Two months later Europe, shaken by the mightiest conflict of this
century, was beginning to regain her composure. It would be unwise (for
it might offend foreign susceptibilities) to give the names of the
victories that had added fresh lustre to the British arms. Suffice it to
say that not a single reverse had been recorded. Once more _the_ Field
Marshal entered the room of the Commander-in-Chief (patented).
"Well, GEORGE, how goes it?" asked the foremost soldier of the age. The
Commander-in-Chief (patented) fell upon his knees and kissed the spurs
of his master's boots.
"Nay, this show of gratitude is pleasing, but embarrassing. Remember,
GEORGE, you are of Royal Blood," and _the_ Field-Marshal gently and
kindly assisted the Patented One to rise.
"I cannot help it," returned GEORGE, with a burst of almost painful
emotion. "You have done so much for us."
"Not at all," observed _Punch_ with a smile, "that packet certainly
contained a few suggestions of some value."
"Why, they saved the country! How should we have horsed the Cavalry and
Artillery, if we had not entered on peace contracts with the Directors
of Pickford's, the London General Omnibus Company, the Road Cars, the
Tramways, and the Herne Bay Bathing Machine Owners. The last were not
easily persuaded to act with us, as somehow the requisition of their
quadrupeds seemed to interfere with the success of the Thanet Harriers."
"But they gave in at last?"
"Certainly, patriotism was the rule without exception. Then the
compulsory service of their _employes_ in the Volunteers, insisted upon
by all the West End Tradesmen and employers of labour throughout the
land, had the best effects. Why some of the finest troops in the world
came from SCHOOLBRED'S, WHITELEY'S, the Army and Navy Stores, and SMITH
AND SONS."
"And the Inns of Court, the Universities, and the Medical Colleges also
insisted upon continued efficient service in the Volunteer ranks to
secure the advantage of audience in the Courts and Registration as
Doctors, didn't they?"
"Certainly! Oh, it was grand! Then we got as much Cavalry as we required
from the farmers, and the Yeomanry, and purchased the entire stock of
guns from the Continent.--Just as you told me to do."
"Quite right," said _Punch_, "after all, guns and ammunition are only a
question of figures. I suppose the British Army in India was recalled
home and distributed amongst the Colonies, as I suggested, and the
Native Troops that were not quite trustworthy treated in the same
manner?"
"Assuredly, yes, and they have given an admirable account of themselves
in Australia and Canada." Then GEORGE hesitated. "But you would not tell
me how you supplied their places in India. You merely asked for
transport for your Army of Reserves."
"Quite so," said _Punch_, with a smile. "But, now that peace is decided
upon, and all but declared, I need keep silence no longer. The fact is,
I fought the Russians with an Army of Germans and Italians, under the
command of my friend Sir FREDERICK ROBERTS."
"Germans and Italians! Where _did_ you get them from?"
"From places where they were ruining our working-poor and doing
themselves no permanent good. I shipped them from Hatton Garden and
Whitechapel. My country saved, the welfare of the world in general
demands my restored attention. It shall have it."
And full of this truly benevolent intention, _Mr. Punch_ returned to
Fleet Street.
* * * * *