“CHARLIE wishes to go up to Oxford to read. Why does he wish to go up to
Oxford to read? And what reading is it necessary to do there?”
“He says, papa, that it is easier to get on when you have all your books
about you--and when you can arrange all your way of living for that,
instead of the interruptions at home.”
“Oh, there are too many interruptions at home? I should have thought you
were quiet enough here. I hope you have not thrown yourself into lawn
tennis parties, and tea parties, and that sort of thing--so soon, Bee.”
Her father looked at her with a seriously reproachful air. He had begun
to dine out pretty freely, though only in serious houses, and where, he
explained, it would be prejudicial to him in his profession not to
appear.
The undeserved reproach brought quick tears to Bee’s eyes. “I have
thrown myself into no parties,” she said, hastily. “Nobody has been
here. What Charlie means is the meal times, and hours for everything,
and all the children about. I have often heard you say that you couldn’t
work when the children were playing about.”
“My work and Charlie’s are rather different,” Colonel Kingsward said,
with a smile.
“Well, papa! but to read for a good degree, so that you may distinguish
yourself, must want a great deal of application----”
“Oh, he wants a good degree, does he? He should have thought of it a
little earlier. And what use will that be to him in the Foreign Office?
Let him learn French and German--that’s what he has got to do.”
“But even for French and German,” said Bee. “German is dreadfully
difficult, and Charlie does not pick up a language easily; and,
besides,” she added, “he has nobody to teach him at home----”
“And who would he have at Oxford? Why, in the Long, even the shopkeepers
go away!”
“But that is just the time for good, hard reading,” said Bee, acting on
her instructions, “when there are no lectures or anything formal to
interrupt you.”
“He means, I suppose, when he can do whatever he likes, and there are no
proctors nor gate bills to keep him right.”
“Papa,” said Bee, earnestly, “I don’t think that is at all what Charlie
means. I am sure that he has a real desire to get on. He says that he
feels he has been wasting his time, and--and not--not responding
properly to all you have done for him. He wants to make himself fit for
anything that may happen. If you will think, papa,” she added, with the
deepest gravity, “what a great deal of study and reading an ambassador
must require----”
“An ambassador!” Colonel Kingsward was not given to laughter, but he
laughed now. “He may think himself fortunate if he is anything but an
unpaid attaché for the next ten years--which is an office which does not
require a great deal of study.”
“But, papa----”
“Nonsense, Bee. He wants, I suppose, complete freedom, and to amuse
himself as he pleases, with no control. I know what it means to stay up
at Oxford to read during the Long. Oh, yes. I don’t doubt men who know
how to grind, grind, but Charlie is not one of them. Let him stay at
home. You are a great deal sharper than he is at languages; you can help
him with his German as well as anyone.”
“Oh,” cried Bee, from the bottom of her heart, “not with German, not
with German, papa!”
And there came over her a sudden vision of the gardens at the Baths, the
murmur of talk in the air, the German officers with their spurs, and one
Englishman coming forward among them, an Englishman without spurs,
without uniform, so much more distinguished, it had been Bee’s pride to
think, in his simplicity, than all these bedizened warriors--and now! A
gush of hot tears came to her eyes. There was reason enough for them
without Aubrey Leigh, and Colonel Kingsward, whose heart was still
tender to every recollection of his wife, did not think of the other
memory that thrilled poor Bee’s heart. He walked up and down through the
room for a moment saying nothing, and then he paused by her side and put
his hand with an unusual caress upon his daughter’s bowed head.
“You are right, you are right,” he said. “I could not ask that of you,
Bee.”
Oh! if I had but known! Bee felt not only miserable, but guilty, when
her father’s touch came upon her hair. To think how little the dear
mother’s presence told in that picture, and how much, how much! that of
the man--who had been vulgarly untrue to her, a man without sense of
purity or honour! One whose name she never desired to hear again. She
could hardly accept the imputation of so much higher and nobler feeling
which her father’s touch conveyed. The dear mother! who never condemned,
who was always kind. She was moved to cry out in self-abasement, “It
was not mamma I was thinking of, it was him! him!” But she did not do
this. She raised her head and took up her work again with a trembling
hand.
“I suppose,” said Colonel Kingsward, as anxious as his daughter was to
get away from a subject which was too moving for discussion, “that
Charlie finds Kingswarden dull. It is not unnatural at his age, and I
shall not object if he wishes to come to town for a week or so. His own
good feeling, I hope, would keep him from anything unbecoming in the
circumstances. But I must hear no more of this going to Oxford. It is
quite out of the question. If he had shown any desire to go in for
honours at the right time----. But now it is worse than folly. He must
get through as quickly as he can, and take advantage of his nomination
at once. Who can tell how soon it may be of no value? The Foreign Office
may be thrown open, like all the rest, to every costermonger in the
country, in a year or two, for anything one knows.”
Charlie received this conclusion with disappointment, rapidly turning
into rage and rebellion. “I should have thought the most old-fashioned
old fogey in the world would have known better,” he cried. “What,
prevent a man from reading when he is at the University! Did you ever
hear of such a thing, Bee? Why, even a military man, though they are the
most obstinate in the world, must know that to be really educated is
everything in these days. A week in town! What do I care for a week in
town? It is exactly like the man in the Bible who, being asked for
bread, gave a stone.”
Bee was greatly impressed by her brother’s anxiety to continue his
studies. It filled her with a respect and admiration which up to this
time she had never entertained for Charlie, and occupied her mind much
with the question how, if her father were obdurate, he might be aided at
home in those studies. She remembered suddenly that Mr. Burton’s curate
had been spoken of as a great scholar when he came first to the parish.
He had taken tremendous honours she had heard. And why might not he be
secured as an aid to Charlie in his most laudable ambition? She thought
this over a great deal as she moved about her household duties. Bee as a
housekeeper was much more anxious than her mother had been for many
years. She thought that everything that was done required her personal
attention. She had prolonged interviews every morning with the cook, who
had been more or less the housekeeper for a long time, and who (with a
secret sense of humour) perplexed Bee with technicalities which she
would not allow that she did not understand. The girl ordered everything
minutely for dinner and lunch and breakfast, and decided what was to be
for the nursery as if she knew all about it, and reproved cook gravely
when she found that certain alterations had been made in the menu when
those meals were served. “I assure you as that is what you ordered,
miss,” cook said, with a twinkle in her eye. All this Bee did, not only
because of her strong determination to do her duty, but also because
preoccupation with all these details was her great salvation from
thoughts which, do what she would, claimed her attention more than
nursery puddings and the entrées that pleased papa. But while she
pursued these labours there was still time for other thoughts, and she
occupied herself very much with this question about Charlie. Why could
not Mr. Delaine come to read with him? Mr. Delaine had shown an
inclination to flirt with Betty, but Betty was now absent, so that no
harm could be done in that direction. She thought it all out during the
somewhat gloomy days which Colonel Kingsward spent with his family in
the country. It rained all the Sunday, which is a doleful addition to
the usual heaviness of a day in which all usual occupations are put
away. Colonel Kingsward himself wrote letters, and was very fully
occupied on Sunday afternoon, after the Church parade on Sunday morning,
which was as vigorously maintained as if the lessening rows of little
ones all marshalled for morning service had been a regiment--but he did
not like to see Bee doing anything but “reading a book” on Sunday. And
it had always been a rule in that well-ordered house that the toys
should be put away on Saturday evening, so that the day hung rather
heavily, especially when it rained, on the young ones’ heads. Colonel
Kingsward did not mean to be a gloomy visitor. He was always kind to his
children, and willing to be interested in what they did and said; but,
as a matter of fact, those three days were the longest and the most
severe of any that passed over the widowed and motherless house. When
Bee came downstairs from the Sunday lesson, which she gave in the
nursery, she found her brother at the writing-table in the drawing-room,
composing what seemed a very long letter. His pen was hurrying over the
page; he was at the fourth side of a sheet of large paper--and opened
out on the table before him were several sheets of a very long,
closely-written letter, to which he was evidently replying. When Bee
appeared, Charlie snatched up this letter, and hastily folding it,
thrust it into its envelope, which he placed in his breast pocket. He
put the blotting paper hastily over the letter which he was himself
writing, and the colour mounted to his very forehead as he turned half
round. It was not any colour of guilt, but a glow of mingled enthusiasm
and shamefacedness, beautiful upon the face of a youth. Bee was too
young herself to admire and appreciate this flush of early feeling, but
she was so far sympathetic in her own experience, that she divined
something at least of what it meant.
“Oh, Charlie!” she said, “you are writing to someone----”
“Most assuredly, I am writing to someone,” he said, with the half pride,
half shame of a young lover.
“Who is she?” cried Bee. “Oh, Charlie, tell me! Oh, tell me! Do I know
who it is?”
“I don’t know,” he said, “what you are making such a fuss about. I am
writing to--a friend.” He paused a moment, and then said with
fervour--“the best friend that ever man had.”
“A friend,” cried Bee, a little disappointed. “But isn’t it a lady?” she
asked.
“I hope,” he said, with a haughty air, “that you are not one of those
limited people that think there can be no friendship between a man and a
woman, for if that’s so I’ve got nothing to say.”
Bee was scarcely philosophical enough to take up this challenge. She
looked at him, bewildered, for a moment, and then said, “Oh, tell me
about her, Charlie! It would do me good--it would, indeed, to hear about
somebody whom there could not be any objection to, who would be,
perhaps, happier than me,” cried poor little Bee, the tears coming to
her eyes.
“Happier than you? And why shouldn’t you be happy?” said the elder
brother. He made an effort to turn away in dignified silence, but the
effort was too much for the young man, longing to talk of the new thing
in his life. “There is no comparison at all between a little thing like
you and--and the lady I was writing to,” he said, holding his head high.
“If you think it is any sort of nonsense you are very much mistaken.
Why, she--she is as much above me as heaven is from earth. That she
should take the trouble to show any interest in me at all, just proves
what an angel she is. I, an idle, ordinary sort of fellow, and she!--the
sort of woman that one dreams of. Bee, you can’t think what she has done
for me already,” Charlie cried, forgetting his first defiance. “I’m
another fellow ever since she began to take notice of me.”
Bee stole to her brother’s side and gave him a sympathetic stroke upon
his shoulder. “Oh! Charlie! what is her name?”
“You wouldn’t know her name if I were to tell you,” he said. And then,
after a moment’s hesitation: “Her name,” he went on, “her real name as I
call it, is Laura, like Petrarch’s Laura, don’t you know, Bee? But I
don’t suppose you do know.”
“Yes, indeed, I do,” said Bee, eagerly. She added in her turn, “I
shouldn’t have thought you would know anything like that.”
“No; I’m not up to it,” said Charlie, with unexpected humility; “but I
read it all up as soon as she said it. Don’t you think it’s a beautiful
name?”
“Yes,” said Bee, yet not with enthusiasm. “But, oh!” she added, “I hope
she is not married, Charlie; for that would not be nice at all.”
“Married!” cried Charlie. “I wish you were not such a horrid
little--Philistine. But she is not married, if that is any satisfaction
to you.”
“And is she--beautiful, Charlie? and are you very, very fond of her? Oh,
Charlie!” Bee clasped his arm in both her hands and sobbed. It made her
feel wretched, yet filled her with a delicious tender sense of
fellow-feeling. If he would only tell her all! It would be hard upon
her, and yet it would be a sort of heavenly pang to hear another, and,
oh! surely, this time, a happy love tale. Bee sat down close by him, and
clasped his arm, and sometimes leaned her head upon it in the warmth of
her tenderness and sympathy. And Charlie was persuaded, by degrees, to
speak. But his tale was not like Bee’s. It was a tale of a lady who had
stooped as from her throne to the young fellow of no account--the
ordinary young man, who could not understand how she had come to think
of him at all. It was she who had inspired him with his new ambition,
who had made him so anxious to distinguish himself, to make something of
his life. She had taken the trouble to write to him, to keep him up to
it since he had come “down.” She had promised to let him come to see her
when he came “up” again, to inspire him and encourage him. “One look at
her is better than a dozen coaches,” Charlie cried, in the fervour of
his heart.
“Do you mean that you are going to see her--in town?” asked Bee,
doubtfully.
“In town? No. She detests town. It’s all so vain and so hollow, and such
a rush. She came to live in Oxford at the beginning of last term,”
Charlie said.
“Oh,” said Bee, and she found no more to say. She did not herself
understand how it was that a little chill came upon her great sympathy
with Charlie and this unknown lady of his--friendship, if not love.