When the armistice was signed and the close season for Germans set in,
it occurred to the authorities that it would be a waste of labour to
continue to train some few million good men for a shooting season that
might never re-open, and the weekly programme became rather a sketchy
affair till some brain more brilliant than the rest conceived the
idea of giving a good sound education in the arts of peace to this
promising and waiting multitude. The idea was joyfully accepted, and
gradually filtered through its authorised channels, suffering some
office change or other at each stage till it finally reached one of
our ancient seats of learning. It arrived rather like the peremptory
order of a newly-gazetted and bewildered subaltern, who, having got
his platoon hopelessly tied up, falls back on the time-honoured and
usually infallible "Carry on, Sergeant."
There were some six-hundred white-hatted cadets stationed at this
spot, all thirsting (presumably) for information on gas, and Mills
bombs, and studs on the cocking-piece, and forming fours, and vertical
intervals and District Courts-martial; and when the order came to
"carry on" with education it caused something like a panic. A council
of war nearly caused Head-quarters to cancel a battalion parade, but
they pulled themselves together and held the drill, and the appointed
Jack as "Battalion Education Officer," and empowered him to draft a
scheme of work.
When produced it consisted of fourteen paragraphs, each of which
finished up with the sentence, "This is obviously a problem for the
Company Commander." Jack had nothing to learn as to the duties of a
battalion specialist and realised that his responsibility lay simply
in providing Company Commanders, and then finding problems for them
to solve. As the Company Commanders were already in being his work
was simplified.
However, the Company Commanders, being men of merit, cheerfully
accepted the situation and approached their victims. "We are going to
teach you," they said. "What would you like to be taught?"
"Well," said the victims, "what have you got?"
"Oh, anything you like," said the Company Commanders. "Just you choose
your subject and we'll do the rest."
Now that was very generous, but rather rash. For the victims took them
at their word, and so by the time the perspiring Platoon Commanders
had produced their returns (in triplicate) it was found that there
were forty-three subjects to be provided for, including seven
languages, six branches of science, four kinds of engineering,
six commercial subjects and various sundries, such as metaphysics,
wool-classing and coker-nut planting.
The way the Company Commanders dealt with this problem was quite
simple and ingenious. They sent for all junior officers and asked
what they were prepared to teach. The result seemed really rather
good. Tom said he would take French, having spent three months in
Northern France before they sent him to Salonika. Dick's father
has an allotment and Dick himself occasionally hunts, so he chose
Agriculture, Oswald chose Mathematics, on the strength of having been
a Quartermaster-Sergeant in the Public Schools Brigade in September,
1914. Wilfred once went to a gas course for ten days, so of course
his subject was Science. Arthur really does know something about
Architecture and can also enlarge a map quite nicely, so he put down
Drawing. John chose Theology. He said he once read the lessons in
church; really he thought he was safe to draw a blank.
Once more the Company Commanders were equal to the emergency. They
looked at it in this way. French is a foreign language; Spanish is
also a foreign language. Tom offers to teach a foreign language;
therefore Tom shall teach Spanish. Corn-growing in Western Canada,
sheep-raising in Australia and coker-nut planting are all obviously
agriculture. Dick says he can teach Agriculture; so he shall. The
science of manures caused some discussion as to whether it should
be agriculture or science, but it was finally settled in favour of
science, which also included physics, electricity and crystallography.
John got four theological students, but, when he investigated, he
found that one was a Jew and one a Presbyterian minister, while the
other two, like himself, thought that no one else would have thought
of it. And these touch only the fringe of the subject.
The indent sent in for materials was a rather formidable one, but the
article most in demand was a sheep, which was wanted at the same time
by Dick for his Agriculture and Arthur for his Drawing, and also by
Mac, who is O.C. the Butchery class. Mac wrote a polite little note
saying he must have at least one a week, and he'd like "a pig to be
going on with, if you please," promising to hand, the latter over
complete and in good order, when he'd done with it, to Jones for his
bacon-curing class, "upon receipt of signature for same."
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[Illustration: _Politically inclined Nurse_ (_exhibiting new daughter
to M.P._). "LET US 'OPE, SIR, THAT SHE MAY LIVE TO BE CALLED THE
MOTHER OF THE 'OUSE OF COMMONS."]
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