_His credit becomes suspected by his exorbitant manner of
living in Drinking, Whoring, Gaming, &c. He thinks to
sawder up that crack by Marriage; he is deceived both in
Person and Portion._
Returning to my own Habitation, I found that my so long absence had
raised a jealousie in my Neighbours breasts, that I was run away; which
rested not there, but spread like a Canker, so that this flying report
came to some of my Creditors ears, which made them both impatient and
importunate with me for their moneys; I wondered whence proceeded their
unexpected haste. Some that would not be put off with promises, I was
forced to pay; from others I obtained a little longer forbearance, which
gave me but liberty to prosecute my former courses. If I was at the
Tavern, I was either drunk, ingaged in a quarrel, and so involv’d in
blood; or else at play, if not at a Bawdy house, which places I could
not refrain from frequenting, though I kept one _of my own at home_. For
I would not entertain a Maid, but what was more than ordinarily
handsome, whom I commonly vitiated either by presents, or promises if I
got them with child. When I was weary of one, I paid her off, with some
additions to her wages, and entertain’d another, who would in a short
time be wrought upon as well as her predecessors, being ambitious to lie
with her Master, and vainly hoping that to be the first step to her
preferment, thinking of nothing but presently marrying, and so be
Mistress. In three years that I lived as a Master I had nine
illegitimates, which I knew, four whereof were begotten of my Maids,
which put me to a vast expence. Two of the Mothers would have forced me
to have married them, or allowed them competent maintenance (for they
were subtil cunning baggages) had I not by a wile got them aboard a
Vessel bound for _Virginia_, and never heard of them since. Besides two
or three terrible Claps, which cost me a considerable sum in their cure.
This distemper, as it caused a _consumption_ in my Pocket, so it
impaired my wonted strength, and almost spoiled my natural Talent.
_For now it is much like Paul’s Steeple turn’d
A stately thing before the top was burn’d._
I now began to be sensible of my folly, and so resolved to take up in
time, and redeem by degrees my lost credit by a temperate sober life;
but that I found I had wasted my self extremely, by which means I became
lesse capable of reacting what I had before done, and my mind in a
manner satiated, I question whether I should have had now such penitent
thoughts. For a while I kept my Shop diligently and constantly; I would
not drink with any but at home; my sudden alteration made people admire,
and the suddennesse of my reformation was the common discourse of all my
Neighbours: The Parson of our Parish hearing of my strange alteration,
came to me, which I admired at; for before, he that had the least care
or respect of his Reputation, would avoid all occasions of being seen in
my company, lest they might be suspected extravagant and deboist.
_Pares cum paribus facillime congregantur._
Birds of a Feather will flock together.
The shortness of his hair declar’d him a member of the _Circumcision_,
but his _triple cap_, or three _caps_ on his head, shew’d, though he
hated the very name of _Rome_ or _Babylon_, yet he lov’d formerly a
Whore _in private, though common_. His Cloak was fac’d down with _zeal_
before, and his Band appear’d but as a _broad hem_, to shew that a
_hem_, with _two or three formal spits_, or a feigned Cough, was the
usual supply of his discourse, when he had _thrasht_ himself in his
_Cloak_ out of breath in the _Pulpit_. His looks resembled the
_bleer-ey’d Printing_ at _Geneva_ (and his face like that sort of ragged
paper on which they work off their impressions. After he had set his
face into a Platform, he delivered himself. I shall not relate exactly
his own canting words, or what he borrowed from Scripture, being
sensible, _non est tutum ludere cum sacris_, but give you the substance,
which was first a reproof for my extravagancies: secondly, some general
instructions, (pickt out of a common-place Book) for my future practice:
and lastly, some encouragements drawn from various motives to proceed
(without looking back) toward a good life: on which three points he ran
divisions strangely, till Dinner-time, and then his stomach petitioned
him to shut his mouth, lest it should be deprived of its appetite by
receiving in too much air.
In this seeming strictness of life I lived two or three months, and now
some began to have charitable thoughts of my Soul: & that I might regain
my runnings out by future diligence and industry.
I had several Matches offered me, which I saw, but liked them not; for I
had always been a general lover, and could not now come to particulars.
At last it was my misfortune to see one, whom I was wisht to; and which
at first sight robbed me at once, both of my self and good company.
Formerly I was pleasing and affable, desirous and desired of good
society, but never lived till now an _Anchorite_ on earth. Neither did I
ever till now tie up mine eyes to one particular face, giving them free
liberty to wander. But now at last I fell from my primitive liberty,
losing it totally, by dotage on a Creature, and that a Woman too: a just
judgement on me for my manifold sins, to throw this thing in my way for
me to stumble at. And it will appear in its due place that she was a
_bow’d token_ of my _Maker’s_ displeasure sent me, for she was Crooked.