FIRST PREPARATIONS BEFORE A WEDDING
To begin with, before deciding the date of the wedding, the bride's mother
must find out definitely on which day the clergyman who is to perform the
ceremony is disengaged, and make sure that the church is bespoken for no
other service. If it is to be an important wedding, she must also see that
the time available for the church is also convenient to the caterer.
Sundays, and days in Lent, are not chosen for weddings, and Friday being a
"fast" day in Catholic and very "high" Episcopal churches, weddings on
that day, if not forbidden, are never encouraged. But the superstition
that Friday and the month of May are unlucky, is too stupid to discuss.
Having settled upon a day and hour, the next step is to decide the number
of guests that can be provided for, which is determined by the size of the
church and the house, and the type of reception intended.
=THE INVITATIONS=
The bride-elect and her mother then go to the stationer and decide
details, such as size and texture of paper and style of engraving, for the
invitations. The order is given at once for the engraving of all the
necessary plates, and probably for the full number of house invitations,
especially if to a sit-down breakfast where the guests are limited. There
are also ordered a moderate number of general church invitations or
announcements, which can be increased later when the lists are completed
and the definite number of guests more accurately known.
=HER MOTHER CONSULTS HIS MOTHER=
The bride's mother then consults with the groom, or more likely, with his
mother, as to how the house-list is to be divided between them. This never
means a completely doubled list, because, if the two families live in the
same city, many names are sure to be in duplicate. If the groom's people
live in another place, invitations to the house can be liberally sent, as
the proportion of guests who will take a long trip seldom go beyond those
of the immediate family and such close friends as would be asked to the
smallest of receptions.
Usually if Mrs. Smith tells Mrs. Smartlington that two hundred can be
included at the breakfast, Mrs. Smith and Mrs. Smartlington will each make
a list of one hundred and fifty, certain that one hundred will be in
duplicate.
Invitations to a big church wedding are always sent to the entire visiting
list, and often the business acquaintances of both families, no matter how
long the combined number may be, or whether they can by any chance be
present or not. Even people in deep mourning are included as well as those
who live thousands of miles away, as the invitations not merely proffer
hospitality but are messengers carrying the news of the marriage.
After a house wedding, or a private ceremony where invitations were
limited to relatives and closest personal friends of the young couple,
general announcements are sent out to the entire visiting list.
=HOW THE WEDDING LIST IS COMPILED=
Those who keep their visiting list in order have comparatively little
work. But those who are not in the habit of entertaining on a general
scale, and yet have a large unassorted visiting list, will have quite a
piece of work ahead of them, and cannot begin making it soon enough.
In the cities where a Social Register or other Visiting Book is published,
people of social prominence find it easiest to read it through, marking
"XX" in front of the names to be asked to the house, and another mark,
such as a dash, in front of those to be asked to the church only, or to
have announcements sent them. Other names which do not appear in the
printed list may be written as "thought of" at the top or bottom of pages.
In country places and smaller cities, or where a published list is not
available, or of sufficient use, the best assistant is the telephone book.
List-making should be done over as long a period and for as short sessions
as possible, in order that each name as it is read may bring to memory any
other that is similar. Long reading at a time robs the repetition of names
of all sense, so that nothing is easier than to pass over the name of a
friend without noticing it.
A word of warning: To leave out old friends because they are neither rich
nor fashionable and to include comparative strangers because they are of
great social importance, not alone shows a want of loyalty and proper
feeling, but is to invite the contempt of those very ones whom such
snobbery seeks to propitiate.
Four lists, therefore, are combined in sending out wedding invitations;
the bride and the groom make one each of their own friends, to which is
added the visiting list of the bride's family (made out by her mother, or
other near relative) and the visiting list of the groom's family made out
by his mother, or a relative. Each name is clearly marked, of course,
whether for "house" or "church" invitation.
When the four lists are completed, it is the duty of some one to arrange
them into a single one by whatever method seems most expedient. When lists
are very long, the compiling is usually done by a professional secretary,
who also addresses the envelopes, encloses the proper number of cards, and
seals, stamps and posts the invitations. The address of a professional
secretary can always be furnished by the stationer. Very often, especially
where lists do not run into inordinate length, the envelopes are addressed
and the invitations sent out by the bride herself and some of her friends
who volunteer to help her.
=THE MOST ELABORATE WEDDING POSSIBLE=
This is the huge wedding of the daughter of ultra rich and prominent
people in a city such as New York, or, more probably, a high-noon wedding
out of town. The details would in either case he the same, except that the
"country setting" makes necessary the additional provision of a special
train which takes the guests to a station where they are met by dozens of
motors and driven to the church. Later they are driven to the house, and
later again, to the returning special train.
Otherwise, whether in the city or the country, the church (if Protestant)
is decorated with masses of flowers in some such elaborateness as
standards, or arches, or hanging garlands in the church itself, as well as
the floral embellishment of the chancel. The service is conducted by a
bishop or other distinguished clergyman, with assistant clergymen, and
accompanied by a full choral service, possibly with the addition of a
celebrated opera soloist. The costumes of the bride and her maids are
chosen with painstaking attention to perfection, and with seeming
disregard of cost.
Later, at the house, there is not only a floral bower under which the
bridal couple receive, but every room has been turned into a veritable
woodland or garden, so massed are the plants and flowers. An orchestra--or
two, so that the playing may be without intermission--is hidden behind
palms in the hall or wherever is most convenient. A huge canopied platform
is built on the lawn or added to the veranda (or built out over the yard
of a city house), and is decorated to look like an enclosed formal garden.
It is packed with small tables, each seating four, six, or eight, as the
occasion may require.
=THE AVERAGE FASHIONABLE WEDDING=
The more usual fashionable wedding is merely a modification of the one
outlined above. The chancel of the church is decorated exactly the same,
but except in summer when garden flowers are used, there is very little
attempted in the body of the church other than sprays of flowers at the
ends of the ten to twenty reserved pews, or possibly only at the ends of
the first two pews and the two that mark the beginning of the ribboned
section. There is often a choral service and a distinguished officiating
clergyman. The costumes of bride and bridesmaids are usually the same in
effect, though they may be less lavish in detail.
The real difference begins at the breakfast, where probably a hundred
guests are invited, or two hundred at most, instead of from five hundred
to a thousand, and except for the canopied background against which the
bride and groom receive, there is very little floral decoration of the
house. If a tent is built, it is left as it is--a tent--with perhaps some
standard trees at intervals to give it a decorated appearance. The tables,
even that of the bride, their garniture, the service, and the food are all
precisely the same, the difference being in the smaller number of guests
provided for.
=A SMALL WEDDING=
A small wedding is merely a further modification of the two preceding
ones. Let us suppose it is a house wedding in a moderate-sized house.
A prayer bench has been placed at the end of the drawing-room or
living-room. Back of it is a screen or bower of palms or other greens. One
decoration thus serves for chancel and background at the reception. A
number of small tables in the dining-room may seat perhaps twenty or even
fifty guests, besides the bride's table placed in another room. If the
bride has no attendants, she and the groom choose a few close friends to
sit at the table with them. Or, at a smaller wedding, there is a private
marriage in a little chapel, or the clergyman reads the service at the
house of the bride in the presence of her parents and his and a small
handful of guests, who all sit down afterwards at one table for a wedding
breakfast.
Or there may be a greater number of guests and a simpler collation, such
as a stand-up afternoon tea, where the refreshments are sandwiches, cakes,
tea and chocolate.
=BREACH OF ETIQUETTE FOR GROOM TO GIVE WEDDING=
No matter whether a wedding is to be large or tiny, there is one
unalterable rule: the reception must be either at the house of the bride's
parents or grandparents or other relative of hers, or else in assembly
rooms rented by her family. Never under any circumstances should a wedding
reception be given at the house of the groom's family. They may give a
ball or as many entertainments of whatever description they choose for the
young couple after they are married, but the wedding breakfast and the
trousseau of the bride must be furnished by her own side of the house!
When a poor girl marries, her wedding must be in keeping with the means of
her parents. It is not only inadvisable for them to attempt expenditure
beyond what they can afford, but they would lay themselves open to far
greater criticism through inappropriate lavishness, than through
meagerness of arrangement--which need not by any means lack charm because
inexpensive.
=WEDDING OF A CINDERELLA=
Some years ago there was a wedding when a girl who was poor married a man
who was rich and who would gladly have given her anything she chose, the
beauty of which will be remembered always by every witness in spite of, or
maybe because of, its utter lack of costliness.
It was in June in the country. The invitations were by word of mouth to
neighbors and personal notes to the groom's relatives at a distance. The
village church was decorated by the bride, her younger sisters, and some
neighbors, with dogwood, than which nothing is more bridelike or
beautiful. The shabbiness of her father's little cottage was smothered
with flowers and branches cut in a neighboring wood. Her dress, made by
herself, was of tarlatan covered with a layer or two of tulle, and her
veil was of tulle fastened with a spray, as was her girdle, of natural
bridal wreath and laurel leaves. Her bouquet was of trailing bridal wreath
and white lilacs. She was very young, and divinely beautiful, and fresh
and sweet. The tulle for her dress and veil and her thin silk stockings
and white satin slippers represented the entire outlay of any importance
for her costume. A little sister in smock of pink sateen and a wreath and
tight bouquet of pink laurel clusters, toddled after her and "held" her
bouquet--after first laying her own on the floor!
The collation was as simple as the dresses of the bride and bridesmaid. A
home-made wedding cake, "professionally" iced and big enough for every one
to take home a thick slice in waxed paper piled near for the purpose, and
a white wine cup, were the most "pretentious" offerings. Otherwise there
were sandwiches, hot biscuits, cocoa, tea and coffee, scrambled eggs and
bacon, ice cream and cookies, and the "music" was a victrola, loaned for
the occasion. The bride's "going away" dress was of brown Holland linen
and her hat a plain little affair as simple as her dress; again her only
expenditure was on shoes, stockings and gloves. Later on, she had all the
clothes that money could buy, but in none of them was she ever more lovely
than in her fashionless wedding dress of tarlatan and tulle, and the plain
little frock in which she drove away. Nor are any of the big parties that
she gives to-day more enjoyable, though perfect in their way, than her
wedding on a June day, a number of years ago.
=THE WEDDING HOUR=
The fashionable wedding hour in New York is either noon, or else in the
afternoon at three, three-thirty or four o'clock, with the reception
always a half hour later. High noon, which means that the breakfast is at
one o'clock, and four o'clock in the afternoon, with the reception at half
after, are the conventional hours.
=THE EVENING WEDDING=
In San Francisco and generally throughout the West altogether smart
weddings are celebrated at nine o'clock in the evening. The details are
precisely the same as those of morning or afternoon. The bride and
bridesmaids wear dresses that are perhaps more elaborate and "evening" in
model, and the bridegroom as well as all men present wear evening clothes,
of course. If the ceremony is in a church, the women should wear wraps
and an ornament or light scarf of some sort over their hair, as ball
dresses are certainly not suitable, besides which church regulations
forbid the uncovering of women's heads in consecrated places of worship.
=THE MORNING WEDDING=
To some, nine o'clock in the morning may sound rather eccentric for a
wedding, but to people of the Atlantic Coast it is not a bit more so than
an evening hour--less so, if anything, because morning is unconventional
anyway and etiquette, never being very strong at that hour, is not defied,
but merely left quiescent.
If, for any reason, such as taking an early morning train or ship--an
early morning wedding might be a good suggestion. The bride should, of
course, not wear satin and lace; she could wear organdie (let us hope the
nine o'clock wedding is in summer!), or she could wear very simple white
crêpe de chine. Her attendants could wear the simplest sort of morning
dresses with garden hats; the groom a sack suit or flannels. And the
breakfast--really breakfast--could consist of scrambled eggs and bacon and
toast and coffee--and griddle cakes!
The above is not written in ridicule; the hour would be "unusual," but a
simple early morning wedding where every one is dressed in morning
clothes, and where the breakfast suggests the first meal of the day--could
be perfectly adorable! The evening wedding on the other hand, lays itself
open to criticism because it is a function--a function is formal, and the
formal is always strictly in the province of that austere and inflexible
lawmaker, Etiquette. And Etiquette at this moment says: "Weddings on the
Atlantic seaboard are celebrated not later than four-thirty o'clock in the
afternoon!"
=WEDDING PRESENTS=
And now let us return to the more particular details of the wedding of our
especial bride.
The invitations are mailed about three weeks before the wedding. As soon
as they are out, the presents to the bride begin coming in, and she
should enter each one carefully in her gift book. There are many published
for the purpose, but an ordinary blank book, nicely bound, as she will
probably want to keep it, about eight to ten inches square, will answer
every purpose. The usual model spreads across the double page, as follows:
_Present Date of
received Sender's Where thanks
date Article Sent by Address Bought written_
May 20 Silver Dish Mr. and Mrs. White 1 Elinore Place Tiffany's May 20
May 21 12 Plates Mr. and Mrs. Green 2 North Street Collamore's May 21
All gifts as they arrive should be put in a certain room, or part of a
room, and never moved away until the description is carefully entered. It
will be found a great help to put down the addresses of donors as well as
their names so that the bride may not have to waste an unnecessary moment
of the overcrowded time which must be spent at her desk.
=THE BRIDE'S THANKS=
The bride who is happy in receiving a great number of presents spends
every spare moment in writing her notes of thanks, which must always be
written by her personally. Telephoning won't do at all, and neither will a
verbal "Thank you so much," as she meets people here and there. She must
write a separate letter for each present--a by no means small undertaking!
A bride of this year whose presents, because of her family's great
prominence, ran far into the hundreds, never went to bed a single night
before her wedding until a note of thanks was checked against every
present received that day. To those who offered to help her through her
overwhelming task, she, who is supposed to be very spoiled, answered: "If
people are kind enough to go out and buy a present for me, I think the
least I can do is to write at once and thank them." That her effort was
appreciated was evident by everyone's commenting on her prompt and
charming notes.
Notes of thanks can be very short, but they should be written with as
little delay as possible. When a present is sent by a married couple, the
bride writes to the wife and thanks both: "Thank you for the lovely
present you and Mr. Jones sent me."
=ARRANGING THE PRESENTS=
Not so much in an effort to parade her possessions as to do justice to the
kindness of the many people who have sent them, a bride should show her
appreciation of their gifts by placing each one in the position of
greatest advantage. Naturally, all people's tastes are not equally
pleasing to the taste of the bride--nor are all pocketbooks equally
filled. Very valuable presents are better put in close contrast with
others of like quality--or others entirely different in character. Colors
should be carefully grouped. Two presents, both lovely in themselves, can
be made completely destructive to each other if the colors are allowed to
clash.
Usually china is put on one table, silver on another, glass on another,
laces and linens on another. But pieces that jar together must be
separated as far apart as possible and perhaps even moved to other
surroundings. A crudely designed piece of silverware should not be left
among beautiful examples, but be put among china ornaments, or other
articles that do not reveal its lack of fineness by too direct comparison.
For the same reason imitation lace should not be put next to real, nor
stone-ware next to Chinese porcelain. To group duplicates is another
unfortunate arrangement. Eighteen pairs of pepper pots or fourteen
sauce-boats in a row might as well be labeled: "Look at this stupidity!
What can she do with all of us?" They are sure to make the givers feel at
least a little chagrined at their choice.
=CARDS WITH PRESENTS=
When Mrs. Smith orders a present sent to a bride, she encloses a card
reading: "Mr. & Mrs. John Huntington Smith." Nearly every married woman
has a plate engraved with both names, but if she hasn't, then she encloses
Mr. Smith's card with hers.
Some people write "All good wishes" or "With best wishes," but most people
send cards without messages.
=DELAYED PRESENTS=
If because of illness or absence, a present is not sent until after the
wedding, a short note should accompany it, giving the reason for the
delay.
=WHEN THE PRESENTS ARE SHOWN=
There is absolutely no impropriety in showing the presents at the wedding
reception. They are always shown at country weddings, and, more often than
not, at the most fashionable town houses. The only reason for not showing
them, is lack of room in an apartment house. In a town house, an up-stairs
library, or even a bedroom, from which all the furniture has been removed,
is suitable. Tables covered with white damask (plain) tablecloths are put
like counters around the sides, and down the center of the room. The cards
that were sent with the gifts are sometimes removed, but there is no
impropriety in leaving them on, and it certainly saves members of the
family from repeating many times who sent this one, and who sent that!
If the house is small so that there is no room available for this display
at the wedding, the presents are shown on the day before, and intimate
friends are especially asked to come in for tea, and to view them. This is
not done if they are to be displayed at the wedding.
Very intimate friends seldom need to be asked; the chances are they will
come in often, to see what has come since they were in last!
Wedding presents are all sent to the bride, and are, according to law, her
personal property. Articles are marked with her present--not her
future--initials. Mary Smith who is going to marry Jim Smartlington is
fortunate as M.S. stands for her future as well as her present name. But
in the case of Muriel Jones who is to marry Ross, not a piece of linen or
silver in "Ross house" will be marked otherwise than "M.J." It is one of
the most senseless customs: all her life which will be as Muriel Ross, she
uses linen and silver marked with a "J." Later on many people who go to
her house--especially as Ross comes from California where she will
naturally be living--will not know what "J" stands for, and many even
imagine that the linen and plate have been acquired at auction! Sounds
impossible? It has happened more than once.
Occasional brides who dislike the confusing initials, especially ask that
presents be marked with their marriage name.
The groom receives few presents. Even those who care about him in
particular and have never met his bride, send their present to her, unless
they send two presents, one in courtesy to her and one in affection to
him. Occasionally some one does send the groom a present, addressed to him
and sent to his house. Rather often friends of the groom pick out things
particularly suitable for him, such as cigar or cigarette boxes, or rather
masculine looking desk sets, etc., which are sent to her but are obviously
intended for his use.
=EXCHANGING WEDDING PRESENTS=
Some people think it discourteous if a bride changes the present chosen
for her. All brides exchange some presents, and no friends should allow
their feelings to be hurt, unless they are very close to the bride and
have chosen the present with particular sentiment. A bride never changes
the presents chosen for her by her or the groom's family--unless
especially told that she may do so. But to keep twenty-two salt cellars
and sixteen silver trays when she has no pepper-pots or coffee spoons or
platters or vegetable dishes, would be putting "sentiment" above "sense."
=THE TROUSSEAU=
A trousseau, according to the derivation of the word, was "a little trusse
or bundle" that the bride carried with her to the house of her husband. In
modern times, the "little bundle" often requires the services of a van to
transport.
The wrappers and underclothes of a young girl are usually very simple, but
when she is to be a bride, her mother buys her, as lavishly as she can,
and of the prettiest possible assortment of lace trimmed lingerie, tea
gowns, bed sacques and caps, whatever may be thought especially becoming.
The various undress garments which are to be worn in her room or at the
breakfast table, and for the sole admiration of her husband, are of far
greater importance than the dresses and hats to be worn in public.
In Europe it is the custom to begin collecting linen for a girl's
trousseau as soon as she is born, but the American bride cares nothing for
dozens upon dozens of stout linen articles. She much prefers gossamer
texture lavishly embellished with equally perishable lace. Everything must
be bought for beauty; utility is not considered at all. No stout
hand-woven underwear trimmed with solidly stitched needlework! Modern Miss
Millions demands handkerchief linen and Valenciennes lace of a quality
that used to be put as trimming on a ball gown, and Miss Smallpurse asks
for chiffon and less expensive but even more sheer and perishable laces.
Not long ago a stocking was thought fine if it could be run through a
wedding ring; to-day no stocking is considered "fit to put on" for town or
evening wear unless several together can slip through the measure once the
test for one.
=THE MOST EXTRAVAGANT TROUSSEAU=
The most lavish trousseau imaginable for the daughter of the very rich
might be supposed to comprise:
_House Linen_
One to six dozen finest quality embroidered or otherwise "trimmed" linen
sheets with large embroidered monogram.
One to six dozen finest quality linen sheets, plain hemstitched, large
monogram.
One to six dozen finest quality linen under-sheets, narrow hem and small
monogram.
Two pillow cases and also one "little" pillow case (for small down pillow)
to match each upper sheet.
One to two dozen blanket covers (these are of thin washable silk in white
or in colors to match the rooms) edged with narrow lace and breadths put
together with lace insertion.
Six to twelve blankets.
Three to twelve wool or down-filled quilts.
Two to ten dozen finest quality, extra large, face towels, with Venetian
needlework or heavy hand-made lace insertion (or else embroidered at each
end), and embroidered monogram.
Five to ten dozen finest quality hemstitched and monogrammed but otherwise
plain, towels.
Five to ten dozen little hand towels to match the large ones.
One to two dozen very large bath towels, with embroidered monogram, either
white or in color to match the border of towels.
Two to four dozen smaller towels to match.
One tablecloth, six or eight yards long, of finest but untrimmed damask
with embroidered monogram on each side, or four corners. Three dozen
dinner napkins to match. (Lace inserted and richly embroidered tablecloths
of formal dinner size are not in the best taste.)
One tablecloth five to six yards long with two dozen dinner napkins to
match.
One to four dozen damask tablecloths two and a half to three yards long,
and one dozen dinner napkins to match each tablecloth. All tablecloths and
napkins to have embroidered monogram or initials.
Two to six medium sized cut-work, mosaic or Italian lace-work tablecloths,
with lunch napkins to match.
Two to six centerpieces, with doilies and lunch napkins to match.
Four to a dozen tea cloths, of filet lace or drawn work or Russian
embroidery, with tiny napkins to match. Table pieces and tea-cloths have
monograms if there is any plain linen where a monogram can be embroidered,
otherwise monograms or initials are put on the napkins only.
One or two dozen damask tablecloths, plain, with monogram, and a dozen
napkins to match each.
In addition to the above, there are two to four dozen servants' sheets
and pillow cases (cotton); six to twelve woolen blankets, six to twelve
wool filled quilts, four to six dozen towels, and one or two dozen bath
towels; six to twelve white damask (cotton or linen and cotton mixed)
tablecloths and six to twelve dozen napkins, all marked with machine
embroidery.
Two to six dozen kitchen and pantry towels and dishcloths complete the
list.
_Personal Trousseau_
How many dresses can a bride wear? It all depends--is she to be in a big
city for the winter season, or at a watering place for the summer? Is she
going to travel, or live quietly in the country? It is foolish to get more
"outside" clothes than she has immediate use for; fashions change too
radically. The most extravagant list for a bride who is to "go out"
continually in New York or Newport, would perhaps include a dozen evening
dresses, two or three evening wraps, of varying weights. For town there
would be from two to four street costumes, a fur coat, another long coat,
a dozen hats and from four to ten house dresses. In this day of week-ends
in the country, no trousseau, no matter how town-bred the bride, is
complete without one or two "country" coats, of fur, leather or woolen
materials; several homespun, tweed or tricot suits or dresses; skirts with
shirt-waists and sweaters in endless variety; low or flat heeled shoes;
woolen or woolen and silk mixture stockings; and sport hats.
If the season is to be spent "out of town"--even in Newport or Palm
Beach--the most extravagant bride will find little use for any but country
clothes, a very few frocks for Sunday, and possibly a lot of evening
dresses. Of course, if she expects to run to town a great deal for lunch,
or if she is to travel, she chooses her clothes accordingly.
So much for the outer things. On the subject of the under things, which
being of first importance are saved for the last, one can dip into any of
the women's magazines devoted to fashion and fashionables, and understand
at first sight that the furnishings which may be put upon the person of
one young female would require a catalogue as long and as varied as a
seedsman's. An extravagant trousseau contains every article
illustrated--and more besides--in quality _never_ illustrated--and by the
dozens! But it must not for a moment be supposed that every fashionable
bride has a trousseau like this--especially the household linen which
requires an outlay possible only to parents who are very rich and also
very indulgent.
=THE MODERATE TROUSSEAU=
The moderate trousseau simple cuts the above list into a fraction in
quantity and also in quality. There is nothing of course that takes the
place of the smooth fineness of really beautiful linen--it can no more be
imitated than can a diamond, and its value is scarcely less. The "linen"
of a really modest trousseau in this day of high prices must of necessity
be "cotton." Fortunately, however, many people dislike the chill of linen
sheets, and also prefer cotton-face towels, because they absorb better,
and cotton is made in attractive designs and in endless variety.
For her personal trousseau, a bride can have everything that is charming
and becoming at comparatively little expense. She who knows how to do fine
sewing can make things beautiful enough for any one, and the dress made or
hat trimmed at home is often quite as pretty on a lovely face and figure
as the article bought at exorbitant cost at an establishment of
reputation. Youth seldom needs expensive embellishment. Certain things
such as footwear and gloves have to be bought, and are necessary. The
cost, however, can be modified by choosing dresses that one-color slippers
look well with.
In cities such as New York, Washington or Boston, it has never been
considered very good taste to make a formal display of the trousseau. A
bride may show an intimate friend or two a few of her things, but her
trousseau is never spread out on exhibition. There can, however, be no
objection to her so doing, if it is the custom of the place in which she
lives.
=WHAT THE BRIDESMAIDS WEAR=
The costumes of the bridesmaids, slippers, stockings, dresses, bouquets,
gloves and hats, are selected by the bride, without considering or even
consulting them as to their taste or preferences. The bridesmaids are
always dressed exactly alike as to texture of materials and model of
making, but sometimes their dresses differ in color. For instance, two of
them may wear pale blue satin slips covered with blue chiffon and cream
lace fichus, and cream-colored "picture" hats trimmed with orchids. The
next two wear orchid dresses, cream fichus, and cream hats trimmed with
pale blue hydrangeas. The maid of honor likewise wears the same model, but
her dress is pink chiffon over pink satin and her cream hat is trimmed
with both orchids and hydrangeas. The bouquets would all be alike of
orchids and hydrangeas. Their gloves all alike of cream-colored suede, and
their slippers, blue, orchid, and pink, with stockings to match. Usually
the bridesmaids are all alike in color as well as outline, and the maid of
honor exactly the same but in reverse colors. Supposing the bridesmaids to
wear pink dresses with blue sashes and pink hats trimmed in blue, and
their bouquets are of larkspur--the maid of honor wears the same dress in
blue, with pink sash, blue hat trimmed with pink, and carries pink roses.
At Lucy Gilding's wedding, her bridesmaids were dressed in deep shades of
burnt orange and yellow, wood-colored slippers and stockings, skirts that
shaded from brown through orange to yellow; yellow leghorn hats trimmed
with jonquils, and jonquil bouquets. The maid of honor wore yellow running
into cream, and her hat, the of the same shape of leghorn, was trimmed
with cream feathers, and she carried a huge cream feather fan.
As in the case of the wedding dress, it is foolish to enter into
descriptions of clothes more than to indicate that they are of light and
fragile materials, more suitable to evening than to daytime. Flower girls
and pages are dressed in quaint old-fashioned dresses and suits of satin
with odd old-fashioned bonnets--or whatever the bride fancies as being
especially "picturesque."
If a bridesmaid is in mourning, she wears colors on that one day, as
bridesmaids' dresses are looked upon as uniforms, not individual costumes.
Nor does she put a black band on her arm. A young girl in deepest mourning
should not be a bridesmaid--unless at the very private wedding of a bride
or groom also in mourning. In this case she would most likely be the only
attendant and wear all white.
As a warning against the growing habit of artifice, it may not be out of
place to quote one commentary made by a man of great distinction who,
having seen nothing of the society of very young people for many years,
"had to go" to the wedding of a niece. It was one of the biggest weddings
of the spring season in New York. The flowers were wonderful, the
bridesmaids were many and beautiful, the bride lovely. Afterwards the
family talked long about the wedding, but the distinguished uncle said
nothing. Finally, he was asked point blank: "Don't you think the wedding
was too lovely? Weren't the bridesmaids beautiful?"
"No," said the uncle, "I did not think it was lovely at all. Every one of
the bridesmaids was so powdered and painted that there was not a sweet or
fresh face among them--I can see a procession just like them any evening
on the musical comedy stage! One expects make-up in a theater, but in the
house of God it is shocking!"
It is unnecessary to add--if youth, the most beautiful thing in the world,
would only appreciate how beautiful it is, and how opposite is the false
bloom that comes in boxes and bottles! Shiny noses, colorless lips, sallow
skins hide as best they may, and with some excuse, behind powder or
lip-stick; but to rouge a rose--!
=THE COST OF BEING A BRIDESMAID=
With the exception of parasols, or muffs or fans, which are occasionally
carried in place of bouquets and presented by the bride, every article
worn by the bridesmaids, flower girls or pages, although chosen by the
bride, must be paid for by the wearers.
It is perhaps an irrefutable condemnation of the modern wedding display
that many a young girl has had to refuse the joy of being in the wedding
party because a complete bridesmaid outfit costs a sum that parents of
moderate means are quite unable to meet for popular daughters. And it is
seldom that the bride is herself in a position to give six or eight
complete costumes, much as she may want all of her most particular friends
with her on her day of days. Very often a bride tries especially to choose
clothes that will not be expensive, but New York prices are New York
prices, and the chic which is to make the wedding a perfect picture is the
thing of all others that has to be paid for.
Even though one particular girl may be able to dress herself very smartly
in homemade clothes of her own design and making, those same clothes
duplicated eight times seldom turn out well. Why this is so, is a mystery.
When a girl looks smart in inferior clothes, the merit is in her, not in
the clothes--and in a group of six or eight, five or seven will show a
lack of "finish," and the tender-hearted bride who, for the sake of their
purses sends her bridesmaids to an average "little woman" to have their
clothes made, and to a little hat-place around the corner, is apt to have
a rather dowdy little flock fluttering down the aisle in front of her.
=HOW MANY BRIDESMAIDS?=
This question is answered by: How many friends has she whom she has
"always promised" to have with her on that day? Has she a large circle of
intimates or only one or two? Her sister is always maid of honor; if she
has no sister, she chooses her most intimate friend.
A bride may have a veritable procession: eight or ten bridesmaids, a maid
of honor, flower girls and pages. That is, if she follows the English
custom, where every younger relative even including the little boys as
pages, seems always to be brought into a perfect May-pole procession of
ragged ages and sizes.
Or she may have none at all. She almost always has at least one maid, or
matron, of honor, as the picture of her father standing holding her
bouquet and stooping over to adjust the fall of her dress, would be
difficult to witness with gravity.
At an average New York wedding, there are four or six bridesmaids--half of
the "maids" may be "matrons," if most of the bride's "group" of friends
have married before her. It is, however, not suitable to have young
married women as bridesmaids, and then have an unmarried girl as maid of
honor.
=BEST MAN AND USHERS=
The bridegroom always has a best man--his brother if he has one, or his
best friend. The number of his ushers is in proportion to the size of the
church and the number of guests invited. At a house wedding, ushers are
often merely "honorary" and he may have many or none--according to the
number of his friends.
As ushers and bridesmaids are chosen only from close friends of the bride
and groom, it is scarcely necessary to suggest how to word the asking!
Usually they are told that they are expected to serve at the time the
engagement is announced, or at any time as they happen to meet. If school
or college friends who live at a distance are among the number, letters
are necessary. Such as:
"Mary and I are to be married on the tenth of November, and, of course,
you are to be an usher." Usually he adds: "My dinner is to be on the
seventh at eight o'clock at ----," naming the club or restaurant.
It is unheard of for a man to refuse--unless a bridegroom, for snobbish
reasons, asks some one who is not really a friend at all.
=BRIDE'S USHER AND GROOM'S BRIDESMAID=
A brother of the bride, or if she has no brother, then her "favorite
cousin" is always asked by the groom to be usher out of compliment to her.
The bride returns the compliment by asking the sister of the groom who is
nearest her own age, to be bridesmaid, or if he has no sister, she asks a
cousin or even occasionally shows her courtesy by asking the groom to name
a particular friend of his. The bride in asking her does not say:
"Will you be one of my bridesmaids because Jim wants me to ask you." If
the bridesmaid is not a particular friend of the bride, she knows
perfectly that it is on Jim's account that she has been asked. It is the
same with the bride's usher. The groom merely asks him as he asks all of
the others.
When a foreigner marries an American girl, his own friends being too
distant to serve, the ushers are chosen from among the friends of the
bride.
=BRIDEGROOM HAS NO TROUSSEAU=
A whole outfit of new clothes is never considered necessary for a
bridegroom, but shabby ones are scarcely appropriate. Whatever his
wardrobe may stand in need of should be bought, if possible. He should
have, not necessarily new, plenty of good shirts of all kinds,
handkerchiefs, underwear, pajamas, socks, ties, gloves, etc., and a
certain number of fresh, or as good as new, suits of clothes.
There was a wedding not long ago which caused quite a lot of derisive
comment because the groom's mother provided him with a complete and
elaborate trousseau from London, enormous trunks full of every sort of
raiment imaginable. That part of it all was very nice; her mistake was in
inviting a group of friends in to see the finery. The son was so mortified
by this publicity that he appeared at the wedding in clothes conspicuously
shabby, in order to counteract the "Mama's-darling-little-newly-wed"
effect that the publicity of her generous outlay had produced.
It is proper and fitting for a groom to have as many new clothes as he
needs, or pleases, or is able to get--but they are never shown to
indiscriminate audiences, they are not featured, and he does not go about
looking "dressed up."
=THE WEDDING CLOTHES OF THE BRIDEGROOM=
If he does not already possess a well fitting morning coat (often called a
cutaway) he must order one for his wedding. The frock coat is out of
fashion at the moment. He must also have dark striped gray trousers. At
many smart weddings, especially in the spring, a groom (also his best
man) wears a white piqué high double-breasted waistcoat, because the more
white that can be got into an otherwise sombre costume the more
wedding-like it looks; conventionally he wears a black one to match his
coat, like the ushers. The white edge to a black waistcoat is not, at
present, very good form. As to his tie, he may choose an "Ascot" of black
and white or gray patterned silk. Or he may wear a "four-in-hand" matching
those selected for the ushers, of black silk with a narrow single, or
broken white stripe at narrow or wide intervals. At one of the ultra smart
weddings in New York last spring, after the London fashion, the groom and
all the men of the wedding party wore bow ties of black silk with small
white dots.
White buckskin gloves are the smartest, but gray suede are the most
conventional. White kid is worn only in the evening. It is even becoming
the fashion for ushers at small country weddings not to wear gloves at
all! But at every wedding, great or small, city or country, etiquette
demands that the groom, best man, and ushers, all wear high silk hats, and
that the groom carry a walking stick.
Very particular grooms have the soles of their shoes blacked with
"water-proof" shoe polish so that when they kneel, their shoes look dark
and neat.
=WHAT THE BEST MAN WEARS=
The best man wears precisely what the groom wears, with only one small
exception: the groom's boutonnière is slightly different and more
elaborate. The groom and best man often wear ties that are different from
those worn by the ushers, and occasionally white waistcoats. Otherwise the
two principal men are dressed like the ushers.
=WHAT THE USHERS WEAR=
It is of greatest importance that in dress each usher be an exact
counterpart of his fellows, if the picture is to be perfect.
Everyone knows what a ragged-edged appearance is produced by a company of
recruits whose uniforms are odd lots. An after-effect of army training
was evident at one or two smart New York weddings where the grooms were in
each case ex-officers and their ushers turned out in military uniformity.
Each of these grooms sent typewritten instructions to his ushers, covering
every detail of the "equipment" exacted. Few people may have reasoned why,
but scarcely any one failed to notice "what smart looking men all the
ushers were." It is always just such attention to detail that produces a
perfectly finished result. The directions sent by one of the grooms was as
follows:
"Wedding rehearsal on Tuesday, St. Bartholomew's at 5 P.M.
Wedding on Wednesday at 4 P.M.
Please wear:
Black calfskin low shoes.
Plain black silk socks.
Gray striped trousers (the darkest you have).
Morning coat and single-breasted black waistcoat.
White dress shirt (see that cuffs show three-quarters of
an inch below coat sleeves).
Stand-up wing collar.
Tie and gloves are enclosed.
Boutonnière will be at the church.
Be at the church yourself at three o'clock, sharp."
=THE HEAD USHER=
Usually there is no "head usher," but in certain localities courtesy
designates the usher who is selected to take the bride's mother up the
aisle as the "head," or "first" usher.
Very occasionally, too, a nervous groom appoints an especially "reliable"
friend head usher so as to be sure that all details will be carried
out--including the prompt and proper appearance at the church of the other
ushers. Usually, the ushers divide the arrangements among themselves. The
groom decides who goes on which aisle. One of them volunteers or is asked
to look out for the bride's coming and to notify the groom, another is
especially detailed to take the two mothers up the aisle. But very often
this arrangement is arbitrarily decided by height. If one mother is very
tall and the other very short, they generally go up with different ushers,
the tallest being chosen for the taller lady, and one of medium height for
the shorter.
=THE BRIDESMAIDS' LUNCHEON=
In many sections of America, especially in the country and in small towns,
brides make an especial feature of asking their bridesmaids to a farewell
luncheon. The table is elaborately decorated (invariably in pink with
bridesmaids' roses), there is a bride's cake (lady cake) and there are
favors in the cake, and mottoes, and altogether it is a "lovely party." In
New York there is nothing like that at all. If the bride chooses to give a
luncheon to her bridesmaids on whatever day suits her best, there is no
objection to her doing so, or in fact, to her inviting whom she pleases to
whatever sort of a party her mother is willing she should give. It is not
a question of approved etiquette but of her own inclination seconded by
the consent of her mother!
If her mother "keeps open house," probably they lunch with her many times
before the wedding; if, on the other hand, it is not the habit of the
family to have "people running in for meals," it is not necessary that she
ask them to lunch at all. But whether they lunch often or never, the
chances are that they are in and out of her house every day, looking at
new presents as they come, perhaps helping her to write the descriptions
in the gift book, and in arranging them in the room where they are to be
displayed.
The bride usually goes to oversee the last fittings of the bridesmaids'
dresses in order to be sure that they are as she wants them. This final
trying-on should be arranged for several days at least before the wedding,
so there may be sufficient time to make any alterations that are found
necessary. Often the bride tries on her wedding dress at the same time so
that she may see the effect of the whole wedding picture as it will be, or
if she prefers, she tries on her dress at another hour alone.
Usually her bridesmaids lunch quite informally with her, or come in for
tea, the day before the wedding, and on that day the bride gives them each
"her present" which is always something to wear. It may be the muffs they
are to carry, or parasols, if they have been chosen instead of bouquets.
The typical "bridesmaid's present" is a bangle, a breast pin, a hat pin,
which, according to the means of the bride, may have great or scarcely any
intrinsic value.
=BRIDESMAIDS AND USHERS' DINNER=
If a wedding is being held in the country, or where most of the
bridesmaids or ushers come from a distance, and they are therefore
stopping at the bride's house, or with her neighbors, there is naturally a
"dinner" in order to provide for the visitors. But where the wedding is in
the city--especially when all the members of the bridal party live there
also--the custom of giving a dinner has gone rather out of fashion.
If the bridal party is asked to dine at the house of the bride on the
evening before the wedding, it is usually with the purpose of gathering a
generally irresponsible group of young people together, and seeing that
they go to the church for rehearsal, which is of all things the most
important. More often the rehearsal is in the afternoon, after which the
young people go to the bride's house for tea, allowing her parents to have
her to themselves on her last evening home, and giving her a chance to go
early to bed so as to be as pretty as possible on the morrow.
=THE BACHELOR DINNER=
Popularly supposed to have been a frightful orgy, and now arid as the
Sahara desert and quite as flat and dreary, the bachelor dinner was in
truth more often than not, a sheep in wolf's clothing.
It is quite true that certain big clubs and restaurants had rooms
especially constructed for the purpose, with walls of stone and nothing
breakable within hitting distance, which certainly does rather suggest
frightfulness. As a matter of fact, "an orgy" was never looked upon with
favor by any but silly and wholly misguided youths, whose idea of a
howling good time was to make a howling noise; chiefly by singing at the
top of their lungs and--breaking crockery. A boisterous picture, but
scarcely a vicious one! Especially as quantities of the cheapest glassware
and crockery were always there for the purpose.
The breaking habit originated with drinking the bride's health and
breaking the stem of the wine glass, so that it "might never serve a less
honorable purpose." A perfectly high-minded sentiment! And this same
time-honored custom is followed to this day. Toward the latter end of the
dinner the groom rises, and holding a filled champagne glass aloft says:
"To the bride!" Every man rises, drinks the toast standing, and then
breaks the delicate stem of the glass. The impulse to break more glass is
natural to youth, and probably still occurs. It is not hard to understand.
The same impulse is seen at every county fair where enthusiastic youths
(and men) delight in shooting, or throwing balls, at clay pipes and ducks
and--crockery!
Aside from toasting the bride and its glass-smashing result, the groom's
farewell dinner is exactly like any other "man's dinner," the details
depending upon the extravagance or the frugality of the host, and upon
whether his particular friends are staid citizens of sober years or mere
boys full of the exuberance of youth. Usually there is music of some sort,
or "Neapolitans" or "coons" who sing, or two or three instrumental pieces,
and the dinner party itself does the singing. Often the dinner is short
and all go to the theater.
=GIFTS PRESENTED TO USHERS=
The groom's presents to his ushers are always put at their places at the
bachelor dinner. Cuff links are the most popular gift; scarf-pins in
localities where they are still fashionable. Silver or gold pencils, belt
buckles, key-rings in gold, key-chains in silver, cigarette cases,
bill-folders, card-cases, or other small and personal articles are
suitable.
The present to the best man is approximately the same, or slightly
handsomer than the gift to the ushers.
=THE REHEARSAL=
The bride always directs her wedding rehearsal, but never herself takes
part in it, as it is supposed to be bad luck. Some one else--anyone who
happens to be present--is appointed understudy.
Nearly always a few especial friends happen in, generally those who are
primed with advice as to how everything should be done, but the opinion of
the bride or the bride's mother is final.
=VITAL IMPORTANCE OF REHEARSAL=
Most of us are familiar with the wedding service, and its form seems
simple enough. But, unless one has by experience learned to take care of
seemingly non-existent details, the effect (although few may be able to
say why) is hitchy and disjointed, and all the effort spent in preparation
is wasted. It is not that gauche happenings are serious offenses, no
matter how awkward the incident. Even were the wedding party to get
hopelessly entangled, no "crime" would have been committed; but any detail
that destroys the smoothness of the general impression is fatal to
dignity--and dignity is the qualification necessary above all else in
ceremonial observances.
=HOW THE PROCESSION IS DRILLED=
The organist must always be at the rehearsal, as one of the most important
details is marking the time of the wedding march. Witnesses of most
weddings can scarcely imagine that a wedding march is a _march_ at all;
more often than not, the heads of ushers and bridesmaids bob up and down
like something boiling in a pan. A perfectly drilled wedding procession,
like a military one, should move forward in perfect step, rising and
falling in a block or unit. To secure perfection of detail, the bars of
the processional may be counted so that the music comes to an end at
precisely the moment the bride and groom stand side by side at the
chancel steps. This is not difficult; it merely takes time and attention.
A wedding rehearsal should proceed as follows:
First of all, it is necessary to determine the exact speed at which the
march is to be played. The ushers are asked to try it out. They line up at
the door, walk forward two and two. The audience, consisting of the bride
and her mother, and the bridesmaids, decides whether the pace "looks
well." It must not be fast enough to look brisk, or so slow as to be
funereal. At one wedding the ushers counted two beats as one and the pace
was so slow that they all wabbled in trying to keep their balance. The
painfulness to everyone may be imagined. On the other hand it is
unsuitable to "trot" up the aisle of a church.
The "audience" having decided the speed, and the organist having noted the
tempo, the entire procession, including the bridesmaids and a substitute,
instead of the real bride, on her father's arm, go out into the vestibule
and make their entry. Remember, the father is an important factor in the
ceremony, and must take part in the rehearsal.
The procession is arranged according to height, the two shortest ushers
leading--unless others of nearly the same height are found to be more
accurate pacemakers. The bridesmaids come directly after the ushers, two
and two, also according to height, the shortest in the lead. After the
bridesmaids, the maid (or matron) of honor walks alone; flower girls come
next (if there are any) and last of all, the understudy bride leaning on
the arm of the father, with pages (if she has any) holding up her train.
Each pair in the procession follows the two directly in front by four
paces or beats of time. In the vestibule, every one in the procession must
pay attention to the feet directly in front, the pacemakers can follow the
army sergeant's example and say very softly "left, left!" At the end the
bride counts eight beats before she and the father put "left foot"
forward. The whole trick is starting; after that they just walk naturally
to the beat of the music, but keeping the ones in front as nearly as
possible at the same distance.
At the foot of the chancel, the ushers divide. In a small church, the
first two go up the chancel steps and stand at the top; one on the right,
the other on the left. The second two go to a step or two below the first.
If there are more, they stand below again. Chalk marks can be made on the
chancel floor if necessary, but it ought not to be difficult, except for
very little children who are flower girls or pages, to learn their
position.
[Illustration: Diagram of Church]
Or in a big church they go up farther, some of them lining the steps, or
all of them in front of the choir stalls. The bridesmaids also divide,
half on either side, and always stand in front of the ushers. The maid of
honor's place is on the left at the foot of the steps, exactly opposite
the best man. Flower girls and pages are put above or below the
bridesmaids wherever it is thought "the picture" is best.
The grouping of the ushers and bridesmaids in the chancel or lining the
steps also depends upon their number and the size of the church. In any
event, the bridesmaids stand in front of the ushers; half of them on the
right and half on the left. They never stand all on the bride's side, and
the ushers on the groom's.
=ENTRANCE OF THE BRIDEGROOM=
The clergyman who is to perform the marriage comes into the chancel from
the vestry. At a few paces behind him follows the groom, who in turn is
followed by the best man. The groom stops at the foot of the chancel steps
and takes his place at the right, as indicated in the accompanying
diagram. His best man stands directly behind him. The ushers and
bridesmaids always pass in front of him and take their places as noted
above. When the bride approaches, the groom takes only a step to meet her.
A more effective greeting of the bride is possible if the door of the
vestry opens into the chancel so that on following the clergyman, the
groom finds himself at the top instead of the foot of the chancel steps.
He goes forward to the right-hand side (his left), his best man behind
him, and waits where he is until his bride approaches, when he goes down
the steps to meet her--which is perhaps more gallant than to stand at the
head of the aisle, and wait for her to join him.
The real bride watches carefully how the pseudo bride takes her left hand
from her father's arm, shifts her fan, or whatever represents her bouquet,
from her right hand to her left, and gives her right hand to the groom. In
the proper maneuver the groom takes her right hand in his own right hand
and draws it through his left arm, at the same time turning toward the
chancel. If the service is undivided, and all of it is to be at the altar,
this is necessary as the bride always goes up to the altar leaning on the
arm of the groom.
If, however, the betrothal is to be read at the foot of the chancel (which
is done at most weddings now) he may merely take her hand in his left one
and stand as they are.
=THE ORGANIST'S CUE=
The organist stops at the moment the bride and groom have assumed their
places. That is the cue to the organist as to the number of bars necessary
for the procession. After the procession has practised "marching" two or
three times, everything ought to be perfect. The organist, having counted
up the necessary bars of music, can readily give the leading ushers their
"music cue"--so that they can start on the measure that will allow the
procession and the organ to end together. The organist can, and usually
does, stop off short, but there is a better finish if the bride's giving
her hand to the groom and taking the last step that brings her in front of
the chancel is timed so as to fall precisely on the last bars of the
processional.
No words of the service are ever rehearsed, although all the "positions"
to be taken are practised.
The pseudo bride takes the groom's left arm and goes slowly up the steps
to the altar.
The best man follows behind and to the right of the groom, and the maid of
honor (or "first" bridesmaid) leaves her companions and advances behind
and to the left of the bride. The pseudo bride (in pantomime) gives her
bouquet to the maid of honor; the best man (also in pantomime) hands the
ring to the groom, this merely to see that they are at a convenient
distance for the services they are to perform. The recessional is played,
and the procession goes out in reversed order. Bride and groom first, then
bridesmaids, then ushers, again all taking pains to fall into step with
the leaders.
On no account must the bridesmaids walk either up or down the aisle with
the ushers! Once in a while the maid of honor takes the arm of the best
man and together they follow the bride and groom out of the church. But it
gives the impression of a double wedding and spoils the picture.
=OBLIGATIONS OF THE BRIDEGROOM=
In order that the first days of their life together may be as perfect as
possible, the groom must make preparations for the wedding trip long ahead
of time, so that best accommodations can be reserved. If they are to stop
first at a hotel in their own city, or one near by, he should go days or
even weeks in advance and personally select the rooms. It is much better
frankly to tell the proprietor, or room clerk, at the same time asking
him to "keep the secret." Everyone takes a friendly interest in a bridal
couple, and the chances are that the proprietor will try to reserve the
prettiest rooms in the house, and give the best service.
If their first stop is to be at a distance, then he must engage train
seats or boat stateroom, and write to the hotel of their destination far
enough in advance to receive a written reply, so that he may be sure of
the accommodations they will find.
=EXPENSE OF THE WEDDING TRIP=
Just as it is contrary to all laws of etiquette for the bride to accept
any part of her trousseau or wedding reception from the groom, so it is
unthinkable for the bride to defray the least fraction of the cost of the
wedding journey, no matter though she have millions in her own right, and
he be earning ten dollars a week. He must save up his ten dollars as long
as necessary, and the trip can be as short as they like, but convention
has no rule more rigid than that the wedding trip shall be a
responsibility of the groom.
There are two modifications of this rule: a house may be put at their
disposal by a member of her family, or, if she is a widow, they may go to
one of her own, provided it is not one occupied by her with her late
husband. It is also quite all right for them to go away in a motor
belonging to her, but driven by him, and all garage expenses belong to
him; or if her father or other member of the family offers the use of a
yacht or private railway car, the groom may accept but he should remember
that the incidental and unavoidable expense of such a "gift" is sometimes
greater than the cost of railway tickets.
=BUYING THE WEDDING RING=
It is quite usual for the bride to go with the groom when he buys the
wedding ring, the reason being that as it stays for life on her finger,
she should be allowed to choose the width and weight she likes and the
size she finds comfortable.
=THE GROOM'S PRESENT TO THE BRIDE=
He is a very exceptional and enviable man who is financially able to take
his fiancée to the jeweler's and let her choose what she fancies. Usually
the groom buys the handsomest ornament he can afford--a string of pearls
if he has great wealth, or a diamond pendant, brooch or bracelet, or
perhaps only the simplest bangle or charm--but whether it is of great or
little worth, it must be something for her personal adornment.
=FURTHER OBLIGATIONS OF THE GROOM=
Gifts must be provided for his best man and ushers, as well as their ties,
gloves and boutonnières, a bouquet for his bride, and the fee for the
clergyman, which may be a ten dollar gold piece or one or two new one
hundred dollar bills, according to his wealth and the importance of the
wedding. Whatever the amount, it is enclosed in an envelope and taken in
charge by the best man who hands it to the clergyman in his vestry-room
immediately after the ceremony.