"I am heartily glad you have come," said the Commander-in-Chief
(patented), throwing down the _Fortnightly_, "because this article upon
the present condition of the Army, by the Author of _Greater Britain_,
has put me out completely."
[Illustration: "En Retraite."]
"I glanced at it, but could not get through it," replied _the_ Field
Marshal. "What does he say?"
"Well, so far as I can make out, that in the time of war all the Militia
will be drafted into the Army, and all the Coast Guards into the Navy,
and both will disappear together with the Army and the Navy in the first
battle."
"Anything else?"
"Well," continued GEORGE RANGER, re-opening the Magazine, "he seems to
think that we have got enough men, if we can't get more, but that we
must defend India with the aid of compulsory service, although, for
various 'religious and commercial reasons, almost peculiar to England,
the non-adoption of Conscription is certain."
"From this I take it the article is slightly mixed?"
"It is--and I am bothered entirely!" replied the poor Duke, who had a
habit, when worried, of returning to the brogue he used as Prince GEORGE
in Ireland, in his youth. "What will I do? Look there now, we have cut
down everything to starvation proportions, to please Lord GRANDOLPH, to
say nothing of upsetting the entire machinery of the War Office, to save
the salary of the Surveyor-General of the Ordnance. Sure, what more will
I do?"
"Read this," replied _the_ Field Marshal, giving to H. R. H. a packet.
"If War is declared, open it, and act upon the orders contained in it."
And, with this, _Punch_, the greatest modern strategist, bowed, and
retired.