V. o. t. t.: "Well, I don't write such very large checks, but sometimes
they amount to a hundred dollars."
Jane.
* * *
"Why not make room for daddy?" queries the editor of the Emporia
Gazette, with a break in his voice. Daddy, we hardly need say, is the
silently suffering member of the household who hasn't a large closet all
to himself, with rows of, shiny hooks on which to hang his duds.
Ah, yes, why not make room for daddy? It is impossible to contemplate
daddy's pathetic condition without bursting into tears. Votes for women?
Huh! Hooks for men!
* * *
"NATION-WIDE."
How anybody can abide
That punk expression, "nation-wide"--
How one can view unhorrified
That vile locution, nation-wide,
I cannot see. I almost died
When first I spotted nation-wide.
On every hand, on every side,
On every page, is nation-wide.
To everything it is applied;
No matter what, it's nation-wide.
The daily paper's pet and pride:
They simply dote on nation-wide.
It seems if each with t'other vied
To make the most of nation-wide.
No doubt the proof-room Argus-eyed
Approves the "style" of nation-wide.
My colleagues fall for it, but I'd
Be damned if I'd use nation-wide.
It gets my goat, and more beside,
That phrase atrocious, nation-wide.
Abomination double-dyed,
Away, outrageous "nation-wide"!
* * *
Speaking of local color, B. Humphries Brown and Bonnie Blue were wedded
in Indianapolis.
* * *
Married, in Evansville, Ind., Ellis Shears and Golden Lamb. Something
might be added about wool-gathering.
* * *
Embarrassed by the riches of modern literature at our elbow, we took
refuge in Jane Austen, and re-read "Mansfield Park," marvelling again at
its freshness. They who hold that Mark Twain was not a humorist, or that
he was at best an incomplete humorist, have an argument in his lack of
appreciation of Jane Austen.
* * *
One of the most delightful things about the author of "Mansfield Park"
that we have seen lately is an extract from "Personal Aspects of Jane
Austen," by Miss Austen-Leigh. "Each of the novels," she says, "gives a
description, closely interwoven with the story and concerned with its
principal characters, of error committed, conviction following, and
improvement effected, all of which may be summed up in the word
'Repentance.'"
* * *
Almost as good is Miss Austen-Leigh's contradiction of the statement
that sermons wearied Jane. She quotes the author's own words: "I am
very fond of Sherlock's Sermons, and prefer them to almost any." What a
lot of amusement she must have had, shooting relatives and friends
through the hat!
* * *
Was there ever a character more delightfully detestable than Mrs.
Norris? Was there ever another character presented, so alive and
breathing, in so few pen strokes? Jane Austen had no need of
psychoanalysis.
* * *
As for William Lyons Phelps' remark, which a contrib has quoted, that
"too much modern fiction is concerned with unpleasant characters whom
one would not care to have as friends," how would you like to spend a
week-end with the characters in "The Mayor of Casterbridge"? With the
exception of the lady in "Two on a Tower," and one or two others, Mr.
Hardy's characters are not the sort that one would care to be cast away
with; yet will we sit the night out, book in hand, to follow their
sordid fortunes.
* * *
"What I want to know is," writes Fritillaria, "whether you think Jane
Austen drew Edmund and Fanny for models, or knew them for the
unconscionable prigs they are. I am collecting votes." Well, we think
that Jane knew they were prigs, but nevertheless had, like ourself, a
warm affection for Fanny. Fanny Price, Elizabeth Bennet, and Anne (we
forget her last name) are three of the dearest girls in fiction.
* * *
We are reminded by F. B. T. that the last name of the heroine of
"Persuasion" was Elliott. Anne is our favorite heroine--except when we
think of Clara Middleton.
* * *
Space has been reserved for us in the archaeological department of the
Field Museum for Pre-Dry wheezes, which should be preserved for a
curious posterity. We have filed No. 1, which runs:
"First Comedian: 'Well, what made you get drunk in the first place?'
Second Comedian: 'I didn't get drunk in the first place. I got drunk in
the last place.'"
* * *
Our budding colyumist (who, by the way, has not thanked us for our
efforts in his behalf) will want that popular restaurant gag: "Use one
lump of sugar and stir like hell. We don't mind the noise."
* * *
"What," queries R. W. C., "has become of the little yellow crabs that
floated in the o. f. oyster stew?" Junsaypa. We never found out what
became of the little gold safety pins that used to come with neckties.
* * *
An innovation at the Murdock House in Shawano, Wis., is "Bouillon in
cups," instead of the conventional tin dipper.
* * *
By the way, has any candid merchant ever advertised a Good Riddance
Sale?
* * *
Much has been written about Mr. Balfour in the last twelvemonth; and Mr.
Balfour himself has published a book, a copy of which we are awaiting
with more or less impatience. Mr. Balfour is not considered a success as
a statesman, because he has always looked upon politics merely as a
game; and Frank Harris once wrote that if A. B. had had to work for a
living he might have risen to original thought--whatever that may imply.
* * *
What we have always marveled at is Balfour's capacity for mental
detachment. In the first year of the war he found time to deliver,
extempore, the Gifford lectures, and in the next year he published
"Theism and Humanism." It is said, of course, that he had a great gift
for getting or allowing other people to do his work in the war council
and the admiralty; but that does not entirely explain his brimming mind.
* * *
"There is a fine old man," as one of our readers reported his Irish
gardener as saying of A. B. "Did you know Mr. Balfour?" he was asked.
"Did I know him?" was the reply. "Didn't I help rotten-egg him in
Manchester twinty-five years ago!"
* * *
Col. Fanny Butcher relates that the average reader who patronizes the
New York public library prefers Conan Doyle's detective stories to any
others. Quite naturally. There is more artistry in Poe, and the tales
about the Frenchman, Arsene Lupin, are ten times more ingenious than
Doyle's; but Doyle has infused the adventures of Sherlock Holmes with
the undefinable something known as romance, and that has preserved them.
The great majority of detective stories are merely ingenious.
* * *
Col. Butcher says she uses "The Crock of Gold" to test the minds of
people. A friend of ours employs "Zuleika Dobson" for the same purpose.
What literary acid do _you_ apply?
* * *
Our compliments to Mrs. Borah, who possesses a needed sense of humor.
"If," she is reported as saying to her husband, "if it were not for the
pleasures of life you might enjoy it."
* * *
A librarian confides to us that she was visited by a young lady who
wished to see a _large_ map of France. She was writing a paper on the
battlefields of France for a culture club, and she just couldn't find
Flanders' Fields and No Man's Land on any of the maps in her books.
* * *
A sign, reported by B. R. J., in a Cedar Rapids bank announces: "We loan
money on Liberty bonds. No other security required." Showing that here
and there you will find a banker who is willing to take a chance.
* * *
The first object of the National Parks association is "to fearlessly
defend the national parks and monuments against assaults of private
interests." May we not hope that the w. k. infinitive also may be
preserved intact?
* * *
A missionary from the Chicago Woman's Club lectured in Ottawa on better
English and less slang, and the local paper headed its story: "Bum
Jabber Binged on Beezer by Jane With Trick Lingo."
* * *
Young Grimes tells us that he would like to share in the advantages of
Better Speech weeks, but does not know where to begin. We have started
him off with the word "February." If at the end of the week he can
pronounce it Feb-ru-ary we shall give him the word "address."
* * *
"This, being Better English week, everyone is doing their best to
improve their English."--Quincy, Mich., Herald.
Still, Jane Austen did it.
* * *