler is a palmist.”
“Why?”
“Played poker with him last night, when I got up to get a drink he
looked at my hand.”
* * * * *
I was arrested the other day for larceny. When I came before the judge
he said: “Young man, you’re arrested for picking the pocket of an old
man.” I said: “Your honor, I took them in rotation, just as they came
in the crowd.”
* * * * *
_She_--Do you believe there are microbes in kisses?
_He_--I never believe anything without investigation.
* * * * *
“My wife was very sick the other night and I thought she would die. She
moaned and groaned and tossed about and kicked all the bed covers off
her.”
“Well, what then?”
“I put the covers back and then she recovered.”
* * * * *
“I want a dog-collar.”
“Yes, sir,” replied the absent-minded man behind the counter. “What
size shirt do you wear?”
* * * * *
“That’s a mighty becoming dress you are wearing.”
“Becoming? Why, it hides my figure completely!”
“That’s what I said.”
* * * * *
“I wonder why it is that people cry at weddings?”
“I guess it is because they’ve been married themselves and they haven’t
got the heart to laugh.”
* * * * *
“Please, I want to buy a dollar’s worth of hay.”
“Is it for your father?”
“Oh, no; it’s for the horse; father doesn’t eat hay!”
* * * * *
“Why didn’t you eat your breakfast this morning?”
“’Twasn’t fit for a hog to eat.”