comfort to me, particularly _Hosea xiv. 1._ _John ii. 2, 3._ Glory,
honour, praise, worship, and dominion be ascribed unto thee, O Lord!
Ye angels of God, bless him on my behalf! Let all in heaven and all in
earth join to worship the triune God, Father, Son, and Holy Ghost!” The
following was some time after.
“_Tuesday, 21._ I had a sorrowful morning. My soul was in heaviness
through manifold temptations. The enemy came upon me in my sleep, and
grieved my soul. Although I had joy at night, yet sorrow attended me
in the morning. I had intended to have preached on the beatitudes; but
finding myself full of troubles and temptations, I changed my purpose
and preached from _Hebrews iv. 14‒16._ O my God, must I perish? Hast
thou brought me thus far and shall I be cast off? O, forbid it Saviour.
Forsake not the work of thine own hands. Come and destroy the work of
the devil! My God, my God, do not forsake me. Thou knowest that sin is
hateful to me. Have I not a love to righteousness? Do not my soul and
flesh cry out for the living God? Am I not willing to go even through
the fire, rather than offend Thee? Why then should the enemy prevail
against me?
“Jesus hast thou not bought my soul? Am not I thine? O that my head
were waters, O that I could even weep tears of blood: Lord God let not
thy loving kindness depart from me. Where art thou Jesus thou Son of
God! My great High-Priest, where is thy atoning blood? Where is he that
was tempted in all points like unto me? Is there no help for me in my
God? Why art thou cast down O my soul? O that I could yield my last
breath, if nothing else will end the strife! Oh! the languishments of
my soul for an absent God! How does my spirit faint within me! How do I
pine! O sun of righteousness, arise upon me with healing in thy wings.
Come Lord Jesus, O come, and save me for thy mercy’s sake. Where are
the soundings of thy bowels, Dost thou not see my labouring breast? Is
not my pain even worse than strangling? Return O Lord, see my gasping
longing, aching heart. Am I not an object of pity? Have I not need of
Thee! Now answer me by fire! Get thyself the victory! I want the seal
of thy Spirit, the earnest of my heaven!”
The Lord did hear his prayer. I find it therefore added soon after.
“O how plentifully did the Lord pour his love and consolation into my
soul! I am amazed at the goodness and long-suffering of God towards
me. And I observe in general, that after great heaviness and conflicts,
come extraordinary joy and consolation. O may I husband well this
precious gift of God!”
CHAPTER XI.
_His communion with God._
UNDER this head, is comprehended the whole of his conduct, and
experience, as a Christian, considered in his private capacity. And
for this especially, we are furnished with the most ample materials,
both from the general tenor of his conversation and from his diary.
He lived for this _one thing_. All his actions and employments had this
single tendency; and he considered every thing else, with reference
thereto: making his estimate of the good or evil of every intention,
action, exercise, and understanding, according as it tended to promote,
or hinder this best of pursuits, and noblest enjoyment of the human
soul.
Without regarding the inclinations of nature, he embraced, or rejected
every thing, with a view altogether to the promotion of the holy and
happy fellowship of his soul with the Father, and with his Son Jesus
Christ.
I am aware, how much more easy it is to _say_ great things on this head,
concerning one’s self, or others, than to say _nothing_ but the truth.
And it may be questioned, whether the greater part of the shining
accounts hereof which we have seen, are the simple truth: the writers
often shewing, rather what _they could say_, than what the persons whom
they describe, _really were_. It is a fruitless expectation to look for
more in men, than the state of humanity really admits.
The perfection of human kind is such a state of mind and body, as their
nature admits of, and as God has provided for them, in the ocean of
his love, and treasures of his grace. The sum of our perfection is,
that being saved from all our enemies, (that is sins, including all
wrong tempers, as well as words, and actions,) we love God with all
the powers of the soul, and serve him, with the whole capacity, of both
our soul and body. And whoever has attained to this (which whoso denies
the possibility of, rejects the counsel and word of God) is, a _perfect
man_, according to the scripture; manifold infirmities, necessarily
connected with a dying body notwithstanding.
*This servant of God had his infirmities, properly so called, which
often made him weep in secret places. And yet, so powerfully did the
grace of our Lord work in him, to the destruction of sin; and to such a
degree of victory did he attain over himself, the world and Satan, that,
to many, he seemed more than human; being in truth a man of another
world, in whom dwelt richly the Spirit of the living God.
To such as were witnesses of his fervent zeal, mighty prayer, steady
seriousness, and habitual heavenly-mindedness, I shall not wonder if
all that follows, seems far short of a full description of him. And yet,
I am aware on the other hand, that to many others, it may have all the
air of mere ideal flight, or enthusiastic folly; to persons, who, cold
themselves, think ardor comes from hell.
The deep, and genuine _acquaintance with God_, to which he attained,
was in truth beyond that which the generality of Christians arrive at;
although all are, without doubt, equally entitled thereto. He truly
_put off the old man with his deeds_, and became _renewed in the spirit
of_ his _mind_. He fully experienced the significancy of those words,
_Sin shall not have dominion over you_. And _he that hath suffered in
the flesh, hath ceased from sin_. As also, _ye are dead: and he that
is dead, is freed from sin_. And from hence it was, that there appeared
throughout his whole carriage, such fruit unto holiness. In him might
be seen, how great things God doth for his children, who simply follow
him, even in this world: no less than making them complete before him
in love.
My first acquaintance with him, begun soon after the mercy of God had
stirred me up, to seek his face. From a studious regard to the holy
scriptures, it was soon given me to understand, what manner of person
a Christian approved of God must be: and thenceforward, I both read,
conversed, and thought of little else. And in him I _saw_ clearly,
what till then I had only _conceived_: in him my conceptions were truly
exemplified. Much had been reported, both of the gifts and graces of Mr.
_Walsh_; yet, I found in him, much more, than I had either conceived or
heard. Nor did the long intimacy with him, with which I was afterwards
privileged, alter, in the least my sentiments.
It might perhaps be thought tedious, minutely to describe all the
particular graces, which adorned his life. And indeed to conceive of
the excellencies which appeared in him, they need not be attended to,
one by one; for neither so, could they be fully comprehended. But he
_walked before_ God, in such a manner, as abundantly included them all.
He was a person of a surprizing greatness of soul, for which the whole
circumference of created good, was far, far too little: he found in God.
“That something still, which prompts th’ eternal sigh,
For which we bear to live, nor fear to die.”
The love of Jesus, filled up in his soul, that mighty void, this whole
creation leaves in human hearts.
His exactness in all those particulars, which comprize men’s duty to
God, their neighbour and themselves, was such, and so well known, that
it would be easy to swell this chapter, by enlarging on each of them,
to an enormous size. But passing over the greater part of them, I shall
only point out a few particulars, relating chiefly to his internal
state, which were within my own notice: referring the reader, for
a larger, and more satisfactory picture of him, to the following
collection from his diary: in which are represented, those secret
transactions of God upon his soul, to which himself alone could be
privy.
The particulars I premise are,
I. _His Prayer._
From the earliest dawn of the grace of God in his soul, he was
singularly remarkable for constancy and importunity in prayer. He was
early a wrestler with God, and prevailed to the obtaining that eminency
in the knowledge of God, for which he was apprehended in Christ, and
which is here related in part. The more he got acquainted with divine
things, the more did he increase in this soul-enriching exercise. “He
that has never prayed, can never _conceive_; and he that has prayed, as
he ought, can never _forget_, how much is to be gained by prayer.”
Beside the daily, and often public pouring out of his soul, in general
intercession, and occasional addresses to God, in behalf of needy souls
(groaning under the guilt of sin, or body of corruption, or whatever
was the cause) who often came to him for that purpose; he had his own
stated times for approaching God in secret; in which it was far from
sufficing, barely to present himself, and wait, whether in silence, or
in discourse before the Lord. He accounted the work still to do, unless
he felt his spirit affected with sentiments suitable to his condition;
whether of holy mourning, self reprehension, recovery, or increase
of peace and joy in the Holy Ghost, or some establishment in faith,
meekness, patience, hope, or love.
_Praying with all prayer_, seemed the business of his life; for the
doing of which, he waited neither for postures, times, or places. An
heart so disposed, rendered holy to him, every thing of this kind,
which may be said of places.
*Prostrate upon his face, kneeling, standing, walking, eating; in
every posture, and in every place and condition, he was a man mighty
in prayer. In sleep itself, to my certain knowledge, his soul went on
(_Canticles v. 2._) in groans, and sighs, and tears to God. His heart
having attained such a habit of tendency to its Lord, could then only
give over, when it ceased to beat.
The enjoyments of the divine sweetness, which God imparted to him in
secret, and the nearness of access to the divine Majesty, with which he
was favoured, were indeed amazing. He has been sometimes, as it were,
lost in glorious absence, on his knees, with his face heavenward, and
arms clasped round his breast: in such composure, that scarce could one
hear him so much as breathe.
His soul seemed absorbed in God, and enjoyed a calmness and transport,
which can here, be well enough reconciled. From the serenity, and
something resembling splendor, which appeared on his countenance, and
in all his gestures afterwards, one might easily discover, what he had
been about.
*It was especially towards the conclusion of his Lord’s work, that
he was favoured with such near fellowship with him. He approached
the throne of grace with much of the reverential boldness of faith,
_believing_, that whatever he asked, he should have the petitions he
asked for; the holy Spirit making intercession in his heart, according
to the will of God. And to such a degree of confidence in him, did
he arrive by this means, that in the greatest straits of his life
(and he met with some things which came home to him, with the deepest
sensibility) he was more than kept up; so that he seemed to fear
nothing, even where, to all human apprehension, every thing was to
be feared. He so abandoned himself to God, in the discharge of his
duty, that his very friends were sometimes ready to charge him with
being a little rash or imprudent. Altho’ he endeavoured to use his
understanding as far as ever it would go; yet acting in view of _those
things which are not seen_, and from motives referring to eternity, he
was not, it is true, so attentive to the decorums among men, as mere
human prudence would have dictated. And in reality it is a truth, which
is learned from a series of experience, and confirmed by numberless
examples, that whoever would do much for God, should take care of being
(in a sense) too wise. There is reason to think, that if the apostles
themselves had consulted the directions of bare human reason, they
never had undertook the conversion of the world.
An habitual spirit of mortification served as wings to his prayer. And
perhaps the want of this, is, much more than is commonly thought, a
grand cause of that indisposedness to, and weariness in prayer, which
is so generally complained of among Christians; many of whom are often
even glad of a pretended occasion to avoid the duty. “Something is
amiss in us, and it wanted a name, till the Spirit of God, by enjoining
us the duty of mortification, hath taught us to know, that want of
mortification of spirit, is the case of all, at least of many of our
secret and spiritual indispositions. The excellencies of heaven cannot
be discerned but by a spirit disrelishing the low appetites of the
world. Unless our spirit be mortified, we neither love to pray, nor
does God love to hear us.” We find all the way thro’ our _heavenly_
journey, that to be _carnally minded_, in the least degree, is a
proportionable degree of death. And that a mind truly spiritual alone,
has true life and peace.
It is hard to say positively which he was most remarkable for, the
_spirit_ or the _gift_ of prayer, tho’ it need not be told which he
most esteemed. His public character, made it right and necessary for
him, to desire and endeavour after _spiritual gifts_. And the eminency
to which he arrived therein in general, is too well known to need a
particular relation. To hear him, on some occasions pour out his soul
to God, made one often think, whence hath a man these things? Such
a sluice of divine oratory ran thro’ the whole of his language on
religious subjects, as is rarely to be met with. His public addresses
to God, were commonly well nigh altogether, in the words of the Holy
Ghost. *It seemed as tho’ he turned the whole bible into words of
adoration, confession, petition, supplication, thanksgiving and glory:
while at the same time his expressions glowed with the love of God:
and all this with such ardour, intention, pertinency and faith, that
it has seemed sometimes (one time in particular was peculiarly noticed)
as tho’ the heavens were burst open, and God himself appeared in the
congregation. Something of that _Acts iv. 31._ was often conceived
while he prayed. But he made no account of this with regard to the
perfection of his own soul. He made it his chief aim to follow after
love, and to live in a momentary spirit of watchful prayer.
*He has sometimes had very remarkable answers to prayer. One only I
shall mention. A number of religious societies both in _England_ and
_Ireland_ appointed a public fast, for the imploring God, to restore to
health an eminent servant of the church, who had been some time under
languishment of body. Mr. _Walsh_ was then in _Dublin_, and pouring
out his soul about noon, he spoke aloud, in a manner which shewed it
not to be of himself, and said _he shall not die, but live, and declare
the works of the_ Lord. And, blessed be God, the event shewed the
prediction to be of God.
Towards the latter part of his progress, and before his last sickness
in particular, his prayer had less of labour in it than formerly; and
consisted for the most part, of a passive receiving the impressions
of the divine Spirit: God acting rather in him, than he acted himself.
And so still, and recollected did he frequently appear herein, that it
was as if God was visibly before him, and that he spoke to the divine
Majesty, with nearness of access, and child-like familiarity. Indeed
every object and occurrence, spoke to him of God: nor could there be
wanting to him, at any time or place, incentives to raise his heart in
prayer or praise to him whom his soul loved.
One particular which he learned in the course of his experience, was,
that altho’ the lights which are received from God in the way of prayer,
are, of all others, to be most faithfully attended to; yet nevertheless,
one ought not to _act_ upon every _appearance_ of this kind; that the
enemy of man’s salvation can, and often does, mimick the Spirit of
God; and as an _angel of light_, imposes upon the servants of God, by
representing as from him, that which is often no other than _Satan_’s
illusions, or our own imagination: on account of which, some persons
have in most ages, been led into grievous mistakes, and improprieties
of conduct. He perceived danger with regard to himself from this
quarter, and was therefore very sparing in mentioning much of what
he often felt. He weighed every thing by the word of God, avoided
precipitancy of conduct, and making haste; and at the same time,
laboured continually to abandon himself, as it were blindfold to the
teaching of the Spirit of truth, and of purity.
II. _Redeeming the time._
In order to do this effectually, his manner was to draw up a plan in
writing (till use made it familiar to him) of the manner, in which
he judged it most profitable to spend the day. He distributed it into
certain portions, and assigned to each its particular employment:
allowing only for occasional interruptions in the business of his
profession. Reading the scriptures, prayer, and visiting the sick, had
the grand places in this division. He could never find any leisure for
mere, ceremonious visits, or unnecessary conversation of any kind. Even
at meals, and indeed in every little incidental matter he ceased not to
pursue his main end of living: namely, to get, and to do good in his
generation.
*It was really surprizing, to see his thriftiness in this particular.
He even deprived himself of such indulgences as nature required, in
order to her performing the offices he imposed upon her: such, for
example, as abstaining from all study immediately after meals: when,
notwithstanding he eat exceeding sparingly, more relaxation would have
been better for his health: likewise, a sufficient quantity of proper
exercise; but most of all, a sufficiency of _sleep_.
He was often up late at study, and his general time of rising was
four o’clock, or a little after, sometimes between three and four.
He was often urged to take more rest. I remember once to have heard
a gentlewoman, compassionating the wasting, dying condition of his
body, saying, “Sure Mr. _Walsh_, you may at least, lie longer in bed
on Sunday morning, when the preaching is not so early.” To which he
replied with his usual zeal and abrupt plainness, ‘Should a man rob
God?’ He was commonly up earliest on the Lord’s-day, for which he had
the highest veneration. He has sometimes said, he thought there was
something peculiarly sacred in the very air, and the whole structure
of nature on this day.
*During the long intimacy I had with him, I do not remember to have
known him spend a minute in discourses about national occurrences,
politics, or worldly diversions. He knew that these were not _his_
affairs, and that his business was _One_. And the same may be said of
what is called free and pleasant conversation. So provident was he of
time, and so bent upon the pursuit of that “immense revenue which each
_moment_ pays,” that in whatsoever company he was, unless something
relative to the _one_ thing needful was discoursed of, he either took
out a book (impolite as it may seem) or continued in profound silence,
save when he answered a question. And if at any time any thing vain,
or tending to levity was spoken, so as to occasion the least appearance
of approbation in his looks or gesture, he severely reprehended himself
for it afterwards, and prayed for strength for the time to come.
And yet notwithstanding all his caution, care, and diligence, he
frequently lamented his not improving the time better, ‘I do not use
every moment to the best purposes,’ was a frequent reflection with him
against himself.
III. _Disengagement from the world._
Although what has been said of him already, implies his just contempt
of every earthly thing; yet his eminency therein, deserves to be taken
some farther notice of. His indifferency to this world was such, as
even bordered upon abhorrency; and the rather, as he could not but
observe, what a gulph to souls it is; and how many are lost for ever
through their undue attachment to it. He kept at the utmost distance
from what worldly men most ardently court, and earnestly sought what
they most abhor.
The vain things; riches, honours, and pleasures of this world, were too
poor, for so generous a heart: he shewed the greatness of his soul, by
despising all that was beneath it. He had the most generous contempt
of money; esteeming it (unless to bestow on the poor, or procure a book
sometimes) as the pebbles in the street.
He had a full reliance on the providence of God, and found a happiness
therein, which infinitely surpassed all the enjoyments and treasures of
the universe.
IV. _Recollection of spirit, and government of his thoughts._
*His carriage, aspect, words, and the whole of his behaviour, spoke
the solemnity and profound recollection of his soul. Nor can a
stranger better conceive of him, in regard to this particular, than by
forming to himself, an idea of a person returned from the happy dead,
conversing with men. And it was nearly in this manner that some have
expressed their surprize at him. A gentleman said to me one day, “I
met Mr. _Walsh_ in the street, and I declare he seemed to me like a
person returned from the other world.” So emaciated a countenance, such
fixedness of thought, and serenity of deportment, as appeared in him,
towards the conclusion of his race especially, were surprising in so
young a man; and discovered a something, very different from the busy
ways of men. One needed only to look on him to perceive that there was
something in him more than common. And if as the son of _Sirach_ says,
“A man may be known by his look, and one that has understanding may
be perceived by the marking of his countenance,” they must be indeed,
superficial observers, that could not discern in his very aspect
the excellencies that dwelt within him. An air of wisdom and piety
appeared in him continually. There seemed to be something peculiarly
distinguishing in the very features of his countenance. Some have taken
him to be little less than forty years of age, at the time he was but
about five and twenty.
*His uniform composure was the rather to be noticed, as his life
was not of the recluse, but of the popular kind. He had to do with
multitudes; and, unless on special occasions, was seldom above six
hours together out of company. It is true he seldom appeared in publick,
unless to speak of the things of eternity, in some respect or other.
But he was so shut in with God, that all places became alike to him;
and he retained the same attention to God in the most thronged streets
of _London_, as he could have had in the most sequestered wilderness.
Curious sights, elegant furniture in shops or houses, magnificent
buildings, fine shews, the ringing of bells, firing of guns, with every
thing of this kind; were no more to him than the chirping of a sparrow,
or the buzzing of a fly.
*To all which, the constant government which he had over his senses,
greatly contributed. The difference of tastes, harmony of sounds, and
whatever his eyes could behold, were as nothing to him. He was in this
respect truly crucified to the world, and the world to him. Even in
travelling through the most pleasant parts of the country, and in the
pleasantest seasons, when the stupendous beauties of the creation, the
spacious firmament, the verdure of the country, (nature’s loveliest
universal robe;) the music of the groves, and all the joint beauties of
nature, might have furnished him with delightful contemplation; yet he
seemed insensible to the whole, enjoying a
“Paradise within him happier far!”
*When he at any time adverted to the works of God in the creation, he
was delighted chiefly with the heavens, paved as it were, with those
living fires, the spangled stars. But the use which he made of every
thing, was to get more acquainted with God, and so
―――by this stupendous scaffolding
Creation’s golden steps to climb to him!
He was in truth loosed from earth’s inclosure, and from the contracted
circle of the sun, his heart was set at large. Christ, and the
scriptures, with things pertaining to them, were the only and uniform
objects of his attention, and every thing, place or person, which did
not serve to promote, in some degree, his knowledge and love of these,
had with him the estimate of trivial and insignificant.
*And hence it was, that the _presence_ of God became so exceeding
familiar to him. He could not be content a moment without it. And
hereby was he fitted likewise, for more glorious, and more frequent
divine communications; of which he had not a few, in the course of
his progress. Several times has he been quite lost to himself, and
insensible of every thing about him, being left in the visions of
God. Two instances in particular are related in his diary, in which
he seemed as though he was out of the body for sometime. One day I
remember going to visit a person who was ill, as soon he got to the
stair case, being in his usual composure, “Did you see that light?”
said he, with a sudden low voice. To which I answered partly with a
sigh, having seen nothing. He said no more. But it was easy to discern
in him the rest of that day and night, a very peculiar solemnity of
soul.
In places of publick worship, he hardly ever saw any body, so as to
distinguish them; and in every means of grace, his grand aim was, to
find more of God _within_ him. He waited for this in lively earnest
composure; and thus approaching the Lord’s table in particular, he
_ate the flesh and drank the blood of the Son of_ God indeed. “My heart
burned! Was in a flame! O what a fire of divine love was there!” were
the frequent memorials which he left in his diary, after communicating
those heavenly sweets, which often overflowed his soul at the altar,
and spread their inundation over every other part of his holy living.
His recollection carried itself into the midst of all his labours,
in which he was still preserved, without dissipation, notwithstanding
their multiplicity, and sometimes intricate nature. It was very usual
with him to express what he felt of God, by the simile of _fire_, to
which the operations of the _Holy Ghost_ are frequently compared in
scripture. He often felt in prayer, in preaching, and walking, a kind
of scorching within him, from the love of God. And from the abundance
of the heart, his mouth generally spoke. Words of life, and fire issued
as it were out of his lips, which were no other than the sparks of
a burning heart. And often he could hardly refrain from expressing
the holy raptures of his soul out aloud; as, _O holy_ God! _Glorious_
Jehovah! _Blessed_ Jesus! _Son of the living_ God! He used frequently
to stand up and sing,
O love, how chearing is thy ray!
All pain before thy presence flies!
Care, anguish, sorrow melt away,
Where’er thy healing beams arise;
O Jesu, nothing may I see,
Nothing hear, feel, or think but thee!
Give to my eyes refreshing tears,
Give to my heart chase hallow’d fires,
Give to my soul with filial fears,
The love that all heaven’s host inspires:
That all my powers with all their might
In thy sole glory may unite!
There was at first an eagerness in his spirit for the success of his
labours, but he in time became unanxious on the head, being taught
of God, that having done his part, he should think no more about the
matter, but still go on straight forward, keeping himself in repose
with God: in imitation of the angels, who continually watch over
the souls, which God hath given them in charge; but who lose nothing
of their tranquility or happiness, even when their utmost care is
unsuccessful.
And from hence partly, arose that extreme tenderness of conscience,
which was so remarkable in him, and which gave him a constant holy
jealousy over himself in every thing he did; so that not a word, motion,
or a look, could escape him, unexamined or uncensured, if it deserved
it; hence likewise it was, that he had so very peculiar a regard to
all his words; speaking either to the purpose, that is, when occasion
required him to speak, or not at all. And yet notwithstanding his
utmost circumspection, he was deeply conscious, how far short he still
came of that rectitude, and entire renovation becoming a person in
fellowship with the God of unspotted holiness.
CHAPTER ♦XII.
♦ “V.” replaced with “XII.”
_Some particulars relating to the head of his communion
with_ God.
V.
HIS great rule was to imitate our Lord Jesus Christ, in the most
perfect manner he could. The whole tenor of his conduct plainly
discovered, that he sought nothing but God. There was in the chastity
of his manners, a purity next to angelical; and a circumspection in
his every step, which declared, that to him _to live was_ Christ. He
kept at the utmost distance from sensual indulgences of every kind.
His senses were kept under the closest custody, and he examined his
conscience almost continually. Nor could it be observed at any time,
that he acted otherwise than within the rules of the utmost decency.
VI.
*He was a man of tears, and sighs, and groans. He wanted not indeed
the joy of a good conscience; and knowing continually in whom he
believed, he enjoyed the benefits resulting therefrom, and yet
this notwithstanding, the whole of his Christian pilgrimage, was
interspersed with much weeping. He seldom had a dry handkerchief
a whole day together; his eyes being for the most part, in private
especially, as opened fountains; and which did not cease to flow in
the night season. How often have I known him water his pillow with
those briny rivers! Sometimes lamenting his two great estrangement from
his beloved; sometimes mourning for the mourners; but oftener than all,
he was sick of love! Love to the Crucified!
To some indeed, there seemed in him something, at least bordering
upon, an unyielding austerity of spirit: and so much is true, that
with regard to men, and evil angels, he was undaunted, and courageous,
as a lion, in the cause of God, and of a good conscience: yet, in
other respects, he was a man of the keenest sensibility, and tenderest
affections. He was in the presence of his invisible observer, pliant as
melted wax, and cloathed with dove-like meekness. He was often, as it
were, deluged in tears, prostrate before the footstool of his Lord’s
majesty, and overwhelmed with a sense of his glory.
VII.
He was without affectation, a man of humility; not indeed so as
to disown, or not to make use of the gifts and graces, with which
God had endowed him: this would have been to lie against the truth;
but notwithstanding all that he had, yet taking knowledge whence it
came, he esteemed himself as nothing; but was truly diffident of,
and heartily despised himself. And the only use which he made of the
superior qualifications which God bestowed upon him, was to consider
himself as obliged thereby, to devote himself more abundantly to the
service of God, and of his neighbour. The praises of others served only
to abase him, at the sight of his own nothingness. ‘Lord, I am vile!
a worm! O deliver me from this evil man myself! Thou only art worthy,’
were the frequent expressions of his lips and pen. If any person,
at any time, gave him but the smallest hint, by way of reproof, he
received it either with silence, or thankfulness, according to the
manner and occasion thereof. And supposing it to be a matter in which
he was really without blame, yet the reproof was not lost upon him.
He thereby took occasion, to enter more deeply into himself, making
the strictest scrutiny into the whole of his tempers and behaviour.
He often said to God on these occasions, ‘Lord, though thou knowest
I am clear in this matter, yet, alas! How many things are there for
which I stand reproved before thee! My God, I adore thee in this, which
thou hast permitted.’ He often repeated as a lesson of instruction to
himself, those words of _Kempis_, “Thou dust, learn to obey. Thou earth
and clay, learn to demean thyself. Thou oughtest to be such a little
child, that every body might trample thee under their feet in the
streets.”
VIII.
There was the utmost steadiness in the whole of his religious conduct.
The course of the sun, and the seasons, is not more regular, than were
his successive exercises of prayer, meditation, preaching, and study;
so that from knowing how he spent one day, may be gathered, his manner
of spending whole months, or years; allowing only for the difference of
circumstances and occasions. Thus it was in things pertaining to God,
and his service; though at the same time, his attention to himself, his
ease and conveniencies, was such, that some have accounted it not less
than blame-worthy negligence: so truly did he live, not to himself, or
the will of man, but to God.
IX.
The _love of God_ was the fountain, whence issued forth those fruitful
streams, which rendered his soul flourishing as the garden of the Lord,
and extended their salutary influence all around, wherever he came. It
was to this he reduced every thing. All his works were done in love,
and therefore wrought in God. It was a debt he was ever paying, and
from which he was never to be discharged.
‘My God, let me love thee! Jesus, Son of the living God, thou knowest
that I love thee! O love divine, what hast thou done! O that all
the world did but know thee! How would they then love thee, thou
_altogether lovely_!’ To this effect he often breathed out the warm
emotions of his heart: so deeply was he penetrated with the love of
God his Saviour. He was always exceedingly pleased with, and frequently
repeated those lines,
“Eternity too short to speak thy praise!
Or fathom thy profound of love to man!”
And again, without regarding their connexion; but overwhelmed with the
thought of the dying love of Jesus, he would utter sometimes abruptly,
and with astonishment,
“Sensations _new_ in angel bosoms rise
Suspend their song; and make a pause in bliss.”
*Lastly, _By faith I stand!_ was his concluding point, after all that
God had done for him. And it was not unusual with him to say, on the
closest examination of all he was, and all he did, “If Christ forsook
me but for a moment, I should fall and perish after all.” Yes, it
was from _his fullness_ he received all his good things, and with the
dependent helplessness of an infant, he had recourse to him continually,
for light, and strength, and love: for every thing in short, which
he wanted. He could be happy only in conversation with him; delighted
peculiarly in those parts of scripture which describe and endear him;
and from the fulness of his whole soul, repeated often, _God forbid
that I should glory, save in the cross of my Lord Jesus Christ. To him
that hath loved us, and washed us from our sins in his own blood, to
him be the glory, both now and to eternity!_
*To sum up this head. He thought _prayer_ to be more his business
than any thing else in this world; and from the desire which he had
to redeem the time, he employed great part of the night, as well as
the day, in prayer, meditation, study, and labouring for the good of
his neighbour. He was profoundly serious, and always recollected at
home and abroad. He watched over every motion of his soul, keeping
his thoughts in subjection to Christ continually. He proposed to
himself _the man Christ Jesus_, as his great model and rule in every
thing; imitating him especially, in the purity of his body, and in the
chastity of his affections. Walking in deep humility before God, he was
patient of reproof, nor ever retorted any thing, with heat or prejudice.
There was a steadiness in his proceedings for God, and in reference
to eternity, which not all the powers of earth and hell were able to
interrupt. He ate but little, wept much, loved more, received all by
faith; and rarely opened his mouth, but about heavenly things.
PART III.
CHAPTER I.
_An extract from Mr. |Thomas Walsh|’s diary, relating chiefly,
to the experience of his own soul, in his course of
|walking with God|._
CONCERNING the extract which here follows, it may be premised,
1. That although there was the utmost uniformity in the whole series
of his progress; nevertheless, few persons were so sensible of various
alterations in spirit, with respect to the sensations of joy and sorrow;
delight in God, and complainings for the want of it: owing in great
measure to a singular tenderness of conscience; and the close attention
which he had to all the movements of his _inward man_; so that things
which some overlook, or entirely disregard, were esteemed by him, with
regard to himself at least, as capital defections, from the law of
perfect liberty and love.
His diary consists of the feeling of his own heart, through every
part of his Christian race, with scarce a single hour omitted. He
always wrote down reflections upon himself, as either the pressure,
or felicity of his soul at that time suggested; adding any spiritual
observation, or maxim, which his own experience confirmed to him.
2. It will be easily discerned, that the peculiarity of his writing,
is a certain sententious abruptness; owing in part to the genius of the
_Hebrew_ tongue, in which his latter studies wholly terminated. Though
what most contributed thereto, was the rapid flow of his soul, on the
subjects of which he either spoke or wrote, which raised him above
attending to that accuracy, which writings, at least of a public nature
require. In many places there is therefore a manifest deficiency, both
as to words, particles and stops; in short, like the writings of the
antients, without period or paragraph, in most places: so that liberty
has been necessarily taken to add, retrench, or alter, sometimes a word,
or sentence, to render the sense intelligible; though still retaining
his sense entire.
3. The inserting the precise date of every day’s experience, is judged
unnecessary. Moreover the experience of several days, sometimes distant
from each other, (tho’ rarely above a week) are thrown into the same
paragraph, for the sake of brevity. The series of particulars, as to
the order of time, is related as they occurred; and every paragraph
begins with the experience of a distant day.
The reader being advertised of these particulars, we proceed to the
extract itself.
“At the close of this last day of the year, (1750, the year in which
he began to preach) I examined myself how I had lived the past year?
And could only say, I had not wickedly departed from my God; but was
heartily ashamed that I had not glorified him better; resolving to
watch for the time to come.”
*“I prayed to God for quietness, and humility of mind; and found
assistance against ‘this evil man, myself.’ O for a heart constantly
fixed on God! I was reproved this day in spirit for an idle word.”
“The Lord was with me all this day. I desire to be with the Lord
continually, that my communion may be stronger with Jesus than ever.
O, it is heaven upon earth to have Christ in ones heart. It is the
beginning of the glory of God, to receive the lovely Jesus; and with
him, the joy of the _Holy Ghost_. O that I had the tongue of an angel
to praise my Lord! Hasten Lord the glad hour when I shall see thee as
thou art!”
“I preached this morning on the great and precious promises, Ezekiel
xxxvi. My soul aspired to have them accomplished; for I feel the evil
of my nature, and especially the evil heart of unbelief that is within
me.”
“_Friday, February 22._ I preached this morning on _Song of Solomon
ii. 8._ but was both dark and weak, having scarcely any power to
explain any thing. O what a grief it is for one to preach, when he is
left to himself, when the Lord is not his present strength and teacher!
To preach consolation to others, and feel none himself! This exposes
one to great temptation.”
“_Saturday 23._ My soul enjoyed sweet repose in the blood of the
Lamb, while my heart was engaged in meditation on his dying love. O,
where can we find an instance of such love, as that of God to men on
_Calvary_! When the innocent died for a guilty world, to bring them to
God!”
“_Wednesday 27._ I was not alive to God to-day. Unnecessary talk
brought deadness upon my soul.”
“Great part of this day I lived as in heaven. Heaven was within me.
God was in my soul. The influences of his Spirit wrought so powerfully
upon me, that my joy was beyond expression. O the length and breadth,
and height, of the love of God! Well may it be said to pass knowledge.
The spiritual man may discern it, but cannot set it forth in the manner
he feels it. Those words of Isaiah lxi. 10. lifted up my soul, as in a
fiery chariot, above the fabric of this world. _I will greatly rejoice
in the Lord, my soul shall be joyful in my God, for he hath cloathed
me with the garments of salvation, he hath covered me with the robe
of righteousness, as a bridegroom decketh himself with ointments, and
as a bride adorneth herself with her jewels._ I could say, that the
Lord had so done for my soul. O what enemies are the children of men
to their own souls? They deprive themselves of happiness here, and of
eternal glory hereafter; imagining that earthly enjoyments are above
what religion can afford. But alas! it is because they know not this
religion which brings such happiness to the soul.”
*“O how sweet was Jesus to my soul. The _rose_ for sweetness; the
_lilly_ for whiteness; the _apple-tree_ for fruitfulness; what are they
all to thee! Entering into my closet, the moment I bowed my knee, the
Lord poured down a blessing into my soul. O what a heaven upon earth
did I experience for some moments! Tongue cannot express the goodness
of God to my soul. O where shall I find words to praise? How am I lost
in the ocean, of the immensity of thy mercy! Lord, I know not how to
give thee thanks. Where to begin, I cannot tell. O my soul, fall into
silent amazement! Let all I have, or am, drop into nothing!”
“_March, Friday 8._ This was a day of much temptation; but God, for my
support and confirmation, was pleased to give me fresh manifestations
of his love.”
“Reading and prayer to day, were of little comfort to me. If it were
not that I find the abiding witness of the Spirit in my soul, my
bondage would be very great. It is the goodness of God which preserves
me in the faith. The enemies of my salvation are thrusting sore at me
from day to day. Defend, and keep me, O my God, for Jesu’s sake.”
“In prayer, I saw the great difficulty of being a Christian in reality.
There are many who _eat their own bread, and wear their own apparel_,
and are willing to _be called by_ the name of Jesus, to take away
their reproach――The abomination of being called Heathens. But they love
notwithstanding, the ways of death, and darkness, rather than light;
and do what Heathens would not do. The ninety-first psalm was made a
great blessing to me, the ninth verse especially.”
“This morning the Lord gave me language that I knew not of, raising
my soul to him, in a wonderful manner. After preaching however in the
evening, at my return to my room, I felt little life in my soul, but
a Spirit of slothfulness. O what a poor creature! How incapable of
thinking a good thought, or doing a truly good action! Sinful dust and
ashes.”
_Friday 22._ In the morning I had an earnest desire to be dissolved,
and to be with Christ. I wanted to see Jesus, who bore and suffered so
much for _me_.”
“The 25th, my soul was very dull. I had a desire to pray, but could not,
through the deadness of my heart, and wandering of my thoughts. This is
a thing I have to complain of in general; namely, wandering in prayer,
want of earnestness and fervour.”
“The 29th, I cannot say, that till three o’clock I had true communion
with God. But then, the Lord clearly manifested himself to me.”
“_1751. April 6._ I had not much of the presence of God, nor of the
comfort of the Holy Ghost, yet my heart and my flesh cry out for the
living God!”
“O what an aversion I had this morning to study, and following _the
Lamb_! If it were not for promises which the gospel affords, I should
be often brought into bondage: very often is my soul cast down and my
spirit disquieted within me; so that I must needs utterly faint, if
it was not that I firmly hope I shall yet praise God for the health of
his countenance. I felt neither comfort nor power in preaching. O what
a poor creature am I when left to myself! How dark of conception; how
slow of heart and speech! It sometimes happens, that while I am thus
writing down my condition, the Lord appears to my help: so it is _now_;
for God has been pleased to manifest himself unto me! And O what a
welcome guest! At his coming my reins and my heart rejoice; my troubles
are done away; my soul is greatly refreshed; my faith strengthened; my
hope confirmed, and my love encreased. Glory be to God most high!”
“God and his ways were sweet to my soul this morning. Great was the
peace of my mind, and the joy which arose from considering what the
Lord had done for my soul. O how did I long to be altogether like him,
_in righteousness and true holiness_! Throughout the day, I enjoyed
sweet repose in the blood of _the Lamb_. In the evening I preached on
_1 Corinthians i. 30._ And God did indeed pour of his gracious spirit
into my soul. Truly we had a heaven upon earth! O that I had the tongue
of an angel to glorify thee for all thy benefits!”
“_Thursday May 23._ I was in great trouble, going to preaching this
morning. My temptations were sore, and my trials exceeding great;
occasioned partly, by the condition of some, who for a time _ran well_,
but are turned again to the flesh-pots of _Egypt_. While I preached
however, on _Psalms xxiii. 1._ my _Shepherd_ gave me to feed upon his
_hidden manna_.”
*“I found it hard work to be wholly set apart for God this day. I
preached comfort to others, but could lay hold on little of it myself.”
“I am often like a day in spring; the sun shining bright for a little
while, and soon withdrawing again. _The sun of righteousness_ often
shines upon me, with his bright beams; but alas! the light is soon
clouded, and the joy vanishes away. Yet still, blessed be God, my heart
stands fast believing in the Lord. For I take it for granted, that the
want of strong light and joy, no more argues want of faith, than the
absence of unclouded day, argues no sun in the firmament.”
“An unusual fondness for company, brought deadness upon my soul. The
vanities of the world importunately intruded upon me. If God were
not on my side, I should have been long ago _as Sodom_, and _like
unto Gomorrah_. Such vanities crouded in upon me at prayer, that even
I forgot what I was saying. I am a man sorely distressed with the
wandering of my heart. I arose from prayer and read, and prayed again.
The Lord at length met me, and instantly released me from my sorrow,
and gave me power to wait upon him without distraction.”
“_Saturday June 12._ Great was the comfort which I had in God. I had
the full assurance of faith, that God was _my_ God, and Christ _my_
Saviour. O the happiness of knowing this!”
“_Tuesday 28._ I was deeply convinced of my depravity. O my God, I see
the impurity of my heart in such a manner as frightens me. I know that
Christ can have no communion with _Belial_; neither _righteousness_
with _unrighteousness_. Lord break not the _bruised reed_, nor quench
the _smoaking flax_. Rather send down thy Holy Spirit, and set me free
from the power of indwelling sin. Consume it O God. Cast out the spirit
of uncleanness for Christ’s sake.”
“This afternoon I walked in the fields, and had a sweet meeting with my
Lord. He gave me his love.”
“_Sunday_ morning. I was so stupid, that I could scarcely pray.
Wandring thoughts crouded in upon me. O for an heart to pray. I find in
general, that under the most afflictive trials, when I can in fervent
prayer pour out my soul before the Lord, he gives me instant relief.
But when I cannot pray, O then is my life burthensome to me; I cannot
bear myself.”
“The word this morning, was sweet to the souls of the people. They
seemed to drink of the fountain of the water of life. I had a glorious
manifestation of the love of God to my soul. My delight surely is in
the Lord, and his Son Jesus Christ. Thou art my God, my love, my joy,
my help, my health, and my all in all! Blessed be thy name, _Amen_.”
“Too much given to talk; had not the usual longing after prayer and
meditation. Yet the Lord helps mine infirmity.”
“I had great joy in my soul, and longing desires to be with Christ. O
that even now, I could behold his lovely face, and amiable countenance!”
“_Friday, July 9th._ I had a lively sense of the Lord’s having blotted
out my former transgressions; and that he had promised to give me _a
clean heart_. I had great peace; my soul being filled with the love of
God.”
“_Saturday 10._ Exercised this morning by false accusations. My
only concern was, lest it should hinder the work of God. But in
consideration of his over-ruling power and providence, I rested
patiently on his will. My Jesus was made perfect through sufferings.
O that I may be enabled to follow my master, in the way of the cross!”
Walking in a garden this day, God made it an _Eden_ to my soul; pouring
his love into my heart. I partook of the water and the tree of life:
and the hidden manna was rained from heaven into my soul!
_Monday 19._ All the day, my soul thirsted for the living God.
I was transported, and exceedingly rejoiced in reading some divine
meditations. O my God, What shall I say? Angels cannot praise thee
worthily! What then shall I who am a worm of the earth do? O that I had
wings like a dove? Lovely Jesus, when shall I see thy face, joining the
rest of the redeemed, to celebrate the wonders of thy redeeming love!
O that this were the moment! My soul shall ere long take its flight to
the mansions, which I firmly believe my Saviour is preparing for me. O
my God, my Saviour, my all!
“_Thursday 25._ I had but little light or power. The Lord humbled, and
shewed me mine own weakness; but did not leave me to it. He shewed me
clearly, that it was neither to my graces, humblings, desires, doings,
or sufferings I must trust for happiness and salvation, but in Christ
_alone_.”
“Ah, Lord, who is sufficient for these things! O let me die, that I
may see thee! Whither is my beloved gone? Return Lord, return. I am a
feeble and helpless creature. Yet rejoice not against me, O mine enemy;
for though I fall into temptations, heaviness, and trials, I shall rise
again. O proud _Philistines_, deceitful _Delilahs_, inbred sin, pride
of heart, anger, and folly, who can remove you. Lord Jesus, thou canst,
and thou alone.”
“At the sacrament, O how did my soul banquet in Jesus! What divine
consolation did I feel in God my Saviour.”
“_Wednesday 23._ Tempted to laugh on my very knees, O Lord my God be my
rock. Hide me in thy wounds, and deliver me from myself. O Jesus I cry
out of the deeps, hear my prayer, and let my cry come up before thee!”
“Sure I am, that if my salvation depended on ought but the love of
_God my Saviour_, I never should see the Lord. Alas I am all weakness,
unbelief, disobedience, and darkness. My soul was weighed down with
inbred sin. But I no sooner began to complain, and bewail myself before
him, than he poured his love upon me, and gave me sweet access to him.”
“_1752. January 6._ I could hardly account to myself, how my thoughts
had been employed this day. O that they were every moment taken up in
the contemplation of thy wondrous love and compassion to me, and all
the fallen race; O for an humble, lowly, simple, pure, and perfect
mind! What shall I say to thee, thou delight of my heart? How much
fairer art thou than the sons of men!”
*“When I look back upon my life I can see nothing that does not need
to be washed with the blood of Christ. My best actions are imperfect I
have need to fly to my Saviour, that from him I might receive that robe,
which is pure and compleat. My whole desire is to be devoted to thee!”
“Ashamed, to lift my eyes up to heaven. I fell down before the Lord
my maker; and I may well say that he waited to be gracious; for before
I could utter many words his love filled my heart. I could then look
up with confidence, and saw my Father God, smile upon me, and my dear
Redeemer at his right hand full of grace and truth for _me_. O how
sweetly did the ever blessed Trinity join to bless me! Help me to
praise thee, O thou strength of _Israel_.”
“God was much with me in private. O what a heaven upon earth is it, to
commune with him in prayer, holy reading, and divine meditation. Jesus
is a well of life. How blessed is it to hold intimacy with him! This is
_paradise_ indeed.”
“_Sunday._ It was a glorious sabbath to my soul.”
“Part of this day was the happiest I ever yet saw. I could freely
depart to be with him whom my soul loveth. Truly I seemed to antedate
the sweetness of the celestial felicity, which the glorified spirits
enjoy above! My song was praises to my God.”
“Had calm repose in God. A day of sore temptation. I was kept, but
thro’ momentary watching unto prayer. O what am I! How weak, how blind,
how poor! As to _strength_, a bruised reed; for _love_ and _zeal_,
as the ♦smoaking flax. But thou, O God, art strong, and in thee is my
hope.”
♦ “somaking” replaced with “smoaking”
“Ill in body, dark in mind, dead in affections, and sorely troubled
with temptations. Yet I was preserved from inclining to iniquity with
my heart.”
“_Sunday._ My soul agonized to enter into the rest of the people of
God. I saw him by faith, and the promises were strongly brought to my
remembrance, especially, ‘Ask what you will, and it shall be done unto
you.’”
“_1753. March 7._ In the morning there was an open intercourse between
God and my soul, which for some hours remained undisturbed. About noon
I felt sore war between nature and grace; so that I was brought low.
Nature would have me manage for myself, grace was for casting all my
care upon God. O thou author of every good gift, send me help from thy
holy place to subdue the old man. Take away the perverseness of my own
natural will, and make me lowly and patient as thou my Lord art. Thou
art the source of grace and of goodness. In thee, O Lamb of God, is all
I want.”
“_Thursday 8._ Poured out my soul before the Lord, who gave me to feel
hearty contrition with earnest desires to be sanctified wholly. For
“O how wavering is my mind
Tost about with every wind?
O how quickly doth my heart
From the living God depart.”
“Son of God, set me free, and knit my soul to thyself!”
“_Saturday 10._ The Lord sweetly refreshed my spirit, I was strongly
moved to pour out my soul, for my enemies, and all that forget God.
There was a burning in my heart after all the life of God. Nothing
appeared so desirable as holiness. O God take the whole capacity of
my soul, and possess it by thy spirit.”
“_Sunday 25._ I have had a proof to day of the vanity and uncertainty
of human friendship. Some who loved and greatly esteemed me when I left
_Dublin_, about ten weeks ago, will now, at my return, hardly speak to
me. O that I may seek friendship and all good in God alone.”
*“Some words I heard this morning pierced me to the very soul. Enter
not into judgment with thy servant, O Lord. I fly to Jesus, the _just
one_, to hide me in his wounds. He is my sanctuary, the ark, the
covenant, and the true altar. Come my life, my treasure, and my God,
shine into this drooping heart. Have I not an interest in thy blood!
Am I not a child of thine, O God? Hast thou not said unto me, _live_?
O that thy powerful voice would now speak to my soul, and bless me, O
my Father!”
“How little do I know of God, or of myself? O what a mystery is man?
How difficult to find, and then to lose himself! Lord, I long to be
settled and fixed in thee! O how does this mortal body press down the
soul!”
“_Saturday April 21._ Strengthened in the hope of full redemption.
Jesus forsake me not, or I shall be of all men most miserable!”
“_Wednesday May 4._ Woke with the presence of God. Jesus was amiable,
and altogether lovely to my soul. My heart was carried out in praise to
him for redeeming me, and making me his own for ever, by the washing of
regeneration, and renewing of the Holy Ghost.”
*“I earnestly longed after inward holiness: the image of God brought
into my soul. For then only shall I be truly happy, when self-love,
self-will, and all other roots of bitterness are rooted out of my heart,
and the pure love of God overflows my whole soul. When Jesus is the
supreme and sole governor, and all things within, are subdued by his
grace; then the heart rests in peace, and all things move in their
proper time and manner. The soul is retired, tho’ in the midst of hurry;
and sweet peace, and joy flow from Jehovah, their source. This is the
victory, the salvation, the liberty, the deliverance from sin, which
very few believe, and which no one can know, save he that receiveth
it. But it is the privilege of the children of God, and every one who
sincerely seeks and with all his might, strives for it, shall surely
attain, by the Spirit of the Lord; for the mouth of the Lord hath
spoken it.”
“_Friday 31._ After preaching, gave myself to my usual study. O freedom
of heart, and contempt of the world, how great blessings are ye?
Plentifully did the Lord shower his love into my soul this day, in our
public meeting. Verily thou art the pleasure of my soul, the hope and
desire of my heart.”
“This day God prepared me for a sore trial, by giving me sweet repose
in his love. I lived as it were in heaven. My soul was ravished with
his sweetness. So was I enabled to bear with calmness and patience,
the abusive language of one who came to my room, breathing out
threatenings against me. Alas, How many are there who are great friends
in profession, but not such in reality.”
“_Saturday August 29._ In the night I was grievously tempted of the
devil. He injected such blasphemies, and threw such fiery darts as I
never experienced before. I was sore amazed, and cried unto the Lord
Jesus. He heard my cry, bruised his head and delivered my soul from his
rage and fury. Lord, thou upholdest me, or I should fall! O stay with
me, till I arrive safe in thy kingdom!”
“_Sunday, September 1._ Was a day of feasting and rejoicing to my soul.
I had sweet converse with my Beloved, while I joyed in his salvation.
I proclaimed his name to thousands, from _Jeremiah vi. 10._ And never
felt more freedom to preach my Saviour. O my Lord, thou art precious to
my soul, and thy service is my reward!”
“_1754. Sunday, March._ At the Lord’s supper this morning, my soul
was dissolved with divine love. I could bless God that ever I was born
to so happy and glorious an end, as to love and praise and serve my
Redeemer. Yes, Jesus, thou art precious to my soul. Thy yoke is easy,
and thy commandments holy and just and good. I desire to keep them with
my whole heart.”
“The more I see of the world, the less happiness I can discern in it.
Happy are they who are well out of it. Let me die the death of the
righteous, and let my last end be like his.”
“I wept and rejoiced that God had given me a soul capable of loving him.
In reading and meditating in the open air, my soul tasted of the joys
in part, which those spirits enjoy who behold his face continually.”
“My soul vehemently groaned and longed for full redemption, while it
enjoyed sweet converse with my dear Lord Jesus.”
“_Saturday 23._ I had intercourse with heaven all day. I thirsted for
the salvation of all men, as for my own soul. I was also deeply humbled
before the Lord, seeing myself the most vile and unworthy of all his
creatures. He likewise made willing to be despised and evil spoken of.
And I cannot but admire the wisdom and goodness of God, in so preparing
me for what soon followed. One of my acquaintance, that went with me to
the house of God, laid to my charge things which I knew not. I sent for
him, but he could say nothing to my face. His mouth was stopped, and he
seemed quite ashamed. I felt much patience and pity towards him. Lord
Jesus, give him repentance, and take prejudice out of his heart.”
“_Friday, May 3._ I had a feeling sense of the treasures of grace and
glory, which are laid up for me, both here, and in heaven. O what a
heaven did I experience in being able to call God, _my_ God, and _my_
Father!”
CHAPTER II.
_The extract from his diary continued._
THE account of his experience, given in the preceding chapter, begins
with the first year of his conversion; in which likewise he began to
labour for the good of his neighbour. And it may be observed, that in
his progress, the experience of his heart, had its certain progressive
stages, resembling in some degree, that of the _shining light_, or
sun: a day suppose, whose early dawn is clear and promising, and whose
light and heat still increase ere long, is overcast with clouds, and
disturbed with tempest: the sun however keeps his course, and still
goes on to the _perfect day_. Such likewise is _the path of the just_,
and such was the experience of this servant of God.
The first display of the divine goodness to his soul in justification,
was so clear, and his joy thereupon was so exceeding strong, that
he had then no expectation of seeing war any more. And he was indeed
carried on sweetly, for some considerable time.
But whatever was the cause he afterwards felt otherwise; often groaning
under a body of sin and death; complaining of struggles, between nature
and grace; and of inconstancy and weakness in general: with ardent
pourings out of his soul to God, for complete deliverance. And his
thirst after it was considerably augmented, by the transient tastes,
with which it pleased God to favour him from time to time, of the
heaven of loving him _alone_, with all the powers of his soul.
The feeling of his heart in reference thereto; the methods which he
pursued in order to attain it, and the progress which by the grace of
God he made therein, are the subject of this chapter. Only for the sake
of some, who desire the fullest information concerning him, I shall
prefix a letter he sent me to _Bristol_, from _London_, in answer to
some enquiries which I made, occasioned by the following circumstance.
Some months before he left _London_, the last time, a report prevailed
that he professed to be _cleansed from all sin_. On my hearing this, I
wrote to know it from himself. He sent me the following answer.
_London, June 17, 1757._
“_My dear Brother._
“WHAT you mention concerning me, I answer thus. 1st. I feel the
constant witness of the Spirit of God, that I am forgiven; and that I
love God and my neighbour. 2dly. I do not feel any evil tempers. 3dly.
I firmly believe that God will eternally save my soul. But whether
_all sin_ is taken out of my heart, and the possibility of grieving
the Spirit of God, I do not determine; neither do I think that I love
either God, or my neighbour as I ought, or as I shall. I am helpless,
but God is my strength. I live by faith. I am ashamed. I have no wish,
that any one should believe I am saved from all sin. Indeed I ought to
justify every one that believes the contrary, supposing it was so. But
alas! If Christ did not pray for me, and keep me every moment, I should
go to the devil. Galatians ii. 19. is what I feel. Jesus Christ is all
in all.
“I have written simply, make the best use you can of it; but say
nothing of it to any one (this I request.¹) O let me be forgotten:
not of God, or of his children in prayer: but as I desire no good to
be said of me, I would not have any one sin against God in thinking, or
speaking the evil which my heart abhors. It is much to the glory of God,
to save a proud, angry, self-willed, fearful, and unbelieving sinner;
therefore I almost say, that I glory in mine infirmities, that the
strength, and grace of Christ, may rest upon me, and save me from them
all; and this he will do, as sure as he is faithful and true.
“I am, your affectionate brother,
_Thomas Walsh_.”
¹ And his request was then carefully observed. But the
present occasion, will be thought reason sufficient for
publishing it.
His struggles, sentiments, and attainments, partly before, and partly
after this letter, even to his death, are farther represented in the
following extracts.
*“_London, Sunday, June 2._ All this forenoon I was raised above
myself, and lost in God. Heaven as it were came down into my soul, and
I saw the glory of the world to come! I beheld all the glory of this
world, as the mire in the streets. But Oh, the views, which I had of
heaven, and the foretaste of those ravishing joys, that flow there, so
transported my soul, that I could bless God, that ever I was born.”
*“_Tuesday 4._ My soul was transported this day to such a degree, as
greatly affected even my body. I do not recollect, that I ever before
felt such a sense of the presence and glory of God. Surely if he should
manifest himself a few degrees more to me, I could not live in the
body!”
*“_Sunday 9._ I gave myself up to God. I heartily desire to give my
whole heart, chearfully, and without reserve to thee my love! Many
things would alienate it from thee. But O my Saviour, keep thou my
every desire. Knit me closely to thyself, and suffer no false fire
to abide in my heart. I acknowledge, O my God, that it is an amazing
instance of thy love, that thou hast made me a child of thine. Let I
beseech thee, thy goodness be the strongest tie to keep my heart stayed
upon thee.”
“_Tuesday 18._ I was so low in body, that I could hardly speak or think.
Oh, how does this corruptible body press down my soul! Yet I can praise
God for his dispensations towards me; he afflicts me, that I may be
partaker of his holiness.”
“At the Lord’s table I was in an agony for holiness. My soul, and even
my body, were ready to faint with desire, and longing for all the mind
that was in Christ Jesus.”
“_Saturday, July 20._ O how my soul laboured with God in secret prayer!
I said in my heart, if I am indeed a child of God, Why have I not
greater desires to depart, and to be with Christ? I prostrated myself
before the throne of grace, and cried to God to answer me as by fire:
and he soon silenced my despondences by answering in my heart, ‘My son,
thou art mine.’”
“_Wednesday, September 21._ God overpowered my whole frame, so that my
body fainted under the pouring out of the Spirit of Christ.”
*“_Saturday, September 26._ My heart was quite melted with a sense of
the goodness of God, and of my own vileness. I think I now begin to
repent; to have a godly sorrow for my sins. Of this I am well assured,
that thoughts which were in my mind a year ago, are now a grief to me.
The Spirit of God brings the sins of my whole life to my remembrance.
I read them all, but more especially, whatever has been wrong in
me, since I was converted. My spirit within me mourns, and my heart
feelingly says, ‘Oh that I had never sinned! O that my soul and body
had been always pure before thee! Oh that I had always the same light
and power that God has given me now!’ But altho’ I am vile, yet this,
blessed be God I know, there is now no condemnation to me: the blood of
Christ hath washed away all my sins. I have the Spirit of adoption, and
the peace of my God. I love him, and all his dear children; yea, and my
enemies likewise. I hunger and thirst after righteousness. I rejoice in
my God, and delight in doing his will. I know in whom I have believed.
My name is written in heaven. Hallelujah!”
“_Friday, November 22._ I enjoyed a fulness of God in my soul; and had
infinite sweetness in communion with my Saviour. Lord I am not worthy
of these manifestations: But I see all is of _free grace_. I receive
all through Christ the righteous. He drank the bitter cup, that I might
drink the cup of consolation. Lord I would love thee infinitely, if I
were able! My whole soul cries out for power to do thy will perfectly.”
“_Monday December 2._ I feel I am a mere nothing, and that if God
withdraw his grace from me but for a moment, I should do nothing but
sin.”
*“_Sunday 22._ All the day long my Lord was wonderfully present with
me in every ordinance. Truly my soul longed vehemently to be, and live
like my Saviour the holy Jesus. This indeed is the thing I aim at; and
I believe according to the sure word of promise, I shall attain. O what
depths and heights of holiness do I discern attainable in this world.”
*“I felt much shame before the Lord to day, for my unfaithfulness, and
unfruitfulness. O God enter not into judgment with me for my sins of
omission!”
*“_Sunday July 4._ I was troubled in my spirit because of lightness of
heart, and speaking _my own words_, (Isaiah lviii.) How many idle words
do I speak! It ill becomes a Christian, much more a preacher ever to
laugh.”
“_October 6._ I rose with much sorrow and concern; and with shame
and much brokenness of heart, bowed my soul before the Lord. My
heaviness endured as it were but a moment, and the divine light shone
transcendently bright upon my soul. Praying with a few friends, my joy
in the Lord overcame my feeble body. And it proved to be a preparation
for a trial, which came soon after. I had sweet communion with Jesus,
and three of his redeemed ones this day. In the evening I pressed upon
the people the necessity of _inward life_, from _Acts v. 20._”
“My soul was mightily encouraged while I expounded, _John xiv. 21‒23._
Inward and constant liberty is what I want; to be always recollected,
having my mind stayed upon God. I would live like an angel below. For
some moments indeed, I often love and rejoice in a wonderful manner:
but alas, ‘How soon it dies away.’ I become comparatively cold, and can
neither pray with freedom, nor rejoice with reverence.”
“Still, nature, the devil and grace, are striving with me: Christ
however has the upper-hand; but I want him ‘to live and reign, the Lord
of _every motion_ of my soul.’”
“I prayed with my kindred at taking my leave of them.¹ My brother
and sister were ill, and my mother weeping after me. I found a great
struggle, and believe I should have stayed, but for those scriptures,
_He that loveth father or mother more than me, is not worthy of me_.
And, _Let the dead bury their dead; but go thou and preach the kingdom
of God_. My heart felt pain and sorrow: but I took up my cross, and
went immediately to _Bellygarane_ (where were a colony of _Germans_)
and preached that night. O what is needful for a minister of Jesus!
What faith, love, purity, divine light, life and strength to finish his
course with joy!”
¹ He was then going to _England_ the third, and which was the
last time.
“Meeting the penitents, I could hardly speak in the last prayer, I was
so overpowered with the presence and majesty of God.”
“I rose early this morning, after watering my pillow with my tears more
than ever I remember to have done before.”
“Throughout the various exercises of the day I had strong assurance,
that the Lord would eternally save me; especially as I sat at dinner,
conversing with my brethren of the things of God.”
“Having this evening to myself without preaching (a rare thing with
him) I shut myself up, and sought the Lord with prayers and tears. Shew
me, my Lord, thy glory, or let me die that I may see thee! If I cannot
perfectly love thee, and do thy will upon earth, send for me and take
my soul to heaven. But Lord, God, hast thou not spoken by _Moses_,
_Deuteronomy xxx. 6._ and by _Ezekiel xxxiv. 23‒32._ If these are thy
words and promises, I pray and plead, that they may be fulfilled in me,
according to their utmost extent, O come and baptize me with fire!”
“At prayer with some friends, the Lord applied powerfully to my heart,
‘Go and sin no more!’ Now the Lord has answered for himself. I believe
it is his will, that from this moment I should sin no more! and that
I should have such a faith, as never to depart from Christ in thought,
word, or deed; that so, being inseparably one with him I should walk in
the spirit, and sing and praise him evermore! Angels praise my Saviour!”
“_1757. Sunday._ All the day I was happy in my Lord, rejoicing in
confidence that he would save me eternally. I could pray, and love, and
weep.”
“It was a day of great blessing, and of great trials. I came home
through much snow and rain. But it was all sweet with Christ. I called
on the strong for strength; and after meditation, lay down in peace.”
“_Thursday._ I employed all the day in reading the _Hebrew_ and _Greek_
scriptures, save some time which I spent in endeavouring to convince a
man, that there is salvation for a person though he does not make use
of the church liturgy.”
“With a heart full of matter, I preached on _Ephesians vi. 11._ I could
truly say, that the law of thy mouth is dearer unto me, than thousands
of gold and silver.”
“At dinner my soul was sweetly drawn out after God, I felt such an
assurance of eternal salvation, as I never had before; not with such
clearness of evidence.”
“I felt great love to all mankind. My soul pleaded with God in their
behalf. O Jesus hasten thy kingdom. Come and put a period to sin and
misery! O my God, suffer not a vain thought to live in me. I never can
rest till Jesus has poured his humble, pure, and happy mind into my
soul. For some moments I did taste of the felicity of heaven; but thro’
pain and unbelief it was of short continuance.”
“_Friday._ It being the public fast. I preached on Isaiah lviii. 3.
It was a day of feasting to my soul. With great delight I rested in my
God. And it seemed to me, that the people of God were not yet to suffer.
Hereafter it will be; but at present, the grand controversy is with
antichrist.¹ Jesus will avenge the quarrel of his covenant.”
¹ For some considerable time before, and during great part
of his last sickness, his thoughts entered deeply, into the
prophecies of _Daniel_ and the _Revelation_. He calculated
the times with great exactness, and spared no labour and
pains, to be fully informed concerning the great things
which those passages teach still await the world. In short
he was rapt up in those future scenes, _hastening to the
coming of the Son of_ God, in his kingdom of grace and
glory. His opinion was, that great and amazing things were
at the door, and he has frequently said to a young man,
“My brother if you live to the years of a man (meaning
three score and ten) you shall see these things.”
“I seek perfection, and uninterrupted communion with the blessed God,
Father, Son, and Holy Ghost. True; I am not worthy of the crumbs under
thy table; yet I look thro’ thy rich grace, for all the precious and
eternal blessings of the new Covenant.”
“_Sunday._ This was a glorious day indeed. Great and marvellous were
the blessings which God bestowed upon me. He blesses me in every duty:
all is useful; all works together for my good. I go on my way singing
the hundred and thirty-eighth psalm, _They shall sing in the ways of
the Lord; for great is the glory of the Lord_.”
“Jesus was with me in all I did. He gave me light, love, help, joy,
peace, and strength in all. In his Spirit I went to rest.”
*“Wherever I was, and in whatsoever I did, my soul delighted in God:
never had I deeper, or more sweet manifestations of his gracious
presence. I could not but praise him, and thirst for more perfect union
with him! Surely this is the foretaste of glory! O if Christians did
but rightly understand the nature, power, and extent of _the kingdom
of God_ in the soul, I am persuaded they would not rest satisfied with
bare pardon of sin, and some joy and peace, when they may have perfect
and uninterrupted rest! If once sin be totally destroyed, and the
Spirit filled with the light, and love of God, it is then neither hurt
nor hindred, by any person or thing; but steddily goes on its heavenly
journey, united to Christ, more and more daily. _It does not yet appear
what we shall be_, even in this world.”
*“O Christ, What hast thou done for me! What shall I say of, or unto
thee? This I say, that I love thee! O let it be with all my heart, and
soul, and mind, and strength. At intercession, I felt such a degree of
the presence of God, as utterly amazed me. O glorious Lord, how shall
I bless thee!”
*“My heart continually rested in God, and drank of the living waters;
yea, my very body was supported by the joy wherewith my soul was
refreshed: so that after preaching three times to-day, beside visiting
the sick, and well; my strength was more than when I rose in the
morning.”
“_Friday._ A day of fasting (a frequent practice of his.) At prayer my
soul was greatly humbled before God. Entire resignation, without much
joy, was the state of my heart this day.”
“_Saturday, March 12, 1757._ Preparing for a short journey to-day,
and laying up my books, I felt some little distraction. I could bless
God however, that I had not money to lay up. Alas, for the rich of
this world: how are they to be pitied! How hardly can they be saved?
Jesus, make and keep me poor in spirit; nor suffer this world ever
to defile me. Suffer not my soul to cleave to the dust, but cause all
my affections to flow towards thyself. I would not live upon earth. I
desire, pray, and labour, that my heart may be in heaven, with Christ
my head.”
“_Sunday 13._ I conversed with one to-day, who told me, that for
fourteen years last past, she never found any unhappiness, but always
rejoiced in the love of God. Before and after sacrament, I found such
desire, as almost made my heart break. My soul and flesh cried, mourned
and wept for the perfect love of God. There is a beauty and excellence
in holiness, which has quite won my heart.”
“All day, both in reading, prayer, and conversation, I felt something
of that promise, John iv. 14. I look for religion to possess, and
entirely change me. I see and feel, that Christianity is something
divine, living, generous, powerful, and internal. It is _God dwelling
in the soul of man_, 2 Corinthians vi. 16.”
*“_Friday 18._ I prayed, and read till twelve. My body began then to
complain. It does not like fasting; but my soul did banquet on the
rich delicacies of the love and promises of God. I am in the way to
heaven; but I want a heavenly nature, heaven _within_ me. My soul can
be satisfied with nothing less than God. Jesus, my dear Jesus, let me
ever esteem thy blood, and righteousness above the whole world! Through
thee I come to God. By thee I enter heaven. Thou art heaven.”
“My heart was penetrated with the goodness and love of God. I see still
more clearly, that love is the fulfilling of the law――supreme, constant,
and perfect love of God, and pure benevolent love to the whole of human
kind.”
Happy soul, when once renew’d,
God in thee, and thou in God,
Only feel’st within thee move
Tenderness, compassion, love.
Love immense, and unconfin’d,
Love to all of human kind,
Love, which willeth all should live,
Love, which all to all would give,
Love, that over all prevails,
Love, that never, never fails:
Stand secure, for thou shalt prove
All th’ eternity of love.
“There is, there _can_ be no higher, no better, no sweeter divinity
than this, _My beloved is mine, and I am his_! O my soul rest in this!
Be satisfied, and safe in the protecting, sanctifying, and reviving
love of _Immanuel, God with me_.”
“The 33d chapter of _Exodus_ came in my course of reading to-day. And O
what pleading and communion between _Moses_ and his God. Happy man! who
conversed with the glorious Jehovah, face to face.¹ And yet St. _John_
seems to express something higher and sweeter than even this, 1st
Epistle i. 3. For certainly internal union with God, and a fulness of
his spirit, are more excellent than any external manifestation can be.”
¹ That is with a degree of familiarity and access, which was
not allowed to any of the other patriarchs or prophets.
For _strictly_ speaking, _no man hath seen God at any
time_.
“I retired a few minutes after five, to wait for the coming of Jesus.
My soul is all desire after Christ. I am resolved to love and serve
him so as I have never yet done. Come _Holy Ghost_, and kindle the fire
within my breast.”
*“From a quarter after four this morning till ten, spent in prayer, and
reading the scriptures, and such humiliation of soul, such a sense of
my vileness I hardly ever felt. It was genuine, godly sorrow indeed,
with a clear sight of the odiousness of sin. I believe the first time I
ever sinned, was brought to my remembrance. My head was as waters, and
my heart as wax before the fire. But all the time I had a clear sense
of the love of God; a witness that I was accepted in the beloved, and
all the day after, my soul delighted itself in the Lord.”
*“I ought to esteem myself unworthy of any comfort; my sins having
justly deserved damnation. The blood of Christ is of infinite value
and efficacy, otherwise I should never be saved. Infirmities, so
called, which once I passed over without much remorse, now appear
heinous, black, and damnable, and if God did not bear witness with my
spirit, that they are all forgiven, would sink me into misery. People
are seldom sufficiently sensible of the odiousness of pride, anger,
internal concupiscence, or an inordinate love of the creature; together
with the neglect of self-denial, and bearing the daily cross. These are
overlooked; yea, some even plead for, and attempt to justify them. Lord,
let me never be an advocate for the devil. Give me grace heartily to
love those who tell me of my faults. Search out my sin, till thou find
none. My whole trust is in the blood of Jesus. I have no other plea;
for this one is enough, it will, it doth prevail with God, and bring my
soul to glory.”
*“In my closet the former part of this day, it was made indeed a time
of love. I felt such sweetness, and divine felicity in my soul, and by
faith beheld the glory of God in such a manner as words cannot describe.
I saw and tasted God in all things. My Lord Jesus Christ appeared
_wonderful_ to me indeed, Isaiah ix. 6. Praise, blessing, honour,
glory, and thanksgiving be ascribed to the holy and adorable Trinity.
What could I have believed, what understood of thee, unless thou my
Lord hadst revealed it to me?¹ O love divine! O the wisdom, and power
of God! Human tongue cannot express, nor angel minds conceive, how
great and wonderful ye are in the saints; by whom God is glorified, and
in whom Christ is _justified_ by the Spirit, (1 Timothy iii. 16.) To
whom heaven is as it were let down, and whom eternal glory momentarily
awaits! They now drink of the rivers of pleasure; of the well of life:
and are warmed with the beams of the divine sun! They are delighted
with praises, allured by pleasures, cloathed with light, and filled
with God! Hallelujah! Amen.”
¹ He seems to refer to some particular communication from God
of his Triune Majesty.
CHAPTER III.
_The same subject continued._
THE continued advancement of his soul in the knowledge of God, is very
discernible in the preceding sketch of his experience: although in the
expression of it, and of what follows in particular, he seems often at
a loss for words; human language falling so far short of those things
of God, which can only be spiritually discerned. In these collections
we see a soul peculiarly remarkable for a daily, serious, steady,
exact and uniform course of walking inwardly with God, and attending
outwardly on all the precepts of the gospel. He poured out, simply his
thoughts from the standing treasury of his heart, for his own sole use;
for the more effectual promotion of his intercourse with God, and for
the better adjustment of all his spiritual concerns.
“_1757._ I was up before five, read and prayed till I went to chapel.
I felt much. The Lord knows what! In the evening we (the society)
met together in order to devote ourselves to God afresh, by renewing
our covenant with him. My soul was greatly humbled before God, and
felt that for my backslidings he might justly have cast me off: for
although I have not wickedly departed from my God, yet for my blots
and short-comings I was made to blush. Jesus however I know stands my
advocate, and because he lives I live also.”
*“I rose early, and after prayer and sermon communicated. The adorable
Saviour gave me a taste of his sweetness, and a sight of his glory. I
read, prayed, and conversed with Christian friends the rest of the day;
waiting for perfect love, and exhorting others earnestly to seek after
the same. Surely nothing is so desirable as this: God in us, and the
very perfection of gospel holiness. No man can be thoroughly blessed
till this unmixed love of God purifies his heart and fills his whole
soul.”
“In all I did all day, God was my life, my joy and my strength. His
love was as fire within me. I never felt such a burning in my heart
before. O Jesus, what hast thou done for me!”
*“I saw this day on a very triffling occasion, the necessity of having
supernatural light, and a witness from God in all things, even of the
common affairs of life, that I please him. Some things occur which
seem to be in equilibrio, so that one may reason for hours, and not be
able to turn the scale. O may I never want light from God, whereby I
may clearly discern what I ought to do, and what avoid! And O let me
have thy strength also, or the light that is in me will be turned to
darkness; for alas, I often see my way but am lame, or drag on heavily!”
“Happy the man who gives up all for Christ. Who having discovered,
that the favour and enjoyment of God is the _pearl of great price_,
sells all earthly loves, and longs that he may buy,――freely receive
the unspeakable gift of God.”
*“Soon after ten, I lay down but could not sleep, through a deep and
comfortable sense of the love of Christ. His Spirit rested upon me and
made my heart flame with love to _my God, and my all_. It never entered
into my heart to conceive the loving him with all the heart, till he
revealed it to me by his Spirit.”
“Throughout the whole of my progress, I feel that Satan is my enemy,
but Jesus is my friend. I fear not then: my Lord will save me from
every evil work, and preserve me to his heavenly kingdom.”
“The fire of divine love burned incessantly in my soul. Yet I perceive
I must still wear some of the marks of my captivity, namely sickness,
infirmity and death. My soul would fain fly up to God, but I am yet
detained. I conversed with some eminent Christians, and Jesus fulfilled
his word, being with us of a truth.”
“This day was as yesterday, and much more abundantly. Indeed I can
declare how greatly the Lord abased my soul, and broke me as it were
in pieces. I could not perceive, that any sin had place in me; but I
wait for a stronger evidence that I am made pure in heart. O God, shew
me what by grace I am. Shew me if there be pride, anger or unbelief
in my heart. Jesus, Son of the living God, send down the _Holy Ghost_
from the Father, to bear me witness, and to shine upon thine own
work. Humble and prove, but strengthen and comfort me too. I am thine.
There is not one doubt in my heart thou wilt save me for ever. I
sing praises! _Te Deum_ is sweet to me; so is _the Magnificate_, and
the _Nunc Dimittis_. O what has God wrought for me! Jesus thou art
my strength and righteousness! I am safe in thee, thou art my rock!
Salvation is unto me for walls and bulwarks.”
“Having preached on, _obtained promises_, and having met the society,
I retired about ten: it was a festal day to my soul. I do feel from
experience and scripture, that God has indeed changed my heart, and
destroyed the works of the devil. My heart cried for humility and love;
the whole mind of Christ.”
“The love of God still increased more abundantly than ever; the fire
burned vehemently within me. I saw more clearly, that God had confirmed
me in his favour; and that all was quietness and assurance for ever.
I am astonished at the gift of God, and am willing if it pleaseth him
to be hated of all nations for his name-sake. I will sing of mercy and
judgment.”
“This day I was sorely tempted. Lord Jesus, thou knowest what my
temptations are. I would rather die than deny thee by sinning against
thee. Thou seest my simple heart. O guard and cover my head. My enemies
are many, subtle, and powerful, and malicious; but thou art greater
than them all. O God, thou art my friend, and strong helper, I will
trust, and not be afraid.”
“I sensibly felt the Lord impressing his image on my soul. O perfect
love! ’Tis all in all in religion. I want it above every thing, even
this fulness of God in Christ.”
“The Lord gives me to drink of his love as out of a river. All things
work together for my good. May every one that is godly, praise him for
this, and trust in his name for ever!”
“I took to my bed through violence of pain in my head, and other
symptoms of a fever. I resigned myself to God, and was unmoved. I wept
with gratitude to my good God. My fever soon abated, and in the night
I got rest. So graciously does he deal with me!”
*“At the Lord’s table, I had not only a clear witness that all was
forgiven me; but likewise strong assurance, that God had purified my
heart by faith. My soul was deeply affected with his love. The blessed
Jesus is present with, and precious to me. O let my soul adore the
Lord, and tell of his works with gladness. Let this be written for the
generations to come.”
*“I wept with a sense of the goodness of God to me, and found all my
dependance is on Christ. Christ alone! He makes me to rejoice in his
salvation. His blood, and not my holiness, or usefulness is the only
cause of my acceptance, and final justification. O who can bear praise,
and rejoice in contempt? Only he that is fully crucified with Christ.
This is my aim, to burn and flame with pure love to God. Nothing less
than the full enjoyment of him shall ever satisfy me. Thy presence
makes my heaven. O praise the Lord ye servants of the Lord, all ye
that do his pleasure! Why am I not lost in astonishment and love! O
the goodness and condescension of the blessed Jesus!”
“I was this day extremely ill in body; there was a burning all over my
flesh. But God was the rest and life of my soul; who, notwithstanding
my sickness, enabled me to continue in prayer and reading his word;
yea, there was a burning of love in my heart. O may I sink into this
boundless sea, and lose myself in God!”
“This afternoon, taking a view of my whole life, from my infancy,
the manner of bringing me up, &c. I could not but admire and adore
with weeping, the goodness of God for his dealings with me. I was an
ignorant poor sinner; having no knowledge of God, and little of this
world. But the Lord looked upon me, and said unto me _live_! My soul
doth praise and magnify his name for ever! O for an enlarged heart!
Jesus thou art my strength.”
*“I believe great things are at hand for me. This was one of my best
days, nothing will satisfy me till _John xiv. 23._ is more fully than
ever fulfilled in me: _And my Father will love him, and we will come
unto him, and make our abode with him_. Jesus saith _I come quickly_.
Lord Jesus come! My soul burns with desire. I pant for the living God.
O strengthen me to do always the things that please Thee! I believe
thou wilt fully and finally save me.”
“O what a mystery is the love of Christ! How sweet a banquet! How
delicious a wine! Lord thou hast ravished me with thy love! Death is
now sweet to me; and eternity affords me a most blessed and glorious
hope. O what has God done for me! Holy Lord, accept of my heartiest
praise, and the most perfect love that I at present can give.”
*“Both my body and soul were affected, with the great power of God
resting upon me this Day. My whole nature bowed before the present
deity; and his high praises were in my mouth. He said unto my soul,
‘Thou art made whole.’ I replied, ‘Lord, I believe.’”
“In the midst of a variety of critical circumstances, my conscience was
kept pure. _He that walketh uprightly, walketh surely._ And _What can
harm you if ye be followers of that which is good?_”
*“My soul longs for fuller union with God; for more of the root and
fruit of holiness, faith, and love. O let me lean on thy breast, and
kiss thy feet. Keep me, my Lord, in thy bosom.”
“All day my cup ran over. I came to my room both wet and weary and
lay down happy. My spirit still magnifies the Lord. I rest in him. He
giveth his beloved rest.”
*“To rejoice evermore, is my portion under the sun. My heart dissolves
with the goodness of God. Truly thou art unto me _a place of broad
rivers_, Isaiah xxxiii. Blessed be the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost! A
stranger intermeddleth not with the happiness which I feel! The half
cannot be told. O, it is heaven upon earth! After several exercises of
faith, love and prayer, I lay down in peace. My heart is full; and yet
‘A point my good, a drop my store,
‘Eager I ask, and pant for more.’
“O how sweet is it to retire from the world; yea, even from converse
with the holiest Christians, to wait upon God alone; and to get closer
acquaintance with the blessed Jesus. Happy the man that can go to God
at any time, praying to him with faith and fervency. My God, all my
soul cries aloud for more of thy light and love. Manifest thyself more
fully within me!”
“Lord, I know not that there is any one living, that has greater
cause to love, and serve thee in truth, than myself; for thy ways of
love towards me, have been, and still are very wonderful. O how many
sins hast thou forgiven me? How many snares of the devil hast thou
broken, and delivered me from? How many pains and afflictions hast thou
supported me under? How many fears and sorrows hast thou from time to
time, banished from my heart? Thou hast given me also of thy gifts; and
with reverence I speak it, thou hast given me thy grace. Thou hast sent
me to preach thy word, and given me favour in the eyes of the people;
neither have I spent my strength in vain. I believe Lord thou hast
given me thyself, and that thou wilt give me in, and with thee, both
grace and glory!”
*“I retired to fast; and poured out my heart for my own soul, for the
church of God, and for mankind in general; that God would reform the
whole world. Days of fasting become sweet to me. I find more and more
delight in them. But by grace I am saved. Jesus is my righteousness.
Thro’ faith in his blood, I offer myself, and all I do to him. The
favour of God I obtained by his death; the image of God is stamped
upon my heart by his Spirit; and thro’ his intercession, I obtain
everlasting life. And yet will he reward every man according to his
works.”
“I was this day sensibly convinced of the danger of following impulses
of any kind, unless supported by the express authority of scripture.
Nature and _Satan_, suggest a variety of things, which having a shew of
truth and goodness, often lead persons into extravagance and error. It
seems however a sure rule, that whatsoever promotes or increases purity
and meekness, love towards God, and our neighbour, must be from heaven.
And whatsoever does not tend to this, ought to be rejected. But O what
need is there here, of spiritual discernment, to distinguish between
the real graces of the _Holy Ghost_, and the counterfeit appearances of
the devil, and self-love! God of truth, and of love, lead and establish
my soul in the paths of justice, mercy, truth, and humility. Make me
of a quick understanding in thy fear; nor leave me a moment to my own
wisdom, or strength. My help cometh from the Lord, who made heaven and
earth. Praise the Lord O my soul!”
“I adore thee, O my God, that thou hast made it lawful for me to pray
to thee. Oh, how great is thy condescension to regard such a poor
creature as me! I will extol thy goodness, O Lord, my king.”
“All day long my heart burned with the love of God. My desires were
unutterable; but he who knows the mind of the Spirit, will grant me
all my petitions.”
“I had close trials: but the consolations of God were so many, and so
strong, that I was borne above them. My body and soul were exceedingly
strengthened by the divine grace. The _baptism of fire_ I experience
more than ever. But still I am a poor creature.”
“O how soon will this dream of life be ended! Lord, I long to see thee
as thou art. Give me patience, gracious Lord.”
*“For about two hours in my room, I found such communion with God, as
my pen cannot write: no, it is beyond the power of words to describe
the happiness which I felt. Alas! that men should be so ungrateful to
God, and such enemies to their own soul, as not to seek happiness in
Jesus. O the delight of a soul fully united to God!”
“At his table, the Lord met me this day, in a wonderful manner. My
whole frame was so affected and overpowered, that I was ready to resign
my soul into his hands.”
“I was still more deeply sensible of God’s presence. My desire was so
strong, that it even pained my breast exceedingly. Indeed I cannot tell
what I then felt. It was the work of God; but he knows in what manner,
and degree. The fire spread; the light shined; and the power wrought:
in short, _God within me lived_! Sing a new song, O my soul; sing with
a mighty voice. Proclaim to angels and men, the goodness of the Lord.
Jesus help me to praise thee yet more and more!”
“I met with several trials to-day, but it was given me to bear them
chearfully, and to praise the Lord, who has given me integrity of heart,
and simplicity of intention, in all my ways. Lord I love thee. I will
praise thy name yet more, even for ever and ever!”
“O how plain is it, that God reveals to babes, those gracious things
which are hid from the wise and prudent; so doth he magnify his mercy,
and stain the pride of human glory. In my closet I wept much, that I
may be more filled with God than ever.”
“I thirsted and prayed this day to be with him. My whole soul was in a
flame for God. O for more faith, to see him continually!”
“Lord, I am sorely tempted, but thou comfortest me. I am happy in thy
love. Still open thy kingdom more fully and powerfully _within_ me.”
“In all things I come short; but I have the testimony of a good
conscience.”
*“I stand as in the presence of God. The awe of God I feel rests upon
my soul. O how dreadful, and yet how joyful is this place! Lord Jesu,
thou art _Immanuel_, God with _me_!”
“I mourned for the sins of the people, and found a willingness even
to lay down my life, if that would save them from hell. Many wept, and
trembled. O the depths of love in God!”
“I felt this day an ardent desire to suffer for his name-sake, tho’ I
am conscious of my own weakness.”
“Being much disturbed by dreams, I rose early, and called upon God.
I continued reading, praying, and weeping, till seven in the evening.
I was mollified, and deeply humbled. My soul adored _Immanuel_, and
desired to die, rather than offend him. O Holy Ghost, abide with, and
in me for ever! A short sentence which occurred this day in reading,
and which I made the subject of discourse, deeply affected me; namely.
‘אלהים אתה אלי’
“O God, thou art my God. Blessed be thy Majesty, and exalted be thy
name. Let the earth and heavens praise and proclaim thy greatness and
glory. Jesus, I love and adore thee! My soul’s delight is in thee!”
“I was told of some who talked evil of me. I prayed for myself, and for
them, and truly the love of God was as a mighty fire in my soul. O what
a heaven is this!”
“Altho’ love and joy lived and flowed in me, yet I wept and made
supplication, being strongly tempted by the devil. Ah Lord. Thou
knowest my state and trials. My desire is before thee, and my groanings
are not hid from thee. Hast not thou made me pure, and sealed me thine
for ever! Shine on thy work, and bear thy witness with my heart. Suffer
not thy servant to be of a doubtful mind.”
“I see, that I ought to be much in prayer for the _Holy Ghost_.
I plainly perceive that to be taught by him for one hour, is more
profitable to the soul than many days reading.”
“I spent several hours in private, begging of God to enable me to
fulfil the law of love. I feel so as I cannot write, the extent of
Christian obedience. How deep, how wide!”
“Deliver me O Lord from the strife of tongues, and from the ungodly,
who are a sword of thine. I found in retirement this day sore struggles,
and deep consolation.”
*“O how great is the profit of simple prayer, and diligent reading
of the holy scriptures? They are I find, of singular service to
me. My soul is calmed, sweetened, melted, invigorated, and sensibly
strengthened in the exercise of these holy duties. I weep and pray,
and give thanks: yet still, I want deeper repentance, and much more
humility. I would be penetrated with the sense of _my own_ helplessness;
and I do not find power equal to my will. I live however by faith, and
find God unspeakably, and continually present.”
“My soul was solidly happy, and longing for humility this day. I
desire to be simple, and filled more abundantly with love to God and
my neighbour.”
“I never felt such gratitude to God, as I did this day, for bringing
me from the idolatry of the _Romish_ church. My heart was grieved in
reading some of their horrid doctrines¹ about saints, and images. O God,
thou hast done this for me; and thou hast done many thousand things
beside for me; and now I beseech thee do this for me, give me an humble,
thankful and penitent heart.”
¹ He was about this time, employed partly in reading
Bishop _Usher_’s famous disputation with the _Jesuits_ in
_Ireland_. And of this book he says, ‘I cannot think that
a papist who has learning and the fear of God, can, after
reading it, remain in the errors of _Popery_.’
“This was a feast, and a fast day to my soul. All the ordinances of God
are exceeding precious and profitable to me.”
“I was all day deeply engaged with God: wept much, and prayed earnestly,
yet I had not much joy. I had a full and firm confidence that he would
fulfil his word of promise to my soul. My weakness can do nothing
without thy power. I lay hold on thy strength, and offer myself to thy
holy will. O let me glorify thee, as well by _suffering_ as by _doing_.”
“This morning I met with a woman where I breakfasted, who was exceeding
happy in God. A few weeks ago I met her in the same place, but she was
then utterly dead and careless. I then spoke plainly to her, and at
parting, after prayer, said ‘I pray God you may never rest till you
rest in Christ.’ The words were applied to her heart, and her burden
increased every day, so that she was brought almost to black despair,
when God revealed his love in her heart. She could now scarce tell it
thro’ weeping. O what a God is the God of the Christians!”
“_January 1758, Sunday 1._ We met at four, and after prayer I preached
on Psalms xc. 12. We had the good Mr. ―――― at the chapel, whose
humility and fervour, more than compensated for the irregularity of
his sermon. I have had much more happiness on other days, than on this
sabbath, tho’ not more sincerity and resignation. I feel my weakness
and confess my ignorance, and implore the wisdom and power of God.”
“After being some hours in my room, the fire from heaven went through
me, and I could praise the Lord continually, for his goodness to me. I
find such an impression of his power and love, as cannot be expressed
in words.”
*“This whole sabbath was both _a delight and honourable_ to me. Such
revelations of God’s goodness; such manifestations of his Spirit, and
such operations of his love, I never felt. My very outward man was
affected and refreshed. It cannot be declared what I then felt. Oh
there is much in these words, _Ye shall be baptised with the Holy Ghost
and with fire_. Whatsoever I did, the Lord made it to prosper. O holy
Father, let all the hosts of heaven praise and adore thy name!”
“God is love. This is the foundation of all my hopes. I feel much shame,
because of my infirmities; but I have also sweet consolations.”
“I was seized with a violent pain in my stomach, and was exceeding ill;
however by the mercy and power of God, I went through the duties of
the day with delight, and could thank God for pain, so as I never could
before.”
“As I read my _Greek_ testament this morning, my soul magnified the
Lord for the description, and progress of his work, contained in the
acts of the apostles. And while I am now writing, my soul is so cheared
with the _fire_ of love, as I cannot describe, unless to such as
experience the same.”
“Lord, I have not publickly preached for thee this day, but I have
had many blessings from thee, and mine heart has been in thy work. I
beseech thee bless the labours of thy more faithful servants, whom I
have heard.”
*“I have great cause to praise God, that I am free from worldly care.
Surely I was appointed to this work in which I am engaged. O that I may
obtain mercy of the Lord, to be found faithful! O Jesus, plead thou my
cause in the heavens, and fill me with thy grace here upon earth. All
my hope of heaven stands in thee! O shew me, if there be ought in me
which thou abhorrest? And let me hear thee say, ‘Thou art all fair, my
love, there is no spot in thee.’”
“O that I could love and obey, as fast as I learn. Truth appears to me
every day with new lustre: new springs are opened, and the best wine
kept until last.”
“_Sunday 19._ After asking help from God, I preached my farewel sermon
(farewel indeed; It was the last he preached in _London_, and the last
day of his being there) at the Foundery, from _Acts xx. 32._ _And now,
brethren I commend you to God, and to the word of his grace, which is
able to build you up, and to give you an inheritance among all them
which are sanctified._ And in the evening, I bid them farewel at the
chapel in _West-street_, from _Colossians ii. 6._ _As ye have therefore
received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk ye in him._ In all the duties
of the day, public and private, God was exceeding gracious to me. I
believe I never felt such strength of love. I was in truth _sick of
love_. I could not sufficiently praise him. All words come far short of
what I felt. Lord, thou hast given me much favour in the eyes of this
people. They shew it by words and deeds; yea prayers and tears! Reward
them a thousand fold. Bring me safe to _Bristol_, that there I may shew
forth the praises of the Lord, and declare thy righteousness, and thy
salvation. Amen, Lord Jesus.”
“_Monday 20._ After prayer with our family, I set out in the machine.
I read my _Hebrew psalter_, and _the Christian pattern_. I found great
tranquility of mind, and my spirit was refreshed with the goodness of
God. I conversed with three gentlemen, my companions in the coach, on
divine subjects. I prayed earnestly to God before I set out, that my
fellow travellers might not swear or curse, and the Lord heard me; for
so it was; they rather approved of scripture subjects and studies. O
the joy of a good conscience! And the rest which the soul finds in the
love of God. The Lord supplies the absence of friends, and all things
that are dear to us. His presence makes our paradise. It is not _where_
but what we are, which is the great matter.”
“_Thursday 23._ At _Bristol_, I met Mr. W. T. under whose preaching (as
has been related) God gave me the clear witness of his forgiving love.
Our meeting was for the better. _As iron sharpneth iron, so doth the
countenance of a man his friend._ We remembered the years of the right
hand of the most high; and how the Lord filled our mouths with laughter,
when he brought back our captivity. Lord bless this man, and make him
faithful in all things! And now that I am come to this city to preach
the gospel of the kingdom, and spend my life and strength in thy
service; assist me O Lord, and make thy goodness known to me. Give me
wisdom and strength, O help me Lord Jesus, to glorify thy name. Amen.”
“I read through to day, the epistle of St. James. And I do not wonder
that the proud, the sensual, and the lovers of the world, yea all the
ungodly of the earth, should find fault with it. In prayer with the
family, the spirit was poured out from on high upon us, and great grace
rested upon us all.”
“After prayer this morning, I began and read through, in _Greek_ and
_Latin_ the 2d. Epistle to _Timothy_, and found much instruction, and
reproof for my soul. O what a man ought a minister to be! How holy, and
how wise! What courage, zeal, patience and temperance, are necessary
for him in an especial manner in order to give account of himself and
others to God with joy.”
“Preaching on _1 John iv. 18._ My mind was more clearly enlightened
than ever, to see that _perfect love is Christian perfection_. By
simple, but powerful faith, I desire to attain it; and to live and
grow in this love, till my spirit returns to God.”
With such desires, and in such meditations as these did he spend his
days and nights, longing and sighing for the sight of God continually;
and in his prayers, the violence of his affections, did not a little
increase the weakness of his body.
The End of the _Eleventh_ VOLUME.