The discussion of wedlock is a thing most necessary. For the whole
of our race is naturally adapted to society. But the first and most
elementary of all associations is that which is effected by marriage.
For cities could not exist without a household; but the household of
an unmarried man is truly imperfect; while, on the contrary, of him
who is married, it is perfect and full. Hence we have shown in our
treatise On Families, that a life accompanied by wedlock is to be
precedaneously chosen by the wise man; but a single life is not to
be chosen, except particular circumstances[48] require it. So that
as it is requisite we should imitate the man of intellect where we
can, but marriage is with him an object of precedaneous choice; it is
evident that it will also be proper for us, unless some circumstance
occurs to prevent it from taking place. And this is the first reason
why wedlock is most necessary.
But it seems that Nature herself, prior to the wise man, incites us
to this, who also exhorts the wise man to marry. For she not only
made us gregarious, but likewise adapted to copulation, and proposed
the procreation of children and stability of life, as the one and
common work of wedlock. But Nature justly teaches us, that a choice
of such things as are fit should be made so as to accord with what
she has procured for us. Every animal, therefore, lives conformably
to its natural constitution, and, by Jupiter, in a similar manner
every plant lives agreeably to the life which is imparted to it. Only
there is this difference between the two, that the latter do not
employ any reasoning, or a certain enumeration, in the selection of
things which they explore; as they make use of nature alone, because
they do not participate of soul; but animals are led to investigate
what is proper for them by imaginations and exciting desires. To us,
however, Nature gave reason, in order that it might survey every
thing else, and, together with all things, or rather prior to all
things, might direct its attention to Nature herself, so as in an
orderly manner to tend to her as to a very splendid and stable mark,
and choosing every thing which is consonant to her, might cause us
to live in a becoming manner. Hence he will not err, who says that
a family is imperfect without wedlock. For it is not possible to
conceive of a governor without the governed, nor of the governed
without a governor. And this reason appears to me to be very well
calculated to make those ashamed who are adverse to marriage.
I say, therefore, that marriage is likewise advantageous. In the
first place, indeed, because it produces a truly divine fruit, the
procreation of children, since they will be assistants to us in all
our actions (as partaking of our nature), while our strength is yet
entire; and they will be good auxiliars, when we are worn out, and
oppressed with old age. They will also be the familiar associates of
our joy in prosperity, and sympathizing participants of our sorrows
in adversity. Farther still, besides the procreation of children, the
association with a wife is advantageous. For, in the first place,
when we are wearied with labours out of the house, she receives
us with officious kindness, and recreates us by every possible
attention. In the next place, she produces in us an oblivion of our
molestations. For those sorrowful circumstances of life which take
place in the forum, or the gymnasium, or the country, and, in short,
all the cares and solicitudes occasioned by converse with our friends
and familiars, do not so obviously molest us, being obscured by our
necessary occupations; but when we are liberated from these, return
home, and our mind becomes, as it were, at leisure, then these cares
and solicitudes approach, availing themselves of this occasion,
in order to torment us, at the time when life is destitute of
benevolence, and is solitary. Then, however, the wife being present
becomes a great solace on this occasion, by making some inquiries
about external affairs, or by referring to, and considering, together
with her husband, something about domestic concerns, and thus, by
her unfeigned alacrity, affords him a certain exuberance of pleasure
and delight. But it would be too prolix to enumerate particularly
the benefit of a wife in festivals, for the purpose of procuring
sacrifices and victims; in the journeys of her husband, by preserving
the family in a stable condition, and not suffering it to be entirely
without a ruler; in paying proper attention to the domestics; and
in the aid which she affords her husband when he is afflicted with
disease. For it is sufficient summarily to say, that _two things are
necessary to all men, in order to pass through life in a becoming
manner, viz. the aid of kindred and sympathetic benevolence. But
we cannot find any thing more sympathetic than a wife, nor any
thing more kindred than children. Both these, however, marriage
affords._ How is it possible, therefore, that it should not be most
advantageous to us?
I also think that a married life is beautiful. For what other thing
can be such an ornament to a family, as is the association of husband
and wife? For it must not be said that sumptuous edifices, walls
covered with marble plaster, and piazzas adorned with stones, which
are admired by those who are ignorant of true good, nor yet paintings
and arched myrtle walks, nor any thing else which is the subject of
astonishment to the stupid[49], is the ornament of a family. But the
beauty of a household consists in the conjunction of man and wife,
who are united to each other by destiny, and are consecrated to the
Gods who preside over nuptials, births, and houses, and who accord,
indeed, with each other, and have all things in common, as far as
to their bodies, or rather their souls themselves; who likewise
exercise a becoming authority over their house and servants; are
properly solicitous about the education of their children; and pay an
attention to the necessaries of life, which is neither excessive nor
negligent, but moderate and appropriate. For what can be better and
more excellent, as the most admirable Homer says,
Than when at home the husband and the wife
Unanimously live[50].
On which account I have frequently wondered at those who conceive
that the life with a woman is burdensome and grievous. For a wife
is not by Jupiter either a burden or a molestation, as to them she
appears to be; but, on the contrary, she is something light and easy
to be borne, or rather, she possesses the power of exonerating her
husband from things truly troublesome and weighty. For there is not
any thing so troublesome which will not be easily borne by a husband
and wife when they are concordant, and are willing to endure it in
common. But imprudence is truly burdensome, and difficult to be
borne by its possessors: for through it things naturally light, and
among others a wife, become heavy. In reality, indeed, marriage to
many is intolerable, not from itself, or because such an association
as this with a woman is naturally insufferable; but when we marry
those whom we ought not, and, together with this, are ourselves
entirely ignorant of life, and unprepared to take a wife in such a
way as a free and ingenuous woman ought to be taken, then it happens
that this association with her becomes difficult and intolerable.
It is certain, indeed, that marriage is effected by the vulgar
after this manner. For they do not take a wife for the sake of the
procreation of children, and the association of life; but some are
induced to marry through the magnitude of the portion, others through
transcendency of form, and others through other such like causes;
and by employing these bad counsellors, they pay no attention to
the disposition and manners of the bride, but celebrate nuptials to
their own destruction, and with their doors crowned introduce to
themselves a tyrant instead of a wife, whom they cannot resist, and
with whom they are unable to contend for the chief authority. It
is evident, therefore, that marriage through these causes, and not
through itself, becomes burdensome and intolerable to many. It is
proper, however, as it is said, neither to blame things which are
innoxious, nor to make our imbecility in the use of things the cause
of complaint against them. Besides, it is also in other respects most
absurd, to investigate on all sides the auxiliaries of friendship,
and procure certain friends and associates, as those who will aid
and defend us in the difficulties of life, and yet not explore and
endeavour to obtain that relief, defence, and assistance which are
afforded us by nature, by the laws, and by the Gods, through a wife
and children.
With respect to a numerous offspring, it is after a certain manner,
according to nature and consentaneous to marriage, that all, or the
greatest part of those that are born, should be nurtured. Many,
however, appear to be unpersuaded by this admonition, through a
cause not very decorous: for they are thus affected through a love
of riches, and because they think poverty to be a transcendently
great evil. In the first place, therefore, it must be considered,
that in procreating children, we not only beget assistants for
ourselves, nourishers of our old age, and participants with us of
every fortune and every circumstance that may occur in life;—I say,
we do not beget them for ourselves alone, but in many things also for
our parents. For the procreation of children is gratifying to them;
because, if we should suffer any thing of a calamitous nature prior
to their decease, we shall leave our children instead of ourselves,
as the support of their old age. But it is a beautiful thing for a
grandfather to be conducted by the hands of his grandchildren, and to
be considered by them as deserving of every other attention. Hence,
in the first place, we shall gratify our own parents, by paying
attention to the procreation of children. And, in the next place,
we shall cooperate with the prayers and ardent wishes of those that
begot us. For they from the first were solicitous about our birth,
conceiving that through it there would be a very extended succession
of themselves, and that they shall leave behind them children of
children, and have to pay attention to our marriage, our procreation,
and nurture. Hence, by marrying and begetting children, we shall
accomplish, as it were, a part of their prayers; but, by being of a
contrary opinion, we shall cut off the object of their deliberate
choice. _Moreover, it appears that every one who voluntarily, and
without some prohibiting circumstance, avoids marriage, and the
procreation of children, accuses his parents of madness, as not
having engaged in wedlock with right conceptions of things._ It is
easy also to see, that such a one forms an incongruous opinion. For
how is it possible that he should not be full of dissension, who
finds a pleasure in living, and willingly continues in life as one
who was produced into existence in a becoming manner by his parents,
and yet conceives that for him to procreate others is one among
the number of things which are to be rejected? In the first place,
however, as we have before observed, it is requisite to consider,
that we do not beget children for our own sakes alone, but for those
also through whom we ourselves were begotten; and, in the next place,
for the sake of our friends and kindred. For it is gratifying to
these to see children which are our offspring, both on account of
benevolence and propinquity, and on account of security. For the
life of those to whom these pertain, is established as in a port by
a thing of this kind, analogously to ships, which, though greatly
agitated by the waves of the sea, are firmly secured by many anchors.
On this account, the man who is a lover of his kindred, and a lover
of his associates, will earnestly desire to marry and procreate
children. We are likewise loudly called upon by our country to do
so. For we do not beget children so much for ourselves as for our
country, procuring a race that may follow us, and supplying the
community with our successors. Hence the priest should know that he
owes priests to his city; the ruler that he owes rulers; the public
orator public orators; and, in short, the citizen that he owes
citizens to it. As, therefore, to a choir the perennial continuance
of those that compose it is gratifying, and to an army the duration
of the soldiers, so to a city is the lastingness of the citizens.
If, indeed, a city was a certain system of a short duration, and the
life of it was commensurate with the life of man, it would not be in
want of succession. But since it is extended to many generations,
and if it employs a more fortunate dæmon endures for many ages, it
is evident that it is not only necessary to direct our attention to
the present, but also to the future time, and not despise our natal
soil, and leave it desolate, but establish it in good hopes from our
posterity.