_Of his finding rest to his soul._
ALTHOUGH the night had hitherto hung upon his soul, yet he frequently
saw the promise of deliverance at a distance. But now _the day-spring
from on high_ began to dawn upon him. The manner of which he describes
as follows,
“Having given an account of my convictions, I think it may not be
improper to relate likewise, how the promise was fulfilled in me. And
this also is the work of the Holy Ghost, convincing _of righteousness
as he_ doth of _sin_.
“1st. He kindled in my soul earnest desires towards God. There was
a tenderness in my heart. It began to warm and dissolve after it was
broken by the law, and scorched by the wrath of God; and to be a little
comforted and encouraged.
*“2dly. Light began to spring up in my mind. I saw at length, not
my guilt only, but likewise the all sufficiency of Christ, and his
atonement. I was convinced that he came _to seek and to save_ lost
sinners: that _he tasted death for every man_; that he _willeth all men
to be saved, and come to the knowledge of the truth_, in order thereto.
O what a glorious view had I of the mercy of God in giving his Son, and
of the unspeakable love and pity of Christ in dying for sinners. I was
constrained to cry out, Lord, _what manner of love is this_, wherewith
thou has loved us! What is man that thou shouldest be so mindful of
him! But I could not yet say that _I_ had _redemption in the blood of_
Christ, _the forgiveness of_ my _sins_. I did not experience the merit
of his death applied to _my_ soul.
“3dly. But I had strong hope that God would be merciful to my
unrighteousness, and blot out my sins for his name sake. I could
see the promise and pardon held forth to me, though as yet I was not
able to lay hold of them. At certain seasons indeed I could be almost
confident that there was _no condemnation_ to me; and could venture my
soul upon Christ, for life and salvation. But this soon vanished away,
which convinced me it was not justifying faith, else the witness would
be in my heart; for _he that believeth on the Son of |God| hath the
witness in himself.¹ And because ye are sons, |God| hath sent forth the
spirit of his Son into your heart crying, Abba, Father._²
¹ _1 John v. 10._
² _Galatians iv. 6._
“4thly. There was kindled in my soul a still more vehement thirst after
Christ. Nothing could now satisfy me short of the assured knowledge,
that I had an interest in his blood. My soul was sick with fervent
longings. I esteemed all things but dung and dross for the excellency
of the knowledge of Christ Jesus. He appeared altogether lovely to
me. I beheld all glory, all happiness, all riches, and honour in the
Saviour. I had no desire after other things: all relish for them was
gone, ‘Give me Christ, or else I die!’ Sin lost its power, so that
no sin had dominion over me. I was so taken up in beholding the Lord
Jesus, in reading and in prayer, that I had no desire of any thing else.
Neither _the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eye_, nor _the pride
of life_, had any power over me. But yet I could not say, I was then a
believer. I had indeed an utter hatred to all sin, and power to forsake
every thing that I believed to be offensive to God, and contrary to the
holy will of my Lord Jesus, whom I sought and desired above all things
visible or invisible.
“5thly. And now, about four months after my most deep awakenings, and
joining the _Methodist_ society, the clear day began to shine and the
Lord, who _is rich in mercy_ visited me with his salvation. He brought
me out of the horrible pit, and miry clay, and set my feet upon the
rock Christ Jesus. The particular manner of which was as follows,
“Coming into the room where we were accustomed to meet together, to
hear the word of exhortation; before preaching began, I sat musing.
My soul was looking out and longing for Christ, as the watchman for
the morning. The congregation being assembled, the servant of God (Mr.
W. T.) poured out his soul in prayer. And as he prayed, the power of
the Lord came down in the midst of us. The _windows of heaven_ were
opened, and the _skies poured down righteousness_. My heart melted
like wax before the fire; especially at the mention of those words,
_Who is this that cometh from Edom, with dyed garments from Bozrah?
This that is glorious in his apparel travelling in the greatness of
his strength?_ And again, at the singing those words in the hymn.
“Behold the Saviour of mankind,
Nail’d to the shameful tree!
How vast the love that him inclin’d
To bleed, and die for thee!
’Tis done! the precious ransom’s paid;
Receive my soul he cries;
See, where he bows his sacred head!
He bows his head and dies.”
“The former words in the prayer, and these in the hymn, came with such
power to my heart that I was constrained to cry out, _Bless the |Lord|,
O my soul, and all that is within me, bless his holy name; for he hath
forgiven all mine iniquity, and healed my diseases_.
“And now I was divinely assured that God, for Christ’s sake, had
forgiven me all my sins. The Spirit of God bore witness with my spirit
that I was a child of God. _Mercy and truth met together_ in my heart;
_righteousness and peace kissed each other_. Yea, so great was the
deliverance, and so strong the consolation, that I could not contain
myself. I broke out into tears of joy and love, having obtained such
mercy I could not but join with the angels to sing praises to _him that
sitteth upon the throne, and to the Lamb_, who so loved me, and washed
me from my sins, in his own blood. A new song was indeed put into my
mouth, even of thanksgiving unto my God.
*“I had often in private cried aloud to God, yet it was not till
now, that I did so in the congregation. But my wound being healed, a
necessity was laid upon me to declare what the Lord had done for my
soul. In the same hour another who sat next to me was filled with joy
and peace in believing. We both withdrew to another room, and gave
thanks and praise to God together.
“And now I felt of a truth that faith in Christ, is _the substance_ or
subsistance _of things hoped for_, and an _evidence of things not seen_.
God, and the things of the invisible world, of which I had only heard
before by _the hearing of the ear_, appeared now in their true light,
as substantial realities, and for him.
*“I could now lay hold on Christ, and the promises of God through him.
Faith in his blood brought heaven into my breast, and filled me with
_righteousness, and peace and joy in the Holy Ghost_. It gave me to
see a reconciled God, and an all sufficient Saviour. And thus was it
an _evidence_ to me. Through this faith I could say, Christ loved _me_,
and gave himself for _me_. O this is the gift of God! _Faith of the
operation of the Holy Ghost._”