THE PERFORMANCE
WHEN we got back to Maxton, whom should we find sitting on the bench by
Miss Maria but Mr. Jeffry Tucker? He looked as though he had known her
all her life and no one would have dreamed that this was his second
meeting with her. His first had been the summer before when that
enterprising gentleman had made a trip to Price's Landing to persuade
Mr. Pore to wake up to the fact that Annie was invited to go to
Willoughby on a beach party and that all he had to do was let her go.
"Zebedee, darling! Where did you come from?" cried Dee, breaking away
from the crowd as she spied her youthful father and racing like a wild
Indian to get the first hug.
"Richmond via Henry Ford!" he managed to get out as Dum scrouged in for
her share of hugging.
"And, Page! Little friend!" he said, freeing one of his hands and
clasping mine.
How I did love to be called his little friend! He never called me that
in a way that made me feel young and silly, either, but somehow he gave
me the impression that he was depending on me, I don't know just for
what but for something. I was as glad to see him as his own Tweedles
were, I am sure.
"Did you come down alone?" I asked.
"No, indeed, I had the pleasure of the learned discourse of Mr. Arthur
Ponsonby Pore on my journey hither."
"Oh, good! He is back, then, and maybe we can have Annie," said Dee.
"She is upstairs now," announced that wonderful man.
"Oh, Zebedee! I just knew you could work it!" and Dee gave him another
bear hug for luck.
Dee had sent a telegram to her father asking him to get hold of Mr. Pore
and persuade him to hurry back and release Annie.
Miss Maria was anxious to hear of our success with the servants and was
delighted to know of their contemplated return. When we told her that
the only way to get them back was to have a circus, she was greatly
amused. Zebedee, of course, entered into the scheme with his usual
enthusiasm.
"When is it to be?"
"Now!" I answered. "The darkies are on their way, ten thousand strong."
"But, my dear, there are only five house servants," said Miss Maria.
"Yes, but all the field hands had laid off, too, because of the ghost. I
fancy all of the colored people from the quarters are coming up to be
convinced against their will that the ghost was not a ghost."
"But suppose Mary can't climb down again. She might kill herself this
time," wailed the poor hostess.
"Not at all!" I reassured her. "It will be much easier to do it in
daylight than in darkness."
"Of course it will!" declared the intrepid movie star. "And, besides,
last night was only the dress rehearsal, and all actors say that the
dress rehearsal is much more nervous work than the real performance. Now
I must go dress my part," and so we raced up to our room where we found
dear Annie unpacking her suitcase with such a happy smile on her face
that she looked like an angel.
How we did chatter! We had to tell her all about our plan for the
society circus. Looking out of the window where Mary was to make her
fearsome descent, Annie shuddered.
"I don't see how you can do it."
"If _you_ only could, what a bride you would make!" exclaimed Mary.
Mary had determined to dress as a bride and now began the work of
finding suitable duds. Miss Maria came in to assist just when we were
beginning to despair. None of us was blessed with enough clothes to be
willing to spare any of them for such a hazardous undertaking, none save
Jessie Wilcox and she had them to spare, but we would not have asked her
for any to save her. That superior young lady had been quite scornful
of us while we were working and then afterwards on the walk to the
quarters. Now she had gone off for a row on the river with Wink, who
seemed to think that when I was so enthusiastic over the arrival of the
father of my best friends he had a personal grievance. He liked Zebedee
a great deal himself but seemed to think I did not have the same right.
I am sure Jessie was a brave girl to go rowing with a man who had such a
one-sided way of looking at things. Anyone with such a biased judgment
could not be trusted to trim a boat, I felt.
When Miss Maria found out our trouble, she had Harvie bring from the
attic a little old haircloth trunk, and throwing it open, told us to
help ourselves. It was filled with all kinds of old-fashioned gowns,
some of them of rich brocade and some of flowered chintz. At the very
bottom we unearthed a wedding dress which had belonged to some dead and
gone Price, Miss Maria did not even know to whom. It was yellow with
age but had not a break in it. It was some squeeze to get the bunchy
Mary in it, but with much pulling in and holding of the breath we
finally got it hooked.
"And here's a veil!" cried Dum, who had been standing on her head in the
trunk hunting for treasures.
It was nothing but a piece of white mosquito netting that had been put
in this trunk by mistake evidently, but it was quite a find to us, and
with a few dexterous twists we had Mary standing before us a blushing
bride.
"How about your shoes, Mary?" I asked. "Last night you said you had to
have bare toes to dig in the wall."
"So I have! Gee, what are we to do about it? It would never do to have a
barefoot bride; but I simply could not climb down in shoes."
"I have it!" cried Dum. "Let's have a cavalier down on the ground, your
'beau lover,' you know, like the Elizabeth of long ago, and you take off
your slippers and throw them down to him."
"Good! Page, please go tell Shorty I need him."
Shorty was game and in a twinkling of an eye we had him rigged out as a
very presentable if rather youthful "beau lover."
The darkies had come and were seated on the ground about twenty feet
from the house. News of a free show had spread like wildfire and I am
sure at least fifteen were gathered there. It seemed hard that we must
amuse fifteen to get five.
The show opened with a boxing match between the young men from Kentucky,
Jack Bennett and Billy Somers. This was most exciting and nothing but
the presence of General Price kept the darkies from putting up bets on
the fight.
Next on the program was the Tuckers' stunt: Dum and Dee, back to back,
were buttoned up in two sweaters which they put on hind part before and
then fastened on the side, Dum's to Dee's and Dee's to Dum's.
"This, Ladies and Gentlemen," said Zebedee, who was doing the part of
showmaster, "is Milly Christine, the two-headed woman. She is the most
remarkable freak of nature in the world to-day. She has two heads, four
legs, four arms, but only one body. She is very well educated and can
speak several languages at the same time. She also can sing a duet with
herself (at least she thinks she can). Fortunately she is in love with
herself, otherwise she would get very bored with herself. There is only
one difficulty about being this kind of a twin: if you don't like what
your twin likes you have to lump it. Now Milly, here, sometimes eats
onions and poor Christine has to go around with the odor on her breath;
and Christine got her feet wet and poor Milly has caught a bad cold from
it." With this Dee sneezed violently, a regular Tucker sneeze which was
as good as a show any time. "Milly is always getting sleepy and wanting
to go to bed when Christine feels like dancing." Dee put her head on her
breast and gave forth stertorous snores while Dum gaily waltzed around
dragging the sleeping twin. There were roars of applause.
Next Harvie came around the house walking on his hands and Jim Hart
doing cartwheels. Rags had the stunt known as "Come on, Eph!" It is a
strange thing, where the performer wiggles and shakes himself until his
clothes seem to be slipping off. All the time he emits sounds from which
one gathers that he wants Eph to come on. This brought down the house
and Rags had an encore.
I had to dance "going to church" while the twins patted for me. I never
did have any little parlor tricks but they would not let me off. The
darkies treated it quite seriously and when I went around shaking hands,
which is part of the dance, they arose and joined the dance. This broke
the ice and warmed them up for the ghost scene soon to follow.
The circus was proving a great success. The rows of happy black faces
gave evidence of that. We had decided to have some music next, but made
the great mistake of putting Annie on the program ahead of Jessie. It
was taken as an insult and that spoiled piece refused to sing at all.
Annie sang charmingly, however. She accompanied herself on a banjo, and
if my dance had started the darkies, her song got them all going. She
sang, "Clar de Kitchen." I wonder if my readers know that old song. It
was famous once on every plantation but in this day of rag time and
imitation darky songs one hardly ever hears it.
CLAR DE KITCHEN
In ol' Kentuck, in de arternoon,
We sweep de flo' wid a bran new broom,
And arter dat we form a ring,
And dis de song dat we do sing:
_Chorus_--
O, clar de kitchen, ol' folks, young folks,
Clar de kitchen, ol' folks, young folks,
Ol' Virginy never, never tire.
I went to de creek, I couldn't get across,
I'd nobody wid me but a ol' blin' horse;
But ol' Jim Crow come a-ridin' by,
Says he, "Ol' fellow, yo' horse will die."
It's clar de kitchen, etc.
My horse fell down upon de spot.
Says he, "Don't you see his eyes is sot?"
So I took out my knife, and off wid his skin,
When he comes to life I'll ride him agin.
So clar de kitchen, etc.
A jay-bird sat on a hickory limb--
He winked at me and I winked at him;
I picked up a stone and I hit his shin,
Says he, "You'd better not do dat agin."
So clar de kitchen, etc.
A bull-frog, dressed in soger's clothes,
Went in de field to shoot some crows;
De crows smell powder and fly away--
De bull-frog mighty mad dat day.
So clar de kitchen, etc.
I hab a sweetheart in dis town,
She wears a yaller striped gown;
And when she walks de streets around,
De hollow of her foot makes a hole in de ground.
Now clar de kitchen, etc.
Dis love is a ticklish ting, you know,
It makes a body feel all over so;
I put de question to Coal-Black Rose,
She's as black as ten of spades, and got a lubly flat nose.
Now clar de kitchen, etc.
"Go away," says she, "wid your cowcumber shin,
If you come here agin I stick you wid a pin."
So I turn on my heel, and I bid her good-bye,
And arter I was gone she began for to cry.
So clar de kitchen, etc.
So now I'se up and off you see,
To take a julep sangaree;
I'll sit upon a tater hill
And eat a little whip-poor-will.
So clar de kitchen, etc.
I wish I was back in ol' Kentuck,
For since I lef' it I had no luck--
De gals so proud dey won't eat mush;
And when you go to court 'em dey say, "O, hush!"
Now clar de kitchen, etc.
Of course before Annie got through, everybody was joining in the chorus,
and the darkies were patting and some of them dancing. There wasn't the
ghost of a ghost in their minds now and really we might have dispensed
with the grand finale as far as they were concerned. Maxton was no
longer a place to be shunned; but Mary was to go through with her act
before lunch and I for one knew that that gumbo was stewing down mighty
thick. I stole off once and stirred it and put it back a little.