Nothing, however, of all that Tchichikoff had projected on the
preceding evening, so happened on the following morning. In the first
instance, he awoke considerably later than he wished; this was the
first annoyance. Scarcely had he risen from his couch, when he sent
immediately to inquire whether the horses were harnessed and before
the britchka, and whether all was ready for his departure, but he was
informed that neither the horses nor the britchka, nor anything was
ready for his immediate departure. This was the second annoyance.
He flew into a violent passion, and had first, the intention of
treating our friend Selifan to something in the Russian fashion, for
the disregard thus shown to his orders, however he preferred waiting
impatiently to hear first what excuse he would come to offer. Soon
after, Selifan made his appearance in the room, and his lord and master
had the gratification of listening to the same language which is
usually spoken by servants on similar occasions, when their masters are
in a hurry to start on their journey without delay.
"Your glory, I must inform you that the horses will require to be shod."
"Oh, you pig! you stupid blockhead! and why have you hot told me of
this before? Had you no time to do it?"
"As for time, I cannot complain of--But allow me also to tell you,
Pavel Ivanovitch, that one of the wheels wants a new tyre very
sadly indeed, the roads have become very bad during these last few
rainy days. And will your glory allow me also to observe, that the
driving-box of the britchka is altogether out of repair and shaky, so
much so that I fear it will not hold together for more than two or
three stations."
"You rascal, you!" shouted Tchichikoff, raising his arms, and clapping
his hands together, and approaching Selifan so closely, that he,
prompted by fear of receiving an unpleasant treat, stepped hastily
backwards, and remained at a respectful distance.
"Do you want to kill me? aye? do you wish to cut my throat? Have you
formed a conspiracy to slaughter me on the high road? you robber, you
infernal pig you, you marine monster, you! For three weeks and more
you have been sitting here at your ease, but the thought could never
come into your blockhead to think of this before? ah? but now at the
eleventh hour you put your nose at last upon it! how am I now to get
in and drive off? eh? such is always the case with you, you rascal,
and now you have let me again in a mess! ah? ah? But you ought to have
known all this before? didn't you know it? ah? eh? Answer me. Did you
know it? ah? eh?"
"I knew it, your glory," answered Selifan, bending down his head.
"And why didn't you tell me of it before? ah? eh?"
To this question Selifan gave no answer at all, but bending down
his head still lower, he seemed to say to himself: "Look here, how
strangely all this has happened, to be sure: I knew all about it but
said nothing!"
"And now, Sir, you go instantly, bring me a blacksmith, and mind that
everything requisite is done and attended to in two hours. Do you hear
and understand me? absolutely in two hours, and if you are not ready,
then you know what the result will be. I shall drive you into a bull's
horn, and tie you up with a knot." Our hero's anger had risen to a
considerable pitch.
Selifan turned round to the door, as if with the intention of leaving
the room, and executing his master's instructions; however, he stopped
short, and said:
"I have forgotten to mention to your glory, that it would be a good
plan to sell the tiger-spotted horse, because he is--I can assure you,
Pavel Ivanovitch, the greatest idler and rascal I ever had to do with,
he is such a horse, as I would pray Heaven to deliver me from."
"Well, I'm sure! you don't mean to say, Sir, that I am going to run to
the marketplace, and sell a horse to please you?"
"I invoke my patron saint as a witness, Pavel Ivanovitch, but that
horse has only the appearance of a good horse, but at work he is the
greatest rogue and idler. Such a horse--"
"Stupid donkey, I shall sell my horses when I choose. Do not presume
to argue with me, but mind what I am telling you now; if you don't go
instantly to fetch me a blacksmith, and if everything is not ready
within two hours, you may depend upon such a combing--such a combing
that you will have every difficulty in recognizing your own face again!
Leave me! be off!"
Selifan left the room.
Tchichikoff had now lost even the slightest vestige of good temper, and
kept thumping his old rusty sword on the ground, which travelled with
him wherever he went, for the purpose of inspiring with due respect
all those whom it concerned. He spent more than a quarter of an hour
with the blacksmith before he could agree as to the terms for his job,
because the blacksmith as is customary with them, was an impudent
fellow, who perceiving that the gentleman was in a hurry, demanded of
him six times his due.
It was of no use for Tchichikoff to reason with the man, to call him a
scoundrel, robber, preying upon the unwary traveller, notwithstanding
even his allusion to the day of judgment, he could produce no
impression upon the hardened blacksmith; he maintained his iron
character to the last; he not only insisted upon his own price, but
even continued to job about his work exactly five hours and a half,
instead of two hours.
During the whole of this time, Tchichikoff had the advantage of
experiencing all the pleasant sensations, so very familiar to every
traveller who has his portmanteaus ready packed, and useless papers
and strings lying strewn about in the room, when a man does not yet
deserve to be called a traveller, and when he also may not be called a
fixed resident; in such a position let us imagine him standing before
the window in his room, looking down into the street, where he beholds
a busy crowd passing along, talking of their grievances, and with a
meaningless curiosity lifting their eyes to look upon him, and then
again continuing their conversation, and passing on their way, which
still more annoys the disappointed, not yet journeying traveller.
Whatever it may be, and whatever he may see, whether a little shop
on the other side of the street, or the head of an old woman living
in the opposite house, as she approaches the window, ornamented with
old fashioned curtains, the sight of all this displeases and annoys
him considerably, but still, and for all that, he will not leave his
position. He continues to stand there fixedly, soon forgetting, then
again looking steadfastly at everything before him, whether animate or
inanimate; and out of pure vexation kills a poor fly, which had been
already for some time buzzing and beating against the window pane.
However, there is an end to everything, and the long wished for
moment has at last arrived; all was ready, the driving seat of the
britchka was repaired most carefully, a new iron tyre fixed around
the wheel, the horses led forward from their draining cup, and the
impudent blacksmith, after receiving his pay, and counting the silver
roubles, wished smilingly a pleasant journey to the traveller he had so
shamelessly provoked.
At last the britchka was ready to start, and two hot cakes just brought
were immediately placed into it by Petruschka, whilst Selifan stocked
the leather pockets of his seat with similar eatables, at last our
hero himself escorted, and received by the flourish of numerous caps,
and the ever attentive head waiter, in the same demi-cotton jacket and
napkin across his shoulder, made his appearance before his travelling
carriage, where he was greeted by a number of waiters, coachmen and
idlers, who like to be always present on similar occasions; the
gentleman traveller took possession of his high seat, and the britchka,
that particular travelling carriage, to which bachelors and retired
Stabz-capitäns give the preference, and which had been standing under a
shed for so long a time in the town of Smolensk; and whose inactivity
may have already begun to fatigue our reader, at last drove out through
the gates of the inn.
"I praise thee, O Lord!" said Tchichikoff to himself, while making
a devout sign of the cross, which is customary among the faithful
believers in the Greek church. Selifan made his whip crack, and used
it immediately upon all three horses in succession; Petruschka kept
running for awhile close to the carriage, and then jumping cleverly
upon the wheel step, he took his seat next to his brother servant; and
our hero, seating himself still more comfortably upon his small Persian
carpet, and carefully placing a leather cushion behind his back,
unconsciously flattened the two hot cakes, and the light carriage began
to roll and shake again quickly over the wretched pavement, which had
the effect of tossing the occupant considerably about.