[Sidenote: Hawkins uses the word 'Farce' instead of 'Stuff.']
Hawkins v. 11. Be not immodest in urging thy friend to discover his
secrets; lest an accidentall discovery of them work a breach in
your amitye.
61st. Utter not base and frivilous things amongst grave and Learn'd Men
nor very Difficult Questions or Subjects, among the Ignorant or things
hard to be believed, Stuff not your Discourse with Sentences amongst
your Betters nor Equals
Chapter vii. 1. dans la conuersation de gents doctes & habiles ne
debitez pas des bagatelles, & n'auancez pas des discours trop
releuez parmy les ignorants, qu'ils ne soient po[note: word missing
here] capables d'entendre, ou qu'ils ne puissent pas croire fort
facilement. ne debutez pas toûjours par des prouerbes,
particulierement parmy vos égaux, & bien moins auec vos superieurs.
ne parlez point de choses à cõtr[~e]teps, ou qui puissent choquer
les esprits de vos auditeurs. parmy les banquets, & dans les iours
de resioüissance ne mettez point sur le tapis de tristes nouuelles,
point de recits de rudes calamitez, point d'ordures, point de
deshõnestetez, point d'afflictions. bien au cõtraire si tels
discours se trouuent entamez par quelqu'autre, faites vostre
possible pour en détourner adroictement la suitte. ne contez iamais
vos songes qu'à de vos confidents, & encore que ce soit pour
profiter de leur interpretation; vous gardant bien d'y donner
aucune croyance.
[Sidenote: Walker says--'nor tell your dreams when perhaps your best
waking actions are not worth the reciting.']
When talking with learned and clever men, do not introduce trifles,
and do not bring forward too advanced conversation before ignorant
people which they cannot understand nor easily believe. Do not
always begin with proverbs, especially among your equals, and still
less with your superiors. Do not speak of things out of place, or
of such as may shock your hearers. At banquets and on days of
rejoicing do not bring up sorrowful news or accounts of sad
calamities, no filth, nothing improper, nothing afflicting. On the
contrary, if such conversation is begun by any one else, do your
best adroitly to turn the subject. Never relate your dreams except
to your confidants, and then only to profit by their
interpretation, taking care not to put the least belief in it.
62d. Speak not of doleful Things in a Time of Mirth or at the Table;
Speak not of Melancholy Things as Death and Wounds, and if others
Mention them Change if you can the Discourse tell not your Dreams, but
to your intimate Friend
_(The substance of Rule 62 is in the French Maxim quoted under the
previous Rule (61), beginning with the third sentence, 'Ne parlez
point, etc.')_ 63d. A Man ought not to value himself of his
Atchievements or rare Qua[lities, his Riches, Tit]les Virtue or
Kindred[; but he need not speak meanly of himself.]
Chapter vii. 2. Vne personne bien nourrie ne s'amuse iamais à faire
parade de ses belles actions, de son esprit, de sa vertu, & de ses
autres bonnes & loüables qualitez, au cõtraire il ne faut iamais
s'entretenir auec les autres de sa haute naissance, ou de la
Noblesse de ses parents, de ses richesses, ny de ses grandeurs, si
l'on n'y est contrainct. II ne faut pas aussi se raualler
entierement.
A well-bred person never makes parade of his good actions, wit,
virtue, and other good and praiseworthy qualities; on the contrary,
one ought never to speak with another about his high birth, the
nobility of his parents, his wealth or dignities, unless obliged to
do so. But one need not efface himself altogether.
64'th Break not a Jest where none take pleasure in mirth Laugh not
aloud, nor at all without Occasion, deride no man's Misfortune, tho'
there seem to be Some cause
Chapter vii. 3. Il ne faut pas se mettre sur la raillerie, quãd il
n'est point temps de solastrer. Gardez-vous bien d'éclater en
risées, d'y passer les bornes de la bienseance, & de le faire sans
un suiet raisonnable, pour suiure l'inclinatiõ qui vous porte à
rire. Ne prenez iamais suiet de rire du malheur d'autruy, quoy
qu'il semble en quelque façon digne de risée.
Jesting must be avoided when it is out of season. Beware of
bursting out into laughter, beyond the limits of decorum, and of
doing so without reasonable cause, merely from an inclination to
laugh. Never laugh at the misfortunes of others, although they seem
in some sort laughable
65th Speak not injurious Words neither in Jest nor Earnest Scoff at none
although they give Occasion
Chapter vii. 4. Ne donnez iamais de sobriquet, soit dans le jeu, ou
bien hors du jeu. Gardez vous bien de picquer qui que ce puisse
estre; ne vous mocquez d'aucune personne, particulierement d'entre
celles qui sont qualifiées, quoy qu'auec occasion.
Never give nicknames, whether in fun or not. Take care not to hurt
anybody, whoever it may be; do not mock any one, especially persons
of distinction, although there be occasion.
66th Be not forward but friendly and Courteous; the first to Salute hear
and answer & be not Pensive when it's a time to converse.
Chapter vii. 5. Ne vous rendez point morne & de fâcheux abord; mais
affable & prompt à rendre de bons offices, & soyez toûjours le
premier à saluër. Entendez bien ce que l'on vous dit & y respondez;
Ne vous retirez point à l'écart, quand le deuoir vous engage à la
conversation.
Do not be glum and unfriendly of approach; but affable, prompt in
rendering kind offices, and always the first to salute. Listen
carefully to what is said and respond; do not keep aloof when duty
requires you to take a share in the conversation.
67th. Detract not from others neither be excessive in Commending.
Chapter vii. 6. Gardez vous bien de medire d'aucune personne ou de
vous entretenir des affaires d'autruy. Et mesme souuenez vous de
garder la moderation dans vos loüanges.
[Sidenote: Walker says: 'Carry even between adulation and soureness.']
Take care not to speak ill of any one or to gossip of other
people's affairs. At the same time do not forget moderation in your
praises.
_(Dr. Toner thinks the last word of Rule 67 is written
'Commanding.' Sparks has 'commending.')_ 68th. Go not thither,
where you know not, whether you Shall be Welcome or not. Give not
Advice whth being Ask'd & when desired do it briefly
Chapter vii. 7. Ne vous ingerez pas dans les entretiens & les
consultations, où vous ne serez pas asseuré d'estre le bien venu.
Ne dites iamais vostre aduis des affaires que l'on ne vous l'ait
demandé, si toutesfois vous n'estes le premier en authorité, & que
ce ne soit point à contre-temps, ou sans apparence de quelque
auantage. Quand vous en estes prié, abregez vostre discours, &
prenez de bonne heure le noeud de l'affaire à demesler.
Do not force yourself into interviews or consultations at which you
are not sure of being welcome. Never give your advice on matters
when it has not been asked, unless you happen to be the highest in
authority; and do not let it be done out of place or without
prospect of any benefit. When your opinion is requested, be brief,
and reach quickly the knot of the matter under discussion.
69th If two contend together take not the part of either unconstrained,
and be not obstinate in your Opinion, in Things indiferent be of the
Major side.
Chapter vii. 8. Si deux personnes out quelque chose à decider
ensemble, ne prenez le party ny de l'vn, ny de l'autre, si quelque
grãde raison ne vous y oblige. Ne soustenez pas vos sentiments auec
vne trop grande obstination. Dans les matieres où les opiniõs sont
libres, prenez tousiours le party qui est le plus appuyé.
[Sidenote: Walker says: 'Thrust not your self to be Moderator or Umpire
in Controversies, till required']
If two persons have anything to decide between themselves do not
take the part of either unless some pressing reason obliges you to
do so. Do not maintain your ideas too obstinately. In matters in
which opinions are free, always take the side which has the most
support.
70th Reprehend not the imperfections of others for that belongs to
Parents Masters and Superiors.
Chapter vii. 9. Ne faites pas le censeur & le juge des fautes
d'autruy, car cela n'appartient qu'aux maistres, aux peres, & à
ceux qui out quelque superiorité. Il vous est toutesfois permis de
faire paroistre l'auersion que vous en cõceuez. Et vous pouuez bien
quelquesfois dõner aduis avantageux au defaillants.
Do not be the censor and judge of other peoples' faults, for that
only belongs to masters, fathers, and those who have some
superiority. But it is nevertheless allowable for you to show an
aversion you have conceived. And at times you may give advantageous
advice to those who are in the wrong.
71st. Gaze not at the marks or blemishes of Others and ask not how they
came. What you may Speak in Secret to your Friend deliver not before
others
Chapter vii. 10. Ne vous amusez pas à considerer curieusement les
defauts ou les taches, quoy que naturelles, particulierement si
elles se rencontrent au visage, & ne vous enquerez pas d'où elles
out precedé. Ce que vous diriez bien volontiers en l'oreille à vn
amy, doit estre conserué sous la clef du sil[~e]ce, lors que vous
vous trouuez en cempagnie
Take no pleasure in examining curiously defects or blemishes,
although natural, especially if they be in the face, nor enquire
what they proceed from. What you would readily say in the ear of a
friend ought to be preserved under the key of silence when you are
in society.
72d. Speak not in an unknown Tongue in Company but in your own Language
and that as those of Quality do and not as y'e Vulgar; Sublime matters
treat Seriously.
Chapter vii. 11. Ne vous seruez iamais en vos discours & n'employez
vne langue qui ne vous est pas bien cognuë & familiere, si ce n'est
en vne occasion bien pressante, pour donner plus clairement à
connoistre vostre pensée. Parlez tousiours en la vostre maternelle
& natale, non pas grossierement, comme la lie du peuple, ou les
pauures chambrieres; mais comme les plus delicats & les plus gros
Bourgeois, auec erudition & auec elegance. Et prenez à tâche
d'obseruer en vos discours les regles de l'honnesteté & de la
modestie; & vous gardez bien de ces contes vn peu trop libres; ne
les faites ny en l'oreille d'vn autre, ny ne les poussez par jeu
auec profusion. N'employez point de termes bas & raualez ou
populaires en des matieres hautes & reluées.
In your conversation never use a language with which you are not
thoroughly acquainted and familiar, unless in some very urgent case
to render your idea more clearly. Always speak in your native and
mother tongue, not coarsely like the dregs of the people, or poor
chamber-maids, but like the most refined and well-to-do citizens,
with erudition and elegance. And in your discourse take care to
observe the rules of decorum and modesty, and be sure to avoid
rather risky tales; do not whisper such to another, and do not
indulge them too frequently in sport. Do not use low, base or
vulgar expressions when treating of serious and sublime subjects.
73'd. Think before you Speak pronounce not imperfectly nor bring out
your Words too hastily but orderly and Distinctly
Chapter vii. 12. Ne vous mettez point à discourir, que vous ne vous
y soyez bien preparé, & que vous n'ayez bien estudié vostre suiet.
Dans l'entretien ordinaire, n'allez point chercher de periphrases,
point de subtilitez, ny de figures. Ne confondez point vos paroles
dans les coutumes d'vne langue trop brusque & begayante; mais
aussi, ne parlez pas si lentement, & à tant de reprises, que vous
donniez de l'ennuy.
Do not begin speaking unless you are quite prepared, and have well
studied your subject. In ordinary conversation do not seek
periphrases, subtleties, or figures of speech. Do not let your
words become confused by too abrupt or hesitating a delivery, and
do not let your speech be so slow and broken as to become tedious.
74th When Another Speaks be attentive your Self and disturb not the
Audience if any hesitate in his Words help him not nor Prompt him
without desired, Interrupt him not, nor Answer him till his Speech be
ended
Chapter vii. 13. Quand quelque autre parle, prenez garde de donner
suiet à ses Auditeurs de s'en detourner; & pour vous, écoutez-le
fauorablement & auec attention, sans destourner les yeux d'vn autre
costé, ou vous arrester à quelqu'autre pensée. Si quelqu'vn a de la
peine à tirer ses mots comme par force, ne vous amusez pas á luy en
suggerer, pour faire paroistre quelque desir d'aider celuy qui
parle, si'l ne vient à vous en prier, ou que le tout se passe dãs
le particulier, & qu'encore cette persõne soit de vos plus intimes
& familiers amis; & apres tout ne l'interrompez point, & ne luy
repliquez en aucune maniere, iusques à ce que luy-mesme ait acheué.
[Sidenote: Hawkins: 'If any drawl forth his words, help him not']
[Sidenote: The later French book has: 'It is not Civil when a Person of
Quality hesitates or stops in his discourse for you to strike in, though
with pretence of helping his memory.']
When another person is speaking, beware of drawing off the
attention of his hearers; and as for yourself, listen to him
favourably and attentively, without turning your eyes aside or
directing your thoughts elsewhere. If any one finds difficulty in
expressing himself, do not amuse yourself by suggesting words to
him, so as to show a desire to assist the speaker unless he so
requests or you are quite in private, and the person is also one of
your most intimate and familiar friends. Above all, do not
interrupt him, and in nowise reply to him until he has finished.
75th. In the midst of Discourse ask [not what it is about], but if you
Perceive any Stop because of [your arrival, rather request the speaker]
to Proceed: If a Person of Quality comes in while your Conversing its
handsome to Repeat what was said before
Chapter vii. 14. Quand vous arriuez sur la moitié de quelque
discours, ne vous enquerez pas du suiet de l'entretien; car cela
est trop hardy & ressent l'homme d'authorité. Suppliez plûtost
honnestement & courtoisement que l'on le poursuiue, si vous voyez
qu'il se soir interronpu à vostre arriuée, parquel que sorte de
deference. Au contraire s'il suruient quelqu'vn, lors que vous
parlerez, & particulierement si c'est vne personne qualifiée & de
merite, il est de la bien-seance de faire vne petite recapitulation
de ce qui a esté auancé, & de poursuiure la deduction de tout le
reste de la matiere.
[Sidenote: Hawkins: 'It is seemely to make a little Epilogue and
briefe collection of what thou deliveredst.]
If you arrive in the middle of any discussion, do not ask what it
is about; for that is too bold and savours of one in authority.
Rather ask, genteelly and courteously, that it may be continued, if
you see that the speaker has paused on your arrival, out of
civility. On the other hand, if any one comes whilst you are
speaking, and particularly if it be a person of quality or of
merit, it is in accordance with good manners to give a slight
recapitulation of what has been advanced, and then carry out the
deduction of all the rest of the matter.
76th. While you are talking, Point not with your Finger at him of Whom
you Discourse nor Approach too near him to whom you talk especially to
his face
Chapter vi. 17. Ne montrez point au doigt la personne dont vous parlez,
& ne vous approchez point trop prés de celuy que vous entretenez, non
plus que de son visage, à qui il faut toûjours porter quelque reuerence.
Do not point your finger at the person of whom you are speaking, and do
not go too near any one with whom you are conversing, especially not
near his face, which should always be held in some reverence.
77th. Treat with men at fit Times about Business & Whisper not in the
Company of Others
Chapter vi. 18. Si vous auez vne affaire particuliere à communiquer
a l'vne de deux personnes ou de plusieurs qui s'entretiennent
ensemble, expediez en trois mots, & ne luy dites pas en l'oreille
ce que vous auez à proposer; mais si la chose est secrette,
tirez-la tant soit peu à l'écart, s'il vous est possible, & que
rien ne vous en empesche; parlez luy en la langue que les
assistants entendent.
If you have any particular matter to communicate to one of two
persons or of several, who are talking together, finish it off in
three words, and do not whisper in his ear what you have to say; if
the matter be secret, take him aside a little, if possible, and
nothing prevents; speak to him in the language which those present
understand.
78th. Make no Comparisons and if any of the Company be Commended for any
brave act of Virtue, commend not another for the Same
Chapter vii. 21. Abstenez vous de faire des comparaisons des
personnes l'vne auec l'autre; Et partant si l'on donne des loüanges
à quelqu'vn pour vne bonne action, ou pour sa vertu, gardez vous
bien de loüer la mesme vertu en quelque autre. Car toute
comparaison se trouue odieuse.
Abstain from drawing comparisons between different persons; and if
any one is praised for a good action, or for his virtue, do not
praise another for the same. For all comparisons are odious.
79th. Be not apt to relate News if you know not the truth thereof. In
Discoursing of things you Have heard Name not your Author always A
Secret Discover not
Chapter vii. 22. Ne faites pas aisément dessein de redire aux
autres les nouuelles & les rapports qui auront couru touchant les
rencontres des affaires, si vous n'auez vn garant de leur verité.
Et ne vous amusez pas en racontant ces vau-de-villes, d'en citer
l'Autheur, que vous ne soyez bien asseuré qu'il ne le trouuera pas
mauuais. Gardez tousiours bien le secret qui vous a esté confié &
ne le ditez à personne, de crainte qu'il ne soit diuulgué.
[Sidenote: The later French book says: 'Discover not the secret of a
friend, it argues a shallow understanding and a weakness.']
Be not apt to relate rumours of events, if you know not their
truth. And in repeating such things do not mention your authority,
unless you are sure he will like it. Always keep the secret
confided to you; tell it to no one, lest it be divulged.
80th. Be not Tedious in Discourse or in reading unless you find the
Company pleased therewith
Chapter vii. 23. Si vous racontez, ou lisez, ou entreprenez d'en
prouuer par raisonnements quoy que ce soit, tranchez-le-court, &
particulierement quand le suiet en est peu important, ou quand vous
reconnoissez les dégousts qu'en ont les Auditeurs.
If you are relating or reading anything, or arguing any point, be
brief,--particularly when the subject is of small importance, or if
you detect weariness in the listeners.
81st. Be not Curious to Know the Affairs of Others neither approach to
those that Speak in Private
Chapter vii. 24. Ne témoignez pas de curiosité dans les affaires
d'autruy, & ne vous approchez dé là où l'on parle en secret.
Do not show any curiosity about other people's affairs, and do not
go near the place where persons are talking in private.
82d. Undertake not what you cannot Perform but be Carefull to keep your
Promise
Chapter vii. 25. Ne vous chargez point d'vne chose dont vous ne
vous pouuez acquiter; maintenez ce que vous auez promis.
Do not undertake anything that you cannot perform; keep your
promise.
83d. When you deliver a matter do it without Passion & with Discretion,
however mean y'e Person be you do it too
Chapter vii. 27. Quand vous faites vne ambassade, vn rapport, ou
donnez l'ouuerture de quelque affaire, taschez de le faire sans
passion & auec discretion, soit que vous ayez à traitter auec
personnes de peu, ou personnes de qualité.
When you fulfil a mission, deliver a report, or undertake the
opening of any matter, try to do it dispassionately and discreetly,
whether those with whom you have to treat be of humble or high
position.
84th. When your Superiours talk to any Body hearken not neither Speak
nor Laugh
Chapter vii. 27. Quand ceux qui out sur vous commandement, parlent
à quelqu'vn, gardez vous bien de parler, de rire, ou de les
escouter.
When your Superiors talk to any one, do not speak, laugh, or
listen.
85th. In Company of these of Higher Quality than yourself Speak not till
you are ask'd a Question then Stand upright put of your Hat & Answer in
few words
Chapter vii. 30. Estant auec de plus grands que vous,
principalement s'ils ont du pouuoir sur vous, ne parlez pas deuant
que d'estre interrogé, & alors leuez-vous debout, découurez-vous, &
répondez en pen de mots, si toutesfois l'on ne vous donne congé de
vous asseoir, ou de vous tenir couuert.
Being with persons of higher position than yourself, and especially
if they have authority over you, do not speak until you are
interrogated; then rise, remove your hat, and answer in few
words,--unless indeed you are invited to remain seated, or to keep
your hat on.
86th. In Disputes, be not so Desirous to Overcome as not to give Liberty
to each one to deliver his Opinion and Submit to y'e Judgment of y'e
Major Part especially if they are Judges of the Dispute.
Chapter vii. 31. Dans les disputes qui arriuent, principalement en
conuersation, ne soyez pas si desireux de gagner, que vous ne
laissiez dire a chacun son aduis, & soit que vous ayez tort, ou
raison, vous deuez acquiescer au jugement du plus grand nombre, ou
mesme des plus fascheux, & beaucoup plus de ceux de qui vous
dépendez, ou qui sont juges de la dispute.
In disputes that arise, especially in conversation, be not so
desirous to overcome as not to leave each one liberty to deliver
his opinion; and whether you be wrong or right you should acquiesce
in the judgment of the majority, or even of the most persistent,
all the more if they are your masters or patrons, or judges of the
discussion.
87th. [Let your bearing be such] as becomes a Man Grave Settled and
attentive [to what is said, without being too serious. Contra]dict not
at every turn what others Say
Chapter vii. 35. Vostre maintien soit d'homme moderément graue,
posé, & attentif a ce qui se dit, afin de n'auoir pas à dire à tout
propos: _Comment ditez-vous? comment se passe cela? je ne vous ay
pas entendu_, & d'autres semblables niaiseries.
33. Ne contredictes pas a tout bout de champ, à ce que disent les
autres, en contestant & disant: Il n'est pas ainsi, la chose est
comme je la dy; mais rapportez-vous en à l'opinion des autres
principalement dans les choses, qui sont de peu de consequence.
35. Let your bearing be that of a moderately grave, serious man,
and attentive to what is said so as to avoid having to say every
moment: _'How did that happen? I did not understand you,'_--and
other similar foolish remarks.
33. Do not continually contradict what others say, by disputing and
saying: 'That is not the case, it is as I say;' but defer to the
opinion of others, especially in matters of small consequence.
88th. Be not tedious in Discourse, make not many Digressions, nor repeat
often the Same manner of Discourse
Chapter vii. 39. N'employez pas vn an à vostre preface, & en
certaines longues excuses ou ceremonies, en disant, _Monsieur:
excusez-moy! si ie ne sçay pas si bien dire,_ &c., _toutesfois pour
vous obeyr_, &c., & autres semblables ennuyeuses and sottes
trainées de paroles; mais entrez promptement en matiere tant que
faire se pourra auec vne hardiesse moderée: Et puis poursuiuez,
sans vous troubler, iusques à la fin. Ne soyez pas long; sans
beaucoup de digressions, ne reïterez pas souuent vne mesme façon de
dire.
Do not take a year in your preface, or in certain long apologies or
ceremonies, such as: '_Pardon me Sir if I do not know how to
express myself sufficiently well_, &.c.; _nevertheless in order to
obey you_,' &c., and other similarly tedious and stupid
circumlocutions; but enter promptly on the subject, as far as
possible, with moderate boldness; then continue to the end without
hesitation. Do not be prolix; avoid digressions; do not often
reiterate the same expression.