ETIQUETTE IN BUSINESS AND POLITICS
A certain rich man whose appointment to a foreign post of importance was
about to be ratified, came into the corridor of a Washington hotel and
stopped to speak with a lady for a few moments. During the whole
conversation he kept his hat on his head and a cigar in the corner of his
mouth. It happened that the lady was the wife of a prominent senator, and
she lost no time in reporting the incident to her husband, who in turn
brought the matter to the attention of certain of his colleagues with the
result that the appointment did not go through.
It is not unlikely that this man thinks "politics played against him,"
whereas the only factor against him was his exhibition of ill-breeding
which proved him unsuitable to represent the dignity of his country.
Etiquette would not seem to play an important part in business, and yet no
man can ever tell when its knowledge may be of advantage, or its lack may
turn the scale against him. The man who remains "planted" in his chair
when a lady (or an older man) speaks to him, who receives customers in his
shirt sleeves, who does not take off his hat when talking with a lady and
take his cigar out of his mouth when bowing or when addressing her, can
never be sure that he is not preparing a witness for the prosecution.
=ETIQUETTE IN SMOKING=
The above does not mean that a gentleman may never smoke in the presence
of ladies--especially in the presence of those who smoke themselves--but a
gentleman should not smoke under the following circumstances:
When walking on the street with a lady.
When lifting his hat or bowing.
In a room, an office, or an elevator, when a lady enters.
In any short conversation where he is standing near, or talking with a
lady.
If he is seated himself for a conversation with a lady on a veranda, in an
hotel, in a private house, anywhere where "smoking is permitted," he first
asks, "Do you mind if I smoke?" And if she replies, "Not at all" or "Do,
by all means," it is then proper for him to do so. He should, however,
take his cigar, pipe, or cigarette, out of his mouth while he is speaking.
One who is very adroit can say a word or two without an unpleasant
grimace, but one should not talk with one's mouth either full of food or
barricaded with tobacco.
In the country, a gentleman may walk with a lady and smoke at the same
time--especially a pipe or cigarette. Why a cigar is less admissible is
hard to determine, unless a pipe somehow belongs to the country. A
gentleman in golf or country clothes with a pipe in his mouth and a dog at
his heels suggests a picture fitting to the scene; while a cigar seems as
out of place as a cutaway coat. A pipe on the street in a city, on the
other hand, is less appropriate than a cigar in the country. In any event
he will, of course, ask his companion's permission to smoke.
=MANNERS AND BUSINESS=
If you had a commission to give and you entered a man's office and found
him lolling back in a tipped swivel chair, his feet above his head, the
ubiquitous cigar in his mouth and his drowsy attention fixed on the
sporting page of the newspaper, you would be impressed not so much by his
lack of good manners as by his bad business policy, because of the
incompetence that his attitude suggests. It is scarcely necessary to ask:
Would you give an important commission to him who has no apparent
intention of doing anything but "take his ease"; or to him who is found
occupied at his desk, who gets up with alacrity upon your entrance, and is
seemingly "on his toes" mentally as well as actually? Or, would you go in
preference to a man whose manners resemble those of a bear at the Zoo, if
you could go to another whose business ability is supplemented by
personal charm? And this again is merely an illustration of bad manners
and good.
=AN ADVANTAGE OF POLISH=
One advantage of polish is that one's opponent can never tell what is
going on under the glazed surface of highly finished manners, whereas an
unfinished surface is all too easily penetrated. And since business
encounters are often played like poker hands, it is surely a bad plan to
be playing with a mind-reader who can plainly divine his opponent's cards,
while his own are unrevealed.
Manners that can by any possibility be construed as mincing, foppish or
effeminate are _not_ recommended; but a gentleman who says "Good morning"
to his employees and who invariably treats all women as "ladies," does not
half so much flatter their vanity as win their respect for himself as a
gentleman. Again, good manners are, after all, nothing but courteous
consideration of other people's interests and feelings. That being true,
does it not follow that all customers, superior officers and employees
prefer an executive whose good manners imply consideration of his
customer's, his company's and his employee's interest as well as merely
his own?
=PERFECT POLISH THAT IS UNSUSPECTED=
The president of a great industry, whose mastery of etiquette is one of
his chief assets, so submerges this asset in other and more apparent
qualifications, that every plain man he comes in contact with takes it for
granted that he is an equally "plain" man himself. He _is_ plain in so far
as he is straightforward in attitude and simple in manner. No red tape is
required apparently to penetrate into this president's private office,
whereas many "small" men are guarded with pretentiousness that is often an
effort to give an impression of "importance."
In this big man's employ there is an especial assistant chosen purposely
because of his tact and good manners. If an unknown person asks to see
Mr. President, this deputy is sent out (as from most offices) to find out
what the visitor's business is; but instead of being told bluntly the boss
doesn't know him and can't see him, the visitor is made to feel how much
the president will regret not seeing him. Perhaps he is told, "Mr.
President is in conference just now. I know he would not like you to be
kept waiting; can I be of any service to you? I am his junior assistant."
If the visitor's business is really with the president, he is admitted to
the chief executive's office, since it is the latter's policy to see every
one that he can.
He has a courteous manner that makes every one feel there is nothing in
the day's work half so important as what his visitor has come to see him
about! Nor is this manner insincere; for whatever time one sees him, he
gives his undivided attention. Should his time be short, and the moment
approach when he is due at an appointment, his secretary enters, a
purposely arranged ten minutes ahead of the time necessary for the close
of the present interview, and apologetically reminds him, "I'm sorry, Mr.
President, but your appointment with the 'Z' committee is due." Mr.
President with seeming unconcern, uses up most of the ten minutes, and his
lingering close of the conversation gives his visitor the impression that
he must have been late at his appointment, and wholly because of the
unusual interest felt in his caller.
This is neither sincerity nor insincerity, but merely bringing social
knowledge into business dealing. To make a pleasant and friendly
impression is not alone good manners, but equally good business. The crude
man would undoubtedly show his eagerness to be rid of his visitor, and
after offending the latter's self-pride because of his inattentive
discourtesy, be late for his own appointment! The man of skill saw his
visitor for fewer actual minutes, but gave the impression that
circumstances over which he had no control forced him unwillingly to close
the interview. He not only gained the good will of his visitor, but
arrived at his own appointment in plenty of time.
To listen attentively when one is spoken to, is merely one of the rules
of etiquette. The man who, while some one is talking to him, gazes out of
the window or up at the ceiling, who draws squares and circles on the
blotter, or is engrossed in his finger-nails or his shoes, may in his own
mind be "finessing," or very likely he is bored! In the first case, the
chances are he will lose the game; in the second, lots of people are
bored, hideously bored, and most often the fault is their own; always they
are at fault who show it.
=GOOD MANNERS AND "GOOD MIXERS"=
When one thinks of a man who is known in politics and business as a "good
mixer," one is apt to think of him as a rough diamond rather than a
polished one. In picturing a gentleman, a man of high cultivation, one
instinctively thinks of one who is somewhat aloof and apart. A good mixer
among uncouth men may quite accurately be one who is also uncouth; but the
best "mixer" of all is one who adjusts himself equally well to finer as
well as to plainer society. Education that does not confer flexibility of
mind is an obviously limited education; the man of broadest education
tunes himself in unison with whomever he happens to be. The more subjects
he knows about, the more people he is in sympathy with, and therefore the
more customers or associates or constituents he is sure to have.
The really big man--it makes little difference whether he was born with a
gold spoon in his mouth or no spoon at all--is always one whose interest
in people, things, and events is a stimulating influence upon all those he
comes in contact with.
He who says, "That does not interest me," or "That bores me," defines his
own limitations. He who is unable to project sympathy into other problems
or classes than his own is an unimportant person though he have the birth
of a Cecil and the manners of a Chesterfield. Every gentleman has an
inalienable right to his own reserves--that goes without saying--and
because he can project sympathy and understanding where and when he
chooses, does not for one moment mean that he thereby should break down
the walls of his instinctive defenses.
It is not the latter type, but the "Gentleman Limited" who has belittled
the name of "gentleman" in the world of work; not so much because he is a
gentleman, as because he is not entirely one. He who is every inch a
gentleman as well as every inch a man is the highest type in the world
to-day, just as he has always been. The do-nothing gentleman is equally
looked down upon everywhere.
=ETIQUETTE IN "REVERSE GEAR"=
Etiquette, remember, is merely a collection of forms by which all personal
contacts in life are made smooth. The necessity for a "rough" man to
become polished so that he may meet men of cultivation on an equal
footing, has an equally important reverse. The time has gone by when a
gentleman by grace of God, which placed him in a high-born position, can
control numbers of other men placed beneath him. Every man takes his place
to-day according to born position plus the test of his own experience. And
just as an unlettered expert in business is only half authoritative to men
of high cultivation, so also is the gentleman, no matter how much he knows
of Latin, Greek, history, art and polish of manner, handicapped according
to his ignorance on the subject of another's expertness. Etiquette, in
reverse, prescribes this necessity for complete knowledge in every contact
in life. Through knowledge alone, does one prove one's right to authority.
For instance:
A man in a machine ship is working at a lathe. An officer of the company
comes into the shop, a gentleman in white collar and good clothes! He
stands behind the mechanic and "curses him out" because his work is
inefficient. When he turns away, the man at the lathe says, "Who was that
guy anyway? What business has he to teach me my job?" Instead of accepting
the criticism, he resents what he considers unwarranted interference by a
man in another "class."
But supposing instead of standing by and talking about inefficiency, the
"gentleman" had said, "Get out of there a moment!" and throwing off his
coat and rolling up his silk shirt sleeves, he had operated the lathe with
a smoothness and rapidity that could only have been acquired through long
experience at a bench. The result would be that the next time he came on a
tour of inspection that particular man (as well as all those who were
witnesses of the former scene) would not only listen to him with respect
but without resentment of his "class," because his expertness proved that
he had earned his right to good clothes and silk shirts, and to tell those
beneath him how work should be done.
The same test applies to any branch of experience: a man who knows as much
about any "specialty" as an expert does himself, makes the "expert" think
at once, "This man is a wonder!" The very fact that the first man is not
making the subject _his_ specialty, intensifies the achievement.
Everything he says after that on subjects of which the second man knows
nothing is accepted without question. Whenever you know as much as the
other man, whether you are socially above, or below him, you are on that
subject his equal; when you know more than he does, you have the
advantage.
=THE SELF-MADE MAN AND WORLD-MADE MANNERS=
It is not in order to shine in society that grace of manner is an asset;
comparatively few people in a community care a rap about "society" anyway!
A man of affairs whose life is spent in doing a man's work in a man's way
is not apt to be thrilled at the thought of putting on "glad" clothes and
going out with his wife to a "pink" tea or a ball.
But what many successful men do not realize is that a fundamental
knowledge of etiquette is no less an asset in business or public life, or
in any other contact with people, than it is in society.
Just as any expert, whether at a machine bench, an accountant's desk, or
at golf, gives an impression of such ease as to make his accomplishment
seemingly require no skill, a bungler makes himself and every one watching
him uneasy if not actually fearful of his awkwardness. And as inexpertness
is quite as irritating in personal as in mechanical bungling, so there is
scarcely any one who sooner or later does not feel the need of social
expertness. Something, some day, will awaken him to the folly of scorning
as "soft," men who have accomplished manners; despising as "effeminate,"
youths who have physical grace; of being contemptuous of the perfect
English of the well-bred gentleman; of consoling himself with the thought
that his own crudeness is strong, and manly, and American!
=THE "X" MARKERS=
But let "success" come to this same inexpert man--let him be appointed to
high office, let him then shuffle from foot to foot, never knowing what to
do or say, let him meet open derision or ill-concealed contempt from every
educated person brought in contact with him, let opprobrium fall upon his
State because its governor is a boor, and let him as such be written of in
the editorials of the press and in the archives of history! Will he be so
pleased with himself then? Does any one think of Theodore Roosevelt as
"soft" or "effeminate" because he was one of the greatest masters of
etiquette who ever bore the most exalted honor that can be awarded by the
people of the United States? Washington was completely a gentleman--and so
was Abraham Lincoln. Because Lincoln's etiquette was self-taught it was no
less masterly for that! Whether he happened to know a lot of trifling
details of pseudo etiquette matters not in the least. Awkward he may have
been, but the essence of him was courtesy--unfailing courtesy. No "rough,
uneducated" man has command of perfect English, and Lincoln's English is
supreme.
One thing that some Men of Might forget is that lack of polish in its
wider aspects is merely lack of education. They themselves look down upon
a man who has to make an "X" mark in place of signing his name--but they
overlook entirely that to those more highly educated, they are themselves
in degree quite as ignorant.
=SONS OF SELF-MADE MEN=
And yet, speak to self-made men of the need of the social graces for their
sons, and nine out of ten stampede--for all the world as though it were
suggested to put them in petticoats. Do they think a poor unlettered lout
who shambles at the door, who stands unable to speak, who turns his cap in
his hands, who sidles into the room, and can't for the life of him get out
again, well trained for the battle of life?
Picture that Mr. Strong Man who thrusts his thumbs into his armholes and
sits tipped back in his chair with a cigar in the corner of his mouth and
his heels comfortably reposing on his solid mahogany desk. This is not in
criticism of his relaxation, it is his own desk and certainly he has a
right to put his heels on it if he wants to; likewise thumbs and armholes
are his own. It is merely a picture that leads to another: Supposing a
very great man comes into Mr. Strong Man's office--one whom he may
consider a great man, a president perhaps of a big industry or of a
railroad, or a senator--and shortly afterwards, Strong Man's own son comes
into the room. Would he like to see his son abashed, awkward,
spasmodically jerky, like the poor bumpkin who came the other day to ask
about removing the ashes, or worse yet, bold and boisterous or cheeky; or
would he like that boy of his to come forward with an entire lack of
self-consciousness, and as his father introduces him as "My Son!" have him
put out his hand in frank and easy and yet deferential friendliness? And
then saying quickly and quietly whatever it was he came to say, as quickly
and quietly make his way out again? Would he be sorry that the big man
thought, "Fine boy that! Ability too!" Why would he think he had ability?
Because the ease and dexterity with which he handled the social incident
automatically suggests ability to handle other situations!
=ETIQUETTE AND BUSINESS AUTHORITY=
Another point: Does the self-made man stop to realize that his authority
in business would be even greater than it is if he had the hall-marks, of
cultivation? For instance, when he comes in contact with college graduates
and other cultivated men, his opinions gain or lose in weight exactly in
proportion as he proves to be in their own "class" or below it.
A man unconsciously judges the authority of others by the standard of his
own expert knowledge. A crude man may be a genius in business management,
but in the unspoken opinion of men of education, he is in other contacts
inferior to themselves. He is an authority they grant, but in limited
lines only.
But when a man is met with who combines with business genius the advantage
of polished manners and evident cultivation, his opinion on any subject
broached at once assumes added weight. Doesn't it?