COLONEL KINGSWARD, however, could not be moved either by Bee’s
representations or by anything said by his son to grant to Charlie the
permission, and the funds necessary, to pursue his studies in Oxford by
going “up” to read “in the Long.” It was indeed very little that Charlie
said to his father on the subject. He responded somewhat sullenly to the
Colonel’s questions.
“So I hear you want to go back to Oxford to read?”
“Yes,” said the young man.
“You have generally found before this that by the end of the term you
had had too much reading.”
No reply.
“I suppose you want to be free of supervision and do exactly what you
please. And you find it dull at home?”
“I have never said so,” said Charlie.
“You ought to feel that in the circumstances it was appropriate that it
should be dull. Good heavens! Were you contemplating amusing yourself,
rioting with your comrades, when your poor mother--”
“I have never thought of rioting with comrades,” said Charlie, with
averted head.
“One knows what that means--going up to read in the Long: boats and
billiards and hotels, bands of young men in flannels lounging about, and
every decorum thrown to the winds.”
The Colonel looked severely at his son, who stood before him turning
over the pages of a book in his hand, with lowering brows and closed
mouth.
“You think I don’t know,” he said, sharply; “but you are mistaken. What
would have been best for you would have been the discipline of a
regiment. I always thought so, but at least I’m not going to permit
every decent bond to be broken through.”
“I think, sir,” said Charlie, “that it’s enough to say ‘No,’ without
accusing me of things I never thought of.”
“I am the best judge of what is enough,” said the angry father. “If you
want a week or so in town, I don’t object; but Oxford in the Long--No. I
only hope,” he added severely, “that there’s no woman in the case.”
Charlie’s countenance flushed crimson. He gave his father a furious
glance. “If that’s all,” he said, “I may now go, perhaps?”
“Yes, go,” said the Colonel, angrily. He was himself sorry for that last
insinuation as soon as his son had left the room. His angry
suspiciousness had carried him too far. Not that he blamed himself for
the suspicion, but he was aware that to speak of it was a false step and
could do no good. If there was a woman in the case, that flying dart
would not move the young man to penitence or turn him from any dangerous
way. Colonel Kingsward, however, quickly forgave himself for this
inadvertence, and reflected with satisfaction that, at least, he had
prevented the young fool from making an ass of himself for this summer.
And in such cases absence is the best remedy and hinders much mischief.
Charlie rejected with indignation the week in town which his father
offered. “A week in town!” he said to Bee, contemptuously, “to waste my
time and debase all my ideas! What does he think I want with a week in
town? That’s the way a fellow’s father encourages him to do the best he
can. Cuts off all inspiration, and throws one on the dregs of life! It’s
enough to make a man kick over the traces altogether.”
“But, Charlie,” said Bee, with timidity, “don’t you think it’s very,
very quiet here. We have nothing to disturb us. If you were to try to do
your work at home?--you would have the library to sit in all the week
while papa is in town.”
“Out of reach of books, out of reach of any coach--it’s like telling a
mason to build a wall without any stone.”
“The library is full of books,” said Bee, with a little indignation.
“What kind of books? Military books, and travels, and things for
reference--old peerages, and so forth--and some of the heavy old
reviews, and a few novels. Much good a man who is going in for real
reading would get out of those!”
“But you have your own books--all those that you carry about with you,
Charlie.”
“Oh!” he said, with impatience, “What are they? Horrible cribs and
things, that I promised not to use any more.”
“Does Laura,” said Bee, with a little awe, “say you are not to use
cribs?”
“And as for the quiet,” said Charlie, continuing his strain of
complaint, “if you call that quiet! When you never know that next moment
there may not be a rush down the nursery stairs like wild horses let
loose, and shrieks all over the house for Bee or for nurse, sending
every idea out of a man’s head; or else baby screaming fit to bring down
the house. You know nothing about it, to be sure; it is like talking to
the wind to talk to a little thing like you. A man can’t work unless
he’s in the right place for working. If any difficulty arises in a
passage, for instance, what do you think I am to do here?”
“Do you go to---- Laura, when there is a difficulty about a passage,
Charlie?”
“No, you little fool!” With a flush of anger and shame he begged her
pardon next minute. “But it is so hard to explain things to you, Bee.
You are so ignorant--naturally, for, of course, you never were taught
anything. Don’t you know that Oxford is full of coaches?” he said.
“That was just what I was thinking of, Charlie--if you will not be
angry, but let me speak.”
“Speak away,” he said. This was on Monday, after Colonel Kingsward had
left. The days which he spent at Kingswarden were the heaviest, as has
been said, to the young party; nevertheless when he went away the blank
of that long world of a week, without any communication to speak of from
without, closed down alarmingly upon the elders of the family. Even when
papa was cross, when he was dissatisfied with his dinner or found fault
with the noise of the children, it was more or less an event. But when
he departed there was a sense of being cut off from all events,
separated from the world altogether, shut out from the news and the hum
of society, which was very blank and deadening. Bee and Charlie dined
alone, and it was dreary; they spent the evening together, or else--one
in the library, one in the garden, where the beauty of the summer
evening was terrible to the one poor little girl with her recollections,
incapable of shutting them out in that utter stillness, and trying very
ineffectually not to be unhappy. When Charlie threw open the window of
the library and strolled forth to join her, as he generally did, it was
a little better. Bee had just done very conscientiously all her duties
in the nursery--had heard the children say their prayers, in which they
still, with a little pause of awe, prayed God to bless dear mother--and
had made all the valorous little efforts she could to keep down the
climbing sorrow. When she heard the sound of the library window she
quickly dried her eyes and contrived to smile. And she was a very good
listener. She suffered Charlie to talk about himself as much as he
pleased, and was interested in all he said. She made those little
allusions to Laura which pleased him, though he generally answered with
a scornful word, as who should say that “a little thing like you” was
incapable of comprehending that lady. But this was the sole diversion of
these young people in the evening. People called in the afternoon, and
there was occasionally a game of tennis. But in the evening they were
almost invariably alone.
They were strolling about the garden on this occasion when the young man
bewailed himself. Bee, though she made those allusions to Laura, had
never got over that little chill in respect to her which had arisen in
the most capricious, causeless way when she knew that Laura lived in
Oxford. Nothing could be more unreasonable, but yet it was so. It
suggested something fictitious in her brother’s eagerness to get back,
and in his supposed devotion to his work. Had his Egeria been anywhere
else Bee would not have felt this; but she did feel it, though she could
not tell why. She was very anxious to please him, to content him, if
possible, with his present life, to make her sympathy sweet to him,
seeing that he had nobody but herself to console him, and must be
separated from Laura until October. Poor Charlie! It was hard indeed
that this should be the case, that he should have so dull a home and no
companion but his sister. But it could not be helped; his sister, at
least, must do what she could.
“You must not be angry,” said Bee, very humbly. “It is only an idea that
has come into my head--there may be nothing at all in it--but don’t
please shut me up as you do sometimes--hear me out. Charlie! there is
Mr. Delaine.”
“Mister--what?” said Charlie, which indeed did not show a very
complaisant frame of mind--but a curate in the country is of less
importance in the horizon of the son of a house who is at Oxford than he
is in that of the daughter at home.
“Mr. Delaine,” repeated Bee. “You don’t remember him, perhaps, at all.
He is the curate. When he came first he was said to be a great scholar.
He took a first class. You need not say, pooh! Everybody said so, and it
is quite true.”
“A first in theology, I suppose,” said Charlie, disdainfully.
“No, not that--that’s not what people call a first. Mr. Burton, I have
always heard, is a good scholar himself, and he said a first; of course
you know better than I do what that means.”
“Well,” said Charlie, “and supposing for the sake of argument that he
took a first--what then?”
“Why, Charlie dear! He is an Oxford man too; he must know all the things
you want to know--difficult passages and all that. Don’t you think,
perhaps----”
“Oh, a coach!” cried Charlie. Then he paused, and with withering satire,
added “No doubt, for little boys--your curate might do very well, Bee.”
“He is not my curate,” said Bee, with indignation; “but I have always
heard he was a great scholar. I thought that was what you wanted.”
“It is not to be expected,” said her brother, loftily, “that you should
know what I want. It is not a coach that is everything. If that were
all, there need be no such things as universities. What a man needs is
the whole machinery, the ways of thinking, the arrangements, the very
atmosphere.”
He strolled along the walk with his hands in his pockets and his
shoulders up to his ears.
“I do not think it is possible,” he added, turning to her with a
softened tone, “that I could make you understand; for it is so different
from anything you have ever known.”
“I hope I am not so dreadfully stupid!” said Bee, incensed. “If Laura
understands, why should it be so impossible for me?”
“Oh, for goodness’ sake talk of things you can know something about; as
if there was any comparison between her and you.”
“I think you are very uncivil,” said Bee, ready to weep. “I may not be
clever, but yet I am your sister, and it is only because I wanted to
help you that I took the trouble to speak at all.”
“You are very well meaning, Bee, I am sure,” said Charlie, with
condescension; “I do full justice to your good intentions. Another
fellow might think you wanted to have Delaine here for yourself.”
“Me!” cried Bee, with a wild pang of injured feeling and a sense of the
injustice, and inappropriateness, the cruel wrong of such a suggestion.
And that Charlie could speak like that--who knew everything! It was
almost more than she could bear.
“But I don’t say that,” he went on in his lofty tones. “I know you mean
well. It is only that you don’t--that you can’t understand.” How should
she? he said to himself with amusing superiority, and a nod of his head
as if agreeing to the impossibility. Bee resented the tone, the
assumption, the comparison that was implied in every word.
“I wonder,” she cried, “if you ever tell Laura that she doesn’t and
can’t understand?”
He stopped short opposite to her, and grasped her arm. “Bee,” he said
almost solemnly, “Don’t! If you knew her you would know what folly it is
and presumption to compare yourself for one moment!--and do me the
favour not to profane that name, as if it were only a girl’s name like
your own.”
“Is she a princess, then?” cried Bee, “or an angel? Or what is she?”
“She is both, I think,” said Charlie, in a voice full of awe, “at least
to me. I wish you wouldn’t talk of her in that way. I am sorry I ever
told you her name. And please just let my affairs alone. You haven’t
been able to do anything for me with my father, which is the only thing
you might have done--and I don’t want to discuss other things with you.
So please just let my concerns alone from this day.”
“It was not I that ever wished to interfere!” cried Bee, with great
mortification and resentment, and after a few minutes’ silent walk
together in much gloom and stateliness the brother and sister bade each
other an offended and angry good-night.