_He is laid up in _Oxford_-Goal by his Host, he is cheated
at Chester; and after some time is ransomed thence by
some of his Comrades, Knights of the _Road_, they paying
his Debts._
Our Crew having been abroad, we had got a valuable Purchase; which after
we had divided, I told them, that I would but visit a friend at
_Oxford_, and repair to them again within two or three days. My old
Acquaintance being overjoy’d to see me, after so long absence, treated
me very gallantly, introducing me into the society of the Wits; who
would frequently drink too, till they had lost them. The Company pleased
me so well, that I thought it a solecism in civility to be sober, when
they made any appointment for mirth; and they being true
_Bacchanalians_, in the uppermost Classes of _Aristippus’s_ School,
scorn’d to be outvy’d by a junior Sophister; and therefore, do what I
could, they would be drunk before me: they never contended about any
argument that tended to ebriety, but swallowed them all. I thought they
would never have done speaking of Sack; every one endeavouring who
should express most in its praise. One said, _That Diogenes was but a
dry fellow_; and the only reason he could give for it, was, _That it is
shrewdly suspected by the Commentators on his Tub, that that
wooden-house of his was given him by a Beer-brewer, who being a enemy to
all good wits and learning, gave him this Cask, which formerly had
contained that pernicious liquor, Beer, that by the meer scent he might
destroy his understanding_. But _Bacchus_ is so witty a Philosopher,
that he never fails, night nor day, to pour forth his instructions, till
he hath filled his auditors out of measure; it is he that makes us speak
fluently, and utter our minds in abundance: for my part, I am commonly
so overjoyed in his company, that I have often feared I should never be
my own man again. Said another, It is Sack was the _Promethean_ fire,
not stoln from _Jove’s_ Kitchin, but his Wine-cellar, to increase the
native heat, without which we are but cold clay; but that celestial
liquor applyed even to the dead, will cause a revivification: this is it
which gave _Ganymede_ beauty, and _Febe_ youth. Can you think, that ever
_Aristotle_ would have been taken notice of, had he drank Ale or Beer;
or, that _Alexander_’s conquests had been heard of, had he been sober?
therefore to make his Captains famous to posterity, he taught them how
to muster Quarts and Pottles, and by accustoming them to be dead-drunk,
shewed them the way to contemn death. All this is true (said another, so
drunk, that what he spake could hardly be understood) but pray take my
opinion with you too: do not all light things ascend? what better way is
there to understand high matters, then a light head? _Copernicus_ by the
lightness of his head, claimed alliance with heaven, and by that first
found out the motion of the earth; which he could never have done, had
not Sack been his instructor. Hence grew the Proverb, _In vino veritas_,
as if Sack were the only Butt truth shoots at, the piercing of which
causeth the other to be drawn out with it. For my part Gentlemen, said
I, my passion was never more stirred then the other day, comming by a
red-lettice, unto which I have a natural antipathy: there did I hear a
Tapster aver, that _Helicon_ was nothing more then an Hogs-head of
March-beer, and that _Pegasus_ was anciently a Dray-horse; and then
speaking of _French_ wine, in derision, called him frisking _Monsieur_;
and the _Spanish, Don Rhodomontado_; swearing that if ever he met with
either, he would challenge all the Drawers in the Town to dash him as he
would. Then tumbling out two or three small-beer oaths, he wisht that he
might never look through his red-lettice Percullice, if he did not
verily believe he should see _Monsieur_ burn’d with a pox to him, and
_Spanish Don_ mull’d to death with butter and eggs.
_It is a thing beyond my reason,
That we strong Ale for Sack should quit,
Since ’twould have blown us up by treason,
Had not Ale bestirr’d our wit:
Then give us Ale, but banish Sack;
That _Spanish Don_ must have the rack._
I could do no less for his malepertness, but broach his Hogs-head, which
to convince him of his error, ran Terse Claret: I heard afterwards, this
accident converted the Infidel. We spun out various discourses of this
nature, as long as we could see, and then each man reel’d to his
respective lodging. The next morning, walking abroad to finde out some
of my last nights associates, unfortunately my _Chester_-Landlord (who
having some business to do in _Oxford_, was newly come thither to
dispatch it) espy’d me, and without accosting me (like a subtile
Sophister) watcht me whither I went: being housed, he presently fetcht
two Officers, and coming out into the street napt me. I sent to those
friends that had been so merry with me ever since my coming to that
City; but they understanding the business, came not neer me; one
pretending indisposition of body; another, that he was not within; a
third, that he was about urgent occasions, which having finisht, he
would wait upon me; but in fine, none came to my relief, shewing
themselves right pot-companions, whose courtesies it may be, shall
extend to the payment of a Reckoning, when their friend wants it to
discharge it himself; but disappear and vanish, when their assistance is
implored to draw him out of Prison. Seeing no remedy, I patiently
suffer’d my self to be confined. My adversary visiting me, I treated
with him about my releasment, offering him what I had, which was neer
upon half; but his resolution was to have all, or there I must lie.
Though I could not much condemn him, yet I could not but complain
against the inconstancy of Fortune; and ruminating within my mind the
miseries that attend all sorts of prisons, I judged that of Debt to be
the most deplorable; and though I wanted liberty, which commonly doth
depress the mind, yet by the vertue of Canary (which I could not be
without) my fancy scorned to be fetter’d, but would in spite of fate,
use her freedom. ’Tis some kind of pleasure and comfort, for a man
sometimes in adversity, to descant on his own miserable condition; which
because I found experimentally true, I applied my self to my usual
custom, the use of my pen, differencing these Metropolitan Prisons thus:
_To _Bedlam_ men are sent bereft of wit;
When ’tis restored, then they are freed from it:
Confin’d to _Newgate_ long, men can’t complain,
For once a month they’re cleer’d from it and pain;
In a short time their Bolts wear off, and then
They may be sure ne’re to come there agen;
Discharged thence their fettered souls shall be,
Only an hour confin’d, and then set free.
_Bridewell_, no wiseman yet did e’re dispraise thee,
For thou dost feed the poor, correct the lazy;
The expiration of a little time,
Forgives offenders, and forgets their Crime.
Hereafter from the Prison, Heav’n defend me;
Rather to _Bedlam_, _Newgate_, _Bridewel_, send me;
For there Wit, Work, or Law doth set men free,
Nothing but Money here gets liberty._
Having lain here above a week, I sent away a Letter to my Brethren,
informing them of my misfortune, and acquainting them with the sum I was
imprisoned for; which was sent me by them, and brought by one of our
trusty Knights: paying my Debts and Fees, I returned again to them.