sliding to the ground thanked the Man civilly for his hospitality and
glided away.
The Man and the Eagle
An Eagle was once captured by a Man, who clipped his wings and put him in
the poultry yard, along with the chickens. The Eagle was much depressed
in spirits by the change.
"Why should you not rather rejoice?" said the Man. "You were only an
ordinary fellow as an eagle; but as an old rooster you are a fowl of
incomparable distinction."
The War-horse and the Miller
Having heard that the State was about to be invaded by a hostile army, a
War-horse belonging to a Colonel of the Militia offered his services to a
passing Miller.
"No," said the patriotic Miller, "I will employ no one who deserts his
position in the hour of danger. It is sweet to die for one's country."
Something in the sentiment sounded familiar, and, looking at the Miller
more closely the War-horse recognised his master in disguise.
The Dog and the Reflection
A Dog passing over a stream on a plank saw his reflection in the water.
"You ugly brute!" he cried; "how dare you look at me in that insolent
way."
He made a grab in the water, and, getting hold of what he supposed was
the other dog's lip, lifted out a fine piece of meat which a butcher's
boy had dropped into the stream.
The Man and the Fish-horn
A Truthful Man, finding a musical instrument in the road, asked the name
of it, and was told that it was a fish-horn. The next time he went
fishing he set his nets and blew the fish-horn all day to charm the fish
into them; but at nightfall there were not only no fish in his nets, but
none along that part of the coast. Meeting a friend while on his way
home he was asked what luck he had had.
"Well," said the Truthful Man, "the weather is not right for fishing, but
it's a red-letter day for music."
The Hare and the Tortoise
A Hare having ridiculed the slow movements of a Tortoise, was challenged
by the latter to run a race, a Fox to go to the goal and be the judge.
They got off well together, the hare at the top of her speed, the
Tortoise, who had no other intention than making his antagonist exert
herself, going very leisurely. After sauntering along for some time he
discovered the Hare by the wayside, apparently asleep, and seeing a
chance to win pushed on as fast as he could, arriving at the goal hours
afterward, suffering from extreme fatigue and claiming the victory.
"Not so," said the Fox; "the Hare was here long ago, and went back to
cheer you on your way."
Hercules and the Carter
A Carter was driving a waggon loaded with a merchant's goods, when the
wheels stuck in a rut. Thereupon he began to pray to Hercules, without
other exertion.
"Indolent fellow!" said Hercules; "you ask me to help you, but will not
help yourself."
So the Carter helped himself to so many of the most valuable goods that
the horses easily ran away with the remainder.
The Lion and the Bull
A Lion wishing to lure a Bull to a place where it would be safe to attack
him, said: "My friend, I have killed a fine sheep; will you come with me
and partake of the mutton?"
"With pleasure," said the Bull, "as soon as you have refreshed yourself a
little for the journey. Pray have some grass."
The Man and his Goose
"See these valuable golden eggs," said a Man that owned a Goose. "Surely
a Goose which can lay such eggs as those must have a gold mine inside
her."
So he killed the Goose and cut her open, but found that she was just like
any other goose. Moreover, on examining the eggs that she had laid he
found they were just like any other eggs.
The Wolf and the Feeding Goat
A Wolf saw a Goat feeding at the summit of a rock, where he could not get
at her.
"Why do you stay up there in that sterile place and go hungry?" said the
Wolf. "Down here where I am the broken-bottle vine cometh up as a
flower, the celluloid collar blossoms as the rose, and the tin-can tree
brings forth after its kind."
"That is true, no doubt," said the Goat, "but how about the circus-poster
crop? I hear that it failed this year down there."
The Wolf, perceiving that he was being chaffed, went away and resumed his
duties at the doors of the poor.
Jupiter and the Birds
Jupiter commanded all the birds to appear before him, so that he might
choose the most beautiful to be their king. The ugly jackdaw, collecting
all the fine feathers which had fallen from the other birds, attached
them to his own body and appeared at the examination, looking very gay.
The other birds, recognising their own borrowed plumage, indignantly
protested, and began to strip him.
"Hold!" said Jupiter; "this self-made bird has more sense than any of
you. He is your king."
The Lion and the Mouse
A Lion who had caught a Mouse was about to kill him, when the Mouse said:
"If you will spare my life, I will do as much for you some day."
The Lion, good-naturedly let him go. It happened shortly afterwards that
the Lion was caught by some hunters and bound with cords. The Mouse,
passing that way, and seeing that his benefactor was helpless, gnawed off
his tail.
The Old Man and His Sons
An Old Man, afflicted with a family of contentious Sons, brought in a
bundle of sticks and asked the young men to break it. After repeated
efforts they confessed that it could not be done. "Behold," said the Old
Man, "the advantage of unity; as long as these sticks are in alliance
they are invincible, but observe how feeble they are individually."
Pulling a single stick from the bundle, he broke it easily upon the head
of the eldest Son, and this he repeated until all had been served.
The Crab and His Son
A Logical Crab said to his Son, "Why do you not walk straight forward?
Your sidelong gait is singularly ungraceful."
"Why don't you walk straight forward yourself," said the Son.
"Erring youth," replied the Logical Crab, "you are introducing new and
irrelevant matter."
The North Wind and the Sun
The Sun and the North Wind disputed which was the more powerful, and
agreed that he should be declared victor who could the sooner strip a
traveller of his clothes. So they waited until a traveller came by. But
the traveller had been indiscreet enough to stay over night at a summer
hotel, and had no clothes.
The Mountain and the Mouse
A Mountain was in labour, and the people of seven cities had assembled to
watch its movements and hear its groans. While they waited in breathless
expectancy out came a Mouse.
"Oh, what a baby!" they cried in derision.
"I may be a baby," said the Mouse, gravely, as he passed outward through
the forest of shins, "but I know tolerably well how to diagnose a
volcano."
The Bellamy and the Members
The Members of a body of Socialists rose in insurrection against their
Bellamy.
"Why," said they, "should we be all the time tucking you out with food
when you do nothing to tuck us out?"
So, resolving to take no further action, they went away, and looking
backward had the satisfaction to see the Bellamy compelled to sell his
own book.
OLD SAWS WITH NEW TEETH
CERTAIN ANCIENT FABLES APPLIED TO
THE LIFE OF OUR TIMES
The Wolf and the Crane
A Rich Man wanted to tell a certain lie, but the lie was of such
monstrous size that it stuck in his throat; so he employed an Editor to
write it out and publish it in his paper as an editorial. But when the
Editor presented his bill, the Rich Man said:
"Be content--is it nothing that I refrained from advising you about
investments?"
The Lion and the Mouse
A Judge was awakened by the noise of a lawyer prosecuting a Thief. Rising
in wrath he was about to sentence the Thief to life imprisonment when the
latter said:
"I beg that you will set me free, and I will some day requite your
kindness."
Pleased and flattered to be bribed, although by nothing but an empty
promise, the Judge let him go. Soon afterward he found that it was more
than an empty promise, for, having become a Thief, he was himself set
free by the other, who had become a Judge.
The Hares and the Frogs
The Members of a Legislature, being told that they were the meanest
thieves in the world, resolved to commit suicide. So they bought
shrouds, and laying them in a convenient place prepared to cut their
throats. While they were grinding their razors some Tramps passing that
way stole the shrouds.
"Let us live, my friends," said one of the Legislators to the others;
"the world is better than we thought. It contains meaner thieves than
we."
The Belly and the Members
Some Workingmen employed in a shoe factory went on a strike, saying: "Why
should we continue to work to feed and clothe our employer when we have
none too much to eat and wear ourselves?"
The Manufacturer, seeing that he could get no labour for a long time and
finding the times pretty hard anyhow, burned down his shoe factory for
the insurance, and when the strikers wanted to resume work there was no
work to resume. So they boycotted a tanner.
The Piping Fisherman
An Editor who was always vaunting the purity, enterprise, and
fearlessness of his paper was pained to observe that he got no
subscribers. One day it occurred to him to stop saying that his paper
was pure and enterprising and fearless, and make it so. "If these are
not good qualities," he reasoned, "it is folly to claim them."
Under the new policy he got so many subscribers that his rivals
endeavoured to discover the secret of his prosperity, but he kept it, and
when he died it died with him.
The Ants and the Grasshopper
Some Members of a Legislature were making schedules of their wealth at
the end of the session, when an Honest Miner came along and asked them to
divide with him. The members of the Legislature inquired:
"Why did you not acquire property of your own?"
"Because," replied the Honest Miner, "I was so busy digging out gold that
I had no leisure to lay up something worth while."
Then the Members of the Legislature derided him, saying:
"If you waste your time in profitless amusement, you cannot, of course,
expect to share the rewards of industry."
The Dog and His Reflection
A State Official carrying off the Dome of the Capitol met the Ghost of
his predecessor, who had come out of his political grave to warn him that
God saw him. As the place of meeting was lonely and the time midnight,
the State Official set down the Dome of the Capitol, and commanded the
supposed traveller to throw up his hands. The Ghost replied that he had
not eaten them, and while he was explaining the situation another State
Official silently added the dome to his own collection.
The Lion, the Bear, and the Fox
Two Thieves having stolen a Piano and being unable to divide it fairly
without a remainder went to law about it and continued the contest as
long as either one could steal a dollar to bribe the judge. When they
could give no more an Honest Man came along and by a single small payment
obtained a judgment and took the Piano home, where his daughter used it
to develop her biceps muscles, becoming a famous pugiliste.
The Ass and the Lion's Skin
A Member of the State Militia stood at a street corner, scowling
stormily, and the people passing that way went a long way around him,
thinking of the horrors of war. But presently, in order to terrify them
still more, he strode toward them, when, his sword entangling his legs,
he fell upon the field of glory, and the people passed over him singing
their sweetest songs.
The Ass and the Grasshoppers
A Statesman heard some Labourers singing at their work, and wishing to be
happy too, asked them what made them so.
"Honesty," replied the Labourers.
So the Statesman resolved that he too would be honest, and the result was
that he died of want.
The Wolf and the Lion
An Indian who had been driven out of a fertile valley by a White Settler,
said:
"Now that you have robbed me of my land, there is nothing for me to do
but issue invitations to a war-dance."
"I don't so much mind your dancing," said the White Settler, putting a
fresh cartridge into his rifle, "but if you attempt to make me dance you
will become a good Indian lamented by all who didn't know you. How did
_you_ get this land, anyhow?"
The Indian's claim was compromised for a plug hat and a tin horn.
The Hare and the Tortoise
Of two Writers one was brilliant but indolent; the other though dull,
industrious. They set out for the goal of fame with equal opportunities.
Before they died the brilliant one was detected in seventy languages as
the author of but two or three books of fiction and poetry, while the
other was honoured in the Bureau of Statistics of his native land as the
compiler of sixteen volumes of tabulated information relating to the
domestic hog.
The Milkmaid and Her Bucket
A Senator fell to musing as follows: "With the money which I shall get
for my vote in favour of the bill to subsidise cat-ranches, I can buy a
kit of burglar's tools and open a bank. The profit of that enterprise
will enable me to obtain a long, low, black schooner, raise a death's-
head flag and engage in commerce on the high seas. From my gains in that
business I can pay for the Presidency, which at $50,000 a year will give
me in four years--" but it took him so long to make the calculation that
the bill to subsidise cat-ranches passed without his vote, and he was
compelled to return to his constituents an honest man, tormented with a
clean conscience.
King Log and King Stork
The People being dissatisfied with a Democratic Legislature, which stole
no more than they had, elected a Republican one, which not only stole all
they had but exacted a promissory note for the balance due, secured by a
mortgage upon their hope of death.
The Wolf Who Would Be a Lion
A Foolish Fellow who had been told that he was a great man believed it,
and got himself appointed a Commissioner to the Interasylum Exposition of
Preserved Idiots. At the first meeting of the Board he was mistaken for
one of the exhibits, and the janitor was ordered to remove him to his
appropriate glass case.
"Alas!" he exclaimed as he was carried out, "why was I not content to
remain where the cut of my forehead is so common as to be known as the
Pacific Slope?"
The Monkey and the Nuts
A Certain City desiring to purchase a site for a public Deformatory
procured an appropriation from the Government of the country. Deeming
this insufficient for purchase of the site and payment of reasonable
commissions to themselves, the men in charge of the matter asked for a
larger sum, which was readily given. Believing that the fountain could
not be dipped dry, they applied for still more and more yet. Wearied at
last by their importunities, the Government said it would be damned if it
gave anything. So it gave nothing and was damned all the harder.
The Boys and the Frogs
Some editors of newspapers were engaged in diffusing general intelligence
and elevating the moral sentiment of the public. They had been doing
this for some time, when an Eminent Statesman stuck his head out of the
pool of politics, and, speaking for the members of his profession, said:
"My friends, I beg you will desist. I know you make a great deal of
money by this kind of thing, but consider the damage you inflict upon the
business of others!"