[Illustration: Canvas and Scrutiny.]
"_George Hotel," Billsbury, Friday, April 25th_.--Arrived this morning
in order to attend a "Monstre Open Air Conservative Fête, which was
held in the grounds of the Billsbury Summer Palace. The programme
was a very attractive one. First, there was a "reception of town
and county delegates and their ladies" by the Earl and Countess of
ROCHEVIEILLE. The Earl is a scrubby little fellow of about sixty,
who looks more like an old-clothes-man than anything else. Norman
noses--at least their descendants in this generation--are curiously
like the Semitic variety sometimes. The name is pronounced "Rovail,"
and both the Earl and Countess get blue with rage if anybody makes
a mistake about it, as nearly all the delegates did. They stood on a
raised daïs, and received delegates' addresses to the number of about
thirty. Lady ROCHEVIEILLE is a stout lady--very. It was a blazing hot
day, and she was "overcome" just as she was shaking hands with Colonel
and Mrs. CHORKLE, who were accompanied by BENJAMIN DISRAELI CHORKLE.
The rest of the CHORKLE family, including WILLIAMINA HENRIETTA SMITH
CHORKLE, who was in a nurse's arms, were somewhere about the grounds
looking for the "Magic Haunts of the Fairy Bulbul," and eating
enormous quantities of macaroons, which I had given them. Colonel
CHORKLE rather lost his head when Lady R. collapsed. He made an effort
to pick her up, but had to drop her heavily on the boards of the
daïs. Eventually, however, she was carried away and revived, and
the proceedings went on. There were Conservative merry-go-rounds,
Conservative negro-minstrels, Conservative acrobats and Conservative
dancing bears, distributed about the grounds. I was taken about by
Alderman MOFFAT and HOLLEBONE, who introduced me right and left to
hundreds of my supporters and their wives and daughters. At the end
of it all I felt as if I had got a heavy sort of how-do-you-do
smile regularly glued on my face. One of my chief supporters is an
undertaker named JOBSON. HOLLEBONE brought him up to me and said, "Mr.
JOBSON, permit me to introduce you to our popular young Candidate, Mr.
PATTLE. Mr. PATTLE let me have the honour of introducing you to our
popular young undertaker, Mr. JOBSON." Gave me rather a shock, but
JOBSON seemed quite a pleasant man. His wife was there too, gorgeously
dressed in red plush with an Indian shawl on her shoulders, and a
sealskin muff. She must have felt the heat horribly.
Later in the afternoon there was a political meeting, at which we all
spoke, but we had to make it short, as everybody was anxious to get
away to the "Refined Musical _Mélange_ (with incidental dances) of
the Sisters WILKINS," which was held in a specially erected tent.
Fireworks, illuminations, and dancing, ended the affair.
_April 26_.--Was made an Oddfellow to-day. Initiation didn't last
long. CHORKLE and JERRAM were initiated with me, and we all had to
make speeches afterwards, declaring our devotion to the great cause of
Oddfellowship. Afterwards sentiments were called for. The only one I
remember was given by a man called TABSEY, a tailor, who seems to be
rather famous for this kind of thing. After holding his hand to his
head for some time, and knitting his brows, he cleared his throat, and
said, in a loud voice,--"May the tear of true sympathy crystallise
as it falls, and be worn as a radiant jewel upon the finger of
affliction." This was vociferously applauded. I congratulated TABSEY
afterwards, and paid him a compliment about it. He told me he found
it a great relief, after a hard day's work in the shop, to throw off
a sentiment or two. He's going to publish a book of them, and I've had
to subscribe for six copies, at half a guinea each.
* * * * *
FROM A WATCHFUL OBSERVER.--SIR,--The other day I saw advertised in a
shop-window, "The Invisible Trouser Stretcher." Who wears "Invisible
Trousers"? Do you remember the story of _The Emperor of China's
Clothes?_--when they all cried, "He's got 'em on," and he hadn't. That
Invisible Trousers should exist is quite enough stretch of imagination
without any further stretcher.--Yours, THE DAY WATCHMAN.
* * * * *
MRS. R. AT THE OPERA.--Mrs. RAMSBOTHAM Junior went to hear _La
Traviata_. She expressed her sympathy with _Violetta_, between
two _Gourmands_. Remarking on the touching finish to the converted
_Traviata's_ career, Mrs. R. observed that it reminded her of the
poet's line about "She who stopped to cough, remained to pray."
* * * * *
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