THE GHOST OF A GHOST
THE last patter occasioned by Annie's spirited tune had died away and a
sudden hush fell upon the seated throng. It was time for the great act.
We thought the impressiveness of the scene would be heightened if
someone would tell the story. General Price suggested Lady John as the
best raconteur of the neighborhood. Of course Lady John was more than
pleased to comply. He loved to be in the lime light and to show off.
This was his opportunity.
"Ladies, gemmen an' niggers, what ain't neither, some er you," he
declaimed, standing up on an ivy-covered stump and making his inimitable
curtsey, "I is a-makin' this speechifying at the inquest of the white
folks an' if respec' is not handed to me it is also infused to them."
That rather silenced the tittering that Lady John's elevation had
caused.
"Gen'l Price is inquested me to lay befo' de meetin' de gospel of de
ghoses what is thought by some to hant these here abode of plenty.
Without more pilaverin' I'll lay holt the shank of the tale.--Mos' about
a thousan' years ago whin my gran'mammy warn't mo'n a baby an' Gen'l
Price here, savin' his presence, warn't even so much as thought about
although his amcestroms were abidin' here, the tale runs they war a
young miss of the family by name Lizzy Betty. Miss Lizzy Betty war that
sweet an' that putty that all the young gemmen war mos' ready to eat her
up. Ev'y steamboat that come a-sailin' up de ribber brought beaux for
Miss Lizzy Betty. One young man come all dressed in gold an' wid a long
feather in his hat an' a sword as long as a hoe han'le. He had no land
an' he had no boat but he come on his hoss a-ridin' ober de hills, an'
Miss Lizzy Betty she done tol' him she would be his'n through sickness
an' through healthfulness.--But, ladies an' gemmen an' you niggers what
is 'havin' better'n I ever seed you 'have befo', ol' Marse Price he got
yuther notions in his haid. He see no reason why Miss Lizzy Betty
shouldn't marry to suit him stid er herse'f. They was a rich ol' man
what didn't carry all his b'longin's on his back, an' ol' Marse Price he
go to de sto' an' come back with a dress an' veil for Miss Lizzy Betty
an' he say fer her to go put it on an' he'd fotch the preacher. An'
'twas all the po' young thing could do to git word to her beau lover.
All the comp'ny was dissembled an' de bride had comb out her har an' put
on de dress an' veil, whin she say to her frien's an' de nigger maid fer
them to lef her alone fer a moment so she could wrastle in prayer. So so
soon as they got out her room, she locked de do' an' thin she peeped
out'n de winder, an' thar, kind an' true, was de beau lover."
At this point Mary poked her head out of the window and Shorty appeared
below brave in all his finery, although it was not of pure gold as in
Lady John's version. This was some astonishment to the old tale teller
and he stopped in his narrative.
"Hist!" called the bride to Shorty below. "Are you there, sweetheart?"
"Aye, aye!" answered the future bluejacket. "Can you climb down the wall
or shall I come up to you and carry you off in my flying machine?"
"I am coming down!" choked Mary. "But, Algernon, I cannot scale the
fearsome wall in shoes and hose; what must I do?"
"Take them off, fair Lizzy Betty, and throw them down to me."
With that, Mary threw down to the faithful Shorty some huge tennis
shoes, the property of Harvie. Shorty caught them, one at a time, and
each catch felled him to the earth, much to the delight of the audience.
Then began the dangerous act. The agile Lizzy Betty was out of the
window in a twinkling of an eye. Her mosquito net veil floated in the
breezes. Her satin train she managed with great dexterity, kicking it
from her, thereby disclosing to view the blue serge gym bloomers she was
wearing. She swung herself down until midway she came upon the fated
snag; there she paused and deliberately hooked her veil in the nail.
Here old Lady John, seeing his chance, took up the tale and began:
"As Miss Lizzy Betty was a-hurryin' down, an' she sho' could clam like a
cat, she got her finery cotched on a rusty nail, an' thar she hung as
helpless as a ol' coon skin tacked on de barn do'. De beau lover he
dance up an' down like he goin' crazy."
Shorty began to prance and cry out to his lady love; but she hung there
weeping in loud boo hoos.
"Bymby ol' Marse Price 'gun ter 'spicion sompen, an' he up'n bang on de
chamber do'. 'Hyar there, Lizzy Betty! Come on an' git married! The
victuals is a-gittin' col' whilst you is a-prayin'.' Po' Miss Lizzy
Betty could a-hear 'em hollerin' and beatin' an' bangin', an' still her
dress it cotch on de nail. Jes' then de rich ol' bridegroom come
a-shamblin' roun' de house, an' he an' de beau lover clasp one anudder
in mortal death grips. De ol' man, he got so clost to him dat de sword
what was as long as a hoe han'le didn' do de beau lover no good
whatsomever, but de lil' penknife what de ol' man carry for to whittle
with went clean home to de beau lover's heart."
At the proper cue, Wink, who had submitted to be dressed up in a red
table cover with a Santa Klaus beard made out of a switch borrowed from
Miss Maria, came sidling around the house.
"Vilyun!" he cried, and grabbing Shorty around the waist, they wrestled
and swayed until Shorty's long silk stockings, borrowed from Dum, came
down and hung around his feet, and his fancy trunks, nothing more nor
less than a bathing suit carefully rolled up, came unrolled and hung
down in a most ludicrous manner. Finally the deadly penknife was dug
into his ribs and he expired, calling to the lovely Lizzy Betty.
"An' de lubly Miss Lizzy Betty, she tuk a fit then an' thar an' if'n her
paw hadn't er got a ladder an' gone up'n unhooked her, she'd a-been
hangin' thar yit, same as in dis hyar circus," and Lady John pointed
impressively at the bunchy figure of Mary clinging to the ivy with
fingers, teeth and toe-nails.
The applause could have been heard down at the landing, I am sure. Mary
unfastened her mosquito net veil from her head and finished her descent,
leaving the veil caught to the snag.
"Now, you black rascals," cried General Price, "you can see the ghost
any night you've a mind. There she hangs, and I reckon I'll leave her
there to shame you with. Now get to work!"
His words were stem but his face wore a smile and his tone was kindly.
The field hands went off to work, the uninvited guests melted away, and
the house servants took up their tasks where we had left off.
Willie, the yard boy, wore a broad grin on his countenance. I heard him
say to one of the housemaids:
"I done mist my chanst for de kingdom dis year. I 'lowed I'd come
through to-night, but these hyar carryin's on done flimflammed me. I
been a-laughin' an' singin' an' what's more a-dancin', an' 'twarn't no
David a-dancin' befo' de Lord, nuther. 'Twas jes' a-pattin' an' Clar de
Kitchen dance. I hear rumors of gumbo for dinner, too, an' I sho' is
glad I done turned from grace. I hope de young misses what concocted of
de gumbo done put my name in de pot. Dis here seekin' is pow'ful
appetizin'."
Our circus had been a decided success. Old and young, black and white
had enjoyed it. Mary felt that she had redeemed herself. Had she not
scared the servants off and then wiled them back? Had she not held
thousands thrilled and breathless while she made her perilous descent?
"It is wonderful for you to be able to climb that way," said our courtly
host. "I have never seen a young lady so agile."
"But I shall have to learn to climb in shoes," sighed our movie star.
"Douglas Fairbanks can."