_How he with his new female padding Comrade contrived
notable subtil and safe ways to rob together; with a
relation of some remarkable stories which were the
effects of those consultations._
Angry I was when I perceived the appearance of day, which I knew would
unavoidably rob me of my present delight and pleasure. But it was only
my fear of being deprived of so much bliss made me so grossely to
mistake, for I quickly found my happiness inlarged by the approaching
light, my sence of _seeing_ being now made Copartner with that of
_feeling_. Love had now his eyes restored him, who before only groped
for the naked truth in the dark. Now did we begin afresh to renew our
late sweet nocturnal pastime; and could our bodies have any wayes
answered our boundless desires, our bed would have been the sole concern
we should have minded, till that time which must put a period to this
transitory life.
But to avoid the censure of sluggishness, we all resolved to rise, and
unanimously strive & contend who should make the best proof of the
greatest ingenuity in contriving what may give the largest satisfaction
both to mind and body. As a _præludium_ to our intended purpose, and a
restorative to our decayed strengths, we first resolved upon buttered
Sack, with other things of like comforting natures: & now finding our
selves by this first essay so much beyond expectation revived and fitted
for mirth and pleasure, we straight gave order for a Dinner to be
speedily prepared, whose composition should be of the choicest viands.
And that the time might not seem tedious in the interim, it was put to
the vote what pastime we should make choice of for divertisement. Some
were for bodily exercise, but I was clearly against that, having so
lately tired my self with it: besides my lameness, which was occasioned
by the shot I received in my legg from my Valiant Rencountress. It was
at length agreed on by all, that we should entertain our selves with
Musick and Discourse. A match (said the eldest Sister) and to the intent
you may see my freedom and forwardness to propagate your proposition, I
shall give my assistance first to heighten your spirits by vocal and
instrumental Musick: having thus broken the Ice, I question not but you
will prove ready followers, and swim with me in the same streams of
delight. Whereupon she took up a Lute, and having praised that
instrument above all other for its sweet ravishing harmony, I will now
try (said she) how my voice will agree with it, and thus sang:
_What need we to care?
W’ have enough and to spare,
What we gain we will drink and spend on’t;
But when all is gone,
We will get more anon;
Then make it all fly, there’s an end on’t._
_We will rob, we will steal
For our own Common-weal.
Let the Miser be damn’d with his treasure:
Our designs we will shape
For the juyce of the grape,
Thus spin out our lives in our pleasure._
_We think it more fit
To live by our wit,
And hazard our lives on adventure;
We are Sons of the blade
Never bred to a trade,
We scorn’d to be bound by Indenture._
Not for flattery, but due merit, we could give her no less then
applause: Which though that word may savour of something of a
complement, yet I will assure you there was no such thing past between
us; we knew how to improve our time to a far greater advantage, leaving
such empty vain expressions to such, who have little else to do then to
play with a Ladies Fan, or to consume their times in combing their
Perriwigs, not only in the Streets and Play-houses, but even
(irreverently) in the holy places of Divine Worship.
The pertinency of this Song to the practice of our lives, did as much
please us all, as the sweet harmony of that voice did ravish our
delighted ears. And lest our satisfaction should any wayes cool or
abate, more Musical fewel was laid on, to warm our benumbed spirits, if
any such unlikely thing should happen.
Whereupon her Sister (not making use of any instrument to assist her
voice, being sensible it was good and natural) frankly, and with a
becoming freedom, sang to this purpose.
_’Tis liberty which we adore,
It is our wealth and only store;
Having her we all are free,
Who so merry then as we?
’Tis she that makes us now to sing,
And only She can pleasure bring._
Chorus.
_Since we then such freedome have,
Wee’ll purchase pleasure, or a grave;
’Tis better so, then live a slave._
_As I am free, so will be still,
For no man shall abridge my will:
I’ll pass my life in choicest pleasure,
On various objects spend my treasure:
That Woman sure no joy can find,
Who to one man is only joyn’d._
Chorus.
_Since we then such freedom have,
Wee’l purchase pleasure or a grave:
’Tis better so, then live a slave._
_What pleasure is in full cram’d bags?
No more then is in Beggars rags:
Vnless made use of, what is Cash?
A fine new Nothing, glittering trash:
Being well employ’d, it is a thing
Which doth delight and honour bring._
Chorus.
_Since we then such freedom have,
Wee’l purchase money, or a grave:
’Tis better so, then live a slave_.
About to have proceeded in this manner round, we were interrupted by
Dinner coming up, which came as seasonable as our stomacks could
require. Waving all Ceremonies, we instantly fell to it without the
tediousness of long-winded Graces; neither were we long at it, our hands
and appetites being alike nimble and quick to give the body its required
satisfaction.
After Dinner we had various discourses about the vanity and imbecility
of the female sex: winding up our Argument, one said, She would not be a
meer Woman for the whole universe, and wondered that man, so noble and
rational a Soul, should so unman himself in his voluntary inslaving
himself to a Womans will: I wonder how they dare boast of Conquests,
when they must acknowledge they are daily overcome by a weak and feeble
Creature, Woman, a thing which for want of heat sunk into that Sex.
With suchlike prattle we entertained our selves for an hour or two: and
now it was put to the vote what course we should steer, and what design
we should next put in execution. Different were our opinions for a
while, but at last we concluded unanimously about the evening to set out
and rob joyntly: the manner which we laid down was thus: The youngest
sister should ride behind the eldest Sister on a Pillion in her own
proper apparel, and my _Virago_ behind me in the like female garb; and
this we judged to be the safest project we could propound: for who could
be so senseless to imagine us Robbers, riding in that manner
double-horsed, and attended with the greatest symptomes of innocency?
Hereupon we presently fell to work, that is to say, endeavoured to get
such necessaries as were most convenient for our enterprise, as
Pillions, Safeguards and short Swords for my females: Pocket-Pistols
they had already. Having gotten what womans attire we wanted, and all
things ready, we mounted with Boots, which we dirted on purpose, to the
intent those which saw us might not suspect but that we had rid many
miles that day. It was about six of the Clock in the evening when we did
set forth; we had not rid above two hours, but there overtook us four
Horsemen, and demanded whither we were travelling? I answered them, To
such a place. Now did our two subtil Queans which rid behind us play
their parts to the life, pretending a great fear of being robbed, and
carried their business so craftily, that they gave the Gentlemen to
understand their pretended fear and jealousie: and the better to cloak
our design, pray thee my Dear (said I) in a voice not over-loud, but
just so that they might hear me, do not be afraid, I am confident they
are no other then what they appear, that is, honest civil persons.
Hereupon, one of the Gentlemen over-hearing, rode up close to me, and
comforted my supposed Wife behind, protesting they were no such persons
as she imagined; that they were Gentlemen of good Estates all, and so
far they were from offending any, that they would with the hazard of
their lives defend the injured on the road: we seemed hereat to be much
satisfied, returning them many thanks, and desiring their company, which
they kindly granted, saying, Come follow, wee’l lead the way gently on;
and stand between you and danger. I was glad to hear them say they would
ride before, for now I judged our business to be facile, and easily
done. I now whispered behind me, telling her, as soon as ever she saw me
give a blow, she should immediately leap off the horse, and make use of
what weapons she had: Her sister had the like instructions given her.
My Brother, as I called him, riding up close with me, received
directions from me, that when we came to the bottom of the Hill, he
should at the same time with me directly discharge his Truncheon on the
head of his foregoer, with all the force he could sum up together.
When they least suspected us in the rear, we executed what we designed
with such exact time, and so successfully, that a divided minute did not
difference their fall. Our Women were as swift as lightning upon them,
depriving them of all the advantages of rising, whilest we set spurs to
our Horses, and overtook the other two afore, who insensible of what was
done, were strangely surprized and amazed, to see our Swords and Pistols
ready to dispatch our Hellish commands. Fear on a suddain had so chained
up their tongues, as that they could not utter a word, till we forced
them to it by threatning their unavoidable deaths if they did not
instanly deliver. Being willing to ransome their lives by their moneys,
they gave us what they had, as not to stand in competition with a matter
of eternal concern. Having reaped our desires, we dismounted them, and
cutting their Girts and Bridles, we took their pieces with the Saddles,
and threw them into an obscure place. The Horses were whipt over into a
field. Our Prisoners we led into a little wood, where we bound them, as
the rest of our gang did, who were more expeditious then we in our work.
Having finisht our business to our hearts content and security, we
mounted, and so rid back again to our old quarters. Our Landlord
wondered at our speedy dispatch, but had like to have exspired for joy,
when he saw our booty was so considerable; for you are to understand he
had a quarter-share with us. Here did we carouse and feast for a long
time, not so much as thinking on any prize: and the truth on’t is, my
leg grew so bad by my shot, that I could not ride but in great pain.
Wherefore I resolved to lie still till its cure should be effected by my
loving and skilful Landlady. My wound being healed, I resolved to follow
my custom, and rob alone, not so much that my profit would be greater,
but I began to be tyred with my three former dainties; nay more, they
were so insatiate in those pleasures they injoyed, that my strength
could not cope with such excesses. Wherefore pretending business of
privacy a little way off, I gave them the slip, knowing how difficult it
would be to part from them knowingly.