_Some Observations concerning Love and Women; selected out
of the choicest Commentators on their nature, together
with his own experimental reflections._
Love ’tis confest is a Natural distemper, a kind of small Pox; most have
either had it, or is to expect it, and the sooner the better. Surely I
was never well cur’d on’t, or else I had not thus fallen in a Relaps.
Want of knowledge misguided me at first, and so I fell into a
_Quagmire_; but I knew not what possest me to ride afterward into
another on purpose. Love-seeds when it grows up to Matrimony is good for
nothing, like some Fruit-trees which must be transplanted before they
will bring forth any thing. And when Love in this nature doth seed, the
encrease thereof is dissatisfaction, sorrow and vexation multiplied.
This afore-mentioned is not truly love but lust; for I cannot believe
that that noble passion can be the ruine of its subject; neither would I
have it disparaged by so unworthy an object as a woman. If there be
Love, it should be to Heaven, a male-friend, relations, or our Countries
preservation, and not to a Female-piece of imperfection. And yet nothing
will serve the turn, but monopolizing it by Marriage, because we would
make it surely our own, and nevertheless our own till then. For if she
be young, she is like an Hawk upon her wing; and if she be handsome, she
is the more subject to go out at check. Faulkners that can but seldom
spring right game, should still have something to take them down. The
lure to which all stoop in this World, is either garnisht with profit or
pleasure, and when you cannot throw her the one, you must be content to
shew out the other. Consider again that woman (besides the trouble) is a
Rent-charge which though the curiosity of man hath often inclosed, yet
he cannot for his life stop so well one gap, but it will lie open for
any stragler; by which means it seldom improves or becomes fruitful. And
why should a woman be denyed the liberty of breaking a pane in her own
window, or not admitted the freedom of regress to her own salli-port,
letting in whom she esteems as friends? If you will not give them the
permission, you must be forc’d to wink when they take it, or do worse:
crosse them, and they will endeavour the not leaving a crosse in your
Pocket. Take it which way you will, Marriage is the dearest way of
curing love. Faring with such, as it doth with those for the most part
that at great charges walls in grounds and plant, who cheaper might have
eaten Mellons elsewhere, than Cucumbers in their own Garden. Besides, it
is a gross piece of ignorance to be bound up to love for an age, when
the cause of love may perish for a month, and then the effect will
follow. If it be natures paint in the face, that doth induce you; those
beautiful flowers of red and white, a disease will quickly wither; if
not, ravishing time will deflowre the choicest beauty.
But the ill consequents of Marriage are more to be considered, which are
commonly drawn from the evil inclinations of that Sex; _Eve_ by
stumbling at the Serpents Sollicitations cast her Husband out of
Paradice; nor are her Daughters surer of foot, being foundred by the
heat of lust and pride. It were somthing if Marriage could answer the
expectation of all she boasts the cure of; for instead of quenching the
hot coals of concupiscence, it aggravates the simple sin of Fornication,
making it sprout into Adultery. What might be said more as to this
subject, I shall refer the Reader to the Writings of that ingenious
Gentleman Mr. _Francis Osborne_. If any more (like boys stript and stand
shivering about the brink) are ready to leap into Loves Whirl-pit, and
so endanger the loss of themselves, let them first look upon love to be
an idle fancy, and Wedlock of a dangerous consequence. If I could
perswade you from loving, one would think the other then would be
disregarded, but some to their costs can speak the contrary. In the
first place, marry none but whom you love: for he that marries where he
doth not love, will love where he did not marry. If you are prone to
love one particular person, some are of opinion that travel is an
excellent remedy: For absence doth in a kind remove the cause, removing
the object. Others think that frequent visits (where as the rarity of
them indears the affection) may by a surprizal discover some defects,
which though they cure not absolutely, yet they qualifie the vehement
heat of an amorous Feavor: and as near as can be, let it be
unseasonably, either when she is in sicknesse or disorder, by that a man
may know she is but mortal, and but a woman; the last would be enough to
a wise man for an Antidote. Enter into discourse with her of things she
daily hears not, and it will confirm the cure. Neither will it be amiss
to contrive your self into the company of variety, especially such
beauties which are generally cry’d up; and if you can, taste them all,
(but now I think on’t, it is no matter, one is sufficient for a surfeit)
for this Malady is better remedy’d this way, than by abstinence: good
jovial company will much conduce to the cure.
But, I like not the prescription of Marriage, since it is the last and
most dangerous receipt; like a kind of live Pigeons apply’d to the soals
of the feet, which remedy to say truth, is worse than the disease: Were
it possible for a Woman to be constant to one, something might be said,
but I never yet tryed any which did not very much shew their
displeasures when offered some kindness, but never found any to refuse
them, if opportunity & privacy of place admitted their reception; which
hath made me often in my own thoughts question my mothers honesty and
fidelity to my Father.
What I now utter, is not derived from prejudice to that Sex, grounded on
my own Wifes disloyalty; but experience tells me this, which most past
sixteen very well understand, that there are few Women, let them pretend
what they please, but will yield to the temptations of the flesh, and so
much the sooner, by how much she professeth some new light, which is
_Ignis fatuus_ that leads them into the _Quagmires_ of all sorts of
erronious Tenents. With this dark Lanthorn-Light they dazle the eyes of
such as would pry into their actions, whiles behind in the dark they
sensually satisfie themselves undiscovered.
Experience dictates what I here express; for I have had converse with
several of these Religious pretenders, that in the very act would very
much inveigh against Adultery with their tongues, whilst their Bloods
willingly consented to the commission of that sin, and then immediately
after seem extremely pensive, using these and such like formal
expressions: _Fie, fie, I wonder how you durst sin thus, even before the
face of your Creator. Do you think he saw you not? yea verily, and you
shall answer for what you have now done_; whereas it could never have
been done without a mutual consent.
They will make it their daily discourse, speaking against such whose
natural inclinations have prompted them to unlawful satisfaction of
their lust, and yet they themselves are at the same time studying how
they may secretly and securely accomplish the same thing.
To conclude, Woman in general is the very extract of inconstancy, and
therefore it is but a vain thing for any to think she can absolutely
love one man. Such who are found constant to their Husbands, preferring
their welfare before the indulging of their own by-respects, ought to be
lookt on no less then Miracles of their Sex, by such who are acquainted
generally with Female dispositions and actions.