_How his Mistress supplyed him with money, even to
superfluity; what wayes he had to spend it. He is
tempted to destruction by Correctors, (_alias_)
Clippers, and Coyners (_alias_) Matter-men._
I Found my Estate to encrease abundantly, for I was half sharer my self
with my Master; my Mistress she put in for one too, which I had
likewise; so that the good man received but the _fourth_. I had been
(since my return) very sparing in my expence, having laid up my money
securely: But now finding out another _rich Mine_, I thought I should be
too rich, unless I contrived wayes to _draw out_, as well as _put in_.
In the first place, I thought good to buy a brace of good Geldings, for
by that means I could meet whom I pleas’d, though a dozen or sixteen
miles distance, and so by the quickness of return come home
undiscover’d. If occasion should serve, they might very well serve for
the _High Pad_. These I bought, and where they stood, I had four or five
several suits, either to Ride withal, (using variety that I might pass
_incognito_) or to wear when I did intend to appear splendidly to
peculiar friends; and then the Prodigal himself did not spend his money
more profusely than my self.
I judge it unnecessary to relate how, and in what manner I disburst
great sums, since there are few that are addicted to pleasure, and have
money, but know how to lay it out to the satisfaction of their desires,
that is, to please all their senses. My Mistress seldome saw a piece of
Gold in her Husbands hands, or some large and great piece of Silver, but
she would be begging it of him, for no other intents but to give it me;
which she took delight in, withal, knowing that frequent presents very
much ingage the affection.
My Master seldom denyed her, (for like a Cuckold he doted on his Wife)
but if he did, she would take pet, and would not eat, have the forehead
bound down with a cross-cloth, look pitifully, and the like. If he askt
her what she ailed, or what she was troubled at, she would say, at
nothing more than your unkindness, and then weep bitterly: for, like a
right _Hypocrite_, she had _tears at command_. The _Dotard_ would _melt_
too, sometimes the great Calf crying and sobbing, like a child that hath
lost his Bread and Butter: Then to make his atonement, he must procure
her two or three pieces, if he hath them not in the house; otherwise it
shall cost him as much more wealth on the Doctor, of whom she would
often pretend to take Physick, but it should be only rich _Cordials_,
_strengthning Jellies_, with such like _Provocations_ to _Venery_.
For my own part, I was not idle in the mean time, laying up like the
careful Bee for Winter. We returned great sums of money every day, which
an acquaintance of mine knew very well; and he being dayly in the
company of a fellow, who was both Coyner and Clipper, it seems a decayed
Goldsmith, undone by the study of Chymistry, but now lived by some
particular part thereof, as the transmutation of Metal, or so forth.
This man he informs that he knew a young Casheer, that he thought he
could work to their purpose, who was very well qualified for it. An
appointed time for meeting was agreed upon between them, which was made
known to me: I thought of no other design but to be merry. Being met, we
drank stifly, but ever and anon the stranger would beseech me to favour
him with my future acquaintance, that he should think himself very
happy, if I would admit him into a familiarity. I could do no less than
promise so much, and so laying aside ceremonies, we entered into a very
familiar discourse. But for that night there was nothing propounded,
neither was it thought convenient: several times we met, (not without
great expence) so that now we were grown intimately acquainted. Our
discourse hapned on a time to be about Chymystry, I was forced to be
mute, as not understanding any thing thereof; yet I could not but
admire, to hear my new friend relate what admirable Rarities he could
perform in that mysterious Art, and thereupon shew’d me a piece of Gold,
demanding my opinion what I thought of it? I told him I could judge no
less, but that it was what it seemed to be; he smilingly reply’d, No
wonder that this should deceive you, since it will do the like to the
most critical Goldsmith about the Town: No doubt, said he, you have
heard of the Philosophers Stone, and what vast Estates some have
mis-spent in the search thereof, how ineffectual the labour of such hath
been, the miserableness of their condition makes apparent. Others, and
not a few, have pretended they have obtain’d the mastery thereof, for no
other intent then to delude some wealthy credulous person, making some
ridiculous experiments to confirm his belief, and at last extract him to
the very lees of his Estate. I shall not deludingly pretend to any
thing, but what I will perform, which your own eyes shall attest.
Hereupon he shew’d me various pieces, both Gold and Silver, which are
the effects (said he) of my own labour and pains, imployed in an Art I
have found out by the curious search and industry of my brain, with
which I can convert Copper into that Metal which current money is
composed of, either of which, according to the Tincture I shall give it.
And to be plainer with you, out of that great love I have born ever
since I first saw you, and that my actions shall make it apparent, see
here this piece, according to the term of Art given, it is called a
_black Dog_, with _Queen Elizabeths Head_ thereon, which is only Pewter
double washed. This here is a _George plateroon_, being all Copper
within, and only a thin Plate about it. Another called _Compositum_,
which is a mixt Metal, and will both touch and cut, but will not endure
the fiery test. He gave me the sight likewise of Pieces of _Eight_,
_half pieces_ and _quarter pieces_. Then again (said he) our own Coyn we
usually call _English_ Cloth, the other _Spanish_; the prices whereof
are several, according to their goodness and fineness: The best you may
have for 15 _sh._ the yard, _i. e._ five shillings in the pound profit;
the worser for eight, ten, or more.
Now to the intent that I may compleat your happiness here, if enjoyment
of Wealth will do it, I would advise you to take some of every sort, and
so mingle it with the rest of your good cash, proportionably to the sum.
Let me add one thing more, if any large money comes to your hand, lay it
aside for me, which after I have corrected a little, (for _broad brim’d
Hats are not now in fashion_) I will return it, allowing you 18 pence
per pound interest.
I gave him all this while great attention, without the least
interruption; but he here making a stop, I thought he expected my
replication; which was to this effect, That I thankt him cordially for
his respects, which I believed were real, having used that freedom with
me, that I did not in the least question the greatness of profit that
would redound by the acceptance of his proffer; but it being a matter of
the greatest consequence, and highest concern, I desired I might have
some time for consideration. This answer made him look blank, fearing
lest I made a demur only to betray him, so that I saw by his
countenance, he wisht he had been more sparing in his expressions. I
must needs confess, I trembled all the time I was in his company,
wherefore I made all the haste I could to be gone, giving him to
understand, that after serious consultation with my self, I would send
him an answer by my friend, and so I took my leave of him. The whole
night following I spent in weighing his Proposals in the ballance of
profit and preservation: I quickly found that Life’s preservation
outweigh’d all other interest, and that honour, riches, and pleasure
would avail little to that man that was riding _Post_ to the _Gallows_.
Besides, how could I expect to escape better than others, who were
frequently made wretched spectacles of rash imprudence and folly, who,
having forfeited the Kings high and just displeasure, did usually betray
their own selves to the Severity of the Law in that case; which hath as
little Commiseration on such as on the worst of Offendors? Though I had
committed several things that might come within the verge of an
Indictment, yet I always shunned such actions as bore the inscription in
their front, _Memento mori_. To be as good as my promise, I sent my
Chimist these consequent Lines.
_SIR,
You seemingly do proffer fair, but know,
Hanging attends such kindnesses you show.
The hope of profit tempts me; loss of life
O’repow’rs perswasions, and so ends the strife.
Had I two Lives, my deeds should make it known,
How little I would care to hazard one;
But having solely one, I will not try
Its loss; _as yet I have no mind to dye_.
Should we proceed then, and be taken in it;
Death and damnation seize us in a minute.
Cease then, and let your fancy’s suit with mine,
We’l plot no _Treason_, but to get good _Wine_:
That being had, let each man’s _face_ declare
Th’ _Indian Mines_ not so rich as ours are.
If we want Coyn, the best way, I suppose,
Is to transmute the _Metal_ of my _Nose_._
I never receiv’d any answer to what I wrote, neither did I ever see my
new friend after, which was according to my own desire, but I heard of
his sad destiny, whereof I should have participated, had I listed my
self in that Mettle-simulating Regiment. Some found out operating in the
obscurest thickets of woods; others were detected clipping in dark
Concaves on _Black-heath_, and their Ringleader discovered in his own
house, in a deep Vault befitting his purpose; who, though he had timely
notice to remove his tools, yet, by his Seizers they were found hid in a
Chimney-mantletree, hollowed to that intent, with a shutter at the end.
After the dismal catastrophe of these Hazardous fools, I had like to
have been put to a great trouble, though not in the least guilty of the
accusation: and thus it was; an indigent Hanger-on, having taken notice
of my being once or twice in the company of the chief of those lately
executed, came to me one Evening, and requested some private discourse:
I consented: being together (laying aside several Formalities that
ushered in his discourse) he told me, that I was taken notice of as a
notorious disperser of Counterfeit money, and that there was a warrant
out to apprehend me, and, that out of pure love to a man so young and
fairly promising as my self, he thought himself bound in duty to
preserve if he could, by giving timely notice to shun that, which, if
neglected might prove destructive. I immediately saw the _Rogue_ peep
through the Vizard of dissimulation, and therefore instead of giving
thanks I gave him a blow over both the eyes, to the intent he should not
see how I would beat him, which was in such a manner, that he could not
see himself for three days afterward. This fellow I understood to be a
Dunner for the Prisoners of their confederates abroad; and if they would
not continually let down their milk, impeach them, and were often
condemn’d.