ornamentation, for art and poetry, for female purity and spiritual
grace, we find the means of a right development. These are the
messengers of the beautiful, and by their guidance we approach the true
shrine.
It is one of the most cheering signs of our civilization, that a
taste for music and art is fast spreading among all classes of the
American people. Pictures and books are now found in houses where, a
few years since, they were utter strangers, and their introduction has
caused such a delightful change! That once hard repulsive room is now
pleasant, and grace sits at the door. What has wrought the change. A
picture or two on the walls, a carpet on the bare floor, a fine book
upon the table--these are the secret of the new order which reigns
there. And as the taste for these things expands, there will be still
more beauty around that house. Vines will creep over the door, the
yard will be turned into form and shape, a piano will enter over the
door-sill, and "send its wild echoes flying" through all the rooms to
make hearts beat with new emotions. Then must follow that intelligence
which has the truest appreciation of life, which sees something else
in existence than the mere necessities of subsistence, which finds in
nature a language before dead, or unmeaning.
A young man should lend himself to think and talk of art, of music,
etc., etc.; should visit picture galleries and libraries; should attend
good lectures and good concerts, and thus to acquire a taste for such
recreation, to fill his mind with good thoughts, and to start in his
soul noble aspirations. He who pursues this course, and leaves to
others the bar-room, the billiard-room, the race-course, the club-room,
is as sure of a high reward, as that intellect and virtue are above
mere physical enjoyment and grossness.
Without doubt, the worst enemy of the young man is the drinking and
smoking saloon. While we make no pretensions to total abstinence in
the use of spirits, we still believe, from a long experience and
close observation, that a bar-room resort is that fatal "first step,"
which starts the career of dissipation, debauchery, and crime. The
associations one meets there, the whole moral atmosphere and presence,
are deadening to right principles, destructive of right impressions.
Beware of them, O young man, is the earnest admonition we have to give
to him who peruses this little chapter.
A good antidote to the bad habit of frequenting these too-common places
of resort, is to seek the society of intelligent, virtuous females; to
go out with them, to sing with them, read with them, talk with them. A
true woman's influence is ennobling, and she truly is the director of
our race, if we but allow her her real rights to our devotion and our
trust.
ETIQUETTE OF HORSEBACK RIDING.
The very delightful recreation and exercise of riding on horseback is
too little partaken of in these days of fast locomotion. This is to be
regretted, for nothing is better calculated to develop the physical
health and animal spirits, nothing is more conducive to pleasure of a
rational character, than the ride on horseback upon every pleasant day.
The etiquette of such occasions is simple enough. The lady should have
the left, that the skirt may be outside and not interfered with. The
gentleman should never be in _advance_ of the lady, but always a little
in the rear, yet constantly near enough for any emergency, or for a
chat. The ceremony of mounting and dismounting is to be learned by
practice; no etiquette can teach it. It is, of course, the gentleman's
place to gallant the lady out, taking her by her left hand, as, with
her right, she must support her skirt; he must assist her to mount by
holding the stirrup for her foot, and by disposing of her skirt after
she is seated.
The dress of the lady, upon such occasions, is not well understood,
by most of our ladies. The English women ride very much, both alone
and accompanied, on horseback; sometimes even participating in the
exciting and daring race of the hunt. Their dress is the result of four
hundred years of experiment and experience, and we therefore quote
the following from a late work on the subject, recently published in
London:--
"Few ladies know how to dress for horse exercise, although there has
been a great improvement, so far as taste has been concerned, of late
years. As to the head-dress, it may be whatever is in fashion, provided
it fits the head so as not to require continual adjustment, often
needed when the hands would be better employed with the reins and whip.
It should shade from the sun, and, if used in hunting, protect the
nape of the neck from rain. The recent fashions of wearing the plumes
or feathers of the ostrich, the cock, the capercailzie, the pheasant,
the peacock, and kingfisher, in the riding-hats of young ladies, in my
humble opinion, are highly to be commended. As to the riding habit,
it may be of any color or material, suitable to the wearer and season
of the year, but the sleeves must fit rather closely; nothing can be
more out of place, inconvenient, and ridiculous, than the wide hanging
sleeves which look so well in a drawing-room. For country use, the
skirt of the habit may be short, and bordered at the bottom a foot deep
with leather. The fashion of a waistcoat of light material for summer,
revived from the fashion of last century, is a decided improvement; and
so is the over-jacket of cloth or seal-skin for rough weather. It is
the duty of every woman to dress in as becoming and attractive a manner
as possible; there is no reason why pretty young girls should not
indulge in picturesque riding-costume, so long as it is appropriate.
Many ladies entirely spoil the 'set' of their dress skirts, by
retaining the usual _impedimenta_ of petticoats. The best horsewomen
wear nothing more than a flannel chemise, with long, colored sleeves.
Ladies trowsers should be of the same material and color as the habit;
and, if full, flowing like a Turk's, and fastened with an elastic
band round the ankle, they will not be distinguished from the skirt.
In this costume, which may be made amply warm by the folds of the
trowsers, plaited like a Highlander's kilt (fastened with an elastic
band at the waist), a lady can sit down in a manner impossible for
one encumbered by two or three short petticoats. It is the chest and
back that require double folds of protection during and after stormy
exercise. There is a prejudice against ladies wearing long Wellington
boots, but it is quite absurd, for they need never be seen, and are a
great comfort and protection in riding long distances, when worn with
trowsers tucked inside. They should, for obvious reasons, be large
enough for warm woolen stockings, and easy to get on and off. It would
not look well to see a lady struggling out of a pair of wet boots,
with the help of a bootjack and a couple of chambermaids. The heels of
riding-boots, whether for ladies or gentlemen, should be low, but long
to keep the stirrup in its place."
HOW TO ORDER A HOME.--RULES FOR HOME CONDUCT AND FAMILY ETIQUETTE.
As we have said, all _true_ politeness is founded in kindness and
unselfishness. Nowhere is there a better chance for its better display
than in the family circle. Here we may be certain that it springs from
genuine goodness, as there is nothing to be gained by its practice,
except the reward which comes from all well-doing. We may say that in
no place is there so much _need_ of its exercise, in order to keep
the wheels of life running smoothly; for "family jars," as they are
laughingly called, are very apt to occur, unless the oil of kindness is
used to subdue the friction. Children should always show their parents
that respect and tenderness which is _their due_. Even where they may
consider that they have been unjustly dealt with, it is well for them
to remember their own inexperience, that, possibly, their judgment
may not be as perfect as they now believe it to be; and that, at all
events, the love and care bestowed upon them, in the helpless days of
their childhood, entitle their parents to regard and consideration.
For children to place their parents in a ridiculous light before
others, mocking their defects, or appearing too conscious of their
old-fashioned manners, is only a proof of their own weakness, and will
lessen them in the esteem of any amiable person.
For children to assume the most comfortable chairs, the most
conspicuous places, or, in any way, to intrude themselves first, to the
neglect of then parents, is a very grave fault.
It is desirable to take the first step in the courtesies of the day,
which engender so much pleasant feeling, by meeting the different
members of the family with a cheerful "Good-morning."
It is highly desirable that, at table, the same rules of precedence,
the same moderation and nicety be observed which would be practiced if
guests were present. Fixed _habits_ of politeness will only be attained
where they are cultivated _at home_.
No scrambling, haste, untidiness, or noise should be allowed among the
younger members of the circle. They should be made to wait quietly
until their elders are served, to eat without unseemly greediness, and
drink without labored breathing or spasmodic sounds. If early trained
to propriety, it will not be necessary to banish them from the table
every time that company is present. Such banishment will tend to
make them awkward and lacking in self-possession; though, of course,
well-governed children will wait cheerfully when there is necessity for
it.
A pleasant "thank you," or "I'm obliged to you," spoken by one sister
to another, to a brother, or a mother, for a favor conferred, will
last, even in a selfish point of view; for it will increase the
_disposition to be kind_, and will lighten the burden of any little
service unmistakably. Children should never press around a visitor with
the question, "How long are you going to stay?" nor around a relative
or parent, returned from an absence, with, "What have you brought me?"
"Did you bring me any thing pretty?" If they have reason to expect a
present, let them refrain from alluding to it, lest the friend should
suspect they thought more of the gift than of welcoming the giver.
If a new member enters the family, as the bride of a brother, or the
husband of a sister, true good-breeding can never appear to better
advantage, than in the kind reception and treatment of the new-comer.
Ideas and habits in such an one, differing from those of the circle
into which he or she may have come, should not be too severely
criticised; for, it should be remembered, they have probably been
differently educated. Even faults should be as charitably viewed as
possible; and where respect and love are impossible, it is still best
for those who _must_ dwell together, to exercise Christian forbearance,
and not forget such courtesies as the case admits of.
If you have invited guests, forget your own pleasure in consulting
theirs; never do or say a rude thing to a guest. Many a jest, sarcasm,
inattention, or slight, which would be excusable anywhere else, becomes
a rudeness if it happens under your own roof to a person calling upon
or visiting you. Even in a friendly argument, be careful not to forget
yourself, and take sides too warmly _against_ your opponent, if he be
also your visitor or guest.
If you have extended a special invitation to a friend at a distance
to come and remain with you for a time, if the friend be a lady, and
arrives by any public conveyance, have yourself, your carriage, or
some messenger at the spot of arrival to conduct her to your residence.
The house should be in good order, that she may not feel disconcerted,
nor that she is an intruder. Have all things prepared to give her a
cheerful welcome. Let her not suffer from the neglect to provide for
her comfort those things which she would not like to be compelled to
ask for. Her room should be well supplied with the means of bathing and
refreshing herself, and for arranging her toilet. The bureau should
have empty drawers for the accommodation of her muslins, and the closet
empty pegs for the reception of her dresses. She should be consulted
as to the _kind_ of bed she prefers, and allowed to retire early, the
first evening, if fatigued with her journey. As some people are in the
habit of sleeping under more covering than others, there should be a
certainty of plenty, especially if the weather be chilly or changeable.
She should be made to feel _welcome_, and be honored by such civilities
as will please her. If she is fond of company, and expects to be
introduced to your circle of friends, you should apprise your friends
in advance of her visit, that they may call upon her after her arrival.
The table should be neat and furnished with suitable dishes. Of course,
your means and habits, will influence the amount of expense and trouble
you can afford to go to; what we mean is, that a guest should not be
left to feel neglected or uncared for. We have said "lady," in speaking
of the visitor; but the same rules will be observed toward guests of
the other sex; only they are not usually so much in the house, do not
absorb so much of your time, nor require so much company. The gentleman
of the house will see that his friend is amused and cared for when out
with him during those hours not usually spent at home.
Do not allow your children to be troublesome to visitors; to climb upon
them, soil their dresses with their fingers, handle their jewelry and
ornaments, ask annoying questions, nor intrude themselves into their
private apartments at unseasonable hours; nor ever, without first
knocking and waiting to be bidden to come in. Do not, yourself, intrude
without knocking; nor allow your servants to do so.
To permit children to ask visitors for money, or for articles in their
possession, which the children may admire, is extremely out of place.
To permit children to follow company about, never giving them a moment
of retirement, standing by while they make their toilet, and at all
times and seasons, is not only annoying, but is vulgar.
If you have invited a friend or friends to tea, have every thing in
readiness by the earliest hour at which they may be expected. Do not
let them find fires just lighted, yourself not dressed, nor other
evidences that they have arrived too soon.
Usually guests--especially ladies--will desire to lay aside their outer
garments in some dressing-room, where they can give a glance at their
hair, or arrange their dress, before being ushered into the parlor. If
you have asked a gentleman friend, whom you knew has just come from
his place of business, give him an opportunity of bathing his face and
hands, and brushing his hair.
There are many little attentions to the entertainment and comfort of
others which will not be wanting where the will is good and the heart
sincere. _Try to make all feel at ease and happy in your house._
While every attention is counseled to be shown to guests, let it not
be supposed that _show_ and _seeming_, to "keep up appearances" before
others, is what is sought.
The inmates of the same house should endeavor to be agreeable to one
another. No outside admiration can compensate for the want of love and
respect at home. Gross neglect of attire, unseemly morning apparel,
uncombed hair, and total neglect of those little arts and charms which
make the female portion of the household so much more lovable, are
inexcusable. We should bear in mind that the love of friends is worth
more than the flattery of strangers. Only absolute ill-health, or great
stress of employment, can excuse slovenly appearances at _any_ hour of
the day, in any member of the family.
The table should _always_ be laid with a certain degree of care. Dishes
should not be huddled on, nor dirty table-linen allowed, because there
is no company to criticise. This will be one of the _surest tests_ of
the refinement of a family.
The birthdays of the different members should be honored with good
wishes; and gifts, however trifling, if affectionately given, help to
keep up that kindly feeling which is the life of the social circle.
It is well to have a few feast-days in the course of the year. Life was
not made entirely for labor; and an occasional holiday is a bright spot
for children to look back to when they are no longer children. This is
only _a hint_--we would not assert it to be "etiquette."
While children should honor their parents, parents should never seek
to humiliate or degrade their children. It is bad policy to assert to
a child, "You were always bad," "There is no good in you," "You are a
liar," or, "You have disgraced yourself beyond forgiveness." Teach
your children to respect _your_ moderation, if you wish them to govern
_their_ passions. Teach them to respect themselves, if you wish them to
possess any manliness or sense of honor.
Never _scold_. Administer reproof in a calm manner; it will be much
more effective, while it will not fail to preserve the respect of your
servants and children much more successfully and satisfactorily than
the harsher course.
If visitors call when it is impossible or very inconvenient for you to
see them, do not be afraid to send word that you are engaged. They have
no right to be offended. Better far to tell the truth than to send the
false and silly message, that you are "not at home."
CARDS OF INVITATION, WEDDING CARDS, ETC.
In inviting persons to an evening party, the form is: "Mrs. E. would be
pleased to see Mr. and Mrs. D. at her house, on Thursday evening;" or,
"Mrs. E.'s compliments to Mr. and Mrs. D., for Thursday evening;" or,
"Mrs. E. at home on Thursday evening;" addressing the envelope to Mr.
and Mrs. D.
If to a dinner-party, the form is much the same, only the hour is
added, thus: "Mrs. E. at home Thursday evening. Dinner at six o'clock."
In case the hour is named, the guest commits a great discourtesy in not
being on hand at that hour precisely.
If a dance is proposed, it is proper to word the invitation, so as
to inform the invited of the fact, thus: "Mrs. E.'s compliments for
Thursday evening, to music and dancing;" or, "Mrs. E. will be pleased
to see her friends, Thursday, at 8 P. M., to a dance."
When it is a public ball, or a stated soiree, the form of invitation
is more formal: "Your company is solicited to a ball (or soiree, or
party dansante), to be given at the Metropolitan Rooms, on the evening
of Thursday, Dec. 10th, 1860." Then follow the names of the managing
committee. This invitation should always be sent at least one week
beforehand, in order to give ladies time to prepare their dresses.
If it is impossible from sickness, or otherwise, to accept an
invitation to a private party, an excuse, or declination, should
invariably be sent in on the _day prior_ to the party, that the lady of
the house may be advised as to who is coming and who is not. This is a
rule too little observed, but a really necessary one, to be made the
study of all to practice. For a gentleman not to attend a party, after
having received an invitation, and to send in no excuse for absence, is
to be construed into a designed "cut," or as an evidence of ignorance.
In many cases--particularly in cities--the rule is to send in notes of
acceptance of invitation; but this is a superfluous ceremony, when it
is understood that silence gives consent. The form of a declination of
invitation is: "Mr. and Mrs. D. regret their inability to attend upon
Mrs. E.'s invitation for Thursday evening." Or, when a good excuse is
desirable, say: "Mr. and Mrs. D. greatly regret that sickness (or other
and prior engagements) will prevent their acceptance of Mrs. E.'s kind
invitation for Thursday evening."
In all cases of invitations or declinations, the date of writing should
be placed on the left hand, below.
A plain, satin surfaced note paper, should be used, and the note should
be inclosed in an envelope prepared for note paper, and be directed
simply: "Mr. and Mrs. D.--Present;" and if sons and daughters are
invited out of the same household, separate invitations should be sent
to each. If a person is worth inviting at all, it is but proper that a
_whole note_ should be inclosed. In case of husband and wife, as the
law pronounces them "one," a single note will serve for both.
For visiting cards, the custom changes often. Sometimes it is a glazed
card, sometimes not; sometimes a large one, sometimes a small one;
sometimes with silvered edges, sometimes with golden border; sometimes
with printed inscription, sometimes engraved, sometimes written in
pencil. Any person designing to get up a set of visiting or wedding
cards, should consult a good engraver; or, if no such person is near,
should obtain from some friend, "just from the Metropolis," the
"style." The usual form for visiting cards, is simply the name, no
address being, given, as that belongs to business. For wedding cards,
the style now in vogue is two cards in one envelop, one inscribed
with the lady's maiden name, the other with the name of husband and
wife, thus: "Mr. and Mrs. John Dean." If these are sent out before the
wedding, and are designed as invitations to the ceremony, there is
added to the last-named card the words: "At home, Thursday morning, at
ten o'clock;" or, as the case may be, in the evening; or, if at church,
say: "At St. John's Church, at 10 A. M., Thursday."
Letters of introduction have before been referred to. They should say:
"The bearer, Mr. Horatio Green, is solicitous of your acquaintance (or
friendship, or advice, or good offices, as the case may be), and I
take pleasure in commending him to your favorable attention." In the
envelope, along with the introductory note, should be the card of the
person introduced.
Neither letters of introduction, nor cards of invitation, should
be sealed, except they must be transmitted by mail, in which case
reinclose the whole in another envelope for the mail.
CONTENTS
OF
Beadle's Dime Song Book,
NO. 1.
All's for the Best,
Annie Laurie,
A National Song,
Answer to a Thousand a Year,
Answer to Kate Kearney,
A Thousand a Year,
Belle Brandon,
Ben Bolt,
Blind Orphan Boy's Lament,
Bob Ridley,
Bold Privateer,
Do They Miss me at Home?
Don't be Angry, Mother,
Down the River,
E Pluribus Unum,
Evening Star,
Faded Flowers,
Gentle Annie,
Gentle Jenny Gray,
Glad to Get Home,
Hard Times,
Have You Seen my Sister,
Heather Dale,
Home Again,
I am not Angry,
I Want to Go Home,
Juney at the Gate,
Kate Kearney,
Kiss me Quick and Go,
Kitty Clyde,
Little Blacksmith,
My Home in Kentuck,
My Own Native Land,
Nelly Gray,
Nelly was a Lady,
Old Dog Tray,
Our Mary Ann,
Over the Mountain,
Poor Old Slave,
Red, White, and Blue,
Root, Hog, or Die,
Root, Hog, or Die, No. 2,
Root, Hog, or Die, No. 3,
Root, Hog, or Die, No. 4,
Row, Row,
Shells of the Ocean,
Song of the Sexton,
Star-Spangled Banner,
The Age of Progress,
The Dying Californian,
The Hills of New England,
The Lake-Side Shore,
The Miller of the Dee,
The Marseilles Hymn,
The Old Folks we Loved Long Ago,
The Old Farm-House,
The Old Play-Ground,
The Rock of Liberty,
The Sword of Bunker Hill,
The Tempest,
There's a Good Time Coming,
Twenty Years Ago,
Twinkling Stars,
Uncle Sam's Farm,
Unfurl the Glorious Banner,
Wait for the Wagon,
Willie, we have Miss'd You,
Willie'll Roam no More.
CONTENTS
OF
Beadle's Dime Song Book,
NO. 2.