"I don't remember whether it was while I was at school or later

that I first began again to take a sexual interest in animals. I

used to masturbate a good deal and was always trying to find new

ways of doing it and new substances to lie on. It was while

feeling the vulva of a young mare that the brilliant thought

struck me of trying to copulate with her, and thus getting the

advantage of the soft vagina. It afforded me great satisfaction

and I had an emission, though I did not then, nor at any other

time with any other animal, succeed in penetrating properly. I

afterward did the same with other mares and with a certain cow

whenever I got a safe opportunity, which was not as often as I

could have wished. I have not had connection with an animal for

about ten years, but would have no objection to doing so, and

feel sure I could perform the act properly now. After I left

school at 17, I occasionally had longings for boys, but it was

the exception and not the rule. I continued to masturbate, but

not to excess, and used to make ineffectual efforts to stop it,

but never succeeded for very long. When I was confirmed, at the

age of 15, I became intensely religious, and was so remorseful at

my first lapse from virtue that I burnt my leg with a red-hot

poker, and I bear the scar still. On leaving school I went to

Germany and there had my first coitus with a woman, a fat old

German who gave me very little satisfaction. My next, a Jewess,

gave me more than I asked for, in the shape of a soft chancre. In

my ignorance I never had it treated, but it must have been very

mild, for it disappeared of its own accord. When cramming in

England I occasionally went home with a prostitute, but did not

care much about them and could not afford good ones. On one

occasion I was impotent. It may have been through drink, but it

disgusted me with myself. I liked seeing the women naked, and

always insisted that they should strip, especially the breasts,

which I liked large and full. I had not learned to kiss on the

lips, and had no desire to kiss the body, except the breasts,

which I was generally too shy to do. But as I nearly always wore

a condom and found penetration difficult I did not much enjoy the

actual coitus. I am fully convinced that if women had been more

accessible, if I had not thought myself bound to use preventives

in self-defense, and if the act had not been looked upon with

such disfavor by those in authority over me, I should have

masturbated less or not at all, and would not have been tempted

to bestiality. When I was 22 I had coitus with a girl who was not

a prostitute for the first time. I was violently excited and

enjoyed it more than anything I had yet experienced, in spite of

the facts that she would not undress and insisted on withdrawal

before emission. On one other occasion only have I had coitus

with a non-professional unmarried woman. Shortly after this I

caught syphilis from a girl of the streets. I was circumcised and

stayed in a private hospital for six weeks. It never went beyond

the primary stage, and I have felt no ill effects from it, except

that I have got a hydrocele in the right testicle. Of course,

this incident necessitated the use of a condom on every occasion,

and it greatly spoiled my pleasure. About this time a

brother-officer older than myself made advances to me. He

compared me to a Greek statue, and wanted to kiss me. I would

have nothing to do with him, but was glad to have his confessions

of homosexuality and somewhat surprised to learn that he was not

alone in the regiment. I afterward fell in love with his sister,

and he married and had children. He was bisexual in his

inclinations, but was really in love with me for a short time.

"I had little to do with professionals until I went to South

Africa, and though I was fond of ladies' society, and liked by

ladies, I looked upon them as something apart, especially married

women, and never attempted to take liberties with them; though I

used to with shopgirls, etc., in my cramming days, and had often

been in love. In South Africa I first began really to enjoy

coitus, and on going to India continued to do so; in fact, I

thought sexually of nothing else and rarely masturbated,--perhaps

once in three weeks. I would go to brothels wherever they were

available, Durban, Cape Town, Colombo, Calcutta, Bombay, and at

one time preferred black women to white. I used to have horrible

orgies with my brother-officers, and on one occasion I ordered

six women to my bungalow in order to celebrate my birthday, and

made a present of them to five of my friends after dinner. During

this period, and until I went home, I rarely spoke to a lady, the

chief exception being No. 1, a brother-officer's wife, with whom

I began to be in love.

"Shortly after the South African War I fell violently in love

with a young brother-officer, 'Z.' It amounted to a passion and I

was forced to make overtures to him. He did not understand, being

ignorant of homosexuality and quite virile, and would have

nothing to do with me, though he was very nice about it. This

lasted for about a year, and then, thinking no doubt that he had

better stop it, as I was really making myself very ridiculous and

was mad with love, he threw me up altogether. I was intensely

miserable for some time, and then I recovered and we made it up,

and are now firm friends. I still want to kiss and stroke him

when I see him naked, but would do nothing more. I went home by

way of Japan after several years' absence from home, taking the

women of the Eastern ports as I went, until I contracted

gonorrhea in the Tokio Yoshiwara. I could not get rid of it, and

arrived home in that state, having been deprived of the pleasure

of trying several new races on the way in consequence. In England

I rushed into a society which I had quit on such different terms,

and it received me with open arms. I very soon began a flirtation

with a married woman, and she completed my education in kissing

which had been begun by the Japanese harlots. I was just coming

to the point with this woman when I met No. 1 again, and my love

for her was at once renewed. I told her so, but I knew that she

did not return it. I then became attracted to No. 2, a girl older

than myself, whom I had known all my life. I kissed her and

fondled her breasts; but she would not allow anything else, until

one night, when in the train with her, I got my hand down farther

than she intended. It ended in my performing _cunnilingus_ on her

first, and then obtaining satisfaction between her thighs--a

large step to take after the former limitations. Previous to this

I had on several occasions obtained an emission, without meaning

to, by lying on her fully dressed. She was aware of my disease,

which by that time had become a gleet and did not inconvenience

me in any way. From that time until I went back to India we went

through the same performance whenever possible, I masturbating

her sometimes with the finger, sometimes with the tongue, and

having connection with various parts of her body, including the

breasts, but always with a condom on account of my disease. She

used to strip for my edification, and we frequently spent the

night in the same bed. I was attracted to her mentally, but not

very much physically; that is to say, that if circumstances had

not thrown us together I should never have picked her out from

other girls as being sexually attractive to me. I returned to

India, and to No. 1, though I kept faithful to No. 2 in word and

deed for five months, but gradually the overmastering influence

of No. 1 reasserted itself over me. And then I met No. 3. We were

attracted to each other at first acquaintance, and the attraction

was mental and sexual. She was married and in love with another

man, but that did not prevent her from kissing me. I felt her

breasts, masturbated her, and had emissions by lying on her, but

she drew the line at one thing, viz., kissing on the lips; and I

drew it at coitus. We arranged a trip together during which I

went to bed with her, but never had coitus, though we both had

frequent orgasms in other ways. Before starting on this trip I

had thought that I should not see No. 1 again, and she let me

kiss her, to my unspeakable joy. Circumstances, however,

intervened, and I went straight to No. 1 after parting with No.

3, told her all I had done, and then kissed her again, leaving

her just before her real lover, with whom she was then living,

arrived. Later I returned again to No. 1, now in child to her

lover. We lived together for three nights in spite of this. She

then went home, and I had no connection with any woman for two

years, except one black woman, being consumed with love and

worship for No. 1. I was much in society, but never had any luck.

At the end of this time I was traveling one night with a young

officer ('X'), slight and effeminate and preferring men to women,

with whom I had been until then on friendly but not intimate

terms. I watched him undress and go to bed, and then, having

myself undressed, went over to his bunk and put my hand under his

clothes. He at once responded, and I got into his bed, both of us

being in a frenzy of passion and surprise. But I was fairly sure

of my ground or I would not have dared to take the risk. I used

often to go to his bed after this, and on one occasion had coitus

with a girl on a chair at a ball and the next night with my young

officer. I scarcely knew the girl, and don't know her name now,

but I took her measure, made her excited by manipulation and

kissing, and then got her consent. I did not harm her, even if I

had been the first, for orgasm occurred before I had penetrated

beyond the lips. X surprised me by telling me that he had had

connection with three other officers in my regiment, as well as

with several others in the same station. He would not tell me

their names, but I guessed easily enough. He used to drink

heavily, and once I got into his bed when he was in a drunken

stupor and he was quite unaware that I was there for some time. I

myself was drinking too much at this time, and was frequently

drunk before dinner. In the hot weather that followed I had one

orgy in Bombay which lasted three nights. I started on a Greek

and a Pole and finished up with a Japanese, two brother-officers

accompanying me. Afterward I was much alone during the day in my

bungalow, and used to become possessed by intense desire. I

masturbated occasionally, but by this time took but little

pleasure in it, always craving for the moist human vagina. I had

often heard, and myself quoted, the Pathan proverb 'Women for

breeding; boys for pleasure; melons for delight,' and one day

when seeking for some novelty with which to masturbate, and my

eye being caught by a melon put ready for me to eat, it flashed

across me to try whether the proverb was in any way true. I found

it most satisfactory, and practised it several times after that,

the pepita (papaye or pawpaw) being the nearest approach to the

human vagina. The opportune arrival of a fairly good-looking

punkah woman, however, put an end to this form of enjoyment by

providing me with what I wanted. Soon afterward I went home

again, taking the Japanese at Bombay on my way.

"I had kept up a correspondence with No. 1 all this time, but we

had made a compact that whatever each did until we met again was

not to count, and I knew that she had had at least one liaison

since our parting, and was in entire ignorance of the state of

her feelings toward me. Therefore, while trying to arrange a

meeting with her, I took the first thing that chance threw in my

way, thinking a bird in the hand better than the off chance of a

better one in the bush. This was No. 4, with whom I spent three

days at the seaside after having first had coitus with her in my

own home while she was in the monthly state. Immediately on

parting from her I came home to receive No. 1. The first time we

were alone she kissed me, and this was followed by mutual

confessions and coitus, though at first she said my affair was

too recent. I agreed not to have connection again with No. 4, and

kept to this until when staying in the same house again with her

I was tempted beyond my powers; and I may add that she gave me no

assistance in keeping this promise, of which she was fully

cognizant. I at once wrote and confessed to No. 1, and she very

naturally would have nothing more to do with me. But I managed to

reconcile her, and we afterward lived together for three days in

the country, as well as in London and in her own house. Meanwhile

No. 5 had been making advances to me which I could not well

refuse, being a very old friend. Nos. 4 and 5 were on one

occasion staying together at my house, just after I had been

faithless to No. 1 with No. 4. I could not very well sleep with

them both, so at the earnest entreaty of No. 4 I went to her room

first, told her my reasons for not having connection with her,

left her in tears, and then went and slept with No. 5. This is

the only transaction I have ever concealed from No. 1; but No. 5

knows my whole story and accepts the situation of being only

second so long as I give her satisfaction whenever possible.

About this time I again met No. 3 and kissed and masturbated her

in a cab, but she would not allow me to go home with her. At the

bidding of No. 1 I now broke entirely with No. 4, to the great

grief and astonishment of my sister, whose friend she was.

Shortly after this I again returned to India, where I quarreled

hopelessly with No. 1, and I don't know to this day what my fault

was, except that she had got tired of me. Her influence over me

is, however, too great to be so easily broken, and I would return

to her tomorrow if she moved a finger in reconciliation. During

the following hot weather I slowly but surely, albeit quite

unconsciously, obtained an influence over No. 6, and it ended by

her falling desperately in love with me and allowing me to do

what I liked. I did not love her, and told her about No. 1, whose

image always remained in the back of my vision, whatever I was

doing. She also accepted the situation, and I don't think has any

grievance against me. For my part I have nothing but thanks and

gratitude and as much love as I am capable of to give her, and

all the other women with whom I have had any sexual relations.

The following is a short account of the above women:--

"No. 1. Had coitus before marriage, for love and with full

knowledge of the nature of the act. Agreement with her husband

not to have coitus rigidly adhered to by both. Has had connection

with five other men since marriage. Very passionate, but faddy

and particular. Slow at producing orgasm. Likes being in bed

naked, and liked me once for having kissed her mons veneris.

Thin, with undeveloped breasts. Brilliant, good-looking. Artistic

and highly intellectual. Never masturbated, and did not know of

homosexuality among women; very sensitive to touch on the

pudenda.

"No. 2. Has had sexual relations, but never coitus, with many

men. Mutually masturbated with one man. Masturbated herself

frequently, and took a long time to produce orgasm, even with

_cunnilingus_, which delighted her immensely. After having it

performed, she would stoop down and passionately kiss my lips.

Fond of prolonged kisses, during which the tongue played a

prominent part. Tall and fully developed, but no looks. Clever,

masculine brain, and strong physically. Skillfully concealed her

passionate nature, which, however, was long in developing and was

long kept in check by maidenly modesty.

"No. 3. Innocent before marriage, and hated her _fiancé_ even to

touch her, which feeling still persists. Has had liaisons with

many men, and several miscarriages, one legitimate, others

illegitimate, and one illegitimate child. Does not masturbate

herself, but readily yields to its seduction when performed by

others. The most passionate woman I have ever met. Good, typical,

womanly figure, but thin and weak. Not much looks, but very

fascinating to men. Clever and intellectual.

"No. 4. Coitus only with her husband before myself. Not very

passionate. I know nothing about masturbation or homosexuality in

her case. Very broad hips, large breasts, and well-developed

nates. Deserted by her husband. No children. Rather foolish and

weak-minded. Penetration difficult owing to long labia majora.

"No. 5. Knows all about homosexuality of both sexes and wants to

know more about everything. Probably masturbates. Several

children. In love with her husband at first, but now tired of him

and took to other men for variety and because her husband had

ceased to give her sexual pleasure. Very passionate; has slow

orgasm; likes nakedness and contact of body. Very large vagina.

Broad hips and full breasts. Intellectual, but not so by nature.

Artistic and very musical.

"No. 6. Absolutely innocent before marriage. Was practically

raped by her husband on her marriage night. This disgusted her

with the whole performance, and she could not bear her husband's

caresses. During pregnancy she was frightened because she did not

know what was going to happen, i.e., how the child was going to

be born; and no one enlightened her,--doctor, nurse, or mother.

Did not know the meaning of the words sexual feeling, and never

thought about sexual matters at all until marriage. I roused her

passion, put things in their true light, made her have an orgasm,

and told her what it meant. The orgasms at first made her cry and

nearly faint, and she thereafter became intensely passionate.

Very excited at cunnilingus, which I practised on her more than

once. She confessed that the orgasm was stronger and more

complete during coitus than during masturbation, which relieved

my mind. She volunteered to strip naked and has but little

shyness with me. Cannot bear her husband yet. She admits that she

was only half a woman before she knew me, but now regrets her

marriage. Short, thin, and slight, with narrow hips and no

breasts. Quick woman's wit, but not intellectual.

"Of the prostitutes I have known, perhaps 60 in number, the

Japanese easily take the palm. They are scrupulously clean, have

charming manners and beautiful bodies, and take an intelligent

interest in the proceedings. Also they are not always thinking

about the money. Perhaps the Kashmiris come next, though the

Chinese run them very close. Some of the more expensive London

women are bearable, but they are such harlots! The white women in

the East are insupportable, and small wonder, for they consist of

the dregs of the European and American markets. My list comprises

English, French, German, Italian, Spanish-American, American,

Bengali, Punjabi, Kashmiri, Kaffir, Singhalese, Tamil, Burmese,

Malay, Japanese, Chinese, Greek, and Pole.

"I naturally prefer to satisfy myself with a woman, a friend and

a lady of my own class; but in the absence of the best I gladly

take the next best available, down the scale from a lady for

whom I do not care to prostitutes of all classes and colors, men,

boys, animals, melons, and masturbation. I would as cheerfully

have connection with my sister, or any other female relative. I

have frequent erotic dreams about the most extraordinary

subjects--male and female relations, casual acquaintances of both

sexes, and animals. When I have got an intrigue in hand with a

woman, I have no wish to masturbate, and often restrain myself

when I know that I am going to have access before long to

prostitutes. After coitus it takes a long time before I am ready

for the next, sometimes two hours; and the first is always very

quick, nearly always too quick for the woman. With a strange

woman I have difficulty in maintaining erection at the instant of

penetration, and this has often given me trouble.

"I know that most women like, and few dislike, being touched by

me. My favorite colors are green and red, and I can whistle quite

well.

"I would be very glad to know whether I may be considered

sexually normal or not, but I do not desire any opinion on the

morality of my acts, for the simple reason that without knowing

all the circumstances it would be impossible to judge. But I

cannot help saying that I do not consider anything I have done is

wrong in itself, and I am quite certain that I have never harmed

in any way any of the ladies with whom I have had relations. I am

certain, if I had made promises which I knew I could not keep, I

might have married one of them. But the result would have been

great unhappiness to both, quarrels, and ultimate separation or

divorce--and she realized that as well as I did. I may seem

egotistical in my attitude and assurance toward ladies, but I

only speak the honest truth; and I know that No. 6, for instance,

has only gratitude and worship to give me for having opened her

eyes. I have made her promise to have intercourse with her

husband as soon as she can bear it, and I have satisfied myself

that I have not started her on the road to sexual perversion. So

much in self-explanation. I may add that I do not deliberately

seek 'affaires de coeur,' and that, when they come my way, I do

my utmost to use all consideration for the lady, thinking, as I

do, that I owe them a far bigger debt than I shall ever be able

to pay."

HISTORY XIV.--J.E., professional man, aged 32. Public school and

university education, in which he did well. From age of 6 or 7

had strong sexual emotions, and from 9 sexually pleasurable

dreams, though no emission till 12 or 13. He remembers the

association of sexual excitement with whipping, either at sight

or imagination of it, and this feeling was certainly shared by

boys aged 9 to 12 at his private boarding-school and others at

the public school later on. His nurse-maid used to invent excuses

for beating his nates with a long lead-pencil when he was aged

about 7, and he saw occasional whippings with clothes removed in

the family nursery.

When nearly 16 he was initiated into masturbation, which at once

coincided with rapid mental development and success at school. He

has practised it ever since under same conditions and

restrictions as marital intercourse. Religion has never acted as

any restraint, and the best restraint to all young people, in his

opinion, is to warn them on hygienic grounds. (He became a

freethinker at 17, partly on observing the inconsistency of

religious persons in this connection. He was twice set upon by

Catholics when 16, who attempted mutual masturbation.) He can

vaguely remember some such warning when very young from his

mother.

No intercourse with women till age of 19, though strong

homosexual feelings from 10 upward, associated with feminine

youths. These feelings were quite distinct from feelings of

affection and friendship for more virile youths. An attack of

gonorrhea at 21 was followed by an operation for circumcision,

which had beneficial effects, but did not prevent an attack of

syphilis at age of 23, caught at a guaranteed state establishment

in France. Intercourse almost always with prostitutes, on

prudential and worldly grounds, though what he approves would be

greater laxity between boys and girls, with proper safeguards

against undesired offspring. He is now happily married. He only

indulges in masturbation at times when intercourse is impossible

(e.g., childbirth). It is then practised once or twice a week in

the early morning; overnight it causes troubled sleep, brain

activity, and constipation. This seems ethically more desirable

unless the wife were to condone physical infidelity, which she

would not, and even then there might be risks of venereal

disease. His general health and working power are in all respects

excellent, as the venereal diseases were speedily and thoroughly

cured. Homosexual feeling has entirely disappeared since

marriage.

HISTORY XV.--G.D., English; aged 60. "My earliest essays in

juvenile vice were due not so much to unguarded as to unguided

ignorance. I slipped where my natural protectors suspected no

danger, and I fell because I had never been warned of the

treacherous nature of the ground. Before or soon after I was 7

years old, the example of an elder brother, who had lately begun

to go to school as a day-boy, initiated me into the mysteries of

masturbation, which seemed to me then as harmless as it was

fascinating; and the novel pleasure was almost daily indulged in,

after I had acquired sufficient dexterity to accomplish the act

within a reasonable time, without a twinge of conscience, either

in that brother's company or when alone. Decency demanded secrecy

in the gratification of what soon became an imperious desire,

and the preliminary operations included, almost from the first,

mutual _fellatio_ and approximation of the excited organs; but

similar privacy was very properly sought during the performance

of other bodily acts associated with those 'less honorable

members,' and it appeared to me quite as natural and right for us

to amuse ourselves together in that way as for a married couple

to hide their most intimate embraces from the observation of

others. Indeed, I went farther than that, and even came to regard

the absence of all shame between us as akin to the primeval

innocence which Adam and Eve exhibited before the Fall. I

believed for long that we two were specially privileged and

possessed a peculiar sense denied to other boys, for I had never

heard of masturbation till I learnt, not the word indeed, but the

thing itself.

"My curiosity about the real nature of sexual union in the case

of human beings set my intelligence to work at the interesting

problem, and by carefully studying certain parts of the Bible,

Lemprière's classical and other dictionaries, as well as by

persistently watching when I could the amorous proceedings of

domestic animals, I learnt enough to make its most prominent

features pretty clear before I was 11 years of age. I was then

all eagerness to have the opportunity of inspecting at close

quarters the genitals of women or young girls, and a stay at the

seaside when I was 12 made the latter at least feasible. When the

shore was nearly deserted, between 1 and 2 P.M., the daughters of

the fisherfolk used to besiege the bathing machines and disport

themselves in the water, bathing and paddling in various stages

of nudity. I would pretend that my whole attention was being

given to the making of miniature tunnels in the sand, while all

the time I slyly peeped at what I most desired to see, whether in

front or from behind, as the dancing damsels stood upright or

stooped till their haunches were higher than their heads. I had

already read something somewhere about the _clitoris_, and wanted

especially to see it, but indistinct glimpses were all that I

could obtain; nor was it until I visited an anatomical museum,

which then existed at the top of the Haymarket in London, that I

learned, a good many years later, from several life-sized models

there displayed, the characteristic features of that part, as

well as the abnormal modifications to which it is subject, either

congenitally or in consequence of profligate habits. I was 15, I

think, when I first came to know that girls can masturbate as

well as boys.

"Long after I had realized why the terms male and female are so

distinguished, my imagination was occupied with the possible

postures in which the act of copulation may be accomplished by a

man and woman; from Horace, Lucretius, Martial, Aristophanes,

and, above all, from Ovid's _Ars Amatoria_ I obtained much, but

not always very clear, information while still a schoolboy. This

was supplemented later by photographic pictures from Pompeiian

brothels and photographs from life, purchased at Florence and

gloated over one night, with twice-repeated masturbation, and

afterward destroyed in a revulsion of shame.

"But while continuing to practise self-abuse (with a certain

degree of restraint indeed, but seldom less often than once or

even twice a week), after I had been made fully aware of its

perils by Dr. Adam Clarke's alarming comments on Genesis xxxviii,

9, when I was about 12 or 13, I never had connection with a woman

until I married somewhat late in life. This abstinence was not

due to any frigidity of disposition, but from prudential and

religious motives, and, to some extent perhaps, from the

imperfect but genuine satisfaction afforded by solitary

indulgence. My imagination, like that of young J.J. Rousseau, as

set forth in his _Confessions_, was allowed free scope for its

exercise, but in practice I confined myself to what seemed to me

comparatively innocent as compared with fornication. I was never

an unreserved 'exhibitionist' like Rousseau, but I have on more

than one occasion turned toward a hedge and pretended to make

water, when a girl had just passed me on the road, showing a

_turgens cauda_ if she should chance out of curiosity to look

back, as once, at any rate, happened.

"I watched with interest the first indications of puberty in my

own person. I had, of course, seen the pubic hair on many of my

own sex, but I was 17 when I first saw a naked woman. She was

standing at the door of her machine, wringing out her

bathing-dress, as I swam past, and her face was hidden by the

awning then used, so that she could not see me. A slight effusion

of limpid mucus began to characterize the orgasm, at the age of

12 or 13 (before any ejaculation of semen was experienced), such

as exuded later from the _urethra_ when salacious excitement

reached a certain pitch, even though the final climax might be

postponed or prevented altogether. I found it a refinement of

luxury to prolong the period of tumescence as far as possible, by

frequently checking a too rapid progress toward the goal. By this

practice of repeated arrest when the orgasm was imminent, and the

mental debauchery which was its habitual accompaniment, I believe

I did my nervous system more damage than by anything else--even

the early age at which the dangerous indulgence became

established. Nocturnal emissions (the sequel of lascivious

dreams) commenced when I was about 15, at which age I had my

first experience of an involuntary discharge when awake, under

the influence of purely mental emotion; but this latter mode of

escape did not often happen, and later on ceased altogether. My

muscular strength was not impaired by too frequent indulgence,

and I acquired some athletic prowess on the football field and on

the running path, both as a boy and as a young man. Walking tours

were for long my favorite recreation, even after the bicycle

became an increasing attraction. My health, however, suffered in

other ways from too constant absorption in lustful thoughts,

which found vent in erotic verses and tales, generally destroyed

soon after they were written. I have been subject since I was a

boy to more or less prolonged fits of mental depression. How far

I have inherited this tendency (my father and his father both

married first cousins, and a neurotic diathesis has been

characteristic of our family), or how far it has been aggravated

by pernicious habits, I cannot say; cause and effect have no

doubt acted and reacted on each other.

"As I grew toward adolescence I endeavored to make self-abuse as

close an imitation as possible of sexual intercourse by such

methods as may be easily imagined. My biological studies (I won a

scholarship and took honors at my university) were directed with

most intent predilection toward the reproductive system,

particularly the modifications of the copulatory organs in

different animals and the diverse manner of their employment. The

sexual instinct, whether in its normal or abnormal

manifestations, is a subject which has always had a strong

attraction for me, nor has it lost its fascination with the

growth of years (I am now 60) nor the competition of other

interests.

"My very limited experience of the sexual system in women would

lead me to believe that the _clitoris_ is the only peculiarly

sensitive part of the female _genitalia_, coition giving no

pleasure unless 'the trigger of love' is simultaneously

manipulated, as can be done when intromission is effected _a

tergo_; that the mind of a normally healthy maiden is altogether

free from sexual excitement of a physical kind, and that little

curiosity is felt about the precise _modus operandi_ of conjugal

intercourse; but, nevertheless, I have good reason to believe

that this, if not an unusual type, is by no means the only one

that exists.

"As to sexual inversion my personal experience has been confined

to two or three _grandes passions_ for boys, the first of which

possessed me when between the ages of 16 and 18, and involved,

when I was 17, the most intense mental emotion, of a romantic

kind, tinged with poignant jealousy and vexation at comparative

coldness toward myself. These love passages never led me into

indelicate behavior (I was once threatened with such treatment

myself by a stranger whose acquaintance I made one day at the

British Museum, when a lad of 15. He took me to his bedroom at an

inn, locked the door, and showed me a collection of coins, giving

me some, and, while doing so, attempted to take indecent

liberties; but I pretended that I must catch a certain train,

unlocked the door, and made a hasty escape), nor was any

gratification sought beyond occasional kisses and other innocent

endearments, though such caresses would sometimes excite an

erection, which I carefully concealed. These amours were,

however, no outcome of perverted instinct, nor were they any bar

to fancies for the opposite sex which affected my imagination

rather than my heart."

HISTORY XVI.--This history is given in the subject's own words:

A.N., 34 years of age, a university graduate, devoted to learning

and interested in philosophy and theology. He is happily married

and the father of an only daughter. Since puberty he has enjoyed

excellent health.

"Looking back he finds the beginnings of sexual feeling obscure.

This feeling is by no means identical in its progress with the

knowledge of the phenomena of sex generally. The latter he

acquired thus: His mother told him at a very early age the

outlines of the phenomena of birth and explained to him (perhaps

at that time unnecessarily) that the genital organs of little

girls were different from his own. This piece of knowledge led to

his asking, when 9 years old, a little girl cousin who came to

live with the family (he was an only child) and who shared his

bed to let him see her genitalia. This she readily did and also

invited him to coitus, which she described as a 'nice game.' He

complied, but without, of course, any feeling of pleasure or any

understanding of the nature of what he was doing. Shortly after

this he went to a day school, where, amid the extraordinarily

coarse conversation of the boys, he was initiated into all the

more obvious phenomena of sex. But still it was only a matter of

intellectual curiosity. As such it had a strange fascination for

him, and to this day he remembers many of the obscene words and

phrases, as, for example, a set of indecent verses beginning

'William, the milkman, sat under a tree,' describing coitus,

though some of the details were yet misunderstood by him. That up

to his tenth or eleventh year no real sexual desire was awakened

is plain from the fact that there was no desire for any

repetition of attempts at coitus with his cousin, though he did

indeed, again out of curiosity, finger her genitals sometimes, a

thing which she, grown evidently more fastidious, reported to his

mother, who gravely reprimanded him, telling him that it was the

'beginning of all evil.'

"Desire was awakened gradually and, as I have said, obscurely.

Not only at school, but among his own cousins, especially two

girls (other than the one above mentioned) and a boy, the

conversation was lascivious in the extreme, though words never

proceeded to deeds as between the boys and the girls. He was

soon, however, about his fifteenth year, so far as he can

remember, initiated into the practice of masturbation, first,

sleeping with his boy cousin, the two used to play at 'husband

and wife,' and then, more directly, a neighbor, a heavy, sensual

type of boy, took him aside one day and drawing out his own penis

asked him 'if he knew how to make some buttermilk.' Out of

curiosity at first, and to obtain the new and voluptuous

sensation afterward, he began assiduously to practise this vice,

which, as he afterward found out, was very common, if not

universal about him. That it was morally reprehensible he had not

at that time the ghost of a notion; he considered that it

belonged to the category of the 'dirty' only. His father quite

neglected this development, believing, I suppose, in the

superstition of the 'innocence of childhood.'

"This practice of masturbation went on assiduously to his

sixteenth year, when its true nature and danger were revealed to

him by a good clergyman who prepared him for confirmation. He had

at this time gone far, in both solitary vice and vice 'à deux,'

with his male cousin, with whom he practised even 'fellatio' and

'intromissio in anum.' But now he began to struggle against it

and made some headway, but never entirely shook it off before his

marriage at 26, so deeply rooted was the hold it had on him.

Especially at the time between sleeping and waking, or while

lying sleepless at night--when the monks prayed 'ne polluantur

corpora'--did its attacks come insidiously upon him. He would

struggle for weeks and then would come a relapse. On one occasion

he slept with a young uncle who amused himself, thinking he was

asleep, by playing with his penis until he had an emission. A.N.

hailed the occasion with keen joy--he caustically argued that he

experienced the pleasure without being culpable in its

production! Then on 'coming to himself' he would agonize over his

vice, remembering, for example, that, while _he_ had rejoiced in

what had been done, the very cousin who some time before used to

share his sin was genuinely annoyed at the same uncle's

attentions when it was he who suffered them.

"Looking back over the whole period of his youth and adolescence,

he can trace the psychological effect of what was going on

secretly, in his relations to girls and women. In a word, these

relations were sentimental only. He often imagined himself in

love; but it was imagination only. He was in love with a wraith,

not a girl of flesh and blood. He hesitated to regard in any

sexual way any girl of whom he had a high opinion; sexual desire

and 'love' seemed for him to inhabit different worlds and that it

would be a pollution to bring them together. In hours of

relaxation from the very hard intellectual work which he was at

this time engaged on at school and at the university, he was

quite content with the society of quite young girls or even

children when most of his friends would have sought out females

of their own age. Nothing could have been farther from his

desires or intention than any lascivious or, indeed, unseemly act

toward any female in whose company he might be: no mother need

have hesitated to trust her daughter in his company. I firmly

believe that the discipline of the same bed which Gibbon

(_Decline and Fall_, ed. Bury, vol. ii, p. 37) makes so merry

over could have been endured by him without difficulty. His

outward conduct was in all these respects most seemly and

decorous, yet night after night he could masturbate, his

imagination glowing with visions of female nakedness.

"Curiously the one and only actual female for whom he felt any

desire at the earlier period (aged 14 to 16) began to be the

cousin who lived in the house. On one occasion he touched her

breasts, on another her naked thighs--and that was all! As she

grew to puberty, she would have allowed far more liberties, but

he contented himself with a sly glance now and again, when he

could procure it, at her swelling bosom. The fear of putting her

with child was ample to keep him away from her bed. Later on even

so much as the foregoing occurred no more, and, as I have said,

his outward life became absolutely decorous.

"Consequently he was in no danger of having dealings with

prostitutes. The preliminaries, the conversation of such women,

especially their drinking habits, would have been disgusting and

repugnant to him in the extreme. He would have shunned the

possibility of acquiring venereal disease like the plague. But he

was never free from solitary vice; he secretly envied those who

had occasions for coitus in what I may call a seemly and cleanly

manner, friends in the country with farm girls, etc., of whom he

had heard. He indulged also in lascivious reading, the obscene

when he could procure it, rather than the merely suggestive,

which has never been to his taste. He was familiar with quite a

large number of Latin and Greek indecent passages, knew the

broader farces of the _Canterbury Tales_ and of the _Decameron_,

and, later, the 'contes' of La Fontaine and the _Facetiæ_ of

Poggio. As Ste.-Beuve says of Gibbon, I think, he acquired an

'erudite and cold' sort of obscenity in this way.

"All this, of course, is only one half, and by no means always

the dominant half, of his nature. He was often repentant for

these delinquencies, and he was sincerely religious. He was also

fond of serious learning and contrived to take a first-class

university degree. Yet, ever and anon, the deeply sensual side of

his nature made itself felt. Scotched for a time it could be, but

killed never.

"Yet, I do not think it could be said that he had the sexual

instinct in any really high degree. It was more like a small fly

that makes a large buzz than any considerable factor in his

constitution. He had a companion about this time of whom such a

remark is even more true. This man's mind was replete with all

manner of risky stories, all sorts of sexual details. He would

take long walks with girls of loose character, talk with

prostitutes at home and abroad, and yet, I believe, he never

proceeded to coitus.

"Such then, was the subject of this notice up to the time of his

marriage. Two men, one might say, in one skin. One learned, one

merely obscene; one a pattern of decorousness, the other a

self-polluter.

"On the sexual side he was as one knowing everything there is to

know--yet knowing nothing. Like the boy-hero in Wedekind's

_Frühling's Erwachen_, he had been long in Egypt, yet he had

never seen the pyramids. He began to distress himself with

questions as to whether he was yet capable; whether his recurring

vice had not permanently injured him; whether he had made himself

unfit for marriage. So shy and reserved was he about his secret

that he could never have brought himself to mention it to a

medical man. 'What! he! the good, the religious! the wholly moral

and decorous!' (such was, indeed, the reputation he had among his

friends); 'he, the victim of a vice so black!' No, no! '_Secretum

meum mihi_,' he cried.

"Fortune, however, was kind to him. He was at an early age free

from financial worries, which had almost crushed him earlier in

his career, and he met in course of time the family from which he

selected his excellent wife.

"The society in which he lived was of all English classes, I

should suppose, the most reticent in matters of sex--the

respectable, lower middle class; shopkeepers and the like, with a

tradition of homely religion and virtue. The classes a little

higher in the scale (to which, by the way, his mother had

belonged) could far better sympathize with one in his position.

Well, the family of his future wife was of a higher class and,

what is far more, of foreign origin, for whom a large number of

our English 'convenances' do not exist. To them sex was frankly

recognized as a factor in life, and the mother of this household,

as he grew more intimate, broached subjects which he had never,

in such a manner, discussed before. It is unnecessary to give

here any general history of his relationships with this

household, as they have nothing to do with the matter in hand.

After some time he became engaged to the youngest daughter, two

years his senior, a woman of remarkable beauty and splendid

development, one who attracted him as none other had done, both

on account of her intellectual and social qualities and her

physical beauty (he had hitherto despaired of finding the two

combined in one person), for she is certainly the most beautiful

woman with whom he has ever been acquainted.

"He now began to make the practical acquaintance of a woman--and

one who, in impulses, temper, manner, and habit of thought,

differed _toto cælo_ from the girls he had known in his old home.

Her sexual nature was ripe and developed, and it is lucky that

the engagement was of short duration, or the strain and

anticipation of that time might have been injurious to the health

of both. As usual, in his outward relations toward women, so

toward his _fiancée_, he was prepared for chaste caresses only.

This, however, did not suffice for her hot and passionate nature.

They went as far as possible short of actual coitus.

"After a few months, however, the marriage took place, and, at

first, this brought him bitter disappointment and seemed to

confirm his worst fears. He found himself quite unable to have

pleasure or satisfactory coitus; quite incapable, with any

erection that he could command, of introducing his well-developed

penis into his wife's extremely narrow and contracted vagina.

About a fortnight after the marriage, however, on his return from

their short wedding tour, he felt much stronger and copulated

with her, especially in the early mornings, so satisfactorily

that she soon found herself with child. Coitus now began to be

much more pleasurable for him, but to his wife still attended

with pain.

"After nine months of married life, the child, the only offspring

of the marriage, a healthy girl, was born. The stress of this

time, the upsetting of his wife's health, her nervous breakdown

and consequently uncertain temper, seemed for a period of nearly

two years effectually to repress any sexual desire in the

husband, and this period is perhaps the chastest of his life.

Desire seemed to be the one thing absent. The revulsion of

feeling in his wife was remarkable. The erstwhile amorous

_fiancée_, who could hardly wait until marriage to test her

lover, became now the wife and mother who hardly wished to be

touched by her husband.

"Her health, however, gradually improved and a more normal state

of affairs was brought about, which has continued to the present

day, broken only by periods of abstention, chiefly caused by the

attacks of anemia and menstrual irregularities from which his

wife suffers from time to time. Ordinarily, he enjoys coitus once

or twice in the month, hardly oftener, taking one month with

another. At one time he exemplified in his own person the saying

_omne animal post coitum triste_, but now happily this depression

of spirits is rarely felt. Sometimes he has felt a depression of

spirits, a general discontentedness, before experiencing a strong

erection; in these cases coitus has cleared his spirits. He would

naturally look upon coitus as an evacuation, although he

recognizes the imperfectness of that view. For one thing he is

constantly sorry, viz., that the act gives no pleasure to his

wife, and that he has never been able to induce a crisis with her

by normal means. In this state of affairs, knowing that 'après

coup' she was still unsatisfied, he slipped into the practice of

rubbing the clitoris with his fingers until the emission takes

place. To do this, they assume the position 'ille sub, illa

super.' From his own limited marital experience, he has never

been able to understand the stories of women who masturbate

several times a day, as his wife would be physically incapable

(so he believes) of anything of the kind, and only easily reaches

the crisis in any circumstances during the first few days after

the menstrual flow has ceased. In fine, while agreeing

theoretically with Sir Richard Burton and others that the eastern

style of coitus (directed with a view to the pleasure of your

partner) is the right one, it is one of his standing regrets that

he is unable to practise it. In the place of the twenty minutes

required by the women of India (according to Burton) he is happy

if he can give two or three at the most, much as he would wish to

prolong a pleasure as keen to himself as he could desire it to be

to his dear and excellent spouse."

HISTORY XVII.--R.L., American; aged 43; height, 5 ft. 7 in.;

weight, about 145 lbs.; occupation, teacher; somewhat neurotic; a

slight myopia associated with acute astigmatism and muscular

weakness of the eyes, producing a tendency to migraine. Uric acid

diathesis, producing occasionally severe neuralgia, particularly

in the intestines. These symptoms have been more or less constant

since very early childhood. General health very good. Not

inclined to indulge in athletic sports, but prefers sedentary

occupations and recreations.

"My early ideas of sexual things are not very clear in

recollection. I think that when 7 or 8 years of age I had a

knowledge of the common or vulgar terms for intercourse and for

the genital organs. Boys of my own age and slightly older would

discuss sex relations, and I had a general knowledge that, in

some way connected with the sexual act, 'babies were made.' We

would tell, occasionally, lewd stories, and a few times attempted

sexual practices with one another. Not till after puberty did I

ever attempt masturbation. I must have been 9 or 10 years old

before I learned that there was a difference in the sex organs of

boys and girls. Up to this time I had supposed that intercourse

was _per anum._ I attended a public school with both sexes. Talk

among my boy associates was often nasty and concerned the sexual

act with girls. At about 12 years I began to have erotic day

dreams. I always had a sentimental attachment for some girl

acquaintance whom I would idealize and with whom I would imagine

myself having sex relations. As a matter of fact, there was no

real sexual feeling about this. As I was very shy and timid

naturally, I never made any kind of advances toward any of them,

and they were entirely ignorant of any sentiments of affection in

me.

"Pubertal changes commenced, I presume, about the age of 13½

years. I place it at this period from the following

circumstances, which are fixed very strongly in my memory: I had,

as a child, a soprano voice that was praised considerably by

older friends, and about which I was inordinately conceited, I

enjoyed greatly taking part in operettas, cantatas, etc. The

dramatic instinct, if so it may be called, has always been marked

with me, and amateur dramatics are still my chief diversion. When

I was about the age mentioned above my voice changed quite

rapidly, greatly to my distress of mind, as I was obliged to give

up taking a part for which I had been cast in a school

entertainment. The memory of that disappointment is still

poignant. Other changes, such as the appearance of the pubertal

hair, must have made no impression on my mind, as I cannot

recollect anything in connection therewith. No involuntary

emissions occurred. Indeed, during periods of continence in later

life, when the sexual tension has been very strong, I have had

very few such emissions.

"As a lad of 11 or 12, I had heard frequent allusions to

masturbation by other boys who were older, but always in a way

that indicated contempt. Yet there is no doubt now in my mind

that the practice was very general. I think that I was probably

about 15 when I decided to try the act. I think that there was

little sex impulse in this decision. The animating purpose was

rather curiosity. I succeeded in producing the complete orgasm

and found it pleasurable, though there was a considerable shock

of surprise at the ejaculation of semen. As nearly as I can

estimate in my memory of an event as far back as this was, this

was the beginning of definite sexual sensibility in me. I cannot

but believe, however, that it would have been aroused sooner or

later in some other way. Thereafter I would imagine myself

embracing some of the girl friends to whom I have referred above,

and, when excited, would masturbate. The act was in every

instance a psychic intercourse. For some time I did not know that

the practice was considered harmful. I indulged whenever I felt

the inclination. This at times was rather frequent; again only at

considerable intervals. I did know that it was looked upon as

being unmanly, and never admitted, except to perhaps two or three

boy friends, that I ever indulged. With these boys I practised

mutual masturbation a few times. There was no homosexual feeling

connected with these acts in any of us. It was only that the

normal method of gratifying our desires was not available. I know

the subsequent history of each of these boys, and there has been

nothing to indicate any perverted instinct in any of them. About

the age of 16 I heard a talk on sexual matters by a traveling

evangelist, who portrayed the effects of masturbation in fearful

colors. I now realize that he was an ignorant though

well-intentioned man; but the general effect of his talk upon me

was a bad one. One of the results of the habit, according to his

statements, was insanity. Therefore I expected at any moment to

lose my mind. I felt that I must stop the practice at once, but

the matter became so great an obsession that again and again I

broke my resolutions for reform. I undertook exercise, dieting,

the reading of serious literature: all of which I had seen

referred to in books as methods of lessening sexual desire. The

object of these disciplinary practices was always the thing most

prominently in mind, and so they were of no avail. Fortunately I

entered college a little later, and the affairs of school life

gradually took a commanding place in my thoughts, and the

practice was not so much in mind. I did not, however, completely

break away from it until almost the time of my marriage. If the

present attitude of the scientific medical world toward the

subject had been known to me, I do not believe that any evil

would have come to me from the practice. At a later period of my

life, say between 21 and 24, I would not indulge the habit for a

considerable interval. At times I did not notice the presence or

lack of desire. But then there would come periods when I would be

under a severe sexual tension. This would be marked by intense

nervousness, an inability to fix my attention upon any one thing,

and a great desire to have intercourse. An act of masturbation at

such a time would generally give relief. However, when I yielded

to this form of relief, there would always follow feelings of

profound self-reproach and of self-repugnance. Had I had

nocturnal emissions they might have relieved me; but, as I have

said before, they very rarely occurred. When, rarely, one did

occur I would be greatly frightened, for I had the old, erroneous

idea that they meant serious weakness and always ascribed them to

my bad habit. That my habit of masturbation had any relation to

the rarity of the involuntary emissions would, of course, be a

matter of pure conjecture. In passing from the discussion of

personal masturbation, I wish to say that my associations with

boys as a pupil and as a teacher lead me to believe that the

practice is practically universal. When discussing the hygienic

evils of prostitution with boy pupils I have noted that, whereas

not infrequently a boy will voluntarily protest that he has never

had intercourse, there has always been a significant silence when

masturbation is mentioned. I have never heard a boy make a

denial, direct or indirect, that he had indulged in the practice.

But it has seldom been a perversion. It has rather been, as in my

own case, an available means of relieving a sexual impulse.

"During my college life I associated with many boys who had more

or less regular sexual relations with prostitutes or with girls

who were not virtuous. Their attitude toward the practice was an

immoral one. The ethical aspect of irregular sexual relations

never concerned them. It certainly did not concern me. What I

have learned through my conversations on the subject with my

pupils makes it evident to me that this is the common feeling of

most boys of the adolescent period. I think of two things which

operated strongly to prevent my entering into sexual relations

with girls during this period of my life. One was an esthetic

repugnance to the average prostitute. These are the women most

easily available to the youth whose sexual desires are developed.

I do not remember ever having seen an avowed prostitute who did

not seem repulsive to me. I confess to an inclination to

priggishness. I preferred to associate with people whom I called

'nice people.' It was fortunate for me that I was thrown into the

society of a rather rough crowd of youths, who knocked a great

deal of this snobbishness out of me. But it did act to prevent my

having recourse to prostitution. A second preventive was my

natural timidity in making advances to people. This has been a

trait that I have never completely overcome. In my professional

life this has been some detriment to my advancement. In the

matter of sex relationship it tended to prevent my taking

advantage of association with and even of advances from girls

who, not prostitutes, were nevertheless not virtuous. There were

a number of such in the town and neighborhood in which I lived,

and I undoubtedly could have had sexual relations with them if I

had only been able to overcome my shyness. The desire was not

wanting. I really craved intercourse with them. It was simply a

matter of cowardice. There was one girl whom I knew very well,

with whom I was on friendly terms, who I knew had had sexual

relations with other boys. She showed, at times, a marked

preference for me, and I am sure would have welcomed any advances

that I should have made. A number of times I sought her company

with the intention of suggesting intercourse, but my resolution

always failed.

"All through my college course I was much in the society of

girls. We were in class together, associated very freely in

society, frequently studied together. This is the most usual

state of things in the western part of our country. But they were

simply comrades: sex thoughts never arose in connection with such

association. And I am quite certain that this was the general

attitude of the other boys. Although the talk among the boy

students was at times, very frankly and crudely, about sexual

relations, no breath of scandal ever touched one of the college

girls. Again my experience as teacher and student brings a

conclusion that coeducation of the sexes does not affect, in one

way or the other, the strictly sexual life of the male student. A

very intimate friend who has had a varied experience in school

work has told me recently that his conclusions are the same.

"When I was about 20 years old I became acquainted with a very

beautiful girl, four years my junior. Our acquaintance very

rapidly developed into deeper affection, and about five years

later we were married. During all this time very little of the

physical aspects of love entered into our attachment. My

sweetheart had much of the same shyness as was so pronounced in

my own character. For several years I think that the thought of

marriage was never distinctly present in our minds. A formal

betrothal between us did not take place until within a year and a

half of our marriage. Yet each of us had a very distinct

understanding of the feelings of the other. But until our

betrothal there were none of even those very innocent expressions

of endearment common, I imagine, to all lovers. I am sure that

during this period of our attachment no thought of any physical

relations between us was ever in my mind; or, at any rate, was

promptly banished if it occurred. Yet all this time my sex

desires were very strong and at times became an obsession. Never,

though, were they directed toward my sweetheart. The first time

that we engaged in the endearments and caresses allowed to lovers

I became conscious, after a time, of a state of sexual

excitement. I experienced an erection. It was absolutely reflex;

no thought had entered into it. I was at once overwhelmed with a

feeling of shame. I felt that I had been guilty of unthinkable

indecency toward my betrothed. Then there arose a fear that it

might be noticed. (Men at that time wore abominably tight

clothing.) As a matter of fact, I now know that there was no real

danger of this, for she was absolutely ignorant of the nature of

the male sexual organs. But I made a pretext for withdrawing from

the room and tried to adjust my clothing so that no exposure

could occur. I was fearful of coming into close proximity to her

again, lest there should be a recurrence of the feeling. As a

matter of fact it did occur a number of times, but my good sense

finally suggested the explanation and after a time it ceased to

trouble me. The thought was latent in my mind that sexual

excitement was necessarily more or less indecent at all times,

and I could not reconcile its manifestation with a pure love.

"I have said that my sexual desire was strong. Up to the time of

marriage it was never gratified in the normal manner. My esthetic

abhorrence of prostitutes continued to prevent its gratification

in that manner. No other opportunity offered. I am positive that

moral considerations did not enter into the matter at all. I

think now that it was strange that the thought that it would be

disloyal to my promised wife to have connection with other women

did not affect me. But I am sure that it did not. I am inclined

to think that conscientious scruples very rarely enter into the

average young man's considerations of contemplated sexual

relations.

"As the time of my marriage drew near, thoughts of the physical

relationship of husband and wife became, of course, more

insistent. The idea of establishing sexual relations was not at

all a pleasant one. I dreaded it as an ordeal. I wondered if it

would be possible for us to retain the same love and affection

for one another after such intimate relations were established.

This was a recurrence of the fallacious notion that there was

something inherently indecent in sexual things. I am in hopes

that other ideas are replacing this wrong one, in the minds of

the younger generation, as the result of the saner and franker

discussion of sex. By a great effort, I had practically stopped

masturbating. At times I felt almost maddened by desire. But

never did the prospect of marriage seem desirable from this point

of view. Up to the very day of our wedding my affection for my

betrothed seemed free from sexual desire. But my physical being

was craving sexual companionship.

"Theoretically I knew a great deal of the nature of intercourse.

Practically I was absolutely ignorant. In some ways I was better

informed, on matters that a new husband should know, than the

average man entering the married life. A physician's library had

been at my disposal, and I had read somewhat extensively on

physiology and hygiene. My chosen lines of study had given me a

theoretical knowledge of the anatomy of the female genital organs

that was fairly thorough. I knew a little about the physiology of

reproduction and rather less of intercourse. Fortunately, I

learned in the course of my reading that the first sexual

approaches were likely to be quite painful to a woman, and that

great care should be exercised at this time. I tried to put into

practice what little I had learned in theory and I imagine that

we got through the introductory attempts with less than the

average difficulties. Our first efforts were not satisfactory to

either of us. My wife was absolutely unprepared so far as any

definite knowledge of the act was concerned. I sincerely hope

that the prudish notions of the past generations will give way to

more sensible views in the future, and that the girl becoming a

wife will be just as chaste, but wiser in matters of such

importance to her happiness. I presume that my timidity was a

valuable asset at this time; for I was afraid to force matters in

any way, and time and repeated attempts finally overcame our

difficulties. And when our sexual relations were once

established, the whole tenor of my life was changed. All the

former sexual unrest disappeared. My former feeling toward sexual

relations was altered. They no longer seemed that which, though

very desirable, was yet necessarily indecent. Fortunately, after

the first few weeks, they have been quite pleasurable to my wife.

I am sure that our sexual life since marriage has been a large

factor in deepening the love that has made our married life an

ideal one. As I look back at the first year of marriage, I wonder

that we got through it so well. My knowledge of sexual hygiene

was a strange mixture of fact and nonsense. If the frequency of

acts of intercourse advocated by some of the authorities I have

lately read is correct, then we must have passed the bounds of

moderation. But it is certain that our general health has been

very good: better in both cases than before marriage.

"In reviewing these phases of the development of my sexual life,

one or two conclusions seem to me to be strongly emphasized. It

was unfortunate that the real sexual desire was aroused as early

and in the manner that it was. Whether this would have been

prevented by more definite education in the hygiene and the

purpose of the function, I can only conjecture. I believe that

mine was and is the common experience of boys. I am decidedly of

the opinion that there should be instruction given of the anatomy

of the genital organs and of the hygiene of intercourse, and this

shortly after the youth has reached puberty. How this is to be

done is a grave question. It will require tact and knowledge not

possessed by the average teacher and parent. However it is done,

it should be honest, frank, and free from piosity.

"I am certain that, in my own case, rather frequent intercourse

is decidedly beneficial. Any prolonged abstinence always brings

about the same nervous disturbances that I have referred to

above. It is fortunate for me that this repetition of the act is

satisfactory to both concerned."

HISTORY XVIII.--E.W., dentist, aged 32, of New England Puritan

stock. Height, 5 ft. 10½ in.; weight, 144 lbs. Spare and active,

of nervobilious temperament.

"My earliest recollection is being punished for 'playing with

myself' when I could not have been more than 3 or 4 years of age.

I distinctly remember my exultation on discovering that I could

excite myself (while my hands were tied behind my back for

punishment) by rubbing my small but erect penis against the

carpet while lying on my stomach. At this time, of course, I knew

nothing of sex or of what I was doing. I did what my desires and

instincts at that time prompted me to do. However, punishments

and lectures failed utterly to break up this habit, and, though I

always wished and tried faithfully to obey my parents, I soon

grew to indulge quietly in bed when I was thought to be asleep.

The matter apparently passed out of the minds of my parents as

soon as they ceased to detect me further in the act, and they

regarded it as abandoned. I now feel reasonably certain that this

precocity was due to an adherent foreskin which covered the glans

tightly almost to the meatus, and so kept up a continual

irritation.

"I have no recollection that anyone ever taught me the habit, and

I know beyond a doubt that no one ever learned of the habit or

even a word as to the possibility of autoexcitement through word

or deed of mine. My recollection of the sensations is that there

was a short period of excitation, usually by rubbing, which was

not particularly, often not at all, pleasurable, and this was

followed by a single thrill of pleasure that extended all over

my little body. The curious thing was, however, that there seemed

to be no limit to the number of times I could consecutively

produce this sensation. My recollection is perfectly clear of how

I would lie in bed of a morning and thus excite myself time after

time. As I grew older this condition, of course, changed.

Masturbation was not a consuming passion with me at this or any

other time. I enjoyed it and felt that in it I had a means of

entertainment when other sources of enjoyment were not at hand.

"By the time I was 6 or 7 I had figured out the difference in sex

in animals and suspected that 'all was not as it should be' in

some portions of a girl's anatomy. This suspicion was suddenly

confirmed one never-to-be-forgotten morning, when I induced my

dearest playmate, a little girl, to urinate in my presence. I was

more thunderstruck than excited over this discovery, and it led

to no results in any other way, nor did we ever again unveil

ourselves to each other. At this time I began to learn from the

older boys the pitiful, childish vulgarities and common terms of

sex, and to invent and exchange rhymes and stories that were

pathetic in their attempts at vulgarity.

"At the age of 11 a buxom servant-girl threw out some vague hints

to me,--I was very tall for my age,--and tried to induce me to

take liberties with her, at least to the extent of telling her

vulgar stories, but I would not rise to the lure. I believe that

the thing which held me in check was fear of discovery by my

parents and the consequent humiliation. A short time previous to

this my father had enlightened me as to the means and manner of

reproduction and had encouraged me to talk to him and to my

mother on such subjects rather than with anyone else. I think

this had a great influence for good, as it made me feel that I

had some authoritative knowledge and that I was trusted by my

parents. My determination not to prove entirely unworthy of their

trust has been the anchor that has held through all the storms

and temptations of youth and young manhood.

"About the age of puberty I began to long for more realistic

experiences and tried through a period of a year or so the

disgusting experiments of intercourse with animals, using hens

and a cow for this purpose. Details are of no importance, and I

spare myself their repetition. My better nature or general mental

development soon overcame my desires in this direction, and the

practice was abandoned.

"With the dawning of the power of emission I noticed that the

adherent foreskin before alluded to, which had never been

examined during all these years (as I had discovered that I was

different from other boys and so was shy about exposing myself),

began to trouble me by being painful during erections.

Accordingly I took a buttonhook and tore all the adhesions loose.

A very painful though ultimately entirely satisfactory

operation!

"(I may mention in this connection that my two sons were

afflicted with adherent foreskins to such an extent as to render

circumcision necessary a few days after birth, in order that the

function of urination might become fully established.)

"As my powers developed I had my first wet dream at about the age

of 15, and was much surprised thereat. My father, however, told

me not to be alarmed and soothed my anxious fears, which were

easily aroused by my guilty feelings on account of my habit of

masturbation, in which I still indulged from one to three times a

week.

"Between the ages of 12 and 17 my father had the good judgment to

require a large amount of active outdoor labor from me, as well

as sending me to excellent schools. Certain kinds of study had a

distinct effect upon the sexual organs, namely, difficult Latin

and German translations and problems in fractions. I considered

at the time that it was because my mind wandered from the subject

I was studying. Now I am perfectly sure it was because my mind

focused on the subject I was studying. At any rate the fact

existed, and when alone in my room, wrestling with a knotty

problem, I used almost as a rule to keep myself in the most

violent state of erection for long periods--an hour or

so--sometimes ending with an emission, but more often I forced

myself to forego this climax through fear of overindulgence.

During these years my curiosity as to the exact nature of the

female organs was something terrible, and I wasted many hours and

much ingenuity in the attempt to surreptitiously gratify it. My

perseverance in the face of failure along this line was surely

worthy of a nobler cause.

"I was much in the society of girls of my own age or older during

these years and until I was 19. I found with them a keen and

entirely pure and wholesome enjoyment utterly separate and apart

from the desires and indulgences which I have been describing. I

never cared for any girl who was 'forward' or in any way

unladylike, and the idea of taking any undue liberties with any

of my youthful sweethearts was as remote from my thoughts as a

trip to the moon. Perhaps I can say this better and more

distinctly by stating that I would be perfectly willing to have

my wife know of, or my boys repeat, any action that I ever took

with any woman.

"I spent my spare time in their society and lavished upon my girl

companions every cent I could spare, but had no thought of

immediate sex desire or gratification. At the age of 17 I went as

an apprentice in my present profession of dentistry. Whenever it

became necessary for me, in assisting at the operating chair, to

touch a lady's hair or face, I would be seized with the utmost

confusion and could with difficulty control my hands so that they

did not tremble. This soon wore off as I came to a realization of

the true professional spirit and attitude toward all patients,

and, needless to say, has now become a matter of the utmost

indifference to me.

"From 19 to 22 I attended a professional school in a large city,

remote from my home, where I was an utter stranger. During these

years I devoted myself to my professional studies and to music

with much diligence. I took an active part in all student life

and problems save only that of the 'eternal feminine.'

"Frequently I have been out with a crowd of 'the boys' when they

headed for a brothel, and have been the only one to turn back or

to remain on the sidewalk as the door closed behind my last

companion. I say this not in self-praise, but in the same spirit

of accuracy which has prompted me to put down everything

concerning this greatest mystery of our natures as I have

experienced it and worked it out.

"It was during these three years at school that I placed upon

myself the most stringent and effective curbs to my sex nature. I

somehow never could 'get my own consent' to go to a brothel or

stay with a 'soiled dove,' for I had by this time firmly resolved

that I would bring to my wife, whoever she might turn out to be,

a clean body at least. I limited myself in my autoexcitement to

one emission a week and on one or two occasions went two weeks

without inducing an emission. Spontaneous nocturnal emissions

were quite common during these years. I cannot state just how

frequent they were, but perhaps one a week would be a fair

average.

"Shortly after graduation at the age of 22 I became engaged to

the woman who is now my wife. (She was 17 at the time of our

engagement, brunette, well developed, and with a wisdom and charm

that have held me a willing captive for ten years and no prospect

of escape!)

"With our engagement began for each of us that divine and

mysterious unfolding of the nature of one to the nature of the

other. Our engagement lasted two years and a half and, ignorant

as we both were, I am sure that it was none too long. Never shall

I forget the surprise I felt--to say nothing of the delight--when

I discovered that my sweetheart was as anxious to find out the

uttermost facts about me as I was to explore the divine mystery

of her sweet body.

"We lived in different towns and I used to spend Sundays at her

home. I slept in a room adjoining that occupied by my betrothed

and a friend. There was a transom with clear glass over the door

which connected these two rooms, and to have stood upon the foot

of the bed and looked through this transom would have been the

easiest thing in the world, and was such an opportunity as I

would have given years of my life to have obtained in my

adolescence; but now that the chance was afforded me to freely

spy upon the chamber of my future bride my soul revolted, for the

feeling was upon me that not until it was revealed to me because

she could no longer bear to keep it concealed from me would I

look upon the blessed vision of her maiden loveliness. Nor was I

disappointed, for gradually we became acquainted with each

other's bodies, and this gradual unveiling of each to the other

led, during the last months of our engagement, to mutual manual

manipulations, excitement and gratification. Intercourse did not

take place until the second night after our marriage, and our

first baby was born nine months and three days after our

marriage, though my wife was ten days past the cessation of her

period at the time of my first entering.

"Since marriage I have made it my first duty to study my wife's

inclinations and desires with regard to our sexual relations, and

can say that now, after seven years of married life, and after

she has borne me two sons, we are enjoying a fullness of

happiness that neither of us would have believed possible during

the first year of our married life.

"I have found that the woman must have the entire charge of the

time and number of approaches in a week or month, and that when

she is for any reason disinclined to the sexual act the husband

must keep away, no matter how he feels about the matter. Also the

man must be sure that his wife reaches the orgasm or is at the

point of it before he allows himself to 'let go.'

"Our meetings have averaged eight or nine a month. During the

latter months of pregnancy they were _nil_, and in the month

following an enforced separation of several weeks they were

fourteen. We have never tried nor had the slightest curiosity to

know how far we could indulge ourselves.

"For myself I seem to demand a gratification of the sexual desire

rather oftener than my wife, and when I feel I cannot get a good

night's rest without first being relieved of my seminal burden,

while at the same time my wife is disinclined to the sexual act,

I have her perform manual manipulation until relief is effected.

Mind, I say _relief_, for the emission gives me very little

pleasure under these circumstances, but it does give _relief_. In

my present health I find I cannot sleep well if I go over more

than two nights without an emission. My wife understands my

condition, and is entirely willing to assist me in this way when

she feels she cannot give me the gratification which I crave. We

have come to see sex matters as they are, and respect and

reverence have taken the place of ignorance and fear.

"To sum up, owing to lack of circumcision the sex instinct

developed too soon and out of all proportion during my early

youth. I cannot see that masturbation has ever had the slightest

bad effect upon my health or mental state (except as I was

constantly loathing myself more or less for being unable to stop

it).

"The husband must subordinate himself to the wife in order to

obtain the highest good and pleasure of both.

"I have always been successful in my undertakings. Stood at the

head of my class at school, and in my professional work graduated

with highest honors. I have a memory for prose or verse that is

the cause of envy to many of my friends. The facts here set down

are recorded in the interest of advancing study along this most

important but neglected and ignored line. That they have been

truthfully recorded without favor to the black or light on the

white is my sincere belief."

HISTORY XIX.--E.B. Parents sound; strong constitution in mother,

moderately so in father; vigorous and healthy, but of refined

nature. Breast-milk for six months.

"_Age 4-5_. Took great delight in the little waterworks. Severely

punished for this. Interest in the parts morbidly increased

thereby.

"_Age 5_. Earliest recollection of 'counter-erection'--the penis

shrinking tensely into itself, producing local and general

discomfort. This resulted from certain kinds of

_mauvaise-honte_,--having to kiss aged persons, having officious

help at micturition, bathing, dressing, etc., which caused a sort

of physical disgust. Toward puberty the experience grew rare. One

such occasion was at about eighteen, when solicited on the street

by a prostitute. The very _idea_ of homosexual relations produces

it. It would appear to be a powerful safeguard against

promiscuous sex relations. I have met two men subject to the same

thing, and have heard of one woman subject to something

analogous. It might be called a nausea of the 'nether heart' in

Georg Hirth's phrase.

"_Age 6-7_. Earliest recollection of erection. Unprovoked at

first. A disposition to _punish_ the organ and satisfaction in

doing so. From this time erection took place whenever it was

thought about.

"_Age 10_. Present at a discussion in the playground about the

best way of intercourse, which I heard of for the first time.

This was followed by enlightenment on the source of children.

Concluded it must be very painful to both parties. 'Just the

other way,' I was told. But the idea of pain to the genitals was

'interesting' to me. Pain felt by the other sex was

'interesting.' Pained looks captivated me--I liked to imagine

some mysterious trouble; and, as I learned more, 'female

complaints' interested me greatly in their subjects. I got a

'grateful pang' at the pit of the stomach at the thought, but

neither erection nor the opposite. This hypogastric feeling has

continued to associate itself with certain sexual impressions.

The thought of a _woman mortifying herself_ later on excited me

sexually. Once, pulling a stay-string for fun (my wife never

laced) gave me a powerful and quite unexpected erection.

"_Age 12_. A girl visitor of the same age got me talking about

the genitals, and at bedtime came and proposed coitus. We failed

to manage it. The vulva stripped back the foreskin, which was a

voluptuous feeling; then we were alarmed by something and

separated. I never saw her again. She too liked to 'punish' her

vulva. She put whole pepper in it, and advised me to use the

same. I continued greatly excited when she had gone; the hand

flew to the phallus and worried it, and orgasm came on at

once--the childish orgasm consisting of well-spaced spasms of the

ejaculators, without the poignant preliminary nisus of the adult

orgasm. There was no reaction or depression, except that the

phallus--which did not subside at once--was painful to touch. A

week or so later I tried again, but failed. A month later, being

more excited, I succeeded. I found that I could only compass it

about once in three weeks. There were no emissions. I used to

have a spontaneous mental image of a small Grecian temple in a

sunny park, which charmed me, and I had no scruples.

"_Age 12-13_. Masturbated once or twice a month.

"_Age 13-14_. Was sent to a small public school, where it

happened that a very good tone prevailed. I learned that

masturbation was bad form and unmanly. The proper thing was to

save one's self up for women--at about 18. I dropped the practice

easily, in spite of indulging my imagination about coitus. I

thought of the initiation with prostitutes at 18, with the mixed

feelings that even the most combative soldier must regard the

fray. The hypogastric feeling above referred to would come

on--which I liked and disliked at the same time. The first

occasion on which I remember this feeling was when I got my first

braces. Anything that harped on my sex produced it. Every time I

received the sacrament, which I was forced to do very young, I

repented of my intention of whoring at 18--as a man 'must'

do--and afterward I relapsed to the expectation. Religion was a

great reality to me, but it did not produce the radical effect

that the development of the romantic sentiment did later on.

(Both my wife and I became free-thinkers at about 30.)

"_Age 15-17_. Read poetry and romance. Conceived a high ideal of

faithfulness and constancy. What a mockery all this loyalty is, I

said to myself, if a man has stultified it beforehand. That was

no mere castle-building. I had not understood what I was about in

expecting to whore. The critical feelings were now awakening, and

what they produced was revulsion against the abuse of sex, which

got stronger every year. It became plain that there would be no

whoring or the like for me; I was far too proud and fastidious. I

neglected my tasks, which were uncongenial, and read a great deal

of anatomy and physiology, which stood me in good stead later. As

I rose in the school I was surprised to find the tone worse, but

quite at the top it was better again, and with my latest

companions sex was never even mentioned. At 14 I had a friend who

importuned me to come into his bed, but I never would get under

his bedclothes, for the male sex repels me powerfully in personal

contact; he began to talk of masturbation, and now I can

understand what he was aiming at. But my day-dreams of nymphs and

dryads kept me in a state of perpetual tension, and erection was

very frequent. The early morbid admiration of delicate women

became replaced by admiration of health and strength combined

with grace.

"_Age 17-18_. I was given a cubicle in which my neighbor on the

right masturbated noisily two or three times a week, and the one

on the left every night, using intermittent friction to drag it

out longer. One night, kneeling at my bedside, saying prayers, my

attention was divided between these and the occupation of my

neighbor, when, after not having masturbated for four years,--the

critical years of development,--the hand flew to the phallus and

"'pulses pounding through palms and trembling

encircling fingers'

"procured, in Walt Whitman's language,

"'the wholesome relief,--repose, content.'

"I slept well and had a sense of elation at the proof of manhood,

for we boys were anxious about whether we secreted semen or not.

The sexual obsession was tempered, and about three weeks later I

had my first 'pollution'--the 'angel of the night,' as Mantegazza

with better sense calls it. From that time on I had pollutions

every two or three weeks, with dreams sometimes of masturbation

or of nymphs, or quite irrelevant matters. For a time these gave

me perfect relief; then my 'dilectatio morosa' began to grow

again, and the phallus would become so sensitive that working

about on the belly would liberate the orgasm.

"_Age 18-19_. I had kept on persuading myself I was not

masturbating--avoiding the use of the hand--but now I dropped

this pretense, and frankly conceded the need to myself. I got

done with it in a peremptory way and thought no more of it. I had

no evil effects, moral or physical, and my mother would often

compliment me on my bright appearance the morning after. At that

time the appetite matured every seven to ten days, and, though I

dreaded the idea of slavery to it, it would have been very hard

to forego it. Headaches, which had begun to plague me from

puberty on, grew rarer. Pollutions occurred in between, but were

less effectual. I had up to this point accepted the incidental

pleasure under a sort of protest; but now I got over that too and

I allowed what I would prefer to call an idio-erotism (rather

than an auto-erotism) its way, always picturing beautiful nymphs

to myself. Surroundings of natural beauty moved me to this kind

of reverie, partly perhaps because I had once secretly observed a

lad basking naked on the sandy beach and toying with himself.

The recollection is wholly unsullied to me. Happening on one

occasion to check the stimulation about two-thirds way to orgasm,

I experienced a miniature orgasm like the childish one, but with

no declension of the tumescence, and I was able to repeat this

maneuver several times before the full orgasm. This I later

practised in _Coitus prolongatus_--giving the partner time to

come up. I had already got into the way of poising the feeling on

its climax. The ejaculator reflex, being habituated to this,

seems to set in with its throbs when the maneuver is simulated,

though no semen has yet been poured into the bulbous portion for

the ejaculators to act upon. If this play be broken off before

the critical spasm--as in the American 'Karezza,' etc.--there is

no perceptible reaction, though an unsatisfied feeling remains.

But when the act proceeds to emission and the poignant

_undercurrent_ of feeling sets in that ushers the ejaculation and

may only last two to five seconds, it makes all the difference,

and constitutional signs appear--perspiration, etc. This leads to

the question whether the critical sensation specially involves

the sympathetic nervous system? Up to that point the process is

under control, but then automatic.

"An observation of practical importance to me at that time was

this: I awoke in the morning after a pollution at night, with an

acute headache of a specific kind, and erection. This had

happened before, after pollution, and the erection suggested to

me whether 'a hair of the dog that bit me' might not prove

beneficial. As the excitation proceeded, the pain in the head was

directly drained away, as if I were drawing it out. Other pain is

also relieved for the moment, such as neuralgia, but to return

soon with interest. This, however, was specific and pure benefit.

The next time I got a bad headache of this character, without

preceding pollution, I tried the remedy, at about 10 A.M. The

semen was copious and watery, and the relief was marked, but in

an hour's time the headache returned. I had never repeated the

act at short interval, i.e., while the organs were under the

influence of a previous act, and now I tried the effect of that.

The second emission was also profuse, but much thicker, and the

relief much greater. In about three hours the headache was,

however, again intolerable, and, the connection being now clear,

I ventured on a third act, which proved to be the most voluptuous

I had so far experienced, the nisus being far more intense. The

semen was copious, but thick and ropy, with lumps as large as

small peas that could scarcely be crushed with the finger, and

yellow in color and rank in odor. After that I was perfectly well

and kept so. (The urethra was blocked so that I could with

difficulty stroke the masses out.) Later I have examined such

semen microscopically and found the spermatozoa dead and

disintegrating. My period in my best years--21 to 48--was twice

a week, the odd number being an inconvenience, and I have since

endeavored to avoid accumulations, emptying the receptacles on

the fourth day, when I remembered the interval, even if the

organs did not remind me. On the fifth day headache would

otherwise appear and perhaps two acts be needful, or, if I forgot

about it for a week, three acts running. That I did not abuse the

function the fact proves that every year I would forget about it

two to three times and have to resort to this drastic mode.[230]

But there is quite a different headache that follows on

indulgence during convalescence or when the system is otherwise

much lowered. Railway traveling greatly accentuates the need with

me; also riding. Girls aroused no physical desire, though I

chiefly sought their society, and even after the genital tension

was so pronounced, up to 20, I was troubled by the fact that

women did not affect me sexually. About this time a buxom girl I

liked and who liked me vehemently laid her hand on my arm, in

trying to persuade me to give up shooting. The phallus leaped

simultaneously. That was my first _sexual_ experience--the proof

that the _nexus_ was established between the genital mechanism

and the complex of feeling we call sexual.

"_Age 24_. At this age I went to stay at a house where there were

two very pretty girls. I at once lost my heart to the elder,

L.B., as she did to me (strong constitution, but refined nature;

parents sound; brought up in the country; eleven months'

breast-milk). 'What a mother she will make,' I said to myself.

Now began a time of the spiritual and physical communion that I

had pictured to myself....

"I am 60 now; she is 57. We are still like lovers. No; not _like_

lovers; we _are_ lovers. Of course, I do not mean to imply that

sexual impressions have preponderated in our life, as they do in

this account. Quite the contrary. We are both strong and,

according to all accounts, unusually well preserved. We are very

temperate. Since 48 I notice a gradual decline of the erotic

propensity. It is now once in five or seven days. Since the

menopause her propensity has declined markedly, but it is not

extinct, and she delights as much as ever in my delight. She

began to menstruate at 12, was regular till 17; then got

chlorotic for a few months, soon recovered, though menstruation

was often irregular, but never painful. Sexual experience began

at 25. I have often wondered if a moderate self-gymnastic of the

faculty, in Venturi's sense, would not have educated her genital

sphere, and made her a still better comrade--excluded the periods

of irregularity and frigidity. The stage of latency was too

protracted. We often noticed that, when menstruation was due or

nearly so, prolonged love-sports at bedtime would be followed by

menstruation in the morning. We never were separated for longer

than three months, and on that occasion, menstruation being

delayed, she tried what masturbation would do to determine it,

and with a positive result. My need, though less, is as

imperative as ever. Seminal headaches--as I would call them--have

ceased since 50; the accumulation only produces muddleheadedness.

But I have not suffered accumulation over ten to at most twelve

days. The quantity of semen is also less. The sensibility of the

corpora has declined much; that of the glans is unimpaired.

Erection is good. Orgasm takes two to four minutes to provoke,

against forty to fifty seconds when young; it is in some respects

even more enjoyable--perhaps less intense, but much more

prolonged. I have no reaction from indulgence. But I never press

it; it always presses me. For overaccumulation, with headache or

muddleheadedness, the wifely hand is more efficacious than the

vulva. Even the most vivid dream of coitus fails to compass the

orgasm now. The peripheral stimulus is essential.

"In our case physical and psychical intensity of emotion have

gone hand in hand. I have become specialized to one woman,

despite an erotic endowment certainly not meager. The pervasive

fragrance makes one adore the whole sex, but my wife does not

interpret this homage in a sexually promiscuous sense. We both

agree in the principle that if one cannot hold the affection of

the other there is no title to it. Tarde says that constancy in

love is rarely anything but a voyage of discovery round the

beloved object. I am perpetually making fresh discoveries. But

her constancy, I mean the high level of her passion, is

independent of discoveries."