SCENE--_The "Gothenburg Arms," under new (Municipal) Management,
licensed for the sale of liquors for the public profit only._
Mr. G., _an elderly but cheerful and chatty customer, and_ Miss
JOSEPHINE, _a smart barmaid, discovered conversing across the
counter_.
_Miss Joe (aside)._ Why, here is that chirpy old josser again! I wonder,
now, what is his little game _here_?
_Mr. G. (aside)._ Aha! there she is, looking smart as fresh paint!
(_Aloud._) Good morning, Miss JOSEY! How are you, my dear?
_Miss Joe._ Ah, tha-anks. _I_'m all right.
_Mr. G._ Which you look it indeed! Just a glass of the usual, my dear,
_if_ you please.
_Miss Joe (drawing it)._ Oh, I thought you'd turned total abstainer or
something.
_Mr. G._ Dear no! That's your chaff; you were always a tease.
_Miss Joe (bristling)._ A tease, Mr. G.? Why, I wouldn't demean myself.
What can it matter to _me_ what you take?
_Mr. G._ Come now, Miss JOE, don't be raspy this morning.
_Miss Joe. Me_ raspy, indeed! Well, you _do_ take the cake!
You've been awfully down on the Bungs for a long time, have you and your
friends, that Miss HARCOURT and such.
_Mr. G._ Don't call her my friend, if you please, dear Miss JOSEY.
_Miss Joe._ Oh, come!--I say!--this is a trifle _too_ much!
Were not you and that LAWSON, and others, fair pals; Local Optioners
down to the ground, and all that?
_Mr. G. (airily)._ Oh, now I am "freer" and much less "responsible."
Makes _such_ a difference!
_Miss Joe._ What _are_ you at?
_Mr. G._ Why, my dear girl, this new Gothenburg system always has struck
me as quite the sole chance
Of escape from predicament truly contemptible--only fair promise of real
advance.
_So_ glad to see you so active in aid of it!
_Miss Joe (coquettishly). Oh_, Mr. G.! if Miss H. could but hear----!
_Mr. G. (pettishly)._ Bother Miss H.! Local Option's her fad, and I'm
friendly, of course, to it, only, my dear,
The mere limitation of numbers--her idol and Parliament's also for
twenty years past--
Is all tommy-rot _as a remedy_!
_Miss Joe._ Really, my _dear_ Mr. G., you are getting on fast.
Don't mean to say you mean "chucking" Miss H. and the rest of the
Vetoers, WILFRID and all?
What will _he_ say? He'll be giving you beans; and that blessed Alliance
will raise a big squall.
_Mr. G._ "Charge, CHESTER, charge!" is my Marmion-motto. LAWSON and
DAWSON may kick up a row,
But I back you and the Gothenburg system, Miss JOE, and of course I can
own to it--_now_!
_Miss Joe._ Well, I feel flattered! But oh, _poor_ Miss H.
_Mr. G. Entre nous_, my dear JOE, Local Option, _per se_, Is just an
Imposture!!!
_Miss H. (who has entered unperceived)._ Oh, _is_ it? My favourite
measure, too! Oh, Mister G.! Mister G.!
Call you this backing your friends? And to _her too_, that minx who was
false to you when _I_ was true!
Really it's not safe to leave you a moment! You naughty old mischief
you--_come along, do_!
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