The simply amiable lady felt an irrepressible desire to ascertain if
possible all the details of Tchichikoff's conspiracy, that is to say
the particular day and hour, in fact, she wished to know a very great
deal indeed. The in every respect amiable lady simply declared that
she knew nothing positive on the subject. She did not know how to
invent a falsehood; to anticipate something was another question with
her, and then it was only advanced when her suppositions were based
upon intimate conviction. When, therefore, she felt inwardly convinced
in her opinion, it was that she knew how to defend her argument, and
daring indeed would have been the man or learned advocate who would
have tried to dissuade her from her opinion once fixed, whatever
cleverness or learnedness a lawyer might be possessed of; and though he
be able to boast that he could defeat the opinions of any adversary, he
would have stood no chance with our in every respect amiable lady, such
would have been the proofs of intimate conviction which she could have
exhibited to him.
Both ladies at last perfectly agreed upon the point, that that which
they had at first laid down as a supposition had still remained a
presupposition; and in that there is indeed nothing surprising. Men
of our profession, for example, learned men, at least such we believe
ourselves to be, and nearly on the same principle as these two amiable
ladies; and as a proof of it we may only allude to our learned critics.
In the beginning, such a learned gentleman starts with his task like
a sneaking flatterer; he begins timidly, with moderation, in fact he
begins with the most innocent question: is this not a quotation? or, is
this not a copy from such and such a page? or, does this document not
belong to such and such an age? or, are we not to trace these people
as the descendants of such and such a nation?
And now they begin to refer and quote, the authority of numerous
ancient authors; but scarcely have they discovered a point to rest
upon, if ever so unimportant, when he already feels spirited and
courageous, begins to converse freely with the ancient genius, and
even addresses questions to him, which, of course, he thinks proper
to answer himself immediately, forgetting altogether that he begun
with a timid presupposition; it now seems to him that he sees all,
that every particular is clear to him; and his review is concluded
with the words--it was thus then that it happened, these people are
the descendants of such and such a nation; and it is, therefore, upon
this particular point that we must base our judgment, and look upon
the subject. It is thus that a novelty is proclaimed, as if from the
pulpit, and the new truth ushered into the world, where it is sure to
find numerous followers and advocates.
At the time when the two ladies had so happily and sagaciously decided
this very complication, the Imperial Procurator, with his always
impassible countenance, heavy eyebrows, and winking eyes, entered the
reception-room, and was immediately ushered into the presence of the
two intimate friends. Both ladies, as if for a wager, endeavoured to
explain to him, at the same time, all the particulars of Tchichikoff's
conspiracy; they spoke to him of the sale and purchase of dead serfs,
of the projected elopement with the Lord-Lieutenant's daughter, so that
they completely confused his judgment; he stood there as if riveted to
the spot, winking his left eye more than his right, and passing his
pocket-handkerchief across his face and nose, wiping off the snuff; but
he could understand absolutely nothing.
The two ladies left the Imperial Procurator thus standing, and went
to carry the news, and create a revolution in the ancient town of
Smolensk. This enterprise they succeeded in carrying out in no less
than half-an-hour. The town was soon in a perfect uproar; every one was
soon revolutionised, but nobody could understand anything about the
cause. The two ladies spread such a mist over the eyes of all, that
all, especially the civilians, became, as it were, petrified for some
time.
Their position, in the first moments, was similar to that of a sleepy
schoolboy, whose comrades, taking advantage of his somnolence, had
risen earlier, and placed an hussar in his nose, namely, a small paper
cornet, containing snuff. Whilst fast asleep, he inhales all the snuff
through his nostrils with the ease of a snorer; he awakens suddenly,
jumps from his bed, looks about like a fool, rubs his eyes repeatedly,
and cannot make out where he is, and what has happened to him; he
then only perceives that it is late, and that the rays of the sun are
shining brightly on the wall of his room; he hears the laughter of his
school-fellows, hiding themselves in the corners, the daylight entering
his window, shining over the dark forest in the distance--hears the
thousand voices of birds gaily humming in the garden--sees the silvery
stream beneath, with its pleasant footpaths, planted on either side
with their tall poplars--beholds numerous other little children playing
about, and ready to plunge into the water for a bath; and then only,
and at last, he feels convinced that he has had a hussar placed in his
nose.
Such was exactly, at first, the position of all the inhabitants of any
note in the town of Smolensk on that eventful morning. Every one of
them stopped suddenly short like sheep, and opened their eyes widely.
Dead serfs, the Lord-Lieutenant's daughter, and Tchichikoff were
continually buzzing round them, and confusing their heads in a most
extraordinary manner; and, later only, after the first stupefaction was
over, they seemed to distinguish and separate the one from the other.
They began to question themselves and feel angry, because they saw that
they could not explain the affair to themselves any way.
"What does this parable really mean? what parable are these dead serfs?
there is no logic in dead serfs, how could any one think of buying dead
serfs? where could such a fool be met with, and for what speculation
could he purchase them and thus invest his capital? and to what end
and for what purpose could dead serfs be made available? and why is
the Lord-Lieutenant's daughter mixed up in the affair? If he intended
eloping with his Excellency's daughter, why can he have bought these
dead serfs? and if he wanted only to purchase dead serfs, why should
he want to run away with his Excellency's daughter? surely, he did not
intend to present her with dead serfs at their nuptials! But what
is the nonsense they have now spread all over the town? what is the
meaning for all this? for scarcely has a person had time to turn and
look about, when they already concoct a whole history on his account;
well and good if there was any sense in it--however, they have spread
the news, and certainly there must be something at the bottom of it.
But what cause, what reason can there be for these dead serfs? I
really cannot see any reason or cause for them whatever. It is really
bewildering! maddening!"
In a word, there was a talk about it all over the town, a regular round
of talking, about the dead serfs and his Excellency's daughter, about
Tchichikoff and the dead serfs, about his Excellency's daughter and
Tchichikoff, and all was soon in a maze. It seemed that the hitherto
slumbering town rose like a buoyant whirlpool. All the old home-keeping
men and women, who had not divested themselves of their morning-gowns
nor had been in the streets, heaven knows for how long time, now
suddenly began to stir about and swear, the one at the tailor for
having made his coat too narrow, the other at the bootmaker for having
made his boots too tight, a third at the neglect and drunkenness of
his servants, and so forth.
All those who had long ceased to receive or go into company, and
were known only accidentally to each other, now suddenly made their
appearance again in the world, as if they had risen from the dead; in
fact, all those who could not even be enticed with turtle soup or a
sturgeon feast, or with any other dainties that melted in the mouth;
in a word, it was now proved beyond a doubt that the ancient town of
Smolensk was a large and well populated town. The streets were crowded
with old-fashioned droschkies of every description--in a word, the
porridge began to boil over.
At another time, and under different circumstances, similar reports
would not have attracted the least attention; but the town of Smolensk
had been, as it was for some time, deprived of any novelty. Three
months had passed away without the occurrence of anything like
_commérage_, which, as it is well-known, is to a town as necessary as
supplies to an army. In the circles of the gossips of Smolensk, there
arose suddenly two perfectly distinct opinions, and in consequence two
perfectly distinct parties were formed; the party of the men and the
party of the women.
The party of the men, the most foolish of the two, turned their
attention to the dead serfs. The party of the women again, busied
themselves exclusively with the elopement of the Lord-Lieutenant's
daughter. In the party formed by the women, we must observe to
the credit of the ladies, that there was considerably more order,
regularity, and perspicuity. They seem to have been born to be
excellent and careful managers. All soon assumed with them a lively and
orderly appearance, presented itself in distinct and visible forms,
explained itself, freed itself from every doubt; in a word, all seemed
as perfect as a picture.
It was proved that Tchichikoff had already been in love with the fair
girl for some time, and that they had met by appointment on several
occasions at night in the garden by moonlight, and that his Excellency
himself would have consented to their marriage, because Tchichikoff was
as rich as a Jewish banker, if it had not been for Tchichikoff's wife,
whom he had deserted (how they had managed to find out that our hero
was married, no one could tell), and that his wife, who was tormented
by an unreciprocated passion for him, had addressed the most entreating
letter to the Lord-Lieutenant, and that Tchichikoff, finding that the
father and mother would never consent to their union, determined upon
an elopement.
In some other circles, the same affair was commented upon with a few
slight deviations. It was said that Tchichikoff had no wife at all,
but that he, as a clever man of the world, and determined to carry his
object, undertook, with the object in view, of obtaining the hand of
the daughter, to make the beginning with the mother, and that there
existed between them a secret sentimental _liaison_, and after this
success with the mother, he had stepped forward to demand the hand
of the daughter; but the mother, fearing or alarmed lest an offence
against religious principles might be committed, and feeling within her
own heart the pangs of remorse, refused his demand peremptorily, and
that in consequence of this refusal, Tchichikoff had determined upon an
elopement. To all this, were added many explanations and improvements
as the reports spread by degrees, until at last they were known and
commented upon, even in the narrowest streets of Smolensk.
The lower classes of society, in Russia at least, are very fond of
talking of the affairs of the more elevated classes, and for that
reason, the same subject was even discussed in such houses where the
inhabitants had never heard, or seen anything of Tchichikoff before,
and of course they made new additions and improvements. The subject
became every moment more and more embellished, and every new day added
considerably to the perfections of its forms, until at last it was
transmitted with all its perfections to the ears of her Excellency, the
wife of the Lord-Lieutenant of Smolensk.
Her Excellency, as a mother of a family, as the first lady in the
town, ultimately as a lady who never suspected or anticipated anything
similar, felt perfectly insulted by these rumours, and legitimately
flew into a passion.
The unhappy _blondine_ had to submit to a very unpleasant
_tête-à-tête_, indeed such a one as perhaps a young girl of sixteen
years of age, never underwent before. Streams of questions rapidly
flowed from the lips of the angry mother, followed in succession by
strict examination, reproaches, threats and exhortations, so that the
poor young girl began to cry bitterly without being able to understand
a word of the real causes of her mother's anger and indignation.
The porter at the lodge also received positive instructions never
to admit for the future, under any circumstances or pretences, the
gentleman calling himself Tchichikoff.