_How he went a Begging. What Rules he observ’d therein. What
Villanies he committed whilst he profest that mysterious
Art._
Necessity is a thing better known by the effects, than its character;
and of all things the most insufferable: to prevent which, it puts a man
on to venture upon all manner of dishonest and dangerous actions,
suggesting strange imaginations, and desperate resolutions, solliciting
things infamous, and attempting things impossible; the product of which
is only disorder, confusion, shame, and in the end ruine. But when
Necessity shall conjoyn with an evil disposition, a deprav’d nature,
what horrid and nefarious facts will it not instigate that man to
perpetrate? And though he seeth monthly examples of persons condemned
and executed for the like crimes he daily practiseth, will not forbear
nor desist from such irregular and life-destroying courses, till they
have brought him to the like miserable Catastrophe. Necessity had now
deeply faln in love with me; and the young Virgin Shame-fac’dness (once
my Mistress) had forsaken me: for as soon as I had pull’d but one thread
out of her garment, all the rest unravell’d; and she not brooking her
nakedness, changed her master, and so totally left me. Having now
obtained more than a convenient boldness I travell’d, and begg’d with
very good success. But me thought my life was somewhat uncomfortable
without a Companion, (all Creatures coveting society, but more
especially Man:) at length, according to my desires, I met with one,
whose long practice in this Art, besides the Observations of his
Predecessors, deriving his pedegree in a direct line from _Prince
Prigg_, indu’d him with so much skill as to furnish me with the
knowledge of anything that belonged to the liberal Art of Begging. We
straight betook our selves to the _Boozing Ken_; and having _bubb’d
rumly_, we concluded an everlasting friendship. Than did he recount to
me the most material things observable in our Profession. First, he
tun’d my voice to that pitch which might most of all raise compassion;
next what form of prayer I was to use upon such an occasion, what upon
such, varying according to the humour of those persons that I begged of,
gathered from their habit or gesture; then he told me when we came to
_London_, he would acquaint me what places were most fit for our
purpose, and what times. That I ought not to be too importunate to some,
always wishing well, and loudly praying for the health and safety of
Estate and Limbs of such as deny’d me Alms; but more especially
pronounce a _God bless you Master, and let Heaven reward what you have
here done on earth_, if any thing is bestowed upon me. If any should
pity my nakedness, and cloath me in garments without holes in them, I
should wear them no longer than in the Donors sight, reserving my rags
to re-invest my self, and sell the other, as unfit and scandalous to our
Occupation. That we should never beg far from one another, and at nights
faithfully share the gains. Moreover, he inform’d me the way to make all
sorts of seeming sores and lameness. That within the tatter’d rags,
there be places provided for private conveyance. Some of maturer age, if
they have no children, rent them of such as have; but we had no occasion
for this fallacy. That if I saw a door open, I should go in boldly; if I
met any in the way, I should then in a very submissive manner implore
their help in the assistance of my wants, never desiring any thing but
what was of small value, one half-penny, farthing, or some broken crust,
(if at a door) pretending the not eating of a bit in two days. If the
passage was clear, whip away what was nearest to hand. That the time of
rising in the morning be very early, shewing my self in the streets: for
then will those that pass by, judge I have no other lodging but what a
stall affords, that way procuring relief from pitiful-minded persons,
and so continue begging till the evening; when it beginneth to be
duskish, if any then walks singly, accost him in a begging form; coming
up so close, as that you may knock him down with a Truncheon, still
carried about for that purpose; which is done securely, and many times
with a good booty.
Being full fraught with these, and many more precepts he delivered, we
set forth on our progress. We had not gone far, before we were surprized
by the Constable, as two sturdy Vagrants, and as _hand-sail_ to my new
Trade, we were both soundly whipt out of Town. To avoid this danger for
the time to come, we mist all the towns of any considerable note in our
way, and only frequented Villages; nay at last we were forc’d not only
to avoid them but the High-ways too: for Travellers observing our garb,
countenances, and weapon, which was a Battoon, suspecting us, would
before they came near us, set spurs to their horses and ride as if the
Devil drove them. Many petty rogueries we performed by the way, not
worthy the commemoration, and therefore I shall pass them over; only
this I shall insert.
Travelling the Field-way, we stumbled on a _Tinker_ and his _Trull_
lying by an Hedge-side, I knew not what to thinke at first they lay so
still, with much pulling and stirring then they awakened; I askt them
what they lay there for? They answered me, That they were lately bitten
by a Serpent near adjacent, a potent creature, mighty in strength, and
of a vast proportion, who had lately stung several as well as they. It
seem’d very strange to us, especially having heard not the least report
hereof. To be short, I desir’d them to shew us the place of his
residence, which they readily consented to. In stead of this Venomous
Animal, they only brought us to its representation in a sign, where a
Cup of double-brew’d Beer was sold, notable huming geer. The people
lik’d the Tinker and his Female Comrade well enough, but would not admit
of us, till we shew’d them money: For our Vestments look’d like the
Gleanings of a Rag-merchants Yard. We drank stifly till we laid the
Woman asleep again: still the Tinker bore up stifly, she had not slept
long, but up she started, pull’d up her coats, and in our presence
piss’d in the middle of the room and so sate her self down, yet awaked
not: which action could not but produce much laughter from me and my
Comrade. At last the Tinker fell asleep too, having added so much to his
former burden that he was no longer able to stand under it. Now had my
wits enough to work on: but finding my self very drowsie, for the
strength of the drink had almost over-powred me, insomuch that I was
forc’d to advise with my friend what course I were best take to make me
a little more sober: he was so well known in such matters, (being an old
experienced Pitcher-man) that he quickly counselled me what to do, he
himself being not in the least disturb’d. This was his advice which he
did put in practice, he got a Pail full of water, and so taking me up by
the heels, he clapt my head thereinto; holding me in that manner so
long, that the _Pail_ had like to have prov’d the _Ferry-boat_ that
should waft me over the _Stygian Lake_; this so qualified the heat my
head had contracted by my excessive drinking of that strong stupifying
liquor, that I found it had wrought its desired effects.
After this, we ransackt their pockets, but found little in the mans; but
searching the woman in a private place between her Pocket and Placket,
we discovered something considerable, which we took. Having so done, we
thought it high time to be gone, but first we resolved to make some
sport as well as take their moneys, which was thus: I tied to each of
their Girdles, behind, a Flaggon-pot, and to each a Label affixt, or a
paper of Verses, and so immediately tript off. The Host seeing us go out
of doors with more than ordinary speed, ran into the room where the
_Tinker_ and his _Lady_ were: he suddenly awaked them, telling them we
were gone. Hearing this, they hastily started up, and reeling ran to
overtake us: the Master of the house seeing his Pots dangling at their
breech, ran after the _Tinker_, crying, _Stop’em, stop’em, Stop the
thievish Tinker, stop the Whore with my Pot_. We were wiser than to stay
to hear how the _Tinker_ and his _Trull_ came off, or to hear the
laughter that we undoubtedly raised by this waggish contrivance, but
directed our course for _London_ directly; where we arrived soon enough,
nay too soon for some. This Out-cry soon alarm’d the ears of his
Neighbours, who with the Host seizing on them, and carrying them back,
gave us an opportunity for our escape. The Lines that were about the
_Tinkers_ Pot, were these, to my best remembrance.
_Serpents but sting, or only bite so deep,
To numb the sense, so lay men fast asleep.
Wit acts far greater things. I’ll say no more:
Pay first for sleeping, then the Pots restore._
Those that were fastened to the Womans Pot, were these:
_’Twas not the Serpent, but strong Beer that stung:
The _vent_ being _stopt_, the Drink wrought through the _Bung_._
I had like to have forgot to give you an account of a merry passage that
hapned upon the road we travelled on; beating the hoof we overtook a
Cart, but in the name of _Rabbi Abraham_, what think you was in it? In
troth even a Squadron of the _Tatterdemallion Regiment_; Some
pretendedly blind, others their leggs tied up in a string. A third sort
having a dead Palsy over all one side. A fourth so lame as if he never
had been strung with sinews. We fell into discourse, asking them whither
they were bound thus carted? They answered us: every one for his own
Country, we have been already jib’d (said one) that is jerkt at the
Whipping-post, and now enjoy the benefit of a Pass. The Surly Rogue the
Carter observing our familiar talk made a stand, speaking to us after
this manner. Why how now Gentlemen, how dropt you out of the Carts Arse?
what, you go on foot and your Brethren ride? It shall not be; ease your
legs, come I’le lend you an hand. I was about to reply when a fellow
came along who knew this Carter, and askt him what he would do, or
whither he was going with them Criples. Introth said he, to tell you the
truth, I am going to _Kilum_ (a Town it seems on the borders of
_Oxford_-Shire.) Hearing this, I knew not what to think on’t but
consulted with the aspect of the carted crew. Their faces discovered
nothing but sence of danger, so that now I perceiv’d their thoughts were
solely imployed about their escape, which they did soon put in
execution. For forthwith the strings were cut that tied up their legs,
who silently slid out of the cart one after another for fear of
discovery, the blind could see their way down too, the Paralitick could
run as swift as a Stag; The fellow drove on still, not missing his
Company presently, at last looking about he saw one running this way,
another that way, a third contrary to either, a fourth was hiding
himself in a bush, thus they were all disperst: D’ee here, d’ee here,
cry’d the Carter, restore the leggs and eyes you borrowed, and then run
to the Devil if you can. I heard one of them distinctly answer him, I’le
see you hang’d first, you murdering Rogue e’re I will come near you;
dont you remember that you said even now that you were going to Killum.
Could you but imagine the various postures their causless fear put them
in you would be a great Sharer with me in laughter, I could not retain
my self from; this story put me in mind of the like mistake, whose
effects proved more fatall in the time of the intestine wars in
_Ireland_: a Trooper met with a Sculogue or Country-fellow, and
demanding of him whence he came, he answered from _Killwanium_: whither
art a going? to _Killmore_ sayd he: (these are two Towns) with that the
Soldier sware he should not kill more, and so pistol’d him.
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