_He is at last met withal, and laid up in Prison by one of
his Creditors. The abuses and tricks Sergeants use to
arrest men. Lastly, he escaped, by putting a trick upon
his Keeper._
Having gone thus far without any remarkable check or controul, at least
any such as might bear a proportion with the villanies and injuries I
had done, I absolutely thought that nothing was dishonest or difficult
that had in it either pleasure or profit. Meeting with no molestation or
hinderance, I took my freedom to do even what I listed. One time
thinking my self most secure, I then found my self in the greatest
danger, being arrested in an Action of 5000 _l._ Several times there
were attempts made to take me, but I was still too cunning for them: yet
at last they over-reacht me; it will not be amiss to relate in what
manner. They had information, that every week I had Letters come to me
out of _Essex_, and that the Porter which brought them had still free
admittance to me: wherefore the Serjeant provided himself a Frock, and a
Rope about his middle, which would better have become his neck, and with
Letters in his hand directed to me, trudged to my lodging. Knocking at
my door, and being demanded his business, he told them he had Letters
for the master of the house, nominating me. Looking out, and seeing no
one but a seeming Porter, I order’d that he should be let in. Assoon as
he was enter’d, he bid my Worship good morrow, and in stead of
delivering me his Letters, shewed me his Mace; which I wisht might be
the onely spice and meat too he should eat for a twelvemonth. Seeing how
I was betraid, I went quickly along with him to the Compter; and
afterwards, finding I could make no composition with my Creditors,
turned my self over to the _Kings-Bench_. Various are their tricks and
inventions to ensnare whom they intend to arrest. Sometimes I have known
a Creditor seem to comply with his Debtor, telling him that paying some
inconsiderable matter, his Bonds should be renewed with longer time:
then appoint him a place of meeting, where he saith he will bring a
Counsellor and Scrivener; a Counsellor to advise them in management of
their business, and a Scrivener to write what they determined. He
acquainted a Serjeant and a Yeoman with his Plot, who were as hot upon
it, as an _Italian_ on a Wench of Fifteen. The Serjeant going with a
Barresters Gown on his back, and the Yeoman with his beard cut as close
as a Stubble-Field, with a Pen in his ear, and some Parchment in his
hand, effected their designe without suspition. A Merchant I knew, that
intended to break and go beyond Sea, was betraid by his servant, who
informed his Creditors that just at such a time his Master would be
gone; that on the morrow he would send for Coopers to hoop some Dry-fats
to pack his goods; and that if ever they hoped to have their money, they
must make that their time. Some Sergeants were presently acquainted
herewith, who attired like Coopers in red caps, canvase breeches, with
Ads in their hands, and hoops about their shoulders, went to the
Merchant, and were entertained whilst he was giving them direction; but
in stead of hooping the Dry-fats, they hoopt him in their arms, and
arrested him. Before they parted with him, they made him part with so
much money as would satisfie his Creditors and them; and made him fee
them besides, not to enter any more Actions against him. They will
change themselves into as many shapes as _Proteus_, to bring about their
designes: sometimes like a grand wealthy Citizen, othertimes like a
Country fellow newly come to town, with boots and spurs all dirty. Now
as I have related their manner of arresting, so let me in short inform
you of their using (or rather abusing) prisoners. First they enquire of
the person whether it be the first time he was arrested: if so, then
they know the better how to deal with him: perhaps they will carry him
to the Tavern, pretending to do him kindness, where they will advise him
to send for some friend; and one of them will be the Porter himself; but
in stead of fetching the friend, he only enquires out his Creditors, and
perswades them to use this opportunity to recover their debt: mean
while, the other that is left behinde doth _milk_ him. The messenger
returning, sorrowfully tells him his friend is not at home. Getting as
much as they can by spunging, and sucking the very _heart-bloud_ of his
pocket, the Compter must be his refuge at last. Sometimes, when they see
a man in fear of Arresting, they will without warrant of the Creditor
give him a cast of his Office, which they often do before they enter
their Action; and have ways to prevent any mischief that can come by
search of the Offices. Other times, for a fee, they will send to the
party to keep out of the way, as was concluded beforehand. Oftentimes,
upon an Arrest, if the Creditor stand not by, they will let the partie
escape for a Brace of _Angels_, or so; and tell his adversary that he
cannot set eye on him. And whereas their Fee for an Arrest is to be but
1 _s._ yet will they hardly be perswaded to do their Office under a
_Crown_: and albeit the Statute say that the partie arrested shall pay
but one _Groat_, I will not excuse him for an _Angel_. If a man oppose
them, or endeavour an escape, they will both _gripe_ and _pinch_ him,
and afterwards clap an Action of _Assault and Battery_ on him at their
own Suit. I could say more of them, but that for fear, I must be
favourable, who am now, as I tell you, a prisoner in the _Kings Bench_,
which may be called _The Bankrupts Banquetting-house_, where he feasts
himself on dishes borrowed from other mens tables; or, _The Prodigals
Purgatory_, and _A Pesthouse for decaying Citizens_. Weary of this
place, wherein are as many maladies and mischiefs as flew out of
_Pandora’s_ box opened by _Epimetheus_; I invented this stratagem: One
day I pretended much business abroad, and so got leave to go out with my
Keeper, resolving not to return with him. Having been from Tavern to
Alehouse, and so to Tavern again, pretending the dispatch of much
business, I at length told my Keeper, that I would visit a very dear
friend of mine, but that I thought it requisite to be trim’d first. He
consenting, we went to a Barbers. I sat down in the Chair first; and
being dispatcht, I desired the Keeper to sit down too, and I would pay
for _sprucifying_ his _Phisnomy_. Whilst he was trimming, I talkt of one
thing or other, to hold him in discourse. At last said the Barber, _Shut
your eyes, or else my ball will offend them_. Shutting his eyes, I took
an occasion to slip out, planting my self in an house hard by; the
Barber not imagining I was a prisoner. The Keeper not hearing me talk,
valued not the smart, but opened his eyes; and seeing me not in the
shop, rose up, and that so hastily, that he overthrew _Cutbeard_, and
the bason on him, running out into the street with the Barbers cloth
about him, and _Don Barberoso’s Turbant_ on his head. The people seeing
him thus with the froth about his face, concluded him mad, and as he ran
gave him the way. The Barber with his Razor ran after the Keeper,
crying, _Stop him, stop him, that I may be revenged on the Rogue_. The
other nere minding the Outcry, ran staring up and down as if his wits
had lately stole away from him, and he in pursuit of them. Some durst
not stop him, others would not, thinking the Barber by his posture
intended to have his Testicles for abusing his wife. To conclude, the
Barber at last seis’d him, and having recovered his cloaths, and made
him pay 6 d. for shaving, the Keeper was dismist with a kick or two in
the arse; the Barber not suffering him to speak a word in his own
defence. Thus freeing my self, I resolv’d to take the Country-air, where
I happily met with you. Many other things worthy remembrance did he
relate, which now I have forgot. Some while we staid together; but at
last his business call’d him one way, and my _Padding Trade_ invited me
another.